The Smashy Amazing Race
by Hoogiman
Summary: Season 2 of The Amazing Race for SSB! COMPLETE! In the FINAL LEG of The Smashy Amazing Race, who will win the million dollar prize? Kirby and Jigglypuff, the puffballs? Bowser and Ganondorf, the aggros? Or Samus and Falcon, the socially awkward team?
1. Leg 1: Onett

_**THE SMASHY AMAZING RACE**_

By hoogiman.

**SEASON TWO – LEG ONE**

"Welcome to the second season of – _The Smashy Amazing Race_!" said Master Hand. "Eleven teams are about to embark on a race around the world! These teams are:"

Zelda and Donkey Kong _(The Romantic Tragedy)  
_Fox and Roy _(Sheep and Shepard)  
_Kirby and Jigglypuff _(Pink Puffballs Unite!)  
_Link and Marth _(Guys with Swords)  
_Ness and Yoshi _(Nerds)  
_Bowser and Ganondorf _(Aggros)  
_Mewtwo and Pichu _(How did that happen?)  
_Nana and Luigi _(Won't last)  
_Peach and Mario _(Uncos)  
_Samus and Falcon _(Quasi-uncos)  
_Popo and Young Link _(Psuedo-uncos)_

"Over the course of the race, each of the teams, with their different weaknesses and strengths, will have to face varied challenges to stay in the lead!" said Master Hand. "Let's see them now!"

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"_What made you decide to sign up for the race?_"

"Well," said DK, "I suppose it was for the excitement, the money… and of course, the chance to spend time with Zelda here."

Zelda looked up, gasping slightly. "You… you like me?"

"Uh…" DK looked frantically at the camera. "Yes? I mean, no… I mean…" He looked around wildly.

"He hates me!" whimpered Zelda, who then broke into tears.

"Don't cry!" cried DK, crying.

They both started crying.

_Fox and Roy_

"We're going to have so much fun and excitement together!" said Fox innocently, in a voice like a six-year-old's.

"What- shut up!" said Roy. "Why did I decide to go in a team with you?"

"Because we're _friends_…" said Fox, hugging Roy. "…wait, why am I hugging _you_? Freak."

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"Why? Because it's fun, I guess," said Kirby.

"Ig jig!" yelped Jigglypuff, grabbing Kirby's arm and pointing.

"Yes, I _know_ we're on film," said Kirby.

Jigglypuff started pulling faces at the camera.

"_Do you think you'll win?_"

"Well, everyone says so, don't they?" said Kirby. "I just-" He broke off as Jigglypuff tried to force herself into his mouth.

_Link and Marth_

"I am going to use this race as a teaching tool, as a benefit for Marth's behaviour, and also to improve my already outstanding image as a role model," said Link.

"Ah, you wimp," said Marth, "you don't need to help me!" He shoved a **censored** into Link's face.

"You… you…" Link pulled out his sword and shouted, "A duel, you wench!"

"_Wench_?" said Marth.

Link tried to kill Marth, then realised that he shouldn't, and then apologised.

Marth shoved another **censored** into Link's face.

_Ness and Yoshi_

"I think because of our significant intelligence in comparison to almost everyone else in the race, we can use the skill to make us a strong team!" said Ness. "Statistically in the last season of the race, Yoshi and I were in the top five teams, therefore by experience and result, making us a stronger team!"

Yoshi nodded, pulling out a chart.

Pointing at the chart, Ness said, "Also, when it comes to physical violence on the behalf of opposing teams who intend to harm us and thus resort to negative action, we have the capability of using Yoshi's powers and my-"

"NEXT!" yelled Master Hand.

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"We are the aggros, we are the aggressive evil ones, by pure strength and intimidation, we will use our lack of sensitivity to drive ourselves into the finals!" shouted Ganondorf.

Bowser picked up a puppy, and started petting it gently.

"We will use pure strength, willpower, and our respect for nothing to make us win! WIN!" screamed Ganondorf.

Bowser stroked the puppy gently, saying baby talk to it.

"Right Bowser?" asked Ganondorf, looking over at Bowser.

"Uh…" said Bowser, looking at the puppy. "Yeah…"

"_I am so sorry,_" muttered Bowser to the puppy. "_I just need to maintain my evil image!_"

"Gaar!" said Bowser in a fake tone, clawing the puppy, and killing it.

Bowser started to cry.

Ganondorf looked over at Bowser.

Bowser started fake-evil-laughing.

Ganondorf looked away.

"A waste of life…" muttered Bowser.

"What?" said Ganondorf.

"…is, uh, good…"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"GET OFF!" shouted Kirby as Jigglypuff continued to jump on his head.

_Mewtwo and Pichu_

"Why did you two team up?" asked Master Hand.

"_No comment,_" thought Mewtwo.

"Pichu!" said Pichu.

Mewtwo psychically bashed Pichu against the wall.

Master Hand stared. "Don't you-"

"_No comment!_" said Mewtwo, and Pichu giggled because _he_ thought it was all a bit of fun.

_Nana and Luigi_

"I don't know why I ended up with Luigi," said Nana glumly. "Nobody likes Luigi!"

"Hey-a!" said Luigi angrily. "That is not-a true! _Plenty_ of-"

"Shut up," said Nana. "Master Hand, why couldn't I just team up with Popo again?"

Master Hand sighed. "I already explained; we don't want to have the same combinations as last time."

"_Fine_," said Nana. "But now who do I put this dog collar on?"

"Dog-a collar?" said Luigi.

Nana turned to Luigi, smiling. "Hey…"

"I am _not_-a wearing that-a!" said Luigi, crossing his arms.

"_Yes. You. Are_," breathed Nana.

"No-a!"

Nana pulled out a shotgun and levelled it at Luigi's chest. "One last chance."

Luigi stared at the gun. "You-a wouldn't shoot me."

"Yes, I would," said Nana.

"No-a you wouldn't," said Luigi.

Nana shot him.

"See?" said Nana. "I _will_ shoot you."

"Uh…" said Master Hand quietly, "I do believe he's dead."

"Oh," said Nana. "You're right, he is."

Master Hand backed away.

"Pity, that," said Nana.

_Peach and Mario_

"I'm-a using this race to build my relationship with Peach!" said Mario.

"I like stuff," added Peach.

"She's-a, er, a little on the dull side," whispered Mario. "But that is-a okay, right Peach!"

No response.

"Peach?" said Mario.

Mario looked up.

"Peach! What are-a you doing up there? And why are you naked?"

Peach started dancing in the tree, but then fell from it.

"Ow," said Peach.

Mario simply stared.

_Samus and Falcon_

"Well," said Falcon, "over this race, I intend to sleep with Samus here as much as possible."

Samus hit him in the face.

"And," added Falcon, "she wants me to. You can just _tell_ she wants me to. Don't you, baby?"

Samus hit him in the groin. He fell to the ground, whimpering.

"For the record," Samus said, "I didn't ask to be in the same team with him, and I haven't dropped out already because I want that money."

Master Hand said, "So there's no romantic int-"

Samus aimed her arm-cannon at him. "Shut up."

"But-"

Samus hit Master Hand in the groin.

"Ow!" said Master Hand. "My- wait… I don't have a…"

_Popo and Young Link_

"Well," said Popo, "we-"

"THIS IS BORING!" shouted Master Hand. "The race starts now! GO!"

Nobody moved.

"Why aren't you going?" asked Master Hand.

"Don't we need, uh, clues?" said Marth.

"Oh, right. Clues. _Those_ clues." Master Hand dropped the clues. "Now _go_!"

**RACE START  
10:00 AM**

Almost all of the teams made a desperate dash towards the clues, before slowly from the back the whole big chain of people collapsed, and formed a big pile of people. Seeing as they couldn't move, they decided to form a giant brawl.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 10th Place_

"Get the clues now!" said Kirby.

Kirby and Jigglypuff waddled around the giant brawl, and opened the clue.

"You must fly to Onett, where you must then take a cable-car to the Busy Bee Crater!" read Kirby.

"Teams must now depart from Smash Mansion, and take a taxi to the airport, where they must then fly to Onett! They must find the Busy Bee Crater, home of a giant hunk of metal, where they must search inside it for their next clue!" said Master Hand.

"Okay, we've got four-hundred dollars for this leg," said Kirby. "Let's get a taxi!"

Kirby and Jigglypuff waddled up to a taxi, peered up at the window, and looked at the taxi driver.

"Hello little puffball, do you want a ride?" asked the taxi driver, calmly.

"Yeah," said Kirby, hopping in with Jigglypuff.

"Where do you want to go?" asked the taxi driver.

"I need to go to the airport," said Kirby.

"Okay, I'll get you there, at the normal speed limit!" said the taxi drivers.

"Well uh… you know," said Kirby, starting to fake-cry, "Our parents both have cancer, and they have four days to live, so we need to go to the airport so we can say a last goodbye, before they fly to Fourside, where they'll try and take surgery that has a ten percent chance of working!"

Kirby started crying, while Jigglypuff comforted him from the back.

"Okay! Okay! I'll drive you to the airport, you cute little puffball!" said the taxi driver, whimpering as well.

"Uh… their flight leaves in ten minutes…" said Kirby, suddenly cheered up. "So you'll have to drive four times faster then."

"I'm not going to-"

"Cancer!" said Kirby, starting to break into tears.

"OKAY!" said the taxi driver, starting to cry, and pressing the acceleration pedal as hard as he could.

Kirby suddenly stopped crying, and started smiling, enjoying the 480kmph taxi ride.

"Whee!"

_Mewtwo and Pichu  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"_Oh, this is crazy,_" thought Mewtwo. Mewtwo psychically picked the large pile of people up, and threw them behind him. He dragged Pichu out of the pile, and then levitated the clue towards him.

"You must fly to Onett, where you must then take a cable-car to the Busy Bee Crater!" read Mewtwo.

"Chu i chu pi pichu?" asked Pichu. _"What's a crater?"_

"_A circular depression on a surface, usually caused by an asteroid,_" said Mewtwo.

"Oh," said Pichu.

Pichu thought about that for a while.

"Chu I chu pi pi pichu chu?" asked Pichu. _"What's an asteroid?"_

"Shut up!" screamed Mewtwo, zapping 2000 volts of pure energy through Pichu.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Onett, I know that place inside-out," said Ness, grabbing the clue.

"Yoshi yoshi her hup yoshi?" said Yoshi. (_Because you live there?_)

"Yeah," said Ness.

_O RLY Owl_

"O RLY?"

_Peach and Mario  
Currently in Last Place_

"Peach-a! Get out of the tree-a!" said Mario, angrily.

Peach thought about that for a while…

…

…

…

…and continued thinking.

Mario smacked his head.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4th Place_

"That's it!" screamed an aggressive Bowser, throwing everyone in the big pile-up away from him.

Bowser and Ganondorf opened the clue, and read it.

"You must fly to Onett, where you must then take a cable-car to the Busy Bee Crater!" read Bowser.

"Okay, let's go, we're the aggros right, we won't let anything step in our way, right?" asked Ganondorf.

"Uh… yeah…" said Bowser, petting a puppy.

"We will knock down everything that comes in our way, and destroy absolutely everything, am I right?"

"Uh… yeah…" said Bowser, hugging a squirrel, calling it baby names.

"We will do the lowest thing to trick any other of the teams into going the wrong way, am I right?" asked Ganondorf.

"Yeah… right on…" said Bowser, giving Young Link directions to the airport.

"Well, let's go!"

"Right…" said Bowser, flagging down a taxi.

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 5th Place_

"We're gonna have so much fun in this race!" said Fox, munching on a lollipop, smiling innocently.

"Fox, are you okay?" asked Roy, opening their clue.

"Hurry Roy, we've gotta win at all costs! We've gotta win! Win! Win! Come on! You're not winning fast enough, we've gotta win those million dollars as quick as we can!" screamed Fox, in a really deep voice, shaking Roy violently.

"Fox, do you have split personalities?" quizzed Roy.

"No," said Fox, giggling.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 6th Place_

"You must fly to Onett, where you must then take a cable-car to the Busy Bee Crater!" read Samus.

"Okay, Falcon flag down a taxi," said Samus. "…and I'll try and book tickets by phone!"

"I'll flag a taxi in your heart…" said Falcon, in a put on, deep voice.

"That was an awful pick-up line," said Samus. "If you try to come on to me ever again, I will shoot you in the stomach, you will not like it, and you will probably bleed. To death."

"Okay…" said Falcon, nervously.

Falcon flagged down a taxi.

"What do I do now?" asked Falcon.

"Hold it until I book tickets!" shouted Samus.

"Hi," said Samus into the phone. "I'd like to book tickets to the earliest flight to Onett!"

Samus waited for a few seconds.

"It departs at 12:30? Okay," said Samus, hanging up.

_Samus and Falcon  
1st on 12:30 Air Four Flight_

_Link and Marth  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Okay, I heard everyone else, and we're going to the airport, so flag down a taxi, and when we're in there, we'll read the directions," said Link.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 8th Place_

"Okay…" said Zelda, "We have to go to Onett…"

"Yeah, it should be fun going with you…" said Donkey Kong.

"Did you… Did you say you're going to enjoy going with me?" asked Zelda, hopefully.

"Yes… I mean no… I mean… I don't know!" said Donkey Kong, shedding some tears.

"He doesn't like me!" cried Zelda.

"I've offended her!" sobbed Donkey Kong.

A couple of passers-by stared, confused.

_Popo and Young Link  
Currently in 9th Place_

"Come on, Young Link, get your bags over to the taxi faster, we've got to beat everyone, and be faster than everyone!" said Popo.

"What makes you think I'm just going to hurry up and just go and-"

"One million dollars," said Popo.

Young Link suddenly worked faster.

_Nana and Luigi  
Currently in 10th Place_

"Master Hand," said Nana, dragging Luigi's body along the ground. "Can I just finish by myself, seeing that Luigi is dead?"

"Nope, sorry," said Master Hand. "You're going to have to drag his body to the pit stop!"

"Whatever," sighed Nana.

Nana looked angrily back at Master Hand, and then walked towards a taxi, dragging Luigi's body along the ground by his hand.

_Peach and Mario  
Currently in Last Place_

"Peach-a, you don't-a want me to cut down-a that tree for you!" said Mario, angrily.

"I guess you're right," said Peach.

Peach magically teleported back to the ground.

"Wow-a," said Mario, amazed. "Why don't you teleport us to the next clue?"

"Okay," said Peach, "I'll try!"

Peach grabbed on to Mario's hand, and shut her eyes. They ended up in the same tree.

Mario smacked his head.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Hi," said Kirby to a worker at the bookings desk. "Can we have tickets to the earliest flight that goes to Onett?"

The worker typed in some commands on a computer.

"Yes, here are some tickets to the 12:30 Air Four flight!"

"Thanks," said Kirby, taking the tickets.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
2nd on 12:30 Air Four Flight_

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Hi, can we have the earliest flight to Onett?" asked Ness.

"Okay," said a worker. "Here's some tickets to the 12:30 Air Four flight."

"Thanks!" said Ness.

_Ness and Yoshi  
3rd on 12:30 Air Four Flight_

_Mewtwo and Pichu  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Hi," said Mewtwo, smiling, which was quite out of character. "Can we have the earliest tickets to Onett?"

"Okay," said the worker, typing on the computer. "Uh… the first flight you can get is the 'Mushroom Air' flight at 1:30 PM."

"Did you see any other teams from the race?" asked Mewtwo.

"Yes, they got a flight one hour earlier than you," replied the worker.

"Well… uh… Pichu is sick here… and the only treatment we can get is in Onett…" said Mewtwo in somewhat of a faked tone.

Mewtwo placed Pichu on the counter, next to the worker.

"Nice try, but you can't guilt trip me into giving you earlier tickets," said the worker, slyly.

Mewtwo psychokinetically started to choke the worker.

"I… I'll… se- see… cough what- I… I can… do…" said the worker, typing on the computer.

_2 minutes later…_

"Here's your tickets," said the worker, sweating, trying to fake a smile as well as he could.

_Mewtwo and Pichu  
Last on Air Four Flight_

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Hi there," said Fox, walking up to a counter, which had a sweating attendant.

"Hi…" replied the worker, shakingly.

"Can I have the earliest tickets to Onett?" asked Fox, happily.

"The first flight we have is the 'Mushroom Air' flight at 1:30 PM. And why, you've got the last seats on it!"

"Okay, we'll take that," said Roy.

_Fox and Roy  
1st on Mushroom Air flight_

Fox took the tickets, and then headed with Roy towards the starting gates.

"That wasn't so bad…" thought the worker to himself.

Bowser and Ganondorf walked up.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Hi, how are you?" said the worker, slightly calmer than before.

"Hi," said Bowser, leaning over with one elbow, facing the worker on his side. "Can you give us the earliest tickets to Onett?"

"Well," said the worker, typing in the computer. "We just sold out all of the tickets at the 1:30 flight, but there's a flight at 2:00!"

"Oh, okay, well we'll just take tho-"

Ganondorf shoved Bowser over, so he was out of view from the worker.

"Look, we don't want any trouble," said Ganondorf, cracking his knuckles. "But we're in a hurry," continued Ganondorf, grabbing a steel bar, and snapping it in half.

The worker started to sweat again.

"Okay, I'll just take tickets from these people who reserved it much earlier, and give it to you."

The worker wiped off a trickle of sweat.

Bowser shoved Ganondorf over.

"Thank you," said Bowser, cheerily.

As Bowser and Ganondorf walked away, the worker tugged on his collar, worriedly.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Last on Mushroom Air Flight_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Hi, can we get our reserved tickets for the 12:30 'Air Four' flight?" asked Samus.

"Okay," replied a Koopa worker, processing some tickets from a machine.

"I'll reserve a ticket to your heart…" whispered Falcon into Samus' ear.

_A few seconds later…_

"Here are your tickets!" said the Koopa worker. "And… uh… does your buddy need medical attention?"

"I _need_ my stomach to live," said Falcon, pointing to the hole in his side.

"Who says I want you to live?" said Samus. "Ooh! Gift shop!"

_Link and Marth  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Hi, can we have the earliest tickets to Onett?" asked Link, at the counter.

"Okay," replied a female human worker, typing into a computer. "The earliest flight I can get you is a 2:00 'Air Four' flight!"

The worker handed the tickets over.

_Link and Marth  
1st on 2:00 Air Four Flight_

"Hey," whispered Marth to the worker. "Do you wanna see my **CENSORED**?"

"I don't see why not," replied the worker smiling.

Marth showed the worker his **CENSORED**.

"But that doesn't- but how could that- but I don't understand- I don't-"

The worker was scarred for life.

(Note: **CENSORED** could be replaced for: chicken, mother, or bag of cinnamon rolls. Or something else. If you use your imagination. If you have one.)

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 8th Place_

Zelda and Donkey Kong walked up to a private ticket bookings desk.

"Hi, can we have a flight to Onett, the earliest one that you can?" asked Zelda.

"Okay," replied a Koopa worker, doing a search on the flight list.

"Okay, we can get you a 2:00 'Air Four' flight," said the Koopa worker, reading the flight details off the screen.

"Okay, that would be good," said Zelda, taking the tickets.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
2nd on 2:00 Air Four Flight_

"Uh… Miss… could I ask you why you're travelling with an ape?" asked the worker, curiously. "Are you girlfriend/boyfriend, because I saw a documentary this other night, and it talked about how an ape and elf relationship would never happen, no matter how much love there was for each other, so they might as well give up right now! There was also this-"

Zelda and Donkey Kong suddenly started crying.

"-but – uh – sorry, ma'am, sir, uh… ape?"

_Popo and Young Link_

_Currently in 9th Place_

"Hey, can we have the next flight to Onett?" asked Popo, coming up to the counter.

"Okay," replied a Koopa worker, processing tickets.

_Popo and Young Link  
3rd on 2:00 Air Four Flight_

Young Link noticed that the worker was taking a while to print the tickets.  
"Hey, Popo, I have this funny story that-" started Young Link.

"Stop," said Popo.

"Why?"

"We're supposed to be the uninteresting team to be killed off in the early legs, so no-one complains if the liked teams get eliminated. That means we can't have any funny/interesting material, ever!" replied Popo, as if quoting from a sheet.

"Oh," replied Young Link.

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"Right."

_Nana and Luigi  
Currently in 10th Place_

"Hi, can I have two seats for the flight to Onett?" asked Nana, in a sweet voice to the ticket salesman.

"Okay," said the salesman.

"Uh…" said Nana, "…do you have any discount for dead bodies?"

"No… sorry…" said the salesman, "Is… Was he a pensioner?"

"Uh… yeah…" said Nana, in a high pitched, unconvincing voice.

"Oh, in that case you'll get four dollars off your ticket," said the salesman.

"Actually, that's good," said Nana, taking the tickets. "I can buy a Cokepsi™© with that four dollars!"

_WTF Chicken  
"_Don't you think that joke's getting a bit old?"

_Rofl Pony  
_"Roflz, I haven't got it yet!"

_WTF Chicken_  
"Nana is dragging a corpse around, f00l."

_Rofl Pony_  
"Curse you, WTF Chicken – you're always one step ahead of me."

_O RLY Owl_  
"O RLY?"

_Peach and Mario  
Currently in Last Place_

"Can-a we have-a tickets to Onett-a?" asked Mario, to a worker.

"Of course," said a Koopa worker, processing tickets.

Mario grabbed the tickets, and then looked at where Peach was.

Peach was gone.

"Peach-a," said Mario, looking far and wide. "Where are-a you?"

"Mario!" said Peach, waving.

Mario looked and noticed that Peach was now tied to the ceiling directly above his head.

"How on earth-a did you get there, Peach?" he said angrily.

"Uh… special princess powers!" said Peach.

Her ropes came loose and she fell ten metres onto Mario's head, crushing him.

"Ow," said Peach.

"All teams are now on their way to Onett!" said Master Hand. "On the 12:30 'Air Four' flight which lands at 8:00 AM, local time, there is: Samus and Falcon, Kirby and Jigglypuff, Ness and Yoshi and Mewtwo and Pichu!

"On the 12:30 Mushroom Air flight, which lands at 9:00 AM local time, there is Fox and Roy, and Bowser and Ganondorf!

"Everyone else is on the 2:00 PM 'Air Four' flight, which lands at 10:30 AM, local time!

"When they land, they will have to head for this crater, where they will find their next clue!"

_1st Air Four Flight  
Landed at 8:10 AM_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Come on, Jigs!" said Kirby, patting Jigglypuff on the head, running out of the airport.

Jigglypuff flagged down a taxi, and Kirby loaded their bags into the back of the taxi.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Hey Samus, do you know karate?" asked Falcon, running out of the plane next to Samus. "Cos damn, your body is really kickin'!"

"Yeah," said Samus, doing a double-somersault-reverse-spinning-triple-backflip-roundhouse kick to Falcon's face. "And by the way," said Samus, elbowing Falcon's nose. "If you ever use one of those crummy pick up lines," Samus snapped Falcon's spinal chord, "I will ask you nicely," Samus used a razor to shave the skin off his forehead, "to stop harassing me," Samus pierced Falcon's leg with a javelin, "and I will alert the authorities," Samus slammed a screwdriver into his temple, "and you will stop. Okay?"

"Okay," said Falcon, weeping.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Yoshi Yoshi hur hup Yoshi, up hup Yoshi up hurr Yoshi Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"I booked us a good taxi driver on the plane, so we should arrive there relatively fast!"_

"Okay," said Ness, taking their bags, running out of the airport.

_Mewtwo and Pichu  
Currently in 4th Place_

"I'm tired Mewtwo, I'm tired! Tired, tired, tired!" moaned Pikachu, running around.

"You know Pichu, you are an annoying little weakling excuse for a Pokemon, do you know that?" raged Mewtwo.

Pichu started crying.

Mewtwo sighed.

"Here, I'll get you some ice cream to cheer you up," said Mewtwo, restlessly.

"I'm getting ice cream, Mewtwo! Ice cream! Ice cream, ice cream!" said a joyful Pichu.

Mewtwo sighed.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Okay, we're at the cable car," said Kirby.

"Yay!" said Jigglypuff, patting Kirby.

"Kiss?" asked Kirby.

"Yay!" said Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff kissed Kirby by the tongue.

And continued.

"Hehe… cute Jigglypuff," said Kirby.

And continued.

"Uh… Jigglypuff?"

And continued.

"Jigglypuff?"

And continued.

"Jigglypuff? Help?"

And continued.

Kirby began to suffocate on Jigglypuff's body.

He ran around in circles, trying to pry her off.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Well done, Yoshi," said Ness, stepping out of the taxi. "You got a good driver."

"Yoshi!" said Yoshi.

"We'd better beat Kirby and Jigglypuff, now!" said Ness.

_Mewtwo and Pichu  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We're in the cable car!" announced Pichu.

"I know," raged a restless Mewtwo.

"Hey Mewtwo, where's my ice cream?" asked Pichu, slightly angrily.

Mewtwo looked at a little Koopa next to him, licking an ice cream.

"Where's my ice cream?" asked Pichu.

Mewtwo looked at a little Koopa next to him, licking an ice cream.

"Hey look!" said Mewtwo, in a really faked voice. "Some stars!"

Pichu turned away.

Mewtwo psychically fried the Koopa, cackling evilly.

Pichu looked back.

"Hey look, it's the ice cream I was saving for you all along!" announced Mewtwo.

Pichu looked at the ice cream happily, and then started licking.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Hey babe," said Falcon, in an attempted deep voice.

"Look," said Samus, bluntly. "I'm going to save all of this trouble of beating you up, by putting this muffler over your mouth."

"Do you go for the silent type?" asked Falcon.

Samus promptly put the muffler over Falcon's mouth.

Samus started punching Falcon.

Falcon made some muffled screams.

"I think I'll like him like this," said Samus.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Well, it's now the midway point of the cable car, the puffballs are a few cabins in front, and Mewtwo and Pichu are one back, so Yoshi and I have agreed to go over to their car, and make an alliance with Mewtwo and Pichu," announced Ness.

Ness and Yoshi walked back one cabin.

"Hi," said Ness, sitting down.

"Hey," said Pichu.

"Mewtwo, how about we form an alliance with you?" asked Ness. "I think Kirby and Jigglypuff, Samus and Falcon and Bowser and Ganondorf all seem threats as far as getting to the top goes. I'm thinking if we can help each other, we can perform better!"

"Whatever," said Mewtwo. "But only for a few legs. We might slow you down, or vice versa, so just help each other for the first few."

"Okay," said Ness.

_Ness  
Interview after the leg_

"I think it's good to have some connections to other teams, because if they know something that they wouldn't share with any other team, but it would help you, it would give you a giant advantage," said Ness.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Jig Iggly! Jig Puff Ig!" said Jigglypuff, reading the clue. _"Detour! Sweep or Flick!"_

"Detour!" said Master Hand. "In a detour, teams have to choose between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons! In this detour, teams have to choose between 'Sweep' or 'Flick'!

"In 'Sweep', teams will have to go down to Onett Town and clean up a room in one of these ancient video game arcades! Depending on how long teams take to do this, this could take anything from ten minutes to ten hours! This should take a long time, but if teams manage to get locals to help them, then they can get the job done quicker!

"In 'Flick', teams will have to head down to the Onett Theatre. There they will find a collection of tickets to various private screenings of half-hour films! Teams will have to sit through thirty minutes of boring documentaries or plotless soapies in order to receive their next clues. It will only take half an hour, but it could be very emotionally traumatising!"

"I think we'll do Sweep!" said Kirby.

_Ness and Yoshi, Mewtwo and Pichu  
Currently in equal 2nd place_

"Sweep or Flick?" asked Mewtwo.  
"How does Flick sound to you?" asked Ness.

"Good," replied Mewtwo.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Do you wanna see a boring movie?" asked Samus.

"Oh, I'll make it interesting," said Falcon, before making some cat noises.

"Oh dear," said Samus. "It seems your muffler came off."

Samus put it back on.

Falcon started suffocating.

"Much better."

_Mushroom Air Flight  
Landed at 9:05 AM_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Hi, are you available?" asked Bowser to a taxi driver.

"No, sorry," replied the driver.

"Oh, well that's fine. We'll just-"

Ganondorf pushed Bowser over.

"My friend here can breathe fire, do you want to be on fire?" asked Ganondorf, in a very harsh, fierce voice.

"No," replied the taxi driver, scared.

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Come on, Roy! Sprint Roy, Sprint!" screamed Fox in a really aggro voice.

Fox sprinted as fast as he could, while Roy lagged behind.

"You're not running fast enough, maggot!" shrieked Fox in a rough, deep voice.

Fox blew a hole in the wall, which meant that they would skip customs, and into the entrance.

Fox saw a candy store.

"Oh boy, candy, I love candy!" said Fox, in a childish six-year old voice, which was so whiny and high pitched, you would want to stab him in the heart with a viola.

Roy ran up to Fox.

"Fox, why are you stopping for candy? Do you need to seek psychiatric help?" asked Roy.

"Finally you came, slowpoke!" screamed Fox.

Roy sighed.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Oh no!" said Kirby, loudly in a slightly faked tone. "Our abusive parents will not let us out until we clean this really big room!"

"Jig Iggly Puff Ig Buff Puff!" said Jigglypuff, crying. _"I may never get to see that awesome Smasher, Jigglypuff fight! It is my lifelong dream!"_

"If only some kind souls would help us, so that we could finish the job, and then run away and have happy lives!" cried Kirby.

Everybody in the arcade stared at them, speechless.

"Please…" moaned Kirby, using his special copying powers to become Bambi Kirby and make him look very pitiful.

Twenty people rushed around, cleaning the room up within seconds.

"Jig ig iggly ufff…" _"Thank you kind souls, you._"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Interview after the leg_

"Well," said Kirby, "it's not really cheating."

"Jig iggly ig," added Jigglypuff. "_I mean, those parents were really nasty to us._"

"They know it was a lie," whispered Kirby.

"Jig…" _"Oh…"_

"It's just that people like to help cute little pink puffballs like us," said Kirby confidently, patting Jigglypuff on the head.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Road Block!" said Kirby, opening the clue.

"Road Block!" said Master Hand. "A Road Block is a task that only one person can perform!

"In this Road Block, one person from each team will have to _literally_ get past a road block! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…"

Master Hand looked around and noticed that nobody was laughing.

"Well, anyway, the Onett police are famous for blocking roads whenever something is happening. It will be both a mental and physical challenge to get past these giant barriers! They will then have to snatch a Golden Egg… I mean, their next clue, from within the road blocks!"

"Okay," said Kirby, walking to the road block, facing Jigglypuff. "This shouldn't be too hard, we just have to jump over these small…"

Kirby noticed the guards, and the multiple high barriers that were about five metres high.

"…barriers."

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Hey Yoshi, I finally found some tickets! It's for a half an hour documentary on End User Licence Agreements, the loopholes and other related problems on the internet…"

…

Ness and Yoshi did a high-five.

_Mewtwo and Pichu  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Hey look, Mewtwo, some tickets to 'Happy Fluffy Bunnies!'" announced Pichu.

"Oh please," begged Mewtwo.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Oh baby, you are the love of my life," said a man on the screen.

"Hey ba-" started Falcon.

"Don't even think about it," said Samus.

"What? Am I turning you on too much?"

Samus super glued the muffler to his face, so it would stay on.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5th Place_

"There's the clue!" said Bowser, pointing to a sign at the top of the cable car.

"This must be it," said Ganondorf, running up to the tickets desk.

"Hi," said Bowser, smiling. "Can we have-"

Bowser looked right, to see Ganondorf giving him 'that' look.

"Look!" said Bowser, growling. "We're not going to pay for it, so just let us on, or we'll clobber you!"

"Okay sir," said the guy at the tickets desk, "You enter through that way."

Bowser looked right, and saw Ganondorf's Fonzie smile, which he does when he's really happy.

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Run! Run! Run!" screamed Fox, violently pulling Roy out of the car.

"Okay! Okay! Calm down!" said Roy, shaking.

"We've got to get on the same cable car as they do!" said Fox, sprinting to the tickets desk.

Fox put down a ten dollar bill.

"Here's ten dollars," said Fox, starting to sweat, "Keep the change."

Fox dragged Roy along, sprinting, and then did a hurdle-style jump over the turnstiles. He got out his gun, shot down the cable car Bowser and Ganondorf were just about to step into, and then sprinted into the next car Bowser and Ganondorf hopped into.

Fox started panting, and then let a big grin come onto his face.

"Yay! It's us two teams together!" said Fox, changing into his high pitched six year old voice again. "We can sing songs together!"

"You do have problems, don't you?" said Roy.

"What the heck are you on about, Roy?" said Fox, annoyed.

"It's like you've got a split personality problem."

Fox opened up his songbook.

"Hey Bowser," said Fox, smiling, closing his eyes. "Let's sing the Cat Disco song!"

"Yay!" said Bowser.

Ganondorf stared at Bowser.

"Uh… uh… uh… uh… uh… uh… uh… uh…"

Bowser jumped out of the cable car, and smashed his knee against a tree. He sat there groaning, holding his knee.

"Right…" said Ganondorf.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
1st at Road Block_

"Okay," said Kirby. "You're going to do this Road Block, and what you're going to do is, jump over the wall, sing a song to the guards, and when they fall asleep, grab the clue, okay?"

"Jig Iggly Ig!" said Jigglypuff. _"Okay!"_

Jigglypuff looked at the first wall in front of her. She puffed up into a balloon, and then started jumping upwards. When she ran out of breath, she managed to grab onto the top ledge, and then jump over.

"Sorry, little girl," said one of the police officers. "The park bench broke, so that means we have to block off all of the roads within an eight kilometre radius."

Jigglypuff sang a song.

Everyone fell asleep.

Jigglypuff grabbed the clue.

The clue was almost heavier than her, so she couldn't climb back over the wall.

Jigglypuff saw a mattress factory nearby.

Without anyone noticing, she grabbed a lot of mattresses, and then made a big staircase out of all of them.

Jigglypuff saw a Moonbucks™ nearby.

Jigglypuff stopped for a coffee.

Jigglypuff forgot about her staircase, so walked around the Road Block.

Jigglypuff realised she forgot her purse.

Jigglypuff realised her purse was stolen.

Jigglypuff went to the police station.

Jigglypuff filed a police report, but then realised that she didn't have a purse, and then started chuckling along with the other police, because the crime didn't happen.

Jigglypuff walked back to Kirby.

"Wow, that was pretty quick, you got the clue in the space of a minute," said Kirby.

Jigglypuff did a sax solo with an anthropomorphic drum kit as backing, cured cancer and won three Grammies.

Jigglypuff opened the clue.

"You must now make your way to the pit stop, at Ness' family home!" read Kirby.

"Teams must now make their way to Ness' family home, which will be the first pit stop for this race around the Nintendo Universe!" said Master Hand. "Teams must hurry, as the last team to arrive, **will **be eliminated."

"Yay, pit stop!" said Kirby.

"Iggly pug!" _"We're in the lead!"_

_2nd Air Four Flight  
Arrived at 10:20 AM_

_Link and Marth  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Well, I think we are on the third flight," said Link. "So we'll have to really make up on some lost ground, if we don't want to be eliminated!"

"Oh look!" said Marth, pointing to a person outside of the terminal. "A big clump of gasoline just landed on the guy! Let's set him on fire!"

"Gee Marth," said Link, putting his hand on his chin. "I wouldn't be too sure about that. Think about the consequences! Maybe that person might be sad, or angry if he were burnt alive."

"That's right!" said Freddy, the fire fighter. "I have been burnt alive many times, and I have been sad or angry all the time, and that resulted in negative social behaviour! And remember kids… if you're going to set someone on fire… let it be the unpopular kids!"

…

…

Marth stared strangely at Link.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 8th Place_

"Come on… Zelda…" said Donkey Kong running. "Let's get… a taxi…"

"Yeah…" replied Zelda, shaking.

Donkey Kong and Zelda looked away from each other, and both started having a nervous breakdown.

_Popo and Young Link  
Currently in 9th Place_

"Hey Popo, the most interesting thing happened to me on the plane!" said Young Link.

"What?" replied Popo.

"Well, you see-"

The camera somehow cut off, purely accidental, of course.

_Peach and Mario  
Currently in 10th Place_

"Peach-a, where are you?" asked Mario.

Mario noticed his hand luggage was moving.

"But-a, that-a doesn't make any sense! You can't-a fit into there!"

"Oh," said Peach, baffled by the logic.

As we all know, any logic confuses Peach. And life went on. Hooray.

_Nana and Luigi  
Currently in Last Place_

Nana noticed that Luigi's body was starting to rot.

"Oh… well how surprising…"

Nana went back to her pouting face, and dragged his body along.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

Kirby and Jigglypuff walked into Ness' family home, and stepped on the giant map.

"Kirby and Jigglypuff, you are team number one!" said Master Hand.

Jigglypuff kissed Kirby on the cheek, and then they did a high-five.

"And as a bonus of coming first, you both will receive 10,000 dollars!"

"Yay," said Kirby.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Interview after the leg_

"Well, I honestly didn't think that we would come first in the first leg, I thought we would do fairly well, I would've settled for anything above sixth, but this is awesome!" said Kirby.

_Ness and Yoshi  
2nd at Road Block_

"Okay, I'll do it," said Ness.

Ness scaled the wall, and then jumped next to the police officers.

"Hey, Ness," said the police officers.

"Hi, there," said Ness. "It's nice to be back here."

"Well," said the police officers, "according to Master Hand, we're not allowed to give you any help."

The police officers showed Ness a large piece of cardboard with 'DO NOT HELP PEOPLE' written on it.

"Oh," said Ness.

"But," said the police officers, "we can make an exception for you, because you saved all of Eagleland! Unlike, of course, Mario, Samus, Kirby, Marth, and Link." They handed him the clue.

"Gee, thanks!" said Ness.

"No problem," said one of the police officers. "Thank you for saving us!"

Ness scaled back over the wall.

_Samus and Falcon  
3rd at Road Block_

"Whatever, I'll do it," said Samus, jumping over the wall.

Samus shot all of the officers, and then noticed a pile of clues.

"Heh," said Samus.

Samus took one.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place_

Ness and Yoshi walked onto the giant map, where Master Hand was waiting.

"Ness and Yoshi," said Master Hand. "You are team number two!"

"Yes," said Ness, doing a hi-five with Yoshi.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Interview after the leg_

"I think coming second was awesome, but coming second to Kirby and Jigglypuff was slightly disappointing. Why? Because we almost had them within grasp of us, but they used their cuteness to their advantage, and I think I could have done the 'Sweep' task quicker than the movie, due to being liked by the locals," said Ness.

"Yoshi yoshi hup hurr Yoshi, ar Yoshi hup yay, Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"I think what we have to do is focus a bit more, and push ourselves a bit harder, just to get in that spot in front!"_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3rd Place_

As Samus and Falcon walked into Ness' house, Samus took off the muffler.

"Yeah baby! I can flirt with you-"

Samus put the muffler back on immediately.

They stepped onto the mat.

"Samus and Falcon, you are team number three!"

"Yeah!" shouted Falcon as loud as he could from under the muffler.

"We did well," said Samus. "But Falcon is an absolute perv, flirt and idiot, and I still do not want to have any connection/contact with him whatsoever."

"Too bad," said Master Hand, smiling. "You two are in the same bed together!"

Master Hand started making dog sounds.

Samus shot Master Hand repeatedly in the finger.

_Mewtwo and Pichu  
4th at Road Block_

"I'll do the Road Block," said Mewtwo.

Mewtwo psychokinetically ripped the giant wall in half, giving him an entrance. Mewtwo then forced all of the guards away, and took a clue.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5th Place_

"You sure this will work?" asked Bowser.

"I am very sure," said Ganondorf.

Bowser walked into the local school, knocked out the teacher, and put on the teacher's clothes.

"Uh… Alright students… now you have your newest field trip… the arcade!" announced Bowser.

All of the children cheered.

Suddenly, Ganondorf locked all of the children into a cage, and forced them to clean up the room.

"Isn't this… kinda… illegal?" asked Bowser.

"Well, don't we break the law a lot? After all, we are super villains," replied Ganondorf, drumming his hands together.

"Yeah… right… evil… no respect for cute things… like puppies… yeah…" said Bowser.

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Come on Roy, we have to clean up this room, like we pack up our rooms at home!" said Fox, in a really nasally, childish voice.

"Fox, were you scarred as a child?" asked Roy.

"Come on, Fox! Scrub up the ship! Look what mess you've made!" screamed Fox, cleaning up the room swiftly.

The room was done.

"Hey, waddaya know?" asked Roy.

Roy got the clue from one of the workers, and then ran off with Fox.

_Mewtwo and Pichu  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Yay Mewtwo, there's the mat! Let's stand on it!" said Pichu, bouncing up and down, hyper.

Mewtwo and Pichu stepped on the giant map.

"Mewtwo and Pichu, you are team number four!" said Master Hand.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
5th at Road Block_

Bowser walked through the wreckage to get a clue, and noticed a police officer getting up.

"Stop! Onett Police!" said the policeman.

"Uh… Oh no! A car brushed against the curb over there!" said Bowser, pointing. "Better set up a road block!"

The policeman ran over to where Bowser was pointing, holding a lot of orange traffic cones.

Bowser wiped the sweat off his forehead, and started walking back towards Ganondorf.

Fox spear tackled Bowser, knocking him over.

"Run Roy! Get the clue! Now!" screamed Fox.

"Ow!" screamed Bowser, holding his hand. "I just recently polished my nails, and you've ruined them! Jerk!"

Ganondorf stared.

"Hehe… you like my little joke?" asked Bowser, sweating like a pig.

"Oh… it was a joke!" laughed Ganondorf. "I like jokes!"

_Roy  
6th at Road Block_

Roy ran over the demolished wall, and grabbed the clue.

"Fox!" said Roy, reading the clue. "The pit stop is next!"

Fox and Roy, and Bowser and Ganondorf had a slow-motion race to the pit stop.

Bowser and Ganondorf got there first.

"Woo," said Ganondorf.

"Bowser and Ganondorf, you are team number five! Fox and Roy, you are team number six!" said Master Hand.

_Link and Marth  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Detour!" said Link, opening a clue.

Link read the clue.

"Do you want to see a film, or sweep an old dusted room?" asked Link.

"See a film," said Marth.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 8th Place_

"Do you wanna see a film together?" asked Donkey Kong to Zelda.

"Oh… okay…" said Zelda, smiling.

_Link and Marth  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Hey look, Link!" said Marth. "I found tickets to a film called, 'The true meaning of friendship!'"

Link and Marth entered the cinema.

"I hope this isn't a chick flick," said Marth.

"We are sisters," said a voice on the screen. "And no matter what we go through, we'll always be friends, and always be sisters!"

"I hope this isn't a chick flick," said Marth, slightly alarmed.

"Let's have an all girls slumber party Road Trip to Summers, to find out the meaning of true girl friendship!" announced a girl on the screen.

"I think this is a chick flick," said Marth.

"ZOMG WTFBBQ!111 PILLOH FITE!111" shouted another girl on the screen.

"Chick flick!" screamed Marth, diving under a chair. "NOOOO!"

"This is the type of film that doesn't appeal to anyone, but still makes 200 million at the box office," commented Link.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 8th Place_

"Look, DK," said Zelda. "I found tickets to, 'Cross Species Relationships and You!'"

Donkey Kong and Zelda entered the small cinema, and handed tickets to the projector man at the back.

They sat down.

The film started.

"Cross-species relationships. Some would say that it is evolution gone wrong. Some would say that it is an abomination upon religion. Either way, it's clearly very, very, **wrong** and it is **never, ever** going to work out.

"For the purposes of example, let us imagine to people of different species. Meet Derek, the talking ape, and Zoe, the female Hyrulian elf. Clearly, they are of different species. Unfortunately, they harbour secret affections for each other."

Zelda and DK sat in very uncomfortable silence, staring at the screen.

"In fact, because inter-species romance _never works out_, they might as well give up. Zoe should focus on a more realistic target, such as Link. Derek the ape should focus on a more realistic target, such as a banana carcass."

Zelda and Donkey kong broke into tears.

_11:15 AM_

_Peach and Mario  
Currently in 9th Place_

"What should-a we do?" asked Mario, reading the clue.

"Well, Daisy is on holiday here, so I could ask her to help us clean up the room!" announced Peach.

"Good-a idea, Peach," said Mario.

_Popo and Young Link  
Currently in 10th Place_

"Let's see a film," said Popo. "I think its safer, and if the Road Block makes us do something physical, than we both haven't wasted any energy."

_Nana and Luigi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Luigi, what task do you want to do?" asked Nana, in a restless voice.

Nana looked angrily at Luigi's dead carcass.

"Can't make up your mind?" asked Nana. "Fine then, we'll sweep up the room."

_Link and Marth  
Currently in 7th Place_

Link and Marth arrived at Ness' house. They walked onto the world map.

"Link and Marth, you are team number seven!" said Master Hand.

"I'm pretty happy with this result," said Link.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 8th Place_

Zelda and Donkey Kong stepped onto the world map.

"Zelda and Donkey Kong, you are team number eight!" said Master Hand.

"Yes," said Zelda.

Donkey Kong bent down and hugged Zelda.

"He hugged me," thought Zelda.

"I hugged her," thought Donkey Kong.

"I bet he did that just to make me feel better about the film," thought Zelda, starting to shed some tears.

"Oh no, I've offended her!"

They both broke into tears.

Master Hand stared.

_Peach and Mario  
Currently in 9th Place_

"Hello Daisy?" said Peach, on her cell phone. "Hi, I was just wondering if you could come and help us sweep this arcade, being the nice person you are!"

Peach listened to Daisy's response.

"Where am I? I'm at the old arcade."

Daisy nuked the old arcade, removing the entire floor that they were supposed to clean.

"Yay!" said Peach. "Thanks Daisy!"

A producer came in.

"Well, seeing that there's no place for you to sweep, you get the clue on a technicality!"

"Yay!" said Peach, and Mario.

_Daisy  
_"What? She's still alive? Curses," thought Daisy to herself.

_Peach and Mario  
Currently in 9th Place_

"Peach-a, you do the Road Block!" said Mario.

Peach walked in and got the clue.

"Where are-a the guards?" asked Mario.

Peach opened the clue.

"You must now make your way to the pit stop, at Ness' family home!" read Peach.

_Popo and Young Link  
Currently in 10th Place_

"Well that was an interes-"

The tape mysteriously jumped forward.

"Who's gonna do the Road Block?" asked Popo.

"I will," said Young Link.

_Nana and Luigi  
Currently in Last Place_

"There's Popo and Young Link! We better beat them! You do the Road Block!"

Luigi's dead carcass got picked up in the draft of the wind, next to the pile of clues. One clipped onto his moustache, and a shift in the direction of the wind made Luigi's body blow back to Nana.

"Heh," said Nana.

_Peach and Mario  
Currently in 9th Place_

Peach and Mario stepped onto the mat.

"Peach and Mario, you are team number nine!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" said Peach.

_Popo and Young Link  
Currently in 10th Place_

"Come on," said Popo, hurrying Young Link up. "We've got to reach the pit stop before Nana and Luigi do! We're in risk of elimination."

_Nana and Luigi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Come on, Luigi, hurry," said Nana, dragging along Luigi's body, who had no skin on his head now, because all of the skin dropped off, due to his head being dragged along the ground.

_Popo and Young Link  
Currently in 10th Place_

Popo and Young Link stepped onto the world map.

"Popo and Young Link, you are team number ten!" said Master Hand.

Young Link puffed. "At least we didn't get eliminated."

Nana and Luigi stepped inside the building.

"Nana and Luigi, you are the last team to arrive, which makes you eliminated from the race," said Master Hand.

Nana made a sulky face.

"Did you learn or accomplish anything from this race?" asked Master Hand.

"No," said an angry Nana.

"At least you killed Luigi!"

Everybody chuckled, including Nana.

"That's true," said Nana.

"Good-a work, Nana," said Mario, patting her on the head.

"Well," said Master Hand, "it looks as if that's all for now."

_Nana and Luigi  
Interview after Leg_

"Well, at least Luigi died," said Nana. "Otherwise, it was pointless. But I got a free soda on the plane!"

Everybody chuckled.

"I don't get it," said Link. "Why is everyone laughing?"

Everybody chuckled.

"It's a laugh track," said Master Hand.

Everybody chuckled.

"You know, like in 'Everybody Loves Raymond', if they crack a really sour joke, they can still get away with it because it has the laugh track?"

"Oh," said Nana.

Everybody chuckled.

* * *

Please R&R, tell me who you want to win and tell me who you think will win! 

You can also vote on this poll, deciding the setting for the next leg!

**hoogi. brickfilms. com/smashmansion/sar2/vote. php** minus the spaces.

Finish Times:

Kirby and Jigglypuff: 10:27 AM  
Ness and Yoshi: 10:32 AM  
Samus and Falcon: 10:34 AM  
Mewtwo and Pichu: 10:40 AM  
Bowser and Ganondorf: 10:45 AM  
Fox and Roy: 10:45 AM  
Link and Marth: 11:25 AM  
Zelda and Donkey Kong: 11:29 AM  
Peach and Mario: 11:42 AM  
Popo and Young Link: 11:47 AM  
**Nana and Luigi: 11:48 AM- ELIMINATED  
**


	2. Leg 2: Sauria

(by hoogiman, contributions by tikitikirevenge)

"Last time, on 'The Smashy Amazing Race', 11 teams departed on a race around the Nintendo universe!  
"Nana had an uh… 'incident' earlier on, that caused her to go slower on the first leg! Kirby and Jigglypuff used their cuteness to get help, while Bowser and Ganondorf used their aggressiveness and intimidation to force themselves in front!" said Master Hand. "An early alliance was made between Ness and Yoshi, and Mewtwo and Pichu while Zelda and Donkey Kong's nervous breakdowns lost them a good position!

"Will the alliance between the nerds and the Pokemon work? Can Peach and Mario or Popo and Young Link dig themselves out from the bottom?

"10 teams remain… who will be eliminated… next?"

The Teams:

(_descriptions kindly supplied by UberSuperMarioYoshiKirbySamusGamer1111ONe_)

Zelda and Donkey Kong _(Ha! Seriously, though, that's never going to work out. _Never_, ever. Why they even bother…)  
_Fox and Roy _(The fox and the, uh, redhead.)  
_Kirby and Jigglypuff _(Ah, that one's easier. Two pink puffball… things.)  
_Link and Marth _(They're the two dudes with swords.)  
_Ness and Yoshi _(They're, like, the nerds in the race. Cute nerds. But nurds.)  
_Bowser and Ganondorf _(They're really mean. I hope they get eliminated.)  
_Mewtwo and Pichu _(Pokemon 4EVER! goes to write romance fic)_  
Peach and Mario _(It's like Super Mario Bros., only it's the Amazing Race!)  
_Samus and Falcon _(I don't know who they are, because the only game I've ever played is Mario Tennis, but 'Falcon' sounds cool!)  
_Popo and Young Link _(Aren't they just kids? Aw… maybe they'll win.)_

"Kirby and Jigglypuff, who arrived at 10:27 AM, will depart at 10:27 PM," said Master Hand.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
1st to Depart: 10:27 PM_

Kirby opened the envelope.

"Be my Valentine," he read.

He stared at it, puzzled.

"Jigs, this isn't the clue envelope," he said.

Jigglypuff simply stared at him with puppy eyes.

"Valentine's was months ago," he added.

Jigglypuff giggled slightly and fainted.

Kirby pulled out the real envelope and opened it.

He read: "You must now make your way to the Big Weird Totem Pole, on Sauria."

"Teams must now drive to the airport, and take a flight to Sauria. Once there, they must find this historical totem pole, and search for their next clue," said Master Hand.

_Ness and Yoshi  
2nd to Depart: 10:32 PM_

"You must now make your way to the Big Weird Totem Pole, on Sauria," read Ness.

"Yoshi Yoshi up, herr Yoshi Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Once we get to the airport, how do we get to the totem pole?"_

_Master Hand_

"You walk."

_Ness and Yoshi_

"I've got a better idea," said Ness. "A friend of mine once crashed a UFO into a graveyard. If we can find it, we'll save the time it takes to reach the airport!"

"Yoshi hup herr hup yoshi?" _"Isn't that cheating?"_

Ness used his wit to explain all of the errors in the previous ststament.

"Yoshi," said Yoshi. _"Oh."_

_Samus and Falcon  
3rd to Depart: 10:34 PM_

"You must now make your way to the Big Weird Totem Pole, on Sauria," read Samus.

"Heh, okay, Sauria," said Falcon.

_Samus and Falcon  
Interview after the leg_

"For this race, I want to improve my relationship with Samus," said Falcon.

"I don't want to be even associated with this freak!" shouted Samus. "Who put me with him anyway?"

"Uh… not me… tampering with the teams…" said Falcon, sweating.

Samus hit Falcon with an umbrella so hard that it amputated both of his legs and hands.

"Ow…"

_Mewtwo and Pichu  
4th to Depart: 10:40 PM_

"You must now make your way to the Big Weird Totem Pole, on Sauria," read Pichu.

_Mewtwo and Pichu  
Interview after the leg_

"_I think that our alliance with Ness and Yoshi may bring something, and because we're both relatively strong teams, I can see all of us going into the final four,_" thought Mewtwo.

_Mewtwo and Pichu_

"Oh lookie," said Pichu. "It's Ness and Yoshi."

"_Hey,_" thought Mewtwo.

"Should we travel together from now on?" asked Ness.

"_Okay, let's share a cab,_" thought Mewtwo.

Both of the teams went into the taxi.

"Can we go to the airport?" asked Ness.

"Kay," said the taxi driver.

Pichu took his J-Pod™ (LOL HOOGIMAN U R SO ORIGINAL) and started listening to it.

Pichu thought it was hot in the car, so he rolled down the window.

Pichu saw an ice cream truck going in the opposite direction.

Pichu jumped out of the window, and latched onto the ice cream truck.

Pichu opened the back doors, making lots of ice creams fly onto the road,

Pichu grabbed an ice cream and started eating it.

Pichu ended up in FourSide, and played some arcade games there.

Pichu got himself into some gambling debt, and got kidnapped by illegal water smugglers.

Pichu parodied some songfics in a fanfic and got sued.

Pichu got zapped into a strange vortex, and got zapped back into the taxi.

"Roflz at anticlimax," said the rofl pony.

"The humour is really dry in this chapter," said the wtf chicken.

"Dry as dried jellybeans!" replied the rofl pony.

"No."

":("

_Fox and Roy  
Bowser and Ganondorf  
Tied 5th to Depart: 10:45 PM_

"You must now make your way to the Big Weird Totem Pole, on Sauria," read Bowser.

_Bowser  
Interview after leg_

"Well, me and Ganondorf and the 'strange people' team have decided to stick together for this chapter, just so we can work our way up the order," said Bowser.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Fox and Roy_

"Look, there's a taxi, hurry!" screamed Fox.

Fox grabbed Bowser, Roy and Ganondorf violently, and charged at the taxi, causing an indentation as large as Hayley's Comet. Fox then took off the case of the luggage compartment, crammed all of the luggage in, then taking his allies' hands, jumped through the back windshield and landed on the seat with shattered glass pierced all over his body, drawing blood.

"Fox! What the hell?" said Roy.

"We… are not going to lose this race…" snarled Fox through gritted teeth.

"You're bleeding to death," said Roy.

"Ssh," said Fox.

The theme song for 'Happy Days' started playing on the radio.

Fox started singing along with it as loud as he could, 6 semitones out of key.

Everyone stared awkwardly.

"Mondays, Tuesdays, happy days!" sung Fox. "Wednesdays, Thursdays-"

"SHUT UP!" screamed Ganondorf.

"Did you tell me to shut up?" asked Fox, pulling out his lazer gun.

"Uh… it was Roy…" said Ganondorf, nervously.

Fox decapitated Roy.

"Uh… that wasn't very smart, Fox," said Bowser.

"I'm smart! Yesterday Dad, we had a spelling bee, and I got first place! Aren't you so proud of me?" said Fox in a kiddy voice.

Fox stared into blank space for a few seconds.

"What? It's all about you and your work! There's never any time for me!" cried Fox.

Everybody stared.

"If I do this, will you spend more time with me?" asked Fox.

Fox stared into blank space for a few more seconds.

"Okay!" said Fox.

Everyone stared really, really, awkwardly.

_Master Hand  
_Master Hand looked at the live recording of Fox, grinning.

"That's it Fox," said Master Hand, slyly. "Pose for the camera, pose for the camera…"

Master Hand took a sip of coffee.

"Ratings should be good this episode," said Master Hand.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Hi," said Kirby at the airport counter. "Can we have the earliest flights out to Sauria?"

"The earliest flight is an Air Four flight, which departs at 2:00 AM," replied the person at the counter.

"When does it land?" asked Kirby.

"4:00 AM, local time."

"Are there any flights that stopover at a city, but land earlier?" asked Kirby.

"Actually," said the worker, typing into a computer. "There is a Corneria Air flight that departs at 12:15 AM, stops over at Fourside and then lands at 3:00 AM, local time."

"Okay, that will be great!" said Kirby, taking the tickets.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
1st on Corneria Air Flight_

_Samus and Falcon  
1st on Air Four Flight_

"Okay, the 2:00 AM Air Four flight?" asked Samus, taking the tickets.

"We've got three hours to kill," said Samus.

"Hey, there are the puffballs!" said Falcon.

Samus and Falcon walked over to Kirby and Jigglypuff.

"Hi guys," said Kirby. "What flight are you on?"

"The 2:00 Air Four flight," said Falcon.

Kirby covered Jigglypuff's mouth to hide the sly grin on her face.

"Uh… yeah… us too," replied Kirby.

Jigglypuff's lie meter exploded.

"Why did I even buy that for you anyway?" asked Kirby.

"A lie meter would only explode if it was a big lie," said Samus.

"Co-incidence," said Falcon.

The giant 'Number of time without a lie in this airport' counter reset to zero, along with a voice over the loudspeaker talking about the details.

"Certainly… on the same… flight…" said Kirby, sweating.

The giant counter reset.

"Really," said Kirby.

All of the lie detectors in the world exploded.

"Really," said Kirby.

Falcon got eaten by a grue.

"Heh," said Samus. "So you're on the same flight as us. See you on the plane."

_Ness and Yoshi  
Mewtwo and Pichu  
Tied in 3rd Place_

"Okay, Yoshi, order tickets for all of us," said Ness. "We'll find out what flight the others got on."

Yoshi walked up to the counter.

"Yoshi Yoshi up hurr oshi Yoshi Yosh Yoshi?" asked Yoshi. _"Can I have 4 tickets on the earliest flight to Sauria?"_

"Yes, you are on the Air Four Flight that departs at 2:00," replied the attendant.

_Ness and Yoshi  
2nd on Air Four Flight_

_Mewtwo and Pichu  
3rd on Air Four Flight_

_Ness and Yoshi  
Mewtwo and Pichu  
Tied in 3rd Place_

"What flight are you on, Kirby?" asked Ness.

"Uh… the 2:00 Air Four flight," said Kirby, nervously.

Yoshi's lie detector exploded.

"Why do you have a lie detector?" asked Ness.

"Yoshio shi," said Yoshi. _"I don't have one…"_

The debris rolled in its grave.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Interview after Leg_

"After lying to Samus and Falcon, and the Ness-Yoshi, Mewtwo-Pichu alliance," said Kirby. "I didn't want us to be hated by more than three teams after the second leg for lying. So we decided if Bowser and Ganondorf or Fox and Roy came in soon, that we would tell them to try and get on the earlier flight, so we could also make some allies."

_Fox and Roy  
Bowser and Ganondorf  
Tied in 5th Place_

"Jig Iggly," said Jigglypuff, running up to the other teams. _"Hi guys!"_

"Run up to the bookings desk quickly, try and get on the 12:15 Corneria Air flight, so you can get in front of the other teams, they're on a later flight," said Kirby.

"Okay guys, let's run," said Ganondorf, shoving people out of the lines, tossing people out of the queue.

"Couldn't we like… wait?" asked Bowser. "There are only a few people in the line."

"We're supervillains," said Ganondorf.

"Oh yeah… Ganondorf?" asked Bowser.

"Yeah?" replied Ganondorf, using a death spell to kill a few people waiting in front of them.

"Have you ever had any regrets about being a super villain?" asked Bowser, donating some money into a charity box. "I mean… can't we be nice once in a while?"

"Nah," said Ganondorf, holding the ticket attendant at gunpoint, demanding first class tickets. "This job pays better than being one of those Peace rallying people or a good public figure."

"Have you like… ever looked at a puppy dog… and see all of its' cute features, and then regret your life of evil, and then start crying, and then start trying to hide it because others are staring at you, and then you have a nervous breakdown?" asked Bowser. "Do you… ever want to be nice?"

"Bowser, are you a sissy?" asked Ganondorf, bluntly.

"Uh… no… I love killing people…" said Bowser, sissy punching a girl, drawing blood.

"Oh," said Ganondorf, turning his back.

Bowser wept.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
2nd on Corneria Air Flight_

_Fox and Roy  
Last on Corneria Air Flight_

"Link and Marth, who arrived at 11:25 AM, will depart at 11:25 PM!" said Master Hand. "But first, we have our co-host, Gamer 69!"

"Hi there!" said Gamer69. Gamer69 was a guy with blonde hair and he looked like Link except that he was cooler than Link. He was eighteen and he always wore blue-rimmed sunglasses, being six feet tall.

"Let's go to the beach!" said Master Hand.

And they did, and they enjoyed it, bringing the story as off-topic as possible.

"Oh, no!" said Gamer69. "Captain Falcon's evil clone is trying to sabotage the race! And he's brought Mr. Game and Watch with him!"

"YOU SHOULD HAVE INCLUDED ME IN YOUR SUCKY FIC, HOOGIMAN!" screamed Mr Game and Watch, pulling out a popcorn machine.

However, Falco turned into a popsicle, and Kirby spat him out at the popcorn machine. The machine exploded and a rain of popcorn appeared everywhere.

"Woo! Popcorn!" said Master Hand. "Wait… I have no mouth… :-(…"

"See how the focus of the race is taken away if you include your little co-hosts into the story?" asked Captain Falcon.

The magical Joeb appeared and turned him into a fluffy green bunny.

"Well," said Gamer69, "you can become a co-host, too! All you have to do is-"

"This sucks," said Master Hand. "You're all fired."

"What?" said Gamer69. "You can't fire me!"

Master Hand set him on fire.

They all had a good laugh, including Gamer69.

"Back to the race!" announced Master Hand.

_Disclaimer: The previous section was simply a light-hearted poke at various individuals (sorry, Joeb). If we've offended you, remember, it was only a joke, not a serious flame. Let's all laugh at the joke! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Okay. Now give me reviews._

_Link and Marth  
7th to Depart: 11:25 PM_

"We're at the start of the tail end pack," said Link, facing the camera. "So we've really gotta push ourselves to the top part if we don't want to get eliminated."

Marth opened the clue.

"You must now make your way to the Big Weird Totem Pole, on Sauria," read Marth.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
8th to Depart: 11:29 PM_

Donkey Kong opened the clue.

"You must now make your way to the Big Weird Totem Pole, on Sauria," read Zelda.

"Me and Zelda really have to focus," said Donkey Kong. "There are only two teams behind us, and if they are the only teams that are worse than us, then we're going to be eliminated by leg five."

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Is that the puffballs, the aggros and the weirdos boarding?" asked Falcon.

"Yeah… they must be on an earlier flight, but how can that be?" asked Samus.

"Check the flight schedule," said Falcon.

"Gate 21," said Samus, looking up at an overhead screen. "Sauria via Fourside!"

"How did we miss that?" asked Falcon.

"It's all your fault!" said Samus.

"Hey, don't look at me, you were the one who-"

Samus punched Falcon in the groin.

"Okay, maybe it was partly my fault, but still-"

Samus punched Falcon in the groin.

"Okay, it was mostly mine, but still a bit your fault and-"

Samus punched Falcon in the groin.

"Okay! My fault!" screamed Falcon.

"Now you're starting to learn!" said Samus in an over happy voice. "Now why don't you get down on your knees and apologize?"

"But…"

Samus hit Falcon in the face.

"Okay, I-"

People walked past, giving Samus and Falcon weird looks.

**"WE'RE NOT MARRIED!" screamed Samus, firing missiles at several people, killing them.**

_Peach and Mario  
9th to depart: 11:42 AM_

"I went-a on this race to build my relationship with Peach-a, I just hope we stay in for a while, so we can bond-a together," said Mario, looking at the camera.

"Sometimes when I'm mad, I blow up a paper bag, and then tie it together like a balloon!" said Peach. "But it's not heavy enough to make me fly."

Mario gave Peach a confused look.

"You must now make your way to the Big Weird Totem Pole, on Sauria," read Mario.

_Popo and Young Link  
Last to depart: 11:47 AM_

"We really have to hurry this leg," said Popo, opening the clue. "You must now make your way to the Big Weird Totem Pole, on Sauria."

"What we've decided to do," said Young Link, looking at the camera. "Is form an alliance with the stupids, and then ditch them at the last minute."

"Let's try and share a taxi with them!" said Popo, running up to Peach and Mario's taxi.

Popo and Young Link walked up to Mario and Peach.

"Hi, can we share a taxi with you guys?" asked Young Link.

"Okay," said Mario. "Hop in."

"Yes, we're together with them," said Young Link, under his breath.

_Corneria Air Flight  
12:15 AM_

"On this flight, scheduled to land at 3:00 AM, local time is: Kirby and Jigglypuff, Bowser and Ganondorf and Fox and Roy," said Master Hand.

_Link and Marth  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Hi, can we have the earliest flight possible to Sauria?" asked Link.

"There is an Air Four flight that departs at 2:00 AM, and that is the earliest," replied the person at the ticket counter.

"Okay," said Link, taking the tickets.

_Link and Marth  
4th on Air Four Flight_

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
5th on Air Four Flight_

"We asked around," said Zelda, taking the tickets, looking at the camera, "…and we're on the same flight as everybody else, though some teams have already left on an earlier flight."

_Popo and Young Link  
Currently in 9th Place_

"Okay, we've decided to ditch them now, and we're going to book, two tickets for us to Sauria, and two tickets for the stupids to go to Mushroom Kingdom, which will send them about eight hours off course," said Young Link.

"Hi, can we have two tickets to Sauria, and two tickets to Mushroom Kingdom?" asked Young Link.

"Of course," said the person at the counter. He typed in the computer, and then processed four tickets.

_Popo and Young Link  
6th on Air Four Flight_

"Here are your tickets," said Young Link, handing them over to Mario.

_Mario and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"So it looks-a like we are-a all on the same flight to Sauria," said Mario.

"Oh look," said Peach, pointing her finger. "It's Daisy!"

Daisy walked up to them, sobbing.

"What's wrong?" asked Peach sympathetically.

"Luigi and I were going on a romantic Dinosaur Tour in Sauria, but then he told me he was going on the race, and then I found out he died!" cried Daisy. "And I've just wasted 20,000 dollars for first class tickets! So I want to swap them for a flight to Mushroom Kingdom, for Luigi's funeral!"

"Can we have the first class tickets?" asked Peach. "I've got enough money for you to buy tickets to Mushroom Kingdom! And you can have these flights to Sauria as a souvenir!"

Daisy glanced at the tickets, and then hugged Peach.

"Thank you so much, Peach, I could have never done this without you!" declared Daisy.

"Yay!" said Peach.

Peach walked up to Young Link.

"Hey Popo, guess what? We swapped in our fourth class tickets four first class tickets, and we're still on the same flight as you!" announced Peach.

"What!" screamed Young Link.

"I know, isn't it great?" asked Peach.

(Insert Hyrulian expletives here.)

_If you didn't understand the last few paragraphs, Young Link tricked Peach and Mario into thinking that they were going to Sauria by buying tickets to Mushroom Kingdom. However, Daisy turned up, and swapped first class tickets to Sauria for Peach's tickets to Mushroom Kingdom._

"Ahh, that all makes sense now!" said the rofl pony.

"Shut up," said the wtf chicken.

"Wtf, more like, WFT!11 LAWLZ!1" said the rofl pony.

":("

_Air Four Flight  
2:00 AM_

"All teams are now on their way to Sauria. Kirby and Jigglypuff, Fox and Roy and Bowser and Ganondorf are on the 12:15 AM Corneria Air flight, which stops over at Fourside and lands at 3:00 AM, local time, and all other teams are on the Air Four flight, which lands at 4:00 AM local time," said Master Hand.

_Corneria Air Flight  
Arrived at 2:55 AM_

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Well, the flight has landed five minutes early," said Roy. "We asked around, and apparently the best way to travel is to take a shuttle to the Big Weird Totem Pole. So we're not going to let Bowser and Ganondorf hang us down, and take the shuttle before them."

"Oh look, customs," said Roy. "I think you're going to have to throw away that exotic item you bought in Onett."

"Aww," frowned Fox, throwing away several Yoshi skulls.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We're just going to tailgate Fox and Roy, and hopefully they'll end up first at the clue," said Kirby, walking out of the plane.

"Jig Iggly, Ig Iggly Puff Puggly, Iggly ig puff!" said Jigglypuff.

"Thank you for that interlude," said the rofl pony.

"Just glad to be alive," said Jigglypuff.

"Wait… you can speak English?" asked Kirby.

"THIS HAS BEEN DECLARED A WTF ZONE, ALL DISCUSSIONS WILL BE CEASED. FROM NOW ON, ANYONE CAUGHT TALKING WILL BE HIT BY A SHOVEL!" announced a man over the loudspeaker.

Everyone gasped.

Several people started talking.

Several people got hit by shovels.

The fire extinguisher fell off its stand.

Several people helped it back up. It was admitted to hospital with minor burns.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

Bowser said, "I think that we should-"

Bowser got hit by a shovel.

"Ow! Ow! That really hurts! I mean- like… ow!" said Bowser.

Bowser got hit by a shovel.

"Why am I repeatedly being hit by shovels?"

Bowser got hit by a shovel.

"I should stop talking," said Bowser.

And Bowser did.

Bowser got hit by a javelin.

"Lol 'Parody – The Story' Reference," said the rofl pony.

READ IT!1

_Theau Thor would like to formally apologise for any randomness that has occurred during this story. Theau Thor would also like to apologise for any randomness that will occur in the future. Jelly Beans. Such as that._

_That is all._

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Hey, there's the totem pole!" said Fox, smiling as the bus came up to a halt.

Fox and Roy ran out.

Roy noticed a sign.

"WHAT!" asked Roy. "The totem pole has an opening time of 4:00 AM? We're going to have to wait here for another 20 minutes!"

"I know, I'll talk to Zelda and Donkey Kong!" announced Fox in his kiddy voice.

Fox got out his pink pony mobile phone and dialled a number.

"Hello?" said Zelda.

"Hello!" screamed Fox, so loud that Donkey Kong could hear him. "Hi, it's Fox!"

"Fox, you're talking a bit loud!" said Zelda.

"I remember we went to school together!" shouted Fox in the loudest voice possible. "I had the biggest crush on you in grade four!"

"WHAT!" screamed Donkey Kong.

"Uh… it was only grade four, DK," said Zelda.

"I remember I kissed you after school," shouted Fox, "And you said you loved me more than you would ever would love anyone else!"

"Nooo!" cried Donkey Kong. "How could you, Zelda?"

"I didn't mean it that way, DK! Really!" sobbed Zelda.

"No!" cried Donkey Kong. "I've upset her!"

Both started sobbing.

"I'm so glad I can cheer people up!" said Fox, in a kiddy voice.

"Wait," said Master Hand, "the Smash Brothers went to the same school?"

"Apparently," said Gamer69. "There are all these stories where they're in school and they have to cope with stupid stuff."

"But… but they were born on OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE UNIVERSE!" shouted Master Hand. "How could Fox and Zelda have-"

"Hey, it's not like this race makes that much sense," said Gamer69. "How can they take a plane from Onett to-"

Master Hand crushed Gamer69 to death.

"Better," he said.

_3:58 AM  
Air Four Flight Lands_

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 4th Place_

"We found out on the plane, that the shuttles arrive every ten minutes, and take 40 minutes to get to the Totem Pole!" said Zelda.

"There's the shuttle!" said Donkey Kong, running out of the airport, doing a forward roll to hold the door open.

"Nice moves," said Zelda.

"Was that- Was that a compliment?" asked Donkey Kong.

"Uh… uh…" said Zelda, starting to sweat, "Yes… I mean no! I mean yes! I mean, I don't know!"

Zelda had a nervous breakdown.

"Oh, I'm so confused!" said Donkey Kong, about to break in tears. "I don't know whether you love me or not, I'm so nervous around you, I can't-"

"Wait, did you say you don't know whether I love you or not?" asked Zelda, smiling.

"Uh… yes?"

"Does that- Does that mean that you love me?" asked Zelda.

"Yes, I mean no, I mean- I DON'T KNOW!" screamed Donkey Kong.

Donkey Kong broke into tears.

"That means you don't love me!" sobbed Zelda.

"No!" cried Donkey Kong, "I didn't mean it that way, I mean-"

Both started hyperventilating.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Hey babe-" said Falcon.

"Look, all I care about is this race, I don't care about you, I want another million dollars, do you understand?" asked Samus, bluntly.

"So I guess sex is out of the que-"

Samus punched Falcon in the nose.

"Okay, maybe we can settle this on a da-"

Samus punched Falcon in the nose again.

"Tough cat-"

Samus punched Falcon in the nose again.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop!" said Falcon.

Samus punched Falcon in the face for good measure.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Come on, guys!" said Ness, hurrying up the Pokemon. "If you have to drag us behind, we'll have to go without you!"

"Yoshi oshi, oshi Yoshi!" said Yoshi. "_Before we go through customs, I need to throw away this fruit!_"

Yoshi walked up to a bin that was overflowing.

"Yoshi yo!" said Yoshi. "_Wow, someone must have collected a lot of skulls!_"

Yoshi noticed how unhuman-like the skulls were, and how Yoshi-like the skulls were.

"Ararararara…"

_Link and Marth  
Currently in 8th Place_

"Not good," said Link. "There are two teams behind us."

"Hey look, a cripple! Can I beat him up?" asked Marth.

(Insert witty speech from Link.)

"Hahahahaha!" chuckled Marth.

"See what happens when you use a chicken as a piñata?" asked Link, laughing.

_Popo and Young Link  
Currently in 9th Place_

"Darn it," said Popo. "We've got to lose the idiots behind us!"

"I bought this bottle of oil! I'll spill it behind me, so that the idiots trip over!" said Young Link, cunningly.

"That's actually pretty clever," remarked Popo.

Young Link spilt the oil.

Dozens businessmen fell over face first, covering all of the oil.

Mario and Peach stepped on the businessmen.

"(insert Hyrulian swear words here)!" screamed Young Link.

_Mario and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"Look Mario, I found a caterpillar!" said Peach, excitedly.

Mario stared wide-eyed with a shocked expression on his face.

"That is-a my brother Luigi's decapitated head!" shouted Mario.

"Oh," said Peach. "Well… at least Luigi isn't _my_ brother!"

The sitcom laugh track played.

Get it?

_4:00 AM  
Fox and Roy  
Currently in 1st Place_

Fox and Roy ran up to the cluebox, closely trailed by the other two teams.

Fox opened the clue.

"Who's ready to have some easter fun?" read Fox.

"Road Block!" said Master Hand. "A Road Block is a task that only one person can perform!

"In this Road Block… this person must steal a dinosaur egg in a nearby enclosure! However, this task is harder than it seems, the eggs are in the centre of the enclosure, and there are a number of large dinosaurs guarding the eggs! When they have done this, they will be given their next clue."

"I'll do it, Roy!" said Fox, eagerly. "Easter! Easter! Easter!"

Fox started running up to the enclosure.

"Easter! Easter! Easter!"

Fox ran into the enclosure.

"Easter! Easter! Easter!"

Fox grabbed the egg.

"Easter! Easter! Easter!"

Fox got squashed by an angry dinosaur's foot.

"Ow…"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"I'll steal the eggs!" said Kirby.

Kirby ran into the enclosure, took out an egg, inhaled a few nearby angry dinosaurs, spat them out at fox, gave the egg to a nearby anthropomorphic pig, and received the next clue.

"Detour!" read Kirby, "Sticks or Stones?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand. "In a detour, teams have to choose between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons! In this detour, teams have to choose between, 'Sticks' or 'Stones'!

"In Sticks, teams must try and hit ten time world fencing champion, Krystal with a large stick! This seems straightforward because each team member gets a stick each, but Krystal has a stick in each hand to defend herself with! Teams only have two minutes to do this, and if the time goes up, any team waiting in line before them goes, and the team that last attempted will have to go to the back!

In Stones, teams must lift up one very large stone, carry it a few hundred metres, and drop it off a cliff to receive their next clue. This seems hard, but teams with enough muscle can pull through this task quicker!'

"Jig Iggly Ig Iggly," said Jigglypuff. _"I think we should do stones."_

"Okay," said Kirby. "Follow that marker for the direction of the clue!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

Bowser sissy punched a dinosaur, turned around to make a charging dinosaur get killed by his shell, ran out, and received the clue.

"Sticks or Stones?" asked Ganondorf after reading the clue.

"Stones, lifting stuff is easy," said Bowser.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Oh no," cried Kirby. "Us two cute little puffballs will get tortured by our evil uncles if we don't throw this giant boulder off a cliff!"

The tumbleweed did not respond.

"There's no one here to help us," said Kirby.

"Jig?" asked Jigglypuff. _"Why don't you inhale the boulder, walk, and spit it off the cliff?"_

"Good idea, Jigs," said Kirby.

Kirby inhaled the boulder, and started waddling up the hill.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

Bowser used all of his strength, ran up the hill, overtook Kirby and tossed the boulder off the cliff. Bowser passed Ganondorf the clue, and Ganondorf ripped it open.

"You must now ride on a tandem bike 20km to the pit stop, at the 'Dino Hotel'," read Ganondorf.

"Teams must now walk to a nearby shed, select a tandem bike and ride along the historic 'Triassic Trail' for 20 kilometres to reach the pit stop for this leg of the race," said Master Hand. "Teams must be warned, as the last team to arrive, **may** be eliminated."

Bowser sprinted down to the bike shed, wheeled out a pink bike before receiving a confused look from Ganondorf, ran back in, and came out with a sleek black bike.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Oh no, look!" said Kirby, after reading the clue. "Bowser and Ganondorf are already a few hundred metres in front of us!"

Kirby and Jigglypuff rushed down to the bike shed.

"Uh… think on your feet, Jigglypuff," said Kirby, looking at an anthropomorphic rooster manning the bike shed.

"Jig Iggly ig, Ig puff jig!" said Jigglypuff, crying. _"We can't ride a bike very well; can you give us a push?"_

"Okay!" sobbed the rooster. "Hop on, guys!"

The rooster sprinted a few hundred metres, pushing the bike along, and then let go.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Haha! The puffballs are nowhere to be seen!" said Ganondorf, starting to relax the pedalling.

Kirby and Jigglypuff zoomed by.

Ganondorf started to pedal harder.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Come on, hurry," said Samus, sprinting out of the shuttle.

Samus found the clue box, and ripped open the clue.

"Road Block!" read Samus.

Samus read the clue to Falcon.

"Can I do it?" asked Samus.

"Sure," said Falcon.

As Fox was about to get up, Samus trampled over Fox's body, shot a few missiles at the dinosaurs, stole the egg, and then got the next clue.

"Heh," said Samus.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Who's ready for some Easter fun?" read Zelda. "I'll do it!"

Zelda ran in, and saw Fox's trampled body.

"Are you okay?" asked Zelda, brushing the dirt off Fox.

"Thanks Zelee!" said Fox, in a sweet voice, kissing Zelda.

"WHAT!" screamed Donkey Kong.

"No, no, it isn't what you see, DK," said Zelda.

"But- But- Fox- k- kissed you…" said Donkey Kong, shuddering. "I wanted you to love me."

"Pardon?"

"I said, I wanted you to, L- L- L- L-"

"Yes?" said Zelda.

"Don't worry," said DK.

"WHAT!" said Zelda, sobbing.

"Oh no! I made her cry!" shouted Donkey Kong.

Donkey Kong and Zelda started crying.

Fox smiled innocently.

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Fox! You've taken too long! Just get the egg!" shouted Roy.

"Okay," said Fox.

Fox tossed Zelda out of the way, did a triple-swerve-180-spin-side-kick onto a dinosaur, retrieved the egg, and got the clue.

Roy read the clue.

"Let's try and hit Krystal, my girlfriend!" announced Fox.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3rd Place_

Samus and Krystal had a discussion about men, and how they were so pointless, talked about how they were constantly flirted at, shared violent stories, and told a few jokes.

"Hahaha," laughed both Samus and Krystal.

"This doesn't make me your friend, despite all of that friendly, conversation because I don't like you at all," said Samus.

"Same," said Krystal.

"Maybe we should like… do the task?" asked Samus.

"Okay," said Krystal, starting the timer.

"Falcon, use your stick!" said Samus, angrily.

Krystal glanced over at Falcon.

Falcon tentatively reached out with his stick.

Krystal whacked it out of his hand and then hit him in the knee.

"ARGH!" screamed Falcon. "My KNEE! Oh… the pain…"

"Suck," said Krystal.

Samus prodded Krystal with her stick.

"Curses," said Krystal, handing over the clue.

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Hi Krystal!" said Fox, in a kiddy voice, smiling.

Krystal repeatedly whacked Fox in the face.

Roy looked at the stick in his hand.

Krystal repeatedly whacked Fox in the face.

Roy looked at the stick in his hand.

Krystal repeatedly whacked Fox in the face.

Roy looked at the stick in his hand.

Roy prodded Krystal.

Krystal handed Roy the clue.

Krystal repeatedly whacked Fox in the face.

_Zelda and DK_  
_Currently in 5th Place  
_"Sticks or Stones?" asked Zelda.

"Stones," said Donkey Kong. "I can lift the boulders!"

_Link and Marth  
Currently in 6th Place_

Link and Marth ran out of the bus, Link opened the clue.

"Can I do it?" asked Link.

"Okay," said Marth.

_Mewtwo and Pichu  
Currently in 7th Place_

Mewtwo read the clue.

"_I think I have a plan that will get us in front,_" thought Mewtwo.

"Pii Pii chu ii chu chu!" said Pichu. _"Come on Ness and Yoshi!"_

Mewtwo telekinetically pushed the dinosaurs and Link to the side of the cage. Pichu ran in, got out two dinosaur eggs and handed one to Ness.

"Why can't you abuse your powers all the time?" asked Ness.

"Uh…"

Due to continuity errors, the focus of the show went to another team.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Sticks or Stones?" asked Ness.

"Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Stones!"_

_Mewtwo and Pichu  
Currently in 7th Place_

"_Sticks or Stones?_" asked Mewtwo.

"Sticks!" said Pichu.

_Link and Marth  
Currently in 8th Place_

Link struggled out from the side of the cage, crept around the fainted dinosaurs and grabbed the eggs. Link walked out of the cage, and gave the egg to the worker.

"Hey, Mr. Anthropomorphic Pig, what do you do with the eggs after all of the teams have gone?" asked Link.

"We give it back… certainly… no… black market… illegal… trading…"

The Pig disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Marth stared weirdly.

Link opened the clue, and read it out loud.

"Which one to you want to do?" asked Link.

"Let's hit the chick, with the stick!" laughed Marth.

Marth collapsed on to the ground, and burst out laughing.

Link stared weirdly.

"Haha, get it, because it rhymes?" laughed Marth.

"Haha, funny," said Link, sarcastically.

_Peach and Mario  
Currently in 9th Place_

"Ooh, Mario, I'll steal the egg!" said Peach.

"Okay," replied Mario.

"Lalalalala!" sung Peach, skipping along.

Peach skipped into the cage.

Peach got crushed to the ground by a dinosaur's foot.

"Gravel tastes yucky!" said Peach's muffled voice.

_Popo and Young Link  
Currently in Last Place_

"I'll steal the egg," said Young Link, pulling a shield out from his bag, "Because I have the shield of destiny!"

Young Link held the shield up, triumphantly.

Young Link ran in, stabbed a dinosaur and grabbed the egg.

"Yes! We beat them to the egg!" announced Young Link.

An egg rolled out of the nest, straight into Peach's hand.

Peach got up.

"Yay!" said Peach.

Young Link muttered some Hyrulian swear words.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

Ganondorf spotted the universe map, and Master Hand to his right, after him and Bowser got off their tandem bike. He noticed Kirby and Jigglypuff behind them.

"Run Bowser, Run!" said Ganondorf, starting to sprint.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Jig Iggly Ig, Ig puff!" said Jigglypuff. _"Oh no, Bowser and Ganondorf are in front of us, near the finish line!"_

Kirby jumped off the tandem bike, inhaled a nearby car… and turned into… Wheel Kirby! Jigglypuff grabbed onto Kirby, and Kirby started charging towards Bowser and Ganondorf.

Bowser dived out of the way, and then stumbled onto the map. Ganondorf sprinted in, following.

"Bowser and Ganondorf, you are team number one!" said Master Hand.

"Yes!" said Ganondorf, waving his fist in the air.

"And as the first team to arrive, you win this holiday to sunny Mushroom Kingdom!" said Master Hand.

Jigglypuff dragged Kirby onto the map.

"Kirby and Jigglypuff, you are team number two!" said Master Hand.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"I know how we can get to the end faster," said Samus.

Samus attached a missile on the back of the tandem bike, hopped on the front seat, threw a match and detonated the missile.

The bike started speeding.

Captain Falcon caught on fire.

"Babe, I caught on fire!" said Falcon.

"I'll put it out!" said Samus, clubbing Falcon repeatedly.

"What did I do wrong? I didn't do anything to upset you!"

"Okay, I won't put out the fire," said Samus, grabbing Falcon by the arm, and pulling him off the bike.

Samus ran into the hotel and stepped on the universe map.

"Samus and Falcon, you are team number three!" said Master Hand.

"Master Hand!" screamed Captain Falcon. "Do you have any water?"

"That will be five dollars," said Master Hand.

"I'll just get water from the taps!" shouted Captain Falcon, angrily.

Captain Falcon turned on the taps, and smothered the liquid all over himself.

The fire got worse.

"The hotel is so rich, alcohol comes out of the taps!" laughed Master Hand.

Samus and Master Hand had a good chuckle.

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Pedal harder, Fox!" said an annoyed Roy. "Zelda and DK are catching up to us!"

"Hey, Zelda was my girlfriend in grade four, who said she would love me more-" said Fox.

Donkey Kong pedalled up really hard, and punched Fox in the face.

The tandem bike fell over.

Fox got up, pushed the bike while sprinting really fast, caught up to Zelda and Donkey Kong and pulled Donkey Kong off the bike, pulling him to the ground.

Zelda jumped off the bike, and bit Fox.

Fox whimpered, and asked Roy for a band-aid.

Fox head butted Zelda.

Donkey Kong got out from the ground, and pulled Fox and Roy's tandem bike in half.

Fox cried.

Zelda kicked Fox in the face.

Fox ripped the flesh off Zelda's arm.

Donkey Kong jumped on Fox, squashing him.

Fox sulked.

Donkey Kong grabbed Zelda and ran onto the finish line.

"Zelda and Donkey Kong, you are team number four!" said Master Hand.

Fox and Roy ran in.

"Fox and Roy, you are team number five!" said Master Hand.

"Donkey Kong and Zelda don't play fair!" cried Fox.

Fox's eyes turned red.

"And I'm going to kill them!" yelled Fox, pulling out a gun.

Fox's eyes turned back to normal.

"They cheated!" he sulked.

Fox's eyes turned red.

"And I'm going to kill them in their sleep!" shouted Fox.

"Riight…" said Master Hand.

Master Hand called the asylum.

"Haha, get it? Because he's so crazy he has to go to a mental asylum?" said the rofl pony.

"That joke was so 90's," said the wtf chicken.

"You're so 90's," said the rofl pony.

"That was an awful comeback."

"Your face was an awful comeback."

"That's got to have to win an award for worst comeback ever," said the wtf chicken.

"w00t."

"That's bad."

":("

_Mewtwo and Pichu  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Yes, we finally did the task!" said Mewtwo.

Mewtwo led Pikachu down to the bike shed.

"Can I have the pretty pink bike?" asked Pichu.

"No!" snapped Mewtwo.

Pichu whimpered.

Mewtwo sighed, and got the bike out.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Unggh!" screamed Yoshi, just keeping the boulder up in the air.

Ness and Yoshi heaved the boulder over the cliff.

_Mewtwo and Pichu_

A boulder landed on Pichu.

"What the-?" said Mewtwo. "But…"

Pichu started screaming.

"Shut _up_, inferior creature!" shouted Mewtwo.

Pichu started crying.

"But… I… NOOOOO!" cried Mewtwo. "We're going to lose!"

_Link and Marth  
Currently in 8th Place_

"All we have to do now is ride a bike to the finish!" said Link.

Link paused.

"What is a bike?" asked Link.

Marth shrugged.

"Must be some mythical medieval creature," said Marth.

Link and Marth got onto the seat.

"Why isn't it moving?" asked Link.

"There must be a word that triggers it to move!" said Marth.

"Forward!" shouted Link.

The bike was pushed forward very fast by the wind.

"That must be it," said Link. "I'm so clever!"

_Popo and Young Link  
Currently in 9th Place_

"Yes, we beat Mario and Peach to the bike shed!" said Young Link.

Mario and Peach walked in.

"Oh well, at least we get the better bike."

The bike Young Link held broke.

"Oh well, at least they get the worse bike!"

Mario fixed the bike in a few seconds.

"Oh well, at least we're going to leave before them!" said Young Link, getting Popo to hop onto the bike.

A strong gust of wind pulled them back into the shed.

Young Link cried.

_Peach and Mario  
Currently in Last Place_

"Peach, are you going to-a get on the bike?" asked Mario, impatiently.

"After I win Minesweeper!" said Peach, on her laptop.

Peach clicked a square.

There was a mine on it. Peach lost.

Peach restarted the game.

Peach clicked a square.

There was a mine on it. Peach lost.

Peach restarted the game.

Peach clicked a square.

There was a mine on it. Peach lost.

Peach restarted the game.

Mario grabbed the laptop from Peach, and went into Mario Paint™.

Peach continued doing the clicking motion with her fingers, even though the laptop wasn't there.

Mario made a sign that said, 'You Win!'

Peach continued doing the clicking motion with her fingers, even though the laptop wasn't there.

Mario handed the laptop back.

"Look Mario, I won!" said Peach. "All by myself!"

Peach did a twirl.

"I didn't-a want to do this," said Mario, angrily.

Mario gassed Peach to sleep.

Mario got Peach on the bike, and started pedalling.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Well, Mewtwo and Pichu are nowhere to be seen, so I think we're in sixth place!" said Ness.

"Yoshi Yoshi, hup Yoshi, hurr Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"The swordsmen are a few hundred metres behind us, so we're pretty safe to the position!"_

Ness and Yoshi cycled up towards the hotel. They both sprinted in, and walked up to the universe map.

"Ness and Yoshi, you are team number six!" said Master Hand.

"That's pretty good," said Ness.

_Link and Marth  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Onward, fool!" shouted Link to the bike.

Popo and Young Link passed Link and Marth.

"Curses, how does my younger self know how to ride a bike, better then myself?" asked Link. "It's like a paradox!"

"Isn't the whole 'younger self being present' thing a paradox?" asked Marth.

"Uh… quiet fool!"

_Popo and Young Link  
Currently in 7th Place_

Popo and Young Link ran up onto the universe map.

"Popo and Young Link," said Master Hand. "You are team number seven!"

"That's better than last week!" said Popo.

"_Du-uh_," said Master Hand. "I mean, come on, people. _Anybody_ could have seen that by looking at last week's results, _anyone_! Stop stating the _obvious_, okay?"

Popo stared, confused, then ran away very fast.

_Link and Marth  
Swordsmen_

Link and Marth ran in.

"Link and Marth, you are team number eight!" said Master Hand.

"Not too happy with that result," said Link.

_Mewtwo and Pichu  
Currently in 9th Place_

"Come on, Pichu!" said Mewtwo. "Pedal harder! Mario and Peach are only a few metres behind us!"

_Mario and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"Peach-a!" said Mario, angrily. "Get rid-a of the Minesweeper!"

"Okay," said Peach, throwing the laptop away.

The laptop hit Pichu, hitting him off the bike.

_Mewtwo and Pichu  
Currently in 9th Place_

"Hi Mewtwo!" said Master Hand, spotting Mewtwo, running in. "Where's Pichu?"

"What do you-"

Mewtwo looked around.

"Curses!" screamed Mewtwo.

Mario and Peach ran in.

"Mario and Peach, you are team number nine!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" said Peach.

"Uh…" said Master Hand. "Well… since you don't have a partner, you've been eliminated from the race. Bye."

Mewtwo cursed.

_Mewtwo  
_"Did I learn anything? No. I thought that was a complete waste of time," said Mewtwo. "And also, Pichu is the most annoying inferior creature in all existence, and I plan to kill him in as painful a way as possible."

_Pichu_

Unfortunately, Pichu had been squashed too many times and was too flat-as-a-pancake to give comment.

_WTF Chicken_

"Flat-as-a-pancake is not a word," said the WTF chicken.

"Yes," said the rofl pony.

**Finish Times:**

Bowser and Ganondorf: 5:20 AM  
Kirby and Jigglypuff: 5:21 AM  
Samus and Falcon: 5:25 AM  
Zelda and Donkey Kong: 5:50 AM  
Fox and Roy: 5:52 AM  
Ness and Yoshi: 6:34 AM  
Popo and Young Link: 6:41 AM  
Link and Marth: 6:43 AM  
Mario and Peach: 6:50 AM  
**Mewtwo and Pichu: 6:52 AM- Eliminated**

Please R&R, tell me who you want to win and tell me who you think will win!


	3. Leg 3: Corneria

"Last time, on A Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand. "Ten teams departed on the second leg of a race around the world!  
"Alliances were quickly formed! Fox and Roy, and Ganondorf and Bowser travelled together for most of the leg!  
"Bowser and Ganondorf split apart from Fox and Roy, and surged ahead of the back, quickly finishing all of their tasks, which made them come first for the leg!  
"A lucky toss from Peach, knocked Pichu off their tandem bicycles! Mewtwo arrived earlier, but without Pichu checking in, had to be eliminated from the race!  
"Will relationship problems for Samus and Falcon, and Zelda and Donkey Kong continue, and will it make them perform worse? Can Mario and Peach drag out of last place, and avoid possible elimination?  
"Nine teams remain, who will be eliminated next?"

**The Teams**:

Zelda and Donkey Kong _(The Emotionally Incompetent)  
_Fox and Roy _(The Weirdos)_  
Kirby and Jigglypuff _(The Puffballs)  
_Link and Marth _(The Swordsmen)  
_Ness and Yoshi _(The Nerds)  
_Bowser and Ganondorf _(The Aggros)  
_Peach and Mario _(The Stupids)  
_Samus and Falcon _(The Couple)  
_Popo and Young Link _(The Kids) _

"Bowser and Ganondorf, who arrived at 5:20 AM, will depart at 5:20 PM!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We've got one minute ahead of the puffballs," said Bowser, opening the clue. "So this leg is really going to be a tight one."

Ganondorf read the clue.

"You must now make your way on foot, to the historic, 'Sauria Dinosaur Museum'. There, you will receive your next clue," read Ganondorf. "You have 150 dollars for this leg of the race, good luck."

"Teams must find a map of the area, and on foot, walk a kilometre to the historical 'Sauria Dinosaur Museum'," said Master Hand, "This museum has the largest collection of extinct dinosaur bones, and is a well known tourist attraction. What teams don't know is that this place closes at 6:00 PM, so those who depart before this time could get a big head start on those who are after!"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
2nd to Depart: 5:21 PM_

"You must now make your way on foot, to the historic, 'Sauria Dinosaur Museum'. There, you will receive your next clue," read Kirby.

Kirby put away the clue in his bag, and then looked at Jigglypuff.

"How are we going to find a map of the area?" asked Kirby.

"Iggly Buff Ig, Jigglypuff, Jig!" said Jigglypuff. _"We could go into the hotel and _

_find a map!"_

"Good idea, Jigs!" said Kirby.

Kirby and Jigglypuff scampered into the hotel.

_Kirby  
Interview after Leg_

"I see my cuteness as a privilege, not a right," said Kirby.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
_Kirby started crying.

"I can't find my way to the dinosaur museum!" cried Kirby.

"Aww, there, there," said a stranger nearby, comforting Kirby.

"Can you help me find the way to the dinosaur museum?" asked Kirby.

"Okay," said the stranger, smiling.

_Kirby  
_"So I tend not to try and abuse my cuteness," said Kirby, "Because anyone that would do that is cheap and a cheater."

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
_"Oh, while you're at it, can you clearly mark out the locations on the map that will help us get to our destination quicker, also mark any local hazards and places that could hold us up time-wise, and say, is that a steak?"

_Samus and Falcon  
3rd to Depart: 5:25 PM_

"You must now make your way on foot, to the historic, 'Sauria Dinosaur Museum'. There, you will receive your next clue," read Samus.

"You know," said Falcon, slyly, "I think you're secretly in love with me, and do you know why? Because-"

Samus put something over Falcon's mouth.

"It's a home made invention," said Samus, "a choking device. The more you try and talk, the deeper the device gets lodged down your throat."

"Mmuy mmon't mmink mmsoo!" said Falcon's muffled voice. "Mmin mmfact-"

The device forced its way down Falcon's throat, destroyed his windpipe and lodged itself very deep inside one of his lungs.

…

Falcon died.

"Heh," said Samus.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Excuse me, miss," said Bowser, tapping on a woman's back.

The woman turned around, and then noticed that Bowser was three times bigger than her. The woman ran away.

"Why won't anyone listen?" said a frustrated Bowser. "That's the fifth person that's run away!"

Bowser noticed Kirby and Jigglypuff getting helped by the same woman.

"I know!" said Bowser, "We have to look cute!"

Bowser ran into a nearby costume shop, and put on a pony costume.

Some Saddle Club fans clinged on Bowser, pulling him to the ground.

"HELP!" screamed Bowser.

"It's that pony!" yipped one of them.

"Yippee!" yelled another.

"I preferred it when we assaulted people," said Ganondorf.

"ARGH!" screamed Bowser.

"Yeah, those times sure were good," said Ganondorf.

Bowser got mauled to death.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
4th to Depart: 5:50 PM_

"You must now make your way on foot, to the historic, 'Sauria Dinosaur Museum'. There, you will receive your next clue," read Zelda.

"I got this map beforehand in the hotel of the area, so we can get there quick!" said Zelda, to Donkey Kong.

"Okay, we're set!" said Donkey Kong.

"Okay then, all set," said Zelda,

"All set," said Donkey Kong.

"All set," slightly hesitantly, "To spend another whole day, with you-"

"Yeah…" said Donkey Kong, nervously, "I like spending time with you."

"You- You do?" said Zelda, hopefully.

"Uh- Uh- what I was meaning to say was… uh…"

"What?" shouted Zelda, "You don't like me?"

"I- I didn't mean it that way!"

Both started crying.

_WTF Chicken  
_"I never got this joke, I mean it's been used about fifteen times already, and I don't find it funny I don't see that anyone in this whole universe would find this running gag funny at all, and any that do should be shot!"

_Rofl Pony_  
"Blubberfish."

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Here's the museum!" said Kirby, running with Jigglypuff outside the dinosaur museum.

Kirby looked at the opening times sign.

"Whoa," said Kirby, "We made it in here by ten minutes, this place closes at six!"

Kirby and Jigglypuff ran in, and searched for the clue box.

"Jig Iggly Ig!" said Jigglypuff. _"There it is!"_

Kirby opened a clue.

"You must now make your way to Corneria!" read Kirby.

"Teams must now drive, using one of these marked cars, to a nearby space shuttle station, and book a charter flight!" said Master Hand. "Once there, teams must take a taxi to the 'Sunshine Shopping Complex', and sell 50 posters each of themselves and autograph them! Once they do that, teams will be handed their next clue."

"You must drive two kilometres to the nearby space shuttle station and board on one of four charter flights!" read Kirby.

Kirby put the clue in his bag.

"Okay, let's go!" said Kirby.

_Fox and Roy  
5th to depart: 5:52 PM_

"Hey, is that Zelda and Donkey Kong up there?" said Roy, pointing to a figure on the horizon.

"I think it is," replied Fox. "Let's follow them!"

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Okay, there's the place!" said Falcon.

"Wait..." said Samus, "If you choked to death in the last paragraph that we mentioned, how come you're alive and breathing properly now?"

"Oh, don't worry, when characters are killed here," said Master Hand, "They'll come back alive again! Just like in the cartoons!"

"Then what about Luigi?" asked Samus, "He was dead! Nana went to jail!"

"Well… uh… uh… uh… uh…" said Master Hand.

"Well…?" said Samus.

Master Hand said, "Luigi died because… okay, fine, _I don't know!_ Maybe, maybe they didn't really die and it was just a trick so we could show some ads and get more ratings!"

Samus shrugged. "I guess," she said.

"Also," said Master Hand, "nobody cares about Luigi. Next paragraph!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Hey, there's Samus and Falcon coming out of the museum!" said Ganondorf, running down a road.

Bowser and Ganondorf sprinted up to the museum door.

"Whoa, we made it by three minutes," said Ganondorf, looking at the sign.

"Hey, there's the clue box!" said Bowser, pointing to the clue box.

Bowser ran over, and opened the clue.

"You must now make your way to Corneria!" read Bowser. "You must drive two kilometres to the nearby space shuttle station and board on one of four charter flights! Once there, you must sell autographed posters of yourselves in the 'Sunshine Shopping Complex' to receive your next clue."

_Zelda and DK  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Oh no!" said Donkey Kong, spotting a sign ahead. "The place closes in two minutes! We've gotta run!"

_Fox and Roy  
Time until closing time: 1:33_

"Hurry Fox, we've only got a minute left!" said Roy.

"Never fear!" said Fox, "I have these jetpacks!"

Roy looked closer.

"Fox, these aren't jetpacks, these are handbags!" said Roy, angrily.

"Oh," said Fox.

…

"Can we make believe?" asked Fox, in a kiddy voice.

"No!" said Roy, annoyed.

"You know why you're angry?" shouted Fox, suddenly changing personality, "Because you're a wimp! Tough men don't get angry!"

Fox made a violent tantrum, damaging the fauna nearby permanently.

_Wtf Chicken  
_"But… but…"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Jigs, are you sure you can drive?" asked Kirby, sitting in the passenger seat.

"Jig Iggly Ig!" said Jigglypuff. _"I can drive!"_

"But you can't see!" said Kirby. "All you're doing is pressing the break and accelerate buttons! You're not holding the steering wheel!"

"Jig Iggly Ig!" said Jigglypuff, slightly angrily. _"I can drive myself!"_

Jigglypuff ran a red light, and narrowly missed death when many cars broke and piled up on top of each other.

"Are you sure?" said Kirby, worriedly. "It's not very safe!"

"Jig Ig Iggly Ig!" said Jigglypuff, angrily _"I can manage!"_

Jigglypuff cut another red light, and a truck passed straight over them.

"Luckily we're in a small car," said Kirby, anxiously.

"Jig Iggly Ig, Jiggly Ig Puff Ig!" said Jigglypuff, angrily. _"I told you already, Kirby, I can drive!"_

Jigglypuff cut right in front of several cars, suddenly broke, and then reversed (against traffic) into the space shuttle station.

Kirby stumbled out of the car.

"Here's the sign up sheet!" said Kirby, pointing to a sign.

Kirby wrote down his name on the sheet.

"We're on the first charter flight, leaving at 6:00 AM in the morning," said Kirby.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
1st on 6:00 AM Charter Flight_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 2nd Place_

Samus and Falcon ran into the flight centre.

"We're on the first charter flight, along with the puffballs," said Samus.

_Samus and Falcon  
2nd on 6:00 AM Charter Flight_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Hey, there's the flight centre!" said Bowser.

"Let's roll!" said Ganondorf.

Bowser and Ganondorf walked in.

"Hey, we've got the final spot on the first flight!" said Ganondorf.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Last on 6:00 AM Charter Flight_

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Okay, let's go!" said Donkey Kong, hopping into the car.

Donkey Kong tugged the seatbelt, ripping it.

"Oops… my bad…" said Donkey Kong.

Zelda tried to open the boot, but it wouldn't budge. She forced it open, and found out the engine was actually in the back.

"These cars are shoddy!" said Zelda.

The steering wheel fell off.

Donkey Kong took out his mobile phone, and called Master Hand.

"Master Hand, are you sure these cars work?" asked Donkey Kong, turning on the ignition.

"Uh… yeah…" replied Master Hand nervously, "Work…"

"Are you sure these cars are real Ferraris?" asked Donkey Kong. "There's only one gear!"

"Uh…" said Master Hand, back at the station.

Master Hand looked at a producer nearby.

"Hey… can you dub over all of that, to make a promo for my new tournament?" asked Master Hand.

"Okay," said the producer.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Hey, have you heard about that new tournament?" said Donkey Kong in a very monotonous voice which was obviously dubbed, hopping into the car.

Donkey Kong tugged the seatbelt, ripping it.

"Yes, I've heard about the new tournament," said Donkey Kong, in a girl's voice.

Zelda tried to open the boot, but it wouldn't budge. She forced it open, and found out the engine was actually in the back.

"You better catch it on Sunday at 8:30PM!" said Zelda with the voice of the guy that dubbed Donkey Kong originally.

The steering wheel fell off.

_Master Hand_  
"Wait… WTF?" asked Master Hand. "That didn't make any sense whatsoever! Why did Donkey Kong's voice change? To a girl's voice? And why was Zelda given a guy's voice?"

_Wtf Chicken  
_"And now for the long awaited punch line that you have just been begging to see."

…

…

…

"The dub was so bad, it makes me – rub-a-dub-dub!"

_Rofl Pony_

"I find lots of stuff funny, but even I know that that joke sucked."

_Wtf Chicken_

"Well… stfu."

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
1st on 6:45 AM Charter Flight_

"Okay, we've got the 6:45 flight. We missed out going with the other teams, so we're an hour behind." said Zelda.

_Fox and Roy  
2nd on 6:45 AM Charter Flight_

"Okay, we're on the second charter flight!" said Fox.

_Ness and Yoshi  
6th to Depart: 6:34 PM_

"Okay," said Ness, opening the clue, "Let's roll!"

"You must now make your way on foot, to the historic, 'Sauria Dinosaur Museum'. There, you will receive your next clue," read Ness.

"Yoshi, Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Okay, let's go!"_

_Popo and Young Link  
7th to Depart: 6:41 PM_

"You must now make your way on foot, to the historic, 'Sauria Dinosaur Museum'. There, you will receive your next clue," read Popo.

"Hey!" said Young Link, mischievously. "I had an idea just before we left, and it looks like it could help us beat the other teams!"

Young Link put up a sign a few metres away from the pit stop, entitled, "Sauria Dinosaur Museum". He then proceeded to put a bundle of fake clues into there.

"That's never going to work," said Popo, sceptically.

"Hide, quick!" said Young Link, jumping into some bushes nearby.

_Link and Marth  
8th to Depart: 6:43 PM_

"You must now make your way on foot, to the historic, 'Sauria Dinosaur Museum'. There, you will receive your next clue," read Link.

"Hey!" said Marth, pointing. "There's the dinosaur museum!"

"Wow," said Link, "that's not much of a museum, it's just a sign!"

"Misleading advertising," said Marth.

"Yeah, I know!" said Link. "And there aren't any fossils here, there's just dirt!"

"Maybe you have to find the fossils yourself. It's like a treasure hunt," replied Marth.

"Yay! Treasure Hunt!" said Link.

…

…

"In a swordsman-like way," said Link.

"Oh!" said Roy, suddenly understanding everything.

Link walked over to Young Link's fake clue box, and opened a clue.

"You must now stay here for sicks ours," read Link.

Link read the clue more carefully.

"Hey! Six is spelt wrong! And so is hours!" said Link.

"Oops!" said Young Link, running out of the bushes, using a marker pen to correct his mistakes.

"Better," replied Link.

Young Link ran back into the bushes.

Link thought about that for a while.

"Hey! Wait a minute! Young Link tricked us!" said Link.

Link looked around, and saw a guilty looking Young Link, blushing.

"This isn't the real dinosaur museum!" said Link, angrily. "The direction that all of the locals are pointing who are trying to get onto television is the real dinosaur museum!"

"Curses!" screamed Young Link.

Young Link swore a lot in Hyrulian.

"Wait!" said Young Link, thinking up a new idea. "I've got a better idea!"

Popo sighed.

_Peach and Mario  
Last to Depart: 6:50 PM_

"You must-a now make your way on foot, to the historic, 'Sauria Dinosaur Museum'. There-a, you will receive your next clue," read Mario.

"Let's go!" said Peach.

Mario noticed some trip wire on the ground.

"Haha!" said Mario. "Nice-a try Young Link! You couldn't trip-a old Mario this time! We're-a too smart for you, idi-"

Peach tripped over the wire, and landed face first on the ground.

"Yes!" said Young Link, doing a hi-five with Popo.

"Ow-a!" said Peach.

Everybody chuckled.

"But-a seriously, how do you think tripping us over is going to help you do better in this race? I mean it will take us-a only five seconds to get back up again!" said Mario.

"Well… uh… uh…" said Young Link.

…

…

…

"Shut up!" said Young Link angrily, running away and crying.

Mario looked at Popo expectantly.

"I have no idea," said Popo. "Uh… Peach… go hide in a bush."

Peach ran off and hid in a bush.

"Peach! What are you doing?" shouted Mario, running off after her.

Popo ran off to catch up with Young Link.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"What?" said Ness, angrily, "This place opens at six-thirty?"

"Yoshi, Yoshi Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"I guess we'll have to camp here tonight."_

_Back in the studios…  
_"Can we eliminate Ness and Yoshi now?" asked Master Hand, impaitiently. "They are so boring!"

"Uh… no…" replied the producer, "Our budget is too small, and you spent all of the excess money on co-hosts!"

"Well," reported RoyLover8008!1, "DK is hungry."

"Well, at least they're reporting us valuable information!" said Master Hand, desperately.

_Link and Marth  
Currently in 7th Place_

"This place opens at 7:00 in the morning!" said Link.

"Do you want to go to our pit stop hotel?" asked Marth.

"Okay," said Link.

_6:00 AM Charter Flight  
_"Kirby and Jigglypuff, Samus and Falcon and Bowser and Ganondorf are on the first Charter Flight to Corneria!" said Master Hand.

_6:30 AM  
Dinosaur Museum Opens_

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Come on!" said Young Link, running into the museum.

Popo looked around for the clue box, and opened a few doors in the process.

"Here it is!" whispered Popo, taking the clue.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Yoshi! Yoshi up herr Yoshi herr!" said Yoshi. _"Look! Young Link and Popo have the clue!"_

Ness ran into a room full of gigantic dinosaur skeletons, and grabbed a clue from the clue box.

_Peach and Mario  
Currently in 8th Place_

"There's the clue!" said Peach, running towards where the other two teams were.

_Popo  
_"You must now make your way to Corneria!" read Popo.

_Ness  
_"You must drive two kilometres to the nearby space shuttle station and board on one of four charter flights!" read Ness.

_Mario  
_"Once there, you must-a sell autographed posters of yourselves in the 'Sunshine Shopping Complex' to receive your next clue," read Mario.

"I'm a popular princess!" said Peach. "So we should sell those posters easily!"

A gigantic dinosaur skeleton collapsed, crushing Mario.

"HELP!" shouted Mario.

"I'm a popular princess!" said Peach. "So we should sell those posters easily!"

_Link and Marth  
Currently in Last Place_

"We decided to go slightly earlier," said Link, narrating to the camera, "So we're going to get there at 6:40 AM, so we can be there if the place opens earlier."

"Look at that!" said Marth, pointing to Young Link and Popo running into a car, "It's already open!"

"Curses!" shouted Link, running up to the front door of the museum.

"Link!" said Marth, angrily. "The place opens at 6:30 AM, not 7:00 AM!"

"Curses!" said Link, angrily, "We're now behind the other teams!"

_6:45 AM Charter Flight  
_"So it's just us," said Roy, boarding onto the ship, "and Zelda and Donkey Kong on this flight. I'm just glad none of the morning teams made it."

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Run!"_

Ness and Yoshi ran into the airport.

"We're first on the 7:30 Charter Flight!"

_Ness and Yoshi: 1st on 7:30 AM Charter Flight_

_Young Link and Popo  
2nd on 7:30 AM Charter Flight_

"I do hope the uncos make the other spot on the flight," said Young Link, "Because if the uncos will surely finish worse than us, and if Link and Marth are 45 minutes behind us, we're sure not to be eliminated."

_Peach and Mario  
Last on 7:30 AM Charter Flight_

"We're-a here before the swordsmen, Peach!" said Mario, happily, writing his name down on the charter flight booking sheet.

_Link and Marth  
1st on 8:15 AM Charter Flight_

"Drat," said Link, "I should have read the sheet more carefully last night. That way we wouldn't be behind everyone else!"

"All teams are now on their way to Corneria!" said Master Hand. "Kirby and Jigglypuff, Samus and Falcon and Bowser and Ganondorf are on the 6:00 AM flight, which will land at 1:00 PM local time!

"Fox and Roy and Zelda and Donkey Kong are on the 6:45 AM flight, which will arrive at 1:45 PM local time!

"Ness and Yoshi, Young Link and Popo and Peach and Mario are on the 7:30 AM flight, which will stop at the hub, Sector Z before landing in Corneria at 2:45 PM local time!

"Link and Marth are the only teams on the 8:15 AM flight, which will land at 3:30 PM local time!"

_1st Charter Flight  
Landed at 1:05 PM_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Taxi!" shouted Kirby, standing at the taxi rank. "Here it is!"

Kirby and Jigglypuff hopped into a taxi.

"We need to make our way to Sunshine Shopping Complex!" said Kirby.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"To make us look extra cute, I bought these fluff suits that we could put on, that make us look extra cute!" said Bowser, in a girly voice.

"Taxi!" said Ganondorf, holding his hand up.

A taxi driven by a giant vulture holding a crowbar pulled up next to them.

"Take us to the Sunshine Shopping Complex!" said Ganondorf, hopping in.

Bowser hopped in.

"Don't I just look so cute, that you have the sudden urge to drive faster?" asked Bowser, trying to look cute.

The vulture hit Bowser with his crowbar.

"Ow!" shouted Bowser.

Some more Saddle Club fans latched onto Bowser.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!1" screamed Bowser.

"Wait," said Saddle Club fan no. 1. "This isn't a pony!"

"Oh no! The pony was horsenapped!" said Saddle Club fan no. 2.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Saddle Club fan no. 1?" said Saddle club fan no. 3.

"Yes," said Saddle Club fan no. 1.

They rode off on ponies to buy some lovely, chocolate coated milkshakes, which were actually made of ham. Smelly ham.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3rd Place_

Samus and Falcon walked out of the plane.

"TO MAKE THIS STORY MORE FUNNY, I WILL READ SOME WITTY QUOTES THAT I HAVE FOUND FROM THE INTERNET," said a voice over the loudspeaker.

"WTF?" said Captain Falcon.

"Better a witty fool than a foolish wit!" announced the voice over the loudspeaker.

"These people here are freaks!" said Captain Falcon. "What could be worse?"

"I'M READING OPRAH MAG!" shouted a girl from a few metres away.

"Oh no! It couldn't get any worse!" cried Falcon, "It couldn't!"

"Hello, I'm Lindsay Lohan," said Lindsay Lohan.

"AAAH!1" screamed Falcon.

_Wtf Chicken_  
"Hoogiman, they should invent a ceremony where they credit bad writers, so you could be the star!"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Okay, this is where we sell posters!" said Kirby, sitting down on a chair, with a table in front of him.

"Jig Iggly Ig, Ig, iggly jig ig puff jiggly-" said Jigglypuff. _"It's Lunch Hour, so that's where the money is hanging! You make a distraction, and ol' Jigglypuff will pick a few pock-"_

"Jigs, we're selling posters, not pick-pocketing," said Kirby.

"Jig Ig," said Jigglypuff. _"Oh!"_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Hey look!" said Ganondorf. "There are the puffballs! Let's try and beat them to selling those posters!"

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Please and try not to assault any innocent bystander when we're doing this," begged Falcon.

"Okay," said Samus.

"I'll just assault you!" thought Samus, mischievously.

Laugh track.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"Hey! Who wants a signed poster of us cute puffballs?" asked Kirby, in a loud voice.

Some anime fan girls ran up to Kirby and Jigglypuff, commenting on how cute the puffballs were.

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"Do you think there are any hardcore Cornerians that are fans of us villains?" asked Ganondorf.

_Samus: 16 posters  
Falcon: 13 posters_

"Oh boy, I'm so glad to meet you!" said a male Samus fan, standing near the table, "Can you write a custom message?"

"Okay," said Samus.

"Dear Chris… nice to meet you…" said the fan, dictating to Samus.

"Okay," said Samus, as calmly as she could, writing it down.

"Love…"

"LOVE!1" screamed Samus, kicking the male fan in the face with her muddy boot.

"OW!" screamed the fan, who grabbed the poster, and then lay on the ground, aching in pain. "I'll never wash again!"

"People won't like that body there," said Falcon, "I mean, have you ever tried to endorse the environment in a good manner on this race?"

"Probably not," replied Samus.

"Maybe you should care for the environment more," said Falcon.

"Probably," replied Samus, staring at the body.

"Yeah," said Falcon, looking at the body.

_Kirby: 15 posters  
Jigglypuff: 7 posters_

"Jig Iggly, Ig Puff Jig Buff!" said Jigglypuff, _"We've got to attract more people."_

"I know!" said Kirby.

Kirby put on a red wig.

"Hi! I'm Roy! Here to sign posters!" said Kirby.

All of the Roy fangirls flocked to Kirby and Jigglypuff's table.

"And when I'm done with the wig, you can have it!" said Kirby, "They won't know the difference!"

_Bowser: 10 posters  
Ganondorf: 9 posters_

"Dear Craig…" said a fan, dictating to Ganondorf.

Ganondorf wrote it down.

"Nice to meet you…" said the fan.

Ganondorf wrote it down.

"I hope you have a good life…"

Ganondorf wrote it down.

"And a very successful one at that…"

Ganondorf wrote it down, slightly annoyed.

"And I hope that you have a nice wife and family…"

Ganondorf wrote it down, slightly more annoyed.

"And I constantly think about you all the time…"

Ganondorf wrote it down, annoyed.

"And I-"

"SHUT UP!" screamed Ganondorf, punching the fan in the face. He then put a death curse on the fan which killed him.

Another fan walked up.

"Can I buy a poster of yours, Ganondorf?" asked the male fan.

"Okay," said Ganondorf, handing over the poster, signing it.

"Thanks!" said the man, handing over the money.

The male fan reached into his pocket.

"Can you sign this?" asked the fan, holding out a piece of paper.

"Okay," said Ganondorf, signing the piece of paper.

"Haha!" laughed the male fan, holding up the piece of paper. "You just signed a document that lets me sell you on Ebay! Hahaha! The law wins against evil! The law wins against evil!"

The male fan teased Ganondorf a bit more.

Ganondorf ripped the contract in half.

"Aww," said the fan.

"The power of ripping up contracts wins over lawyers!" said Ganondorf, wittily.

Laugh track.

"Wait, how was that funny?" asked Bowser.

"Uh…" said Ganondorf, "Ad break…"

Some ads for real estate investment scams and novelty toilet seats came on.

_2nd Charter Flight  
Landed at 1:45 PM_

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Let's go!" said Donkey Kong, running out of the plane.

"Taxi!" said Zelda, holding up her arm.

A taxi pulled up.

"Take us to the Sunshine Shopping Complex!" said Zelda.

_Zelda  
Interview after leg_

"I never thought we were going to beat Fox and Roy to the finish, because all of the anime fangirls love Roy, and Fox is like the hero of Corneria, so there's absolutely no chance," said Zelda.

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 5th Place_

"I feel so at home!" said Fox, waving to a crowd of fans.

"Now I'm not just going to get anime fangirls," said Roy, "I'm going to get anthropomorphic anime fangirls."

_Kirby: 29 posters  
Jigglypuff: 15 posters_

"Why are Samus and Falcon so popular around here?" said Kirby, "I guess they're like, space heroes, but I mean, in Corneria?"

_Samus: 50 posters  
Captain Falcon: 48 posters_

"Just two more to go," said Falcon.

"We really appeal to the teenagers here," said Samus, spotting some onlooking fans. "Maybe they see me as a role model!"

Samus saw a fly, fly onto her helmet, so she grabbed the fly, crushed it with her hand, put it under her boot and crushed it several times, pulled it in half (the debris), and then jumped on it several times, crushing it to a pulp.

"Yeah, a real role model," said Captain Falcon, sarcastically, signing a poster.

"Okay," said a worker, handing a clue over to Samus, "Here's your next clue."

"Thanks," said Samus.

Samus ripped open the clue.

"Detour!" read Samus.

"Detour!" said Master Hand, "A detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons! In this detour: Rise or Fall!

"In Rise, teams must walk to the nearby, local rock climbing centre, and both climb up a fifty metre wall, where they will receive their next clue! The task is physically demanding, but any team that is strong and has good endurance can complete the task quickly!

"In Fall, teams must take the lift up to the top of 'Sunshine Shopping Complex', a twenty storey building! They must then attach themselves to a harness, and both jump across the top of the building, to the top of another building, 100 metres across! If one team member fails to make the distance, they will land on a padded mattress, and then will have to take the leap again! Once the two team members are across, they will receive their next clue!"

"Let's do climbing!" said Captain Falcon.

_Kirby: 50 posters  
Jigglypuff: 18 posters_

"Yay! Sign my poster Roy, please!" said an anime fangirl, hopefully, looking at Kirby.

"Uh… my fifty posters are done," whispered Kirby to Jigglypuff underneath the table.

Kirby jumped under the table and gave the wig to Jigglypuff, who then climbed up and sat on the chair.

"Jig Ig!" said Jigglypuff. _"Okay!"_

"Why aren't you talking English, Roy?" asked the fangirl.

"Jigs!" whispered Kirby from underneath the table, "You move your lips, I'll do the talking!"

"Hi there, fellow fan!" said Kirby, from underneath the table.

"Hi Roy!" said the fangirl, "Can you write a custom message?"

"Uh…" said Kirby, from underneath the table.

"Jigs!" shouted Kirby, from underneath the table, "Just draw anything! She can't tell!"

Jigglypuff drew a scribble.

"Yay! My own custom message!" said the Roy fangirl.

_Class 4NH  
_"So," said Mrs. Houston, turning of the projector, "What did we learn from A Smashy Amazing Race today?"

"Roy fangirls are stupid!" said a kid.

"Very good, Timmy," said Mrs. Houston.

"But Mrs. Houston," said a girl, putting up her hand, "I'm a fan of Roy!"

"Then you're stupid!" said Mrs. Houston.

"YAY!" said the girl.

_Bowser: 14 posters  
Ganondorf: 16 posters_

"How come Kirby and Jigglypuff are getting so many autographs?" asked Bowser.

"They're pretending to be Roy!" said Ganondorf, angrily.

"I know!" said Bowser, passing Ganondorf a wig and putting one on himself.

"We're Roy!" said Bowser, talking to a passing Roy fangirl.

"We're not that stupid!" said the Roy fangirl, "Everyone knows that Roy is only one person, so one of you must be a fake!"

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We've got to find a way to motivate us to climb up there quickly!" said Falcon, looking at the top of the rock climbing wall.

"I know," said Samus, "If you're not up there in ten seconds, I'll kill you!"

"Hahaha," laughed Falcon, "good one!"

"ONE!" said Samus, firmly.

Captain Falcon continued laughing.

"TWO!" shouted Samus.

Captain Falcon hesitated, realising that it might not be a joke.

"THREE!" shouted Samus.

Captain Falcon realised that it wasn't a joke.

"FOUR!" shouted Samus.

Captain Falcon hurriedly clipped himself to his harness, and started climbing up the wall.

"FIVE!" shouted Samus.

Captain Falcon scampered up the wall.

"SIX!" shouted Samus.

Captain Falcon made it up to the top.

Samus shot Captain Falcon in the head.

"OW!" shouted Captain Falcon, "What was that for!"

"Fun," said Samus.

"Oh," said Falcon, "Very well then, a little bit of harmless violence is okay."

Samus shot Falcon in the head again.

Captain Falcon made a nervous laugh.

Samus shot Falcon in the head again.

"AAH!" shouted Captain Falcon, dying, "AT LEAST THERE ISN'T ANY CONTINUITY BETWEEN SCENES!"

"Aww," said a disappointed Samus.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Hey!" said Donkey Kong, "There's the autograph signing table!"

"Okay," said Zelda, running along.

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 5th Place_

Roy entered the building.

"YAY! ROY!" screamed all of the Roy fangirls.

The Roy fangirls looked at Jigglypuff.

"YAY! ROY!" screamed all of the Roy fangirls.

The Roy fangirls looked at Roy.

"YAY! ROY!" screamed all of the Roy fangirls.

The Roy fangirls looked at Jigglypuff.

"YAY! ROY!" screamed all of the Roy fangirls.

etc.

_Kirby: 50 posters  
Jigglypuff: 49 posters_

"Jig Ig!" said Jigglypuff, signing a poster. _"Last one!"_

A worker handed Kirby the clue.

Kirby ripped the clue open.

"Detour!" read Kirby, "Rise or Fall?"

Jigglypuff read the clue.

"Ig Jiggly!" said Jigglypuff. _"Fall!"_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Okay!" said a worker, handing over a clue to Samus.

Samus ripped open the clue.

"You must now make your way to Corneria Spaceship Depot," read Samus.

"Teams must now make their way to Corneria Spaceship Depot, where all of the Star Fox team ships are kept! Once there, they must search for their next clue!"

_3rd Charter Flight  
Landed at 2:45 PM_

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Come on, Yoshi, let's go!" said Ness.

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Come on, Young Link!" said Popo.

"What happened to Mario and Peach?" asked Young Link.

"They were detained by customs!" said Popo.

_Mario and Peach  
Currently in 8th Place_

"Why are-a we being detained?" asked Mario.

"I'm sorry," said a worker, "You are being detained because you have material too stupid to enter this country."

Mario said angrily, "What-a stupid material?"

The worker pointed at Peach.

"Oh-a," said Mario.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"I know how we should do it this time!" said Kirby. "Hop onto my back!"

Jigglypuff jumped on.

Kirby puffed up, and then jumped into the air, constantly puffing up again to keep at the same height.

They landed on the target building.

"Phew!" said a puffed Kirby.

A worker handed Kirby the next clue.

"You must now make your way to Corneria Spaceship Depot," read Kirby, "Once there, you must search for your next clue!"

_Bowser: 30 posters  
Ganondorf: 28 posters_

"This is going so slow," said Bowser.

"Yeah," replied Ganondorf.

"We've been here for over an hour, because Fox and Roy and Zelda and DK were an hour behind us!"

_Zelda: 18 posters  
DK: 11 posters_

"Look at Fox and Roy, they're almost done!" said Zelda. "The locals, like, love them, Fox and Roy are like their idols!"

_Fox: 48 posters  
Roy: 50 posters_

"Whoa, the locals really love us," said Fox, signing a poster, "There's like a line of hundreds just to buy our poster!"

Fox signed another poster.

"Hey, we're done!" said Fox, taking the clue, "Cool!"

"Detour!" read Fox. "Rise or Fall?"

"Rise!" said Roy.

_4th Charter Flight  
Landed at 3:10 PM_

_Link and Marth  
Currently in Last Place_

"Our flight landed 20 minutes early," said Link, "So we're really happy with that, we can still catch up to the others!"

_Corneria Spaceship Depot_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Here's the clue!" said Samus, pointing to the clue box.

Falcon reached inside, and took the clue.

"Road Block!" said Falcon. "Who's ready to have a flying time?"

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A road block is a task that only one person can perform! In this road block, that team member must get into a spaceship, search this 2km by 2km square for their next clue. What they don't know is, that their next clue contains jumbled words, and they must work out the pit stop location in the clue!"

"I'll do it," said Samus.

"Okay, you're pretty good at flying ships," said Falcon.

"'k," said Samus.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"I hope our cabby knows where we're going," said Kirby.

"Jig Iggly," said Jigglypuff, looking out of the taxi, _"We seem to have been travelling for ages."_

_Sunshine Shopping Complex_

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Wow, there's still heaps to go," said Fox, looking up.

"Would you be angry at me if I told you I'd never rock climbed before?" asked Roy.

"Should we give up, and try a hundred-metre jump?" asked Fox.

"It's going to take a while to descend," said Roy, clamping onto a rock.

_Bowser: 43 posters  
Ganondorf: 41 posters_

"I can't believe it," said Bowser, "We've been passed by Zelda and Donkey Kong, who came an hour after us! How is this happening?"

_Zelda: 50 posters  
DK: 48 posters_

"Just two more, Zel," said DK.

A photographer walked up to Zelda and DK.

"Can I have a shot of you two in a romantic pose?" asked the photographer.

"Uh… uh… okay…" said Donkey Kong, nervously.

"Heh… okay…" said Zelda, shyly.

Zelda and Donkey Kong posed with their faces close together.

"Thanks!" said the photographer, taking a picture.

"So…" said Donkey Kong, nervously, "How's stuff?"

"Oh no!" thought Zelda, "Donkey Kong can't think of anything to say! He must not be interested in me!"

Zelda cried.

"Oh no! I've upset her!" thought Donkey Kong, "She's crying because she doesn't want to be with me!"

Donkey Kong cried.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Hup Yoshi!" said Yoshi, _"Here's the complex!"_

"Do you think anyone will want to buy a poster from us?"

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Here's the shopping complex," said Popo.

"Hey, to put off Mario and Peach-" said Young Link.

"Stop it, Young Link!" said Popo, angrily. "None of your evil schemes work!"

"Oh yeah?" asked Young Link. "Then will this slingshot work if you're right?"

Young Link aimed the slingshot at Popo, but it missed, deflected off a wall and hit the visiting queen in the eye, killing her.

"You killed the queen!" said the mall security man.

"Uh…" said Young Link.

Young Link got some black paint, and splashed it over the security guy's glasses.

"What a co-incidence, I just went blind," said the security man, "I guess I'll drop all charges!"

_Mario and Peach  
Currently in 8th Place_

"I still can't-a believe that we were-a held up in customs!" said Mario, sitting in a taxi, "Now Link and Marth are only ten minutes behind us!"

_Link and Marth  
Currently in Last Place_

"I would be so grateful right now if I found out a team was held up at the airport, or in traffic," said Marth, sitting in a taxi.

_Corneria Spaceship Depot  
3:30 PM_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1st Place_

"There's a clue!" said Samus to herself, landing the spaceship.

Samus got up, and then took the clue that was lying in the ground.

Samus opened the clue.

"You must now make your way to: Thimble or Load…" read Samus. "WHAT?"

Samus looked at the bottom of the clue.

"Agar Man," read Samus.

Samus thought about that.

"That's an anagram for anagram!" said Samus. "So Thimble or Load is an anagram for a place!"

Samus, confused, walked back into her ship.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Road Block!" said Kirby, reading a clue. "Who's ready to have a flying time?"

"Jig Iggly Ig!" said Jigglypuff, _"I can't fly, you'll have to do it!"_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1st Place_

Samus looked at Kirby, just about to go into his spaceship.

"Shh…" said Samus, walking up to Falcon. "The clue is an anagram! Can you work this out?"

Falcon looked at the clue.

"Try and find an internet cafe, and go onto an anagram encoding site," said Falcon.

_Sunshine Shopping Complex_

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 3rd Place_

Fox jumped off the tall building, and remained in the air for about ten seconds. He landed awkwardly, right next to Roy on the target building.

"Yes! We did it!" said Fox.

Roy got passed the clue, and opened it.

"You must now make your way to Corneria Spaceship Depot," read Roy.

_Zelda and DK  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Come on, Zelda!" said Donkey Kong, at the top of the rock climbing wall, looking down on Zelda. "Only ten more metres!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Finally!" said Ganondorf, signing the last poster, "We're done!"

Ganondorf opened the clue. "Detour! Rise or fall?"

"Rise!" said Bowser.

_Ness: 33 posters  
Yoshi: 42 posters_

"I think we're just going faster than Young Link and Popo," said Ness.

_Young Link: 22 posters  
Popo: 15 posters_

"Why are they selling more posters than us?" said Young Link, angrily.

"It's because they have their own games, we don't! We share games!" replied Popo.

"It's all your fault! You don't star in a game!" said Young Link.

"Neither do you!"

"Shut up."

_Mario and Peach  
Currently in 8th Place_

"Finally!" said Mario, "We're here! Hurry Peach!"

Mario and Peach ran into the shopping complex.

_Link and Marth  
Currently in Last Place_

"Hey, that's Mario and Peach in front of us!" said Link, pointing.

"I think we can do it, we could be more popular than them!" said Marth.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Lombardi Hotel!" said Captain Falcon, typing on a computer.

"Yes, that's like a big hotel around here," said Samus.

"The correct location of their clue is, Lombardi Hotel," said Master Hand, "Which will be the pit stop for this leg of the race!"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"What does this clue mean?" asked Kirby.

Jigglypuff sneezed, ripping apart the piece of paper, and somehow managing to sort them out in the order of, 'Lombardi Hotel'.

In a comedic fashion.

Like the cartoons.

So you find that funny.

…

You're an awful audience, you know that?

_Samus and Falcon_  
"Taxi!" said Samus, holding up her hand.

The taxi pulled up.

"Lombardi hotel!" said Samus.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"Taxi!" said Kirby, holding up his hand.

A taxi drove onto the curb.

"Lombardi hotel!" said Kirby, "And Fast!"

_Pit Stop_

Master Hand waited on the map. Both teams sprinted in, trying to nudge each other out of the way to get to the pit stop first. Samus stomped on Jigglypuff, Kirby inhaled Falcon. Kirby, Samus and Jigglypuff looked at Master Hand right in front of them. Kirby spat out Captain Falcon, and tried to assist Jigglypuff up, but Falcon kicked Kirby against the wall, and ran with Samus to the pit stop.

"Samus and Falcon, you are team number one!" said Master Hand. "And you've won a free romantic-"

"Woo!" said Falcon.

Samus punched both in the groin.

"Samus, you've won a trip by yourself to sunny Dreamland!" said Master Hand.

"Woo!" said Samus.

"Come on in, Kirby and Jigglypuff!" said Master Hand.

Kirby and Jigglypuff stumbled onto the mat.

"Kirby and Jigglypuff, you are team number two!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" said Kirby.

_4:00  
Corneria Spaceship Depot_

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"I'll fly the ship," said Fox, "I'm the one that's a local here."

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 4th Place_

"I'll do it!" said Donkey Kong.

"You better hurry, we've got to beat Fox and Roy!"

_Sunshine Shopping Complex_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5th Place_

Bowser climbed to the top of the wall.

"Okay!" said Ganondorf happily, taking the clue.

"You must now make your way to the Corneria spaceship depot!"

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Yes!" said Ness, taking the clue. "Thanks guys!"

Yoshi opened the clue.

"Yoshi yoshi, up yoshi, herr yoshi yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Detour! Rise or fall?"_

"Rise!" said Ness.

_Young Link: 44 posters  
Popo: 50 posters_

"Okay," said Popo, "I think we're still beating the uncos and the swordsmen, so we should just be fine."

_Link: 41 posters  
Marth: 50 posters_

"We're catching back!" said Link, "We're really popular around here!"

_Mario: 50 posters  
Peach: 0 posters_

"Why aren't we selling any posters for me?" cried Peach.

"Because-a you haven't signed any!" said Mario, angrily.

"Oh," said Peach.

_4:30  
Corneria Spaceship Depot_

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"You must now make your way to: Thimble or Load…" read Fox. "Huh?"

Fox looked at the bottom of the clue.

"Agar Man," read Fox. "What does that mean?"

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Thimble or Load? What does that mean?" said Donkey Kong, showing the clue to Zelda.

"I don't know!" said Zelda.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5th Place_

"I'll fly the spaceship," said Bowser.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"There's the depot!" said Ness, pointing out from the taxi.

Yoshi and Ness got out of the taxi.

"Can you stay here?" asked Ness. "Thanks!"

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 7th Place_

"There's Link and Marth in a few taxis behind us," said Young Link, pointing out of the taxi, "And there's Peach and Mario a few behind them! It's really close!"

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"You reckon it's an anagram?" asked Fox.

"Well," said Roy, "Agar man is an anagram of anagram."

"I guess," said Fox.

"Do you know any hotels around here that are jumbled up like that?" asked Roy.

"I've got it!" said Fox, "Take out the 'hotel', and that leaves 'Lombardi!'"

"Lombardi Hotel!" said Roy. "Falco's hotel!"

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Did you hear that?" asked Zelda.

"Yeah, Lombardi Hotel," said DK.

"Let's try and beat them!" said Zelda.

_Pit Stop_  
Master Hand stood, waiting for a new team to approach.

Fox and Roy ran in, and stood on the universe map.

"Fox and Roy," said Master Hand, "You are team number two!"

"Yeah!" said Fox.

Zelda and Donkey Kong ran in a few minutes later.

"Zelda and Donkey Kong, you are team number four!"

"Yes!" said Donkey Kong.

_Ness  
Road Block_

"Thimble or Load…" said Ness. "Agar Man!"

Ness thought about that for a few seconds.

"Agar man is separate," said Ness, "So Thimble and Load is an anagram of… Lombardi Hotel!"

Ness got back into his spaceship, and flew back to the main building of the spaceship depot.

Ness and Yoshi ran out, and got into their taxi.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 6th Place_

"What does that mean? Ness and Yoshi figured it out!" said Bowser.

"Follow them!" said Ganondorf.

"Okay," said Bowser, flagging down a taxi.

_Popo  
Road Block_

"I have my laptop with me," said Popo, "So I'm going to work this out by going onto an anagram site, because I think it is an anagram location."

_Link  
Road Block_

"I have absolutely no idea how to fly a spaceship," said Link, sitting in his spaceship. "I hope we don't get eliminated because of this."

_Mario  
Road Block_

"Thimble or load…" read Mario. "What-a does that mean?"

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 5th Place_

Ness and Yoshi stepped onto the world map.

"Ness and Yoshi," said Master Hand, "You are team number five!"

"One better," said Ness, "This time our brains helped us get in front!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 6th Place_

"This hasn't been our leg," said Bowser, getting out of the taxi, "We've gone from first, to like, sixth, and that's not a good position to be in after winning a leg."

Bowser and Ganondorf walked into the hotel, and stepped on the world map.

"Bowser and Ganondorf, you are team number six!" said Master Hand.

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 7th Place_

Popo ran up to Young Link.

"We have to go to Lombardi Hotel!" said Popo.

"Come on, we've got to beat those losers!" said Young Link.

_Mario and Peach_

"Hurry, Mario!" said Peach, seeing Mario run in.

"The code-a is encrypted!" said Mario. "We've got to beat the swordsmen to the finish!"

_Link and Marth_

"I have no idea what this clue means," said Link, showing the clue to Marth.

_Mario and Peach_

"It could-a be an anagram!" said Mario.

_Link and Marth_

"It's an anagram of something!" said Link.

_Mario and Peach_

"Something… hotel…" said Mario.

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Young Link and Popo… you are team number seven!"

_Link and Marth_

"I've got it!" said Link. "Lombardi Hotel!"

"Don't tell them!"

_Mario and Peach_

"They've got it!" said Peach.

"Oh no-a," said Mario. "We're gone!"

_Link and Marth_

"Taxi!" said Link, flagging a taxi down.

_Mario and Peach_

"We've got to follow them!" said Mario, running out of the centre, with Peach.

"I've got it!" said Mario. "Lombardi Hotel!"

_Pit Stop_

Master Hand waited.

…

…

…

Mario and Peach ran in.

Master Hand looked surprised.

"Mario and Peach, you are team number eight!"

Link and Marth walked in.

"Link and Marth… you are the last team to arrive," said Master Hand. "And I'm sorry to tell you, you have been eliminated from the race."

_Link and Marth_

"At least we had fun, got to see the world, got to appreciate our fans…" said Link.

"Yeah," said Marth.

**Finish Times:**

Samus and Falcon: 3:42 PM  
Kirby and Jigglypuff: 3:43 PM  
Fox and Roy: 4:45 PM  
Zelda and Donkey Kong: 4:47 PM  
Ness and Yoshi: 5:10 PM  
Bowser and Ganondorf: 5:15 PM  
Young Link and Popo: 5:30 PM  
Mario and Peach: 5:40 PM  
**Link and Marth: 5:42 PM- ELIMINATED**


	4. Leg 4: Hyrule

"Last time, on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Teams departed on the third leg of a race around the world!  
"Samus and Falcon charged through a task involving signing autographs,  
_"Oh boy, I'm so glad to meet you!" said a male Samus fan, standing near the table, "Can you write a custom message?  
_"While Bowser and Ganondorf struggled!  
"_This is going so slow," said Bowser.  
_"At the back of the pack, Mario and Peach were held back in customs, while Link and Marth's popularity helped them catch up to second-last place!  
"A sprinting finish for first place saw Samus and Captain Falcon narrowly beat the puffballs, while a sprint finish for second last place made Link and Marth eliminated!  
"Can Bowser and Ganondorf stay in the race, after dropping from first place to sixth? And can relationship problems between Samus and Falcon resolve, so they can maintain their first place?  
"Eight teams are left, who will be eliminated next?"

**The Teams**:

Descriptions provided by Young Link:

Zelda and Donkey Kong _(Zelda's okay, I guess. But they SUCK!)  
_Fox and Roy _(They're just stupid. Why aren't they out yet?)_  
Kirby and Jigglypuff _(Uh, they're pink things. News flash: NOBODY CARES!)  
_Ness and Yoshi _(NERDS! Haha, I'm so funny.)  
_Bowser and Ganondorf _(Ganondorf is evil. So is Bowser. They should be disqualiwhatevered.)  
_Peach and Mario _(They really suck at everything.)  
_Samus and Falcon _(They're pretty cool. But they SUCK!)  
_Young Link and Popo _(They SU- oh, wait, no, they're obviously the winners. Obviously.) _

"Samus and Falcon, who arrived at 3:42 PM, will depart at 3:42 AM!" said Master Hand.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1st Place_

Samus ripped open the clue.

"You must now make your way to the Corneria Gun Club!" said Samus.

"Teams must travel four kilometres to the famous Corneria Gun Club, and shoot five bullseyes **each** on a twenty metre target to receive their next clue!" said Master Hand.

"Can you shoot?" asked Falcon.

Samus got a bottle from the ground, tossed it up twenty metres in the air, and shot it once, splitting it neatly in half.

"Cool," said Captain Falcon.

Captain Falcon made a lame joke about dating and guns.

Samus pushed Falcon's wrist so far back, that it snapped and he could no longer feel any sensation in it.

Ray Romano did a stand-up routine nearby.

Samus shot Ray Romano.

"DOES ANYONE ELSE WANT TO MAKE A BAD PUN?" shouted Samus, "BECAUSE THEY WILL BE SHOT!"

A couple of Japanese Comedians walked nearby, saying their unfunny anecdotes.

Samus shot them all.

"You just sapped all of the humour out of Japan," said Falcon.

"WAS THAT A BAD PUN?" asked Samus.

"Uh… no…" said Falcon, sweating.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
2nd to Depart: 3:43 AM_

Kirby grabbed the clue.

"Okay," said Kirby, ripping open the clue.

Jigglypuff grabbed the opened clue from Kirby, stuffed it in a bucket of paint, poured ramen noodles all over in and then rubbed it in the mud.

"Jigs, what are you doing?" shouted Kirby, anxiously.

"Jig Iggly Ig, Puff Ig Jig!" said Jigglypuff. _"I'm testing if this stain remover, 'BAM' works!"_

Jigglypuff poured some BAM spray and wipe on the clue, containing all of the vital information. She then proceeded to grab a towel, and try and remove all of the stains off.

Nothing happened.

"Puff…" said Jigglypuff, _"Oops…"_

Jigglypuff pressed the Control + Z keys on the keyboard.

"Jig!" said Jigglypuff, happily. _"Better!"_

"You must now make your way to the Corneria Gun Club!" read Kirby, "Once there, you must shoot five targets each, to receive your next clue!"

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1st Place_

Samus walked up to the shooting club door.

"Opens at 7," said Samus.

"Drat," said Falcon, "Everyone's going to get here."

"You know," said Falcon, "Yo mamma's so fat…"

Samus drew her gun, and pointed it at Falcon.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

Kirby and Jigglypuff walked up to the shooting club.

"Opens at 7:00," said Kirby. "We've got three hours to spare!"

Jigglypuff looked at the carpet, and pulled out a bowl of ramen noodles.

"I already told you Jigs, that stuff doesn't work!" said Kirby.

_Fox and Roy  
3rd to Depart: 4:45 AM_

"You must now make your way to the Corneria Gun Club!" read Roy, "Once there, you must shoot five targets each, to receive your next clue!"

"Hey!" said Fox, in a kiddy voice, "While we're waiting, let's play bingo!"

"No."

"Aww."

"Scrabble?"

"No!"

"Boggle?"

"NO!"

"Cluedo!"

"**NO!1**"

Jigglypuff poured some Bam spray and wipe on Fox's eyes, blinding him, thus ending this rather dull paragraph.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
4th to Depart: 4:47 AM_

"You may now depart!" said the producer.

Silence.

More Silence.

"k'," said Donkey Kong.

"That was a slow reaction!" said Zelda.

Silence.

More Silence.

15 more seconds of silence.

"I am not slow!" shouted Donkey Kong.

The producer hit Donkey Kong in the leg with a mallet.

"So anyway, I was thinking the strategy that we'd take in the course of the- hey! That hurt! Ow!" said Donkey Kong, angrily.

"You're slow," said Zelda.

"You're slow!" said Donkey Kong, angrily.

A few minutes of silence.

"Oh yeah?" said Zelda. "Well… well…"

_Rofl Pony_  
"Wells can be used to retrieve water."

_Dr. Smith_  
"I'm afraid you are not well, Mrs. Shirley."

_Mr. Kambat Jalliwakendouselshpooden_  
"Mrs. Shirley is a stupid name!" said Mr. Kambat Jalliwakendouselshpooden.

_Captain Comeback  
_"Stupid? Well… well… you're stupid!"

_WTF Chicken_  
"No seriously… WTF?"

Jigglypuff poured some Bam spray and wipe on The WTF Chicken's eyes, blinding him, thus ending this rather dull paragraph.

"Oh."

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Looks like we're going to have to wait here for about two hours," said Roy.

"'k," said Fox.

Fox opened a computer and started bashing his computer against his head.

"Are you **well**?" asked Roy, with an emphasis on the word, **well**.

"No, I am, not **well**," said Fox, with an emphasis on the word, **well**, perhaps prompting the rofl pony to say something.

"Oh, if you're not, **well**, then, **well**… **well**…"

_Rofl Pony_  
"Wells can be used to retrieve water."

The audience applauded that obviously ad-lib statement.

_Mr. Prompt_  
"My work here is done."

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 4th Place_

"If the place opens at seven," said Zelda, "What are we going to do now?"

"**Well**, I guess we could-"

_Rofl Pony_  
"Wells can be used to retrieve water."

This awful overused joke has now been promoted to, a running gag!

The audience clapped.

_Ness and Yoshi  
5th to Depart: 5:10 AM_

"Well, it was the brains that got us a place better last leg," said Ness, "So hopefully we can use our brains again to our advantage!"

"Hup Yoshi, Yoshi Yoshi?" asked Yoshi. _"Hey, you said 'well', so where's the well running gag?"_

"Dunno," said Ness.

Yoshi opened the clue.

"Yoshi Yoshi hup Yoshi, hurr Yoshi oshi, ara Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"You must now make your way to the Corneria Gun Club! Once there, you must shoot five targets each, to receive your next clue!"_

_Ness  
Interview after leg_

"We want us to be the likable team," said Ness, "So when the time comes around for others to help us, we can be paid off for how nice we played!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
6th to Depart: 5:15 AM_

"We've decided for a strategy change," said Bowser, "We were too held back the last few legs, so now we're going to take any chance to surge ahead, no matter how cheap we appear!"

"You must now make your way to the Corneria Gun Club!" read Bowser, "Once there, you must shoot five targets each, to receive your next clue!"

_Young Link and Popo  
7th to Depart: 5:30 AM_

"We've had too many brushes with elimination," said Young Link, "At the moment, we've been just gripping on to not getting eliminated! Popo is obviously the weak link in this-"

"Did you just call me bad at this race?" said Popo.

"Well, duh!" said Young Link, sticking his tongue out.

"What about your stupid traps that you tried to eliminated Mario and Peach by using? They didn't work! It made us do worse!" said Popo, angrily.

"**Well**, uh… **well**… uh…"

Young Link through a sleeping-pill bomb at Popo.

Popo passed out.

"Haha! Take that Popo!" said Young Link.

Young Link looked at Popo's body.

"Aww… I'm going to have to drag this body," said Young Link, sadly.

Silence.

"Stupid Popo," said Young Link, angrily.

_Mario and Peach  
Last to depart: 5:40 AM_

"You must now make your way to the Corneria Gun Club! Once there, you must shoot five targets each, to receive your next clue!" read Mario.

"Me and Peach-a," said Mario, looking at the camera, "Even though we haven't been doing too well, we've been enjoying every minute of the race, and that's what counts!"

_Corneria Gun Club  
7:00 AM_

"Well, everything's really tense," said Bowser, "It's going to be really close, everyone's equal, and it looks like it's going to be a race in!"

"Not on my watch!" said Ganondorf, winking at Bowser.

"Oh!" said Bowser, understanding.

"The club is open!" said a worker.

Some teams tried to race each other in. Ganondorf grabbed Peach and stomped on her several times, Bowser bit Mario, while Ganondorf just missed squashing Jigglypuff as Kirby dived to get her out of the way. Bowser grabbed Popo and threw him a few metres away as Ganondorf kicked Young Link in the shins.

"Quickly!" said Bowser. "Some teams are getting in!"

_Samus and Falcon_

Samus threw Roy out of the way from getting to the closest shooting aisle to the door, and grabbed the gun. She made sure the worker was looking, and shot the target bullseye, five times in a row.

"Quickly!" said Samus, passing the gun to Falcon.

_Ness and Yoshi_

"Okay, now to have a bullseye shot, we have to take all of the factors into account," said Ness.

Yoshi nodded.

"Check the wind speed," said Ness.

Yoshi got out his novelty wind speed toy out of his bag.

"_Herr!"_ said Yoshi. "Zero."

"That's probably because we're indoors!"

_Fox: 2 shots complete  
Roy: 0 shots_

"Even though the target is pretty big," said Fox, "It is much harder to shoot then you think it is!"

_Kirby: 0 shots  
Jigglypuff: 1 shot_

"Jigglypuff!" said Kirby, "Are you sure you can shoot the target four more times? Blindfolded?"

Jigglypuff randomly shot four bullets in the air, which bounced off the lights, flew up through the ceiling, orbited Corneria once, and came crashing down, back through the roof, and hit the targets.

"Cool!" said Kirby.

_DK: 0 shots  
Zelda: 0 shots_

"How do guns work?" asked Zelda.

"Maybe they're voice activated!" said Donkey Kong, "There are like, telephones that work by voice!"

Donkey Kong started talking into the gun, trying to get it to shoot the target.

The gun discharged, hitting Donkey Kong in the chin.

15 seconds passed.

"Ow! Ow! **OOW!1** AAH! AHH! AAAH!1" screamed Donkey Kong.

_Bowser: 0 shots  
Ganondorf: 2 shots_

"You think our plan worked?" asked Ganondorf, shooting at a target.

"Yeah, sure, there are still two teams out there!" said Bowser.

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 7th Place_

"That's not fair!" said Young Link, pointing at Bowser and Ganondorf. "That's like, cheating!"

Popo nodded.

"I mean, it's like sabotaging the race! That's like, cheating!"

Popo rolled his eyes.

_Ness: Complete  
Yoshi: 0 shots_

"Hey Yoshi, should I go and help Mario and Peach?" asked Ness. "Seeing that I'm done?"

Yoshi nodded.

"Okay," said Ness.

_Mario and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"Are you okay, guys?" asked Ness, running up to Mario and Peach.

"Uh," said Mario, "Thanks-a Ness, but I think we are fine!"

"Oh," said Ness.

"Thanks anyway!" said Mario.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Yes!" said Falcon, taking the clue from the supervisor. "You think anyone else is a good shot?"

"Nah, probably not," said Samus.

Falcon opened the clue.

"You must now make your way to Hyrule," read Samus.

"Teams must now make their way to Hyrule! To get there, teams must travel 500 metres to Fox's spaceship, which they will have to go through a magical door that leads to the Hyrulian woods! Once there, teams must travel 15 kilometres by horseback to 'Lon Lon Ranch' to receive their next clue," said Master Hand.

_Fox: Complete  
Roy: 0 shots_

"Hey!" said Fox. "Since when does my ship have a magical door?"

"Now," said Master Hand.

"And how do you know?"

"Uh… well… not secretly installing stuff in your ship without your permission…"

_Rofl Pony_  
"Wells can be used to retrieve water."

"Shut up!" said Master Hand.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Only one more shot!" said Kirby.

Kirby shot at the target, hitting it.

"Yes!" said Kirby.

Kirby retrieved the clue from the supervisor.

"You must now make your way to Hyrule, and travel by horseback to Lon Lon Ranch!" read Kirby. "To get to Hyrule, you must walk 500 metres to find Fox's spaceship and walk through the magical door!"

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Good job, Yoshi! We hit the target spot on every time!" said Ness.

Yoshi opened the clue.

"Herr Yoshi, hup Yoshi, Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"You must now make your way to Hyrule, and travel by horseback to Lon Lon Ranch!"_

"Hurry, we just finished after the puffballs!" said Ness.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Wow," said Bowser, opening the clue, "We're all neck and neck!"

"You must now make your way to Hyrule, and travel by horseback to Lon Lon Ranch!" read Bowser.

_Fox: Complete  
Roy: 3 shots_

"Come on, Roy, two more shots!" said Fox.

"I can't believe this," said Roy, "Half of the teams have got there!"

"Half of the teams are going to see my secret kiddy book stash before me!" said Fox, worriedly.

"This, I've got to see!" said Roy, suddenly speeding up.

_Zelda: 2 shots  
DK: Complete_

"Come on, Zelda, only a few more shots!" said Donkey Kong.

"How did you recover from being shot in a matter of minutes?" asked Zelda.

15 minutes passed.

"Well…"

_Brady Bunch  
_"Wells can be used to retrieve water!" cheered the Brady Bunch.

"Shut up!" said Mr. Television Producer, "You're not funny! Or entertaining."

"The Brady Bunch was never entertaining," said Marcia.

_Popo: Complete  
Young Link: 3 shots_

"This is really frustrating," said Young Link, angrily, "I've just been sitting here for ages, and Popo doesn't even want to touch the gun!"

"Young Link, I've been trying to tell this to you for ages!" said Popo, "You're the one that's slowing us down! I've been telling you that it's your turn to shoot, many times, but you haven't listened!"

"Well… well…" said Young Link.

"DON'T SAY IT!" shouted Popo, angrily.

_Mario: Complete  
Peach: 0 shots_

"Peach-a has absolutely no idea," said Mario, angrily. "I've been trying to tell her that the bullets need to be refilled, but she hasn't absorbed the message!"

_Fox's Spaceship  
7:20 AM_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Ready to ride by horseback?" asked Samus, running into Fox's spaceship.

"I'll ride your horse…" said Falcon in a high but disturbingly sexy voice.

Samus punched Falcon in the groin.

"Must… remember… to wear… protective gear…"

Samus and Falcon ran into the magical door.

Samus and Falcon walked out of the magical door, appearing in Hyrule next to some stables.

"Cool!" said Falcon, looking around.

Samus walked up to a horse, and started talking to it.

Falcon looked at the horse.

"How sweet!" said Falcon.

The horse clobbered Falcon to death.

"Sweet indeed," said Samus, reading 'Horse Psychology Monthly.'

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

Kirby and Jigglypuff walked through the magical door, into Hyrule Woods.

"Cool!" said Kirby.

Kirby ran over to a horse, and jumped onto it.

"I like this horse!" said Kirby.

"Why aren't you riding me?" asked the rofl pony.

"You're not real."

"Oh. Okay then."

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 3rd Place_

Ness and Yoshi walked through the magical door.

"Cool!" said Ness.

"Yoshi Yoshi?" asked Yoshi. _"Can you ride?"_

"Sure! Which horse should we get?" said Ness.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4th Place_

Bowser and Ganondorf walked through the magical door.

Some of the horses played dead, while others panicked and ran in circles.

"Cool! The horsies like us!" said Bowser, in a cute voice.

_Corneria Gun Club  
7:25 AM_

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Finally!" said Fox, taking the clue.

"Quickly! Zelda and DK have got the clue as well!"

"You must now make your way to Hyrule, and travel by horseback to Lon Lon Ranch!" read Fox.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 6th Place_

"To get to Hyrule, you must walk 500 metres to find Fox's spaceship and walk through the magical door!" read Zelda.

_  
Young Link: 4 shots  
Popo: Complete_

"One more shot, Young Link!" said Popo.

Young Link squinted his left eye, and shot at the target. A worker next to the target signalled a bullseye, and Popo grabbed the clue.

"Finally!" said Young Link impatiently, looking at Popo angrily. "I mean, Popo, you're letting the team down!"

Popo sighed.

"You must now make your way to Hyrule, and travel by horseback to Lon Lon Ranch!" read Popo.

"Cool! Lon Lon Ranch!" said Young Link, "That's like my favourite milk, ever!"

_Mario: Complete  
Peach: 1 shot_

"This is-a kind of frustrating," said Mario, "Peach has shot at-a the target and missed many times!"

Mario looked at Peach, and then glanced back at the camera. "Peach has missed so many times so far, she hasn't got anywhere near! Out of forty bullets, she's only hit the target twice, managed to hit a worker five metres away, but still somehow shot Fox and Roy's bullseye, helping them finish!"

_Lost Woods  
7:40 AM_

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Well, most of the teams are neck and neck!" said Ness, sitting behind Yoshi, who controlled the horse. "There's no-one here that can really ride, so it seems that we're all going to finish equal!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Well, our horse has made some good ground," said Bowser, sitting behind Ganondorf, "We've passed the puffballs, who are about ten metres out, Samus and Falcon, who are about five metres out, and now we're trying to pass the nerds!"

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"I don't think the race has got any closer than this," said Samus, "The top four are literally divided by seconds!"

"Looking at the map," said Falcon, "Which I can barely read, we're about halfway there."

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4th Place_

"We're going to a Lon Lon Ranch, a milk producer," said Kirby, "Hopefully we get to drink milk there, or something involving eating!"

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Zelda is a very good rider," said Zelda, "Our horse is going at least twice as fast as Fox and Roy's horse, and they're nowhere to be seen!"

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Well, this hasn't been a very good leg so far," said Fox, "Third to sixth."

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Can you ride well?" asked Popo.

"Can I?" asked Young Link. "Of course! Hey… is that Fox and Roy up in the distance?"

_Mario: Complete  
Peach: 4 shots_

"I can't-a believe how far behind we are!" said Mario. "I just hope some other-a team stuffs up!"

Peach shot a bull's eye.

"I shot a bull's eye!" said Peach.

The bull died.

"Aww," said Peach.

"That was an awful pun!" said Mario, angrily.

"Just 'cause someone died," pouted Peach.

_Lon Lon Ranch  
8:00 AM_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Hurry Bowser!" said Ganondorf, getting off the horse.

Ganondorf and Bowser ran over to the clue box. Ganondorf retrieved a clue, and ripped it open.

"Fast Forward!" said Ganondorf.

"Fast Forward!" said Master Hand. "This is one of three fast forwards, which allow teams to skip all tasks, and go to the pit stop! Teams can only use their powers once, so they will have to decide when it is the best time to use their powers!  
"In this Fast Forward, teams must ride two kilometres to lake Hylia, and find the marked flags! Once there, they must catch five legal-sized rare Carp fish, the sacred fish of Hyrule, and sell it to passers-by! The first team to do so can skip all tasks, and go to the pit stop!"

"Do you want to do the Fast Forward?" said Ganondorf.

"Naah, we're first, we're not going to get eliminated, let's do the Road Block!" said Bowser.

"Who wants a cow of a fun time?" read Ganondorf.

"Road Block! A Road Block is a task that only one person may perform! In this Road Block, that person must drink a whole two litres of Lon Lon milk! Once they have done this, they can receive their next clue!"

"I'll do it," said Bowser.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Fast Forward!" said Ness.

Ness read the contents.

"You want to fish?" asked Ness.

"Hurr Yoshi, Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Okay, let's have a punt!"_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We're not going to do the Fast Forward, Jigs," said Kirby, "If I do the Road Block, then we're going to finish easy!"

Kirby walked into the stable, and walked to the big bottle of milk.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 4th Place_

"You're going to drink those two litres," said Samus, bluntly.

"No way!" said Falcon.

"And you're going to do it in a minute," said Samus, loading her gun.

"Uh… okay…" said Falcon, sweating.

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 5th Place_

"So we're just in front of DK and Zelda," said Young Link, "And we overtook Fox and Roy ages ago!"

_Zelda and DK  
Currently in 6th Place_

"I can't believe those little twerps overtook us!" said DK, angrily.

"You have any fruit? I want to throw them at Young Link," said Zelda, determined.

DK got a watermelon out of his bag.

Zelda threw the watermelon at Young Link, but missed, and hit Popo in the head.

"OW!" screamed Popo.

"Pussy," said Young Link, "You'll get over your headache! Pussy."

DK passed another watermelon to Zelda.

Zelda threw the watermelon at Young Link, but missed, and hit Popo again.

"OWWW!1" screamed Popo.

"I can't believe you!" said Young Link, angrily. "You cry over the littlest things! Pussy."

DK threw a blueberry at Young Link, hitting him on the head.

Young Link cried.

Popo sighed.

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 7th Place_

"I cannot believe our luck," said Roy, angrily. "Third to second last. Four people overtook us."

"I just hope Peach is still struggling to hit that bullseye!"

_Peach: 4 shots  
Mario: Complete_

"Come on-a Peach!" said Mario, angrily. "You've been on four shots for ages now! And you've shot twelve bulls, and they're blocking your view of the target! Get them out of the way!"

"But the bulls enhance my sight!" said Peach, doing a twirl.

A bull from the large pile fell on Peach.

"But the bulls enhance my sight!" said Peach, doing a twirl.

The Chicago Bulls started trampling over Peach.

"Enough with the shoddy Peach Viewer Mail humour!" said Mario, angrily.

_Kirby  
_Kirby grabbed the big bottle of milk, and inhaled the whole thing.

"Wow," said the worker, handing over the clue.

"Is that all?" said Kirby, astonished.

"Yes," said the worker, shocked.

"Pfft," said Kirby, angrily.

Kirby ran over and gave the clue to Jigglypuff.

"Jig Iggly Jig, Jig Iggly Jig!" read Jigglypuff. _"You must now make your way to the Hyrule Market!"_

"Teams must now travel by horse two kilometres to the historical Hyrule Town Market, and search for their next clue!" said Master Hand.

"All right!" said Kirby.

_Falcon  
_"Mmf!" said Falcon, trying to wolf down the milk.

_Bowser_  
"Hurry up!" said Ganondorf, angrily.

"This stuff is so thick!" said Bowser, trying to force the milk down. "How can people drink this stuff?"

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Cool! The Lon Lon Ranch!" said Young Link, jumping off the horse, running into the stables with a big grin on his mouth.

Young Link excitedly grabbed and opened the clue.

"Fast Forward? Or Drink Milk!" said Young Link.

Popo ran in.

"I'm doing the Road Block!" said Young Link.

Young Link excitedly ran into the stable, and started drinking down milk.

_Zelda and DK  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Do you want to go for the Fast Forward?" asked Zelda.

"Naah, another team's probably gone for it," said Donkey Kong, "I'll drink two litres of milk!"

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Come on, Roy," said Fox, sitting behind Roy. "We've only got one more kilometre!"

_Lake Hylia  
8:10 AM_

_Ness and Yoshi  
1 legal fish_

"Well, it's a good start," said Ness, "We've had to throw back two small Carp fish, but if another team comes here, we have one fish better on our target than them!"

_Corneria Gun Club  
8:10 AM_

"We've been here for over an hour," said Mario, impatiently, "And I've been waiting for at least ten minutes for-a Peach to hit the target!"

Peach shot several wild bullets, one hitting the target.

"Yes!" said Mario, taking the clue.

"You must-a now make your way to Hyrule, and travel by horseback to Lon Lon Ranch!" read Mario.

_Lon Lon Ranch  
8:15 AM_

_Bowser_  
"So thick!" said Bowser, attempting to scull down the half a litre he had left.

"Hurry up! Young Link hasn't stopped drinking yet!" said Ganondorf.

_Young Link  
_

"Are you sure you don't want to take a breath? I've heard not taking breaths is bad for your breathing," said Popo, alarmed.

"Mmm…" said Young Link, continuing to smile, sculling down the milk without taking a breath.

_Falcon_

"Hurry up, Falcon!" said Samus, angrily.

"You don't know how thick this milk is!" said Falcon, "In fact, you probably haven't eaten for years!" replied Captain Falcon, angrily.

_DK_

"Come on, DK!" said Zelda cheering.

Zelda smiled at Donkey Kong.

"Oh, Donkey Kong chugging down all of that milk looks soo hot…" thought Zelda.

_Ness and Yoshi  
2 legal fish_

Ness' eyes went wide open.

"Oh my g…" said Ness, hearing Zelda's thoughts, "I'm never going to look at her the same way again!"

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Do you want to do the Fast Forward?" asked Fox.

"I guess it's practically our only chance," said Roy.

"I think we should, I think everyone did the road block," said Fox.

_Mario and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"Oh-a no," said Mario, looking at the one remaining horse, "No one is to be seen! And I can't see anyone in the distance! This is the end!"

Cue the dramatic music and the ad break.

_Lon Lon Ranch  
8:20 AM_

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Wow, we beat the other teams who we were behind!" said Popo, amazed.

"No, I did," said Young Link angrily.

Popo sighed.

Young Link opened the clue.

"You must now make your way to the Hyrule Market!" read Young Link.

"Cool! I know where that is!" said Young Link.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"I don't know how," said Ganondorf, grabbing the clue, "But the little kids somehow beat Bowser in a sculling race!"

"He didn't breathe at all, I swear!" said Bowser.

Ganondorf opened the clue.

"You must now make your way to the Hyrule Market!" read Ganondorf.

"Oh, I remember that place, when I put that death curse on it, and terrorised a few hundred people," said Ganondorf.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 4th Place_

"You did a good job, DK!" said Zelda, opening the clue.

"You must now make your way to the Hyrule Market!" read Zelda.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Hurry up!" said Samus, practically shoving the last bits of the milk into Falcon's mouth.

"Okay!" said Falcon, taking the clue.

"You must now make your way to the Hyrule Market!" read Falcon.

_Lake Hylia  
8:30 AM_

_Ness and Yoshi  
3 legal fish_

"Well, we've done well so far," said Ness.

_Rofl Pony  
_"Wells can be used to retrieve water."

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Oh no!" said Fox, pointing. "There's the nerds already!"

"Do you want to try?" asked Roy.

"Naah, let's go back. If they get it, the idiots will beat us to the line!" said Fox.

_Mario and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"Come on Mario, only three kilometres to go!" said Peach.

_Hyrule Town Market  
8:35 AM_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Cool, this market has so much cool stuff in it!" said Kirby, entering the complex, looking around. "Many delicious-smelling food stalls as well as some neat Hyrulian Crafts!"

"Jig Iggly Jig, Iggly Jig!" said Jigglypuff, _"It even has volunteers that want to get on TV will let you test BAM spray and wipe on them, and you can stain them with practically anything you want!"_

"I want to come back here!" said Kirby, spotting the clue box.

Kirby grabbed a clue, and opened it.

"Detour!" read Kirby.

"Detour!" said Master Hand. "A detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons! In this detour: Life or Death!  
"In Life, teams have to search through thousands of Heart containers for an Amazing Race marker, which they can then present to the head of their stall for their next clue! This task is not physically demanding, but may take a while for those without luck!  
"In Death, teams have to travel fifteen kilometres by horseback and climb up the famous Death Mountain by foot for their next clue! This task is physically hard, but teams with endurance can complete the task fast!"

"Life?" asked Kirby.

Jigglypuff nodded.

_8:45 AM  
Lake Hylia_

_Ness and Yoshi  
5 legal fish_

Yoshi cheered as Ness reeled in their last Carp Fish.

"Okay, now we just have to sell it!" said Ness.

Ness and Yoshi walked to the set up stall at the side of the lake, and waited for buyers.

Master Hand floated by.

"Quickly! Here's your clue!" said Master Hand, panicking, taking the fish. "Run before the cops see us! Run!"

"Wait… is Carp fishing even legal? I thought they were an endangered species!" said Ness.

"Just run!" said Master Hand, pushing them away.

"Okay," said Ness, opening the clue.

"You must now make your way to the pit stop," read Ness.

"Having completed the Fast Forward, Ness and Yoshi can now skip all tasks, and make their way four hundred metres to Lake Hylia Inn, the fourth pit stop in a race around the world! Teams must hurry, as the last team to arrive, may be eliminated," said Master Hand.

_8:50 AM  
Lon Lon Ranch_

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Hurry!" said Fox, running off the horse, "There's Mario in the background!"

"Should I drink the milk?" said Roy.

"Okay, you do it," said Fox.

Roy ran into the stable, and took the bottle of milk.

_Mario and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"Hey-a, is that Fox and Roy?" said Mario, guiding the horse to approach Lon Lon Ranch.

"It is!" said Peach.

"Come on-a Peach, we might just still have a chance!" said Mario.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place_

Ness and Yoshi walked into the inn, and noticed the universe mat there. They both stood on, and looked at Master Hand.

"Ness and Yoshi, you are team number one!" said Master Hand.

"All right!" said Ness, giving Yoshi a hi-five.

"Yoshi Yoshi, oshi ara Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Our brains helped us again! Without them, we would have struggled with the gun task, but we managed to work that out, and do it quickly!"_

"And as the winners of this leg of the race," said Master Hand, "You win VIP tickets to the five-day Science Con in Corneria!"

Ness and Yoshi cheered.

_Hyrule Town Market_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Me and Jigs have been working pretty fast at the moment," said Kirby, opening a sealed heart container, "We've managed to open about thirty containers in a few minutes, and hopefully we'll get the clue soon!"

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Cool, this place is awesome!" said Popo, looking around.

Popo took the clue, and opened it.

"Detour!" read Popo, "Life or Death?"

"Death," said Young Link, "Opening stuff is boring."

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4th Place_

"You want to do climbing?" asked Ganondorf.

"Sure, we're like the strongest team, we'll overtake anyone!" said Bowser.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Climbing Death Mountain sounds tame," said Samus.

Falcon looked up at Death Mountain, and started trembling.

"Uh… yeah… easy… tame…" said Falcon, sweating.

"You sure you want to go up, Pussy?" asked Samus, sticking her tongue out.

"Uh… of course… sounds… easy…"

_Zelda and DK  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Climbing or Searching?" asked DK.

"Cimbing sounds hard, let's search for the stuff," said Zelda.

_Lon Lon Ranch_

_Peach_

"Come on-a Peach," said Mario. "Drink the milk!"

"Come-a on-a Mario-a," said Peach, giggling.

Mario giggled at Peach's impression, "Oh, how cute Peach!"

"I am-a Mario-a!" said Peach.

Mario giggled slightly, "Come on-a Peach and drink the milk!"

"Hurry-a up-a Mario-a and-a drink-a up-a that-a bottle-a of-a milk-a!" said Peach, giggling.

"Enough," said Mario angrily, "That's enough Peach!"

"E-a-n-a-o-u-g-h-a o-a-f-a w-a-h-a-a-a-t?" said Peach.

"Okay, stop!" said Mario.

"E-a-n-a-o-u-g-h-a o-a-f-a w-a-h-a-a-a-t?" said Peach.

Some Italian plumbers clobbered Peach.

"Ow," said Peach.

_Roy_

"We still might have a chance," said Fox, "Peach is struggling to pick up the bottle of milk without dropping it! I reckon her muscles don't even communicate with each other."

_Peach's Arm Muscles  
_"Hey, that is so untrue! Those jerks don't even speak English!"

_Peach's Face Muscles  
_"Shut up, n00bs!"

_Peach's Tail Muscles  
_"We don't even exist, so there!"

_Peach's Brain_

…

…

…

…

_Death Mountain_

_Samus and Falcon  
_"Wait… how did you manage to poke your tongue out if you're wearing that helmet over your face all of the time?" asked Falcon.

"Uh…" said Samus, "Better go to the top then! Only two hundred more meters up!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
_"It's a long way to the top…" said Ganondorf, looking up.

"If you wanna rock and roll!" sang Bowser in a rock star voice.

Ganondorf kicked Bowser in the shins.

"Hurry up, let's gain on those shrimps!" said Bowser.

_Hyrule Town Market_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
_

"Look at the other teams!" said Kirby, laughing, "Should we tell them that they're opening the bottles that we've already opened?"

"Jig Iggly Ig Puff," said Jigglypuff. _"Naah, let's see them cover our ground."_

"Hey look, I got a clue!" said Kirby.

Jigglypuff cheered.

Kirby took the marker out of the container, and presented it to the worker. He then collected the clue, and read it out.

"You must now ride by horse to the fourth pit stop in a race around the world, Lake Hylia Inn!" said Kirby.

"Okay, let's go!" said Kirby.

_Zelda and DK  
_

"Look, Kirby and Jigglypuff have got the clue!" said Donkey Kong.

"Should we search the other side?" asked Zelda.

"Yeah, I think they've already done this side."

_Young Link and Popo_

"I can't believe this!" said Young Link, "It feels like we've doing this fore-"

"We've been here for two minutes, and you've opened two containers, and you call this tough?" asked Popo.

"Well… NO! DON'T DO IT!"

Popo sighed.

_Lon Lon Ranch_

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Yes!" said Roy, taking the clue, running out of the barn.

"Where do we have to go next?" asked Fox, looking at Roy open the clue.

"Hyrule Town Market," said Roy.

_Mario and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"Come on-a, Peach!" said Mario, "Fox and Roy are leaving!"

Peach drank down the last bit of milk.

"Yay!" said Peach, taking the clue.

Peach opened the clue, and read "You must now make your way to the Hyrule Market!"

_Death Mountain_

_Samus and Falcon  
_"How do we find our clue?" asked Falcon.

Samus looked at a sign.

"You apparently have to go into the active volcano and search for the clue in the lava," said Samus.

"Come again?" asked Falcon.

Samus pushed Falcon into the volcano.

"AAAH! AAAAAAHH!" said Falcon, getting burnt.

Bowser and Ganondorf walked up.

"Pussy," said Ganondorf.

"I agree," said Samus.

Bowser calmly walked down into the volcano, stepped into the lava and retrieved the clue.

"AAAH! AAAAH! How can't you get hurt?" screamed Falcon.

"You'll do fine," said Bowser, reading the clue.

"You must now ride by horse to the fourth pit stop in a race around the world, Lake Hylia Inn!" read Bowser.

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Hey, I found the marker!" said Popo.

"Give me that," said Young Link, angrily, snatching the small marker ribbon from Popo and placing it in another empty container.

Young Link opened the empty container.

"Oh my! I've found a marker!" said Young Link, excitedly.

"What are you even going to achieve from sucking up to the camera?" asked Popo.

"The viewers want me to do well," said Young Link, proudly.

Popo sighed.

_Zelda and DK  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Hey! I found one as well!" said Zelda.

"Quickly, let's beat the kids!" said Donkey Kong.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

Kirby and Jigglypuff walked into the Lake Hylia Inn, and stepped on the world map.

"Kirby and Jigglypuff, you are team number two!" said Master Hand.

"Yay," said Kirby, kissing Jigglypuff.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Only two hundred more metres to go," said Ganondorf.

"Hey, is that Zelda and DK and the kids on the horizon?" asked Bowser.

"It is!" said Ganondorf. "Quickly! Hurry! Zelda and Young Link are good horse riders!"

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Look! Hurry! There's the kids!" said Samus, "Speed up!"

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Good job, Zel," said Donkey Kong, "Only two hundred more metres!"

"Hey, is that the two aggro teams?" asked Zelda.

"Yeah, it is! Quick!" said Donkey Kong.

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 6th Place_

"This is going to be chaos!" said Popo. "The Pit Stop is right in the middle of us, and there are two teams coming from one direction, and two teams from the other!"

_Lake Hylia Inn_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Hurry Falcon!" said Samus.

"I'm trying!" said Falcon, trying to be as loud as he could. "Here's the turn in!"

Samus and Falcon's horse rode into the main grounds of Lake Hylia Inn.

"Get there as fast as you can!" said Samus. "I don't care if you crash the window to get there quicker!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4th Place_

Bowser's horse entered the complex.

"Quickly! Stop them with this crowbar!" said Bowser, passing a crowbar to Ganondorf behind him.

Ganondorf threw a crowbar at Samus and Falcon, hitting Falcon in the head, knocking him off the horse.

"Yes!" said Ganondorf.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Crap!" said Samus, stopping the horse to get Falcon. "The pit stop's 20 metres in front of us, and Falcon fell off!"

"Hurry up, Falcon!" said Samus.

Bowser charged at Samus, and got past her. However, as Ganondorf tried to jog past Samus grabbed him, and threw him away from the pit stop a few metres, as Falcon tried to get on his feet.

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Hurry!" said Young Link, running off his horse. "Let's try and sneak in as the other two teams fight!"

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Zelda, keep on going!" said Donkey Kong, "Crash into the window right next to the pit stop."

_Pit Stop_

"Lah… tee tah…" said Master Hand, sipping a cup of coffee.

A horse crashed through the window a few metres nearby, and Zelda and Donkey Kong stumbled onto the mat.

"Woah," said Master Hand, shocked.

The owner looked shocked.

Master Hand floated onto the map, and said, "Wow, Zelda and Donkey Kong, you are team number three!"

"Woo," said Zelda.

Samus and Falcon rushed into the inn, being followed closely by Bowser and Ganondorf, who went straight through the door, breaking it.

"Okay," said Master Hand, "Samus and Falcon, you are team number four, Bowser and Ganondorf, you are team number five!"

The owner started crying.

Popo and Young Link ran into the inn a few minutes later.

"Young Link and Popo, you are team number six!"

"_I'm glad they didn't wreck the hotel,_" though the owner.

An earthquake collapsed the building, killing everyone inside it. Luckily, due to huge amounts of continuity errors, the last sentence could not be taken seriously.

_Hyrule Town Market_

_Fox and Roy_

"Well, we've been opening these containers for about ten minutes, and there's still no sign of Mario and Peach," said Fox.

Mario and Peach ran into the Heart Container store, opened a random container that so happened to contain the clue marker, received the clue and ran out.

"Crap!" said Fox.

Roy opened a heart container.

"I found one!" said Roy.

Roy quickly obtained the clue, read it out, and ran out.

_Mario and Peach  
Currently in 7th Place_

"It's going to be a horse race to the end," said Mario, getting on the horse.

"Aah! The suspense! It contains so much suspenseness!" said Peach.

"Is that a word?"

Mario paused, letting Fox and Roy catch up.

…

…

Causing more suspense.

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in Last Place_

"Get on!" said Fox, jumping onto the horse.

Roy stumbled onto the back of the horse, as Fox hit the horse to make it go faster.

"Can we sabotage them somehow?" asked Fox.

"Use this crowbar!" said Roy, passing a crowbar to Fox.

Fox threw the crowbar at Mario, but missed and hit Peach.

Nothing happened.

Fox threw the crowbar at Mario, but missed and hit Peach.

Nothing happened.

_Mario and Peach  
Currently in 7th Place_

"I feel a sudden headache! Of headacheness!" said Peach.

"Not the time," said Mario.

_Fox and Roy  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're catching up!" said Roy. "We're only about ten metres behind them!"

"We must have an object to throw at Mario," said Fox angrily.

Jigglypuff jumped onto the horse.

"Jig Iggly Ig!" said Jigglypuff, _"Use this Bam Spray and Wipe!"_

Fox's horse caught up, so the two teams were neck and neck.

Jigglypuff poured the Bam Spray and Wipe onto Mario and Peach's horse, cutting a huge holed into the back of the horse. Peach picked up the slab of meat, and started eating.

"Mmm!" said Peach.

"Damn it!" said Fox.

Fox hit harder on the horse, making the horse overtake Peach's horse by about ten metres.

"Yes!" said Roy.

_Mario and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"How much more do we have to go?" asked Mario.

"One kilometre!" said Peach.

_Pit Stop_

Master Hand sat calmly on the table.

Two horses crashed through the newly-replaced window.

The owner started to weep.

Fox tried to dash off the horse onto the pit stop, but Peach grabbed Fox's legs as he just could not reach the pit stop by twenty centimetres. Mario and Roy had a brief fist fight, before Roy dashed onto the pit stop. Peach kept on holding Fox, a few centimetres away from his reach of the pit stop, as Mario and Roy both tried to fend each other off from touching the pit stop. Fox finally touched the pit stop, but Mario managed to restrain Roy from touching the pit stop, and throw him a few metres away. Fox tried to block Peach from getting on the pit stop, but Peach managed to push her way onto the pit stop.

"Dang!" said Fox.

"Mario and Peach," said Master Hand, "You are team number seven!"

"Yay!" said Peach.

"We've managed to-a have fun throughout most of the race, and that's what's important!" said Mario.

Fox sighed, as he and Roy walked onto the map.

"This has been a non-stop leg," said Fox, "Right from the start we've been just running without stopping!"

"Fox and Roy," said Master Hand, "You are the last team to arrive. And I'm… sorry to tell you, you have been eliminated from the race."

"Well, we had a good time," said Roy.

_Rofl Pony  
_"Wells can be used to retrieve water."

The episode ended abruptly.

**Finish Times:**

Ness and Yoshi: 8:51 AM  
Kirby and Jigglypuff: 9:15 AM  
Zelda and Donkey Kong: 9:30 AM  
Samus and Falcon: 9:31 AM  
Bowser and Ganondorf: 9:32 AM  
Young Link and Popo: 9:33 AM  
Peach and Mario: 10:11 AM  
**Fox and Roy: 10:12 AM- ELIMINATED**


	5. Leg 5: More Hyrule

"Last time, on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Eight teams set out on the fourth leg on a race around the world!  
"Teams had to move non-stop, as there were no resting periods from the first task, shooting five targets each at the Corneria gun club! Samus and Falcon took an early lead, as Mario and Peach staggered ages behind!   
"Teams then had to travel to Hyrule, and scull two litres of Lon Lon Milk or try fishing for rare fish in the Fast Forward! Ness and Yoshi and Fox and Roy raced to the fast forward, but Ness and Yoshi held their ground, as Fox and Roy chickened out back to the Road Block!  
"In the detour, Falcon struggled to grab a clue in burning lava, as Bowser grabbed it with ease!  
"Ness and Yoshi completed the detour, finishing first, while at the back, it was a struggle for second last place between the nerds and Fox and Roy! In the end, Fox and Roy finished last, and were eliminated.  
"Can Ness and Yoshi's brain power keep them ahead? Can Mario and Peach or Young Link and Popo struggle out of the back? Seven teams remain, who will be eliminated next?"

**The Teams**: (Translated into Korean and then back into English via Babelfish.)

Zelda and Donkey Kong _(Sentimentally being disablement)_  
Kirby and Jigglypuff _(Puffballs)  
_Ness and Yoshi _(UI Simplicity)  
_Bowser and Ganondorf _(Provocation)  
_Peach and Mario _(The Stupids)  
_Samus and the Duck Hawk _(The Couple)  
_Young Connection and Popo _(The Childs) _

"Ness and Yoshi, who arrived at 8:51 AM, will depart at 8:51 PM!" said Master Hand.

_Ness and Yoshi  
1st to depart: 8:51 PM_

"Next leg, Yoshi!" said Ness, opening the clue.

"You must ride by horse to the Gerudo Valley Bridge where you will receive your next clue!" read Ness.

"Teams must now walk on the bridge to the centre of the lake, and take a horse and ride it to the famous Gerudo Valley to receive their next clue!" said Master Hand, "If teams' horses fall off the bridge into the water, teams will have to teach their horse the doggy paddle. Or breaststroke."

"Let's go!" said Ness.

"Yoshi, Yoshi oshi hurr?" asked Yoshi, _"Wait? How do we get to the bridge?"_

"Well," replied Ness, "according to this fancy GPS location gadget, the bridge is four metres away that way!"

"Yoshi, oshi hurr hup, hup Yoshi!" said Yoshi, _"Wow Ness, I can always rely on you! Without you and your high-tech gadgets, we'd be stuffed!"_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
2nd to depart: 9:15 AM_

"You must ride by horse to the Gerudo Valley Bridge where you will receive your next clue!" read Kirby. "To get to the horse, you must walk the bridge to the island in the middle!"

"Jig Iggly Ig, Iggly Jig Puff Jig, Jig!" said Jigglypuff. _"Look what I found, Kirby, a Master Sword!"_

Jigglypuff beamed triumphantly.

"Uh… that's not very special," said Kirby, "like, everyone's found the Master Sword and saved the world."

"Jig," said Jigglypuff, _"Oh."_

"Even our horse has done it," said Kirby.

The horse grinned sheepishly.

_Rofl Pony  
_"Link's horse is teh hotness."

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Yoshi Yoshi, hup hurr Yoshi up Yoshi!" said Yoshi, standing on the small island. _"It's too dark and dangerous to navigate! Wanna stay here for the night?"_

"Sure," said Ness.

"Hup Yoshi, hurr hup?" asked Yoshi, _"_When will we know it's morning?_"_

Ness got out his pocket internet browser.

"According to this, 'When the sun rises'!" said Ness.

Yoshi gasped.

"Hurry Yoshi hup, ara Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"I fully understand it now! Wow… that explains everything! Wow Ness, Your hi-tech gadgets are so necessary!"_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Look at Ness and Yoshi!" said Kirby, "They're staying here! How about we get our horse on the mainland, and navigate from there?"

"Iggly Jig!" said Jigglypuff. _"Of course!"_

Jigglypuff pulled out a packet from behind our back.

"Jig Ig!" said Jigglypuff, _"Here's our meal, instant soup!"_

Jigglypuff opened the packed.

"Ig Jig?" asked Jigglypuff, _"Where's the soup?"_

"Uh… I think you have to like… cook it or something…"

Jigglypuff sued the soup company for misleading advertising.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
3rd to depart: 9:30 PM_

"You must ride by horse to the Gerudo Valley Bridge where you will receive your next clue!" read Zelda. "To get to the horse, you must walk the bridge to the island in the middle!"

"Let's go then!" said Zelda.

Five minutes passed.

"All right then, hurry Zelda!" said Donkey Kong.

"Donkey Kong," said Zelda slightly annoyed, "You were the one that was just standing there for five minutes!"

"Uh… well…" said Donkey Kong, thinking.

Five minutes passed.

"I was not!" said Donkey Kong, angrily.

_Samus and Falcon  
4th to depart: 9:31 PM_

"You must ride by horse to the Gerudo Valley Bridge where you will receive your next clue!" read Samus. "To get to the horse, you must walk the bridge to the island in the middle!"

"I'll ride your horse…" said Falcon, raising his eyebrows in a flirty manner.

Samus looked at the camera, like an advertisement.

"I don't have to beat up Falcon anymore," said Samus, looking like she was reading off a script, "I just use this 'Bully Robot™', and all of the work is done for me!"

Samus put down the miniature robot onto the ground.

"Aww, how cute," said Falcon, petting the robot.

The tiny robot got out a chainsaw, and hacked Falcon to death.

"Ow! Ow! I mean… like, why? Ow! OOW!1 OOW!1" screamed Falcon.

Falcon died.

_The Spelling Academy_  
"Joek of teh yeer!1"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
5th to depart: 9:32 PM_

"You must ride by horse to the Gerudo Valley Bridge where you will receive your next clue!" read Bowser. "To get to the horse, you must walk the bridge to the island in the middle!"

"This leg we really need to start showing our aggressive side," said Ganondorf, looking at the camera, "We need to use any opportunity possible to get ahead, and win at all costs!"

Ganondorf looked at Bowser.

"Well, are you ready to go, without anything stopping you?" asked Ganondorf.

"C- can we go to that nearby Moonbucks™?" asked Bowser, begging.

"Didn't you hear me? I said, nothing will get in our way!" said Ganondorf angrily.

"What about my bladder?" wept Bowser, trembling, "I need to go!"

"Hold it in!" snapped Ganondorf, "We've got a race to run!"

"It's urgent!" wept Bowser.

Ganondorf, defying any logic surgically removed Bowser's bladder with his bare hands.

"See?" asked Ganondorf, "All better!"

"But if you just removed by bladder, then any water I drink will just come straight-" said Bowser.

Ganondorf looked at what Bowser did.

"Eww!" said Ganondorf, "Just… just… ew!"

Bowser whimpered.

"I don't want to be associated with you!" snapped Ganondorf, "You disgusting child!"

"I want my bladder back!" cried Bowser.

"NO!" screamed Ganondorf.

"That's it!" screamed Bowser, "You're a bully!"

"You can call me any name you want, but I'm not going to-"

"You big meanie!" screamed Bowser.

Ganondorf gasped.

"That- that-" said Ganondorf, trembling, "Was the lowest insult- anyone could use! I'm disgusted! Here! Take your dirty bladder back!"

"Yay!" said Bowser.

_Audience   
_"Uh… were we supposed to find that funny? Because that wasn't!" said a member of the audience.

"Well, uh…" replied the author, "Look at me! I'm a self-insert! Now it has to be funny!"

Nobody laughed.

"Well… uh…" said the author, "Who didn't find that joke funny?"

Most of the 500-strong audience put their hand up.

"Are you sure?" asked the author, taking out a gun.

Several people's hands remained up.

The author shot all of them in the shins, making them hurt.

"**Now** who doesn't find that joke funny?" asked the author.

Several more hands were put up.

The author shot them.

"Did anyone find that joke funny now?"

The audience burst with laughter.

"Good," said the author in an evil way.

_Young Link and Popo  
6th to depart: 9:33 PM_

"To get to the horse, you must walk the bridge to the island in the middle!" read Young Link.

"We finished sixth last leg, our best result yet," said Popo. "We were only about five minutes off third place, so I think we're doing really well!"

"I think the only person in the team that isn't helping us towards elimination is me! Clearly Popo is the one that stuffs us up!" said Young Link arrogantly.

"Oh really?" asked Popo angrily, "What about last leg, where if **you **didn't stop for those milkshakes for about 20 minutes, we would have come third? Huh? Now who's stuffing us up?"

"Well… uh…" said Young Link nervously.

Young Link thought about that for a while.

…

…

…

…

…

Young Link slashed Popo's head off, killing him.

"Now who's dead?" laughed Young Link.

Young Link laughed at his witful witty piece of wit.

Young Link continued laughing.

Young Link continued laughing.

Young Link continued laughing.

Young Link continued laughing.

Young Link continued laughing.

Young Link realised Popo was dead.

"Aww… now I have to drag him!" said Young Link angrily. "It's all your fault, Popo!"

Young Link angrily kicked Popo's decapitated head into a drain.

"Uh… Oops?" said Young Link.

_Peach and Mario  
Last to depart: 10:11 PM_

"To get to the horse, you must walk the bridge to the island in the middle!" read Mario.

"I really like horsies!" said Peach, "I think horsies like me back!"

Peach looked at a horse five metres away.

"Good horsie!" said Peach, patting the horse.

The horse trampled over Peach several times, crushing her spine.

"I think the horsie likes me!" said Peach.

The horse lifted up a bag of kerosene, and poured it all over Peach.

"I think the horsie likes me!" said Peach.

The horse got out a cigarette, and lit a match.

"I think the horsie likes me!" said Peach.

The horse started swearing at Peach in the horse language.

"I think the horsie likes me!" said Peach.

The horse had a smoke.

"I think the horsie likes me!" said Peach.

The horse finished, and dropped the still ignited cigarette on Peach, engulfing her whole body in flames burning her body to death.

…

…

…

…

"Oh great," said Mario, "Who will be-a my scapegoat now?"

"I think the horsie likes me!" said Peach.

_4:30 AM_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

Bowser crept around a few sleeping teams, and got onto the back of a horse.

"There's barely any light, but we're going to quietly cross our bridge and start our journey," said Ganondorf quietly to the camera, "I reckon some teams won't be up until about 7:00, so if the bridge opens about then, then we'll have a big advantage."

_5:00 AM  
First Light_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"The sun is starting to rise, Jigs, let's go!" said Kirby.

"Jig Ig, Iggly Jig Ig!" said Jigglypuff, _"Just after I finish checking my email!"_

"Can you even get internet access in Hyrule?" asked Kirby.

"Jig…" said Jigglypuff, _"Uh…"_

"Uh… Jigglypuff, that's not a computer, that's an abacus," said Kirby.

"Puff," said Jigglypuff, embarrassed, _"Well… oops… hehe…"_

Jigglypuff looked shocked.

"Jig Iggly Ig, Iggly Jiggly Jig?" asked Jigglypuff. _"Wait, if that's an abacus, then where did I plug in my MP3 player to charge?"_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Come on Falcon, let's go!" said Samus.

"I can't!" replied Falcon, whimpering, "I have these… these pains…"

"What kind of pains?"

"Backside pains," laughed Falcon nervously.

Falcon explained it in more detail.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Jiggly Ig?" asked Jigglypuff, _"Well, did you find my MP3 player?"_

"Uh…" said Kirby, shocked, looking at Falcon explain his situation to Samus, "Let's just say… if you get your MP3 player back, it won't be in the most hygienic of situations…"

_Audience_

Said an audience member, "That's not funny, that's grotty! I mean, you would have to be disturbed to be writing about Jigglypuff inserting an MP3 player up Falcon's a-"

The author took out the gun.

"Pardon?" asked the author.

The audience member sat down.

_Gerudo Valley_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Finally, sunlight!" said Bowser on the back of the horse, looking at the sky.

"Hey, is that big bridge over there our destination?" asked Ganondorf, pointing.

"Looks like it," said Bowser, "I think we're here!"

Ganondorf parked the horse, and walked towards the bridge.

"What? It opens at seven?" asked Ganondorf.

"Oh well, we get to be the first ones to enter the complex," said Bowser, grabbing a number, "We get like a one minute advantage on the next team that arrives."

_5:30 AM  
Sunrise  
Lake Hylia_

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Hey, come on Yoshi, let's get on our horse!" said Ness.

"Yoshi Yoshi?" asked Yoshi, _"Okay, but is there enough light for us to travel?"_

"Well, according to my sun detection gadget, if you look at the sun and it burns your eyes, or you can see clearly fifty metres in front of you, then there should be enough sunlight for us to go!"

"Yoshi oshi Yo!" said Yoshi. _"Wow, your gadgets teach me so much stuff! I want them!"_

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Hey, wake up Zelda!" said Donkey Kong. "Four other teams have already left!"

"Okay," said Zelda, "Let's hurry!"

"Yeah, let's hurry!" said Donkey Kong.

Donkey Kong and Zelda got onto their horse.

"So…" said Zelda, "How are you… friend…"

"Uh…" said Donkey Kong nervously, "Okay…"

"Well…" said Zelda, "Good… yes! Good!"

"_Is Zelda trying to ignore me because she doesn't like me?" _thought Donkey Kong.

Donkey Kong started crying, "You don't like me, do you?"

"I do!" said Zelda.

"You… you like me?" asked Donkey Kong.

"I do! I mean… I don't… I mean… I don't know!" cried Zelda.

"No! I've made her upset! Probably because she doesn't like me!" cried Donkey Kong.

Zelda and Donkey Kong burst into tears.

_5:45 AM  
Gerudo Valley_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Come on Jigs!" said Kirby, hopping off his horse.

Kirby dragged Jigglypuff along, running to the sign to see Bowser and Ganondorf.

"Phew," said Kirby, "It opens at seven!"

Kirby grabbed the 'number two' marker.

"We came here like an hour before you, but this stupid bridge opens at seven!" said Bowser angrily.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Hey, the place hasn't opened yet!" said Samus, spotting the other two teams while getting off her horse.

Samus grabbed a marker.

"This is ridiculous!" shouted Bowser, "We brave the cold and dark by horse, get here an hour beforehand, but we only get a one minute advantage?"

_6:00 AM  
Lake Hylia_

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Wake up!" said Popo, violently shaking Young Link.

Young Link woke up.

"Why did you oversleep, Popo?" asked Young Link angrily.

"Oversleeping? I've been trying to wake you up for twenty minutes!" complained Popo.

"Well… well…" replied Young Link, trying to make a comeback, "Uh…shut up."

Popo sighed.

_Audience_

"Wait, wasn't Popo dead?" asked an audience member.

"Yes," said the author.

_Mario and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"Come on-a Peach, we have to beat Young Link and Popo, the others have left!" said Mario. "Peach? Where are you?"

Mario looked around.

Peach giggled, and ran up to Mario with a live crocodile in her hands.

"Hehehe! Isn't he so cute?" asked Peach.

"AAH!1 NO! He's-a dangerous!" said Mario, alarmed. "He could kill someone!"

"Aww…" said Peach.

Peach stroked the crocodile.

"Yay!" said Peach.

The crocodile violently ate Peach's horse.

"Aww…" said Peach.

The crocodile violently ate Popo.

"Yay!" said Peach.

The crocodile violently ate Mario.

"Aww…" said Peach.

The crocodile violently ate Peach.

"Ow… I mean… yay!" said Peach.

_Audience_

Absolute silence.

"So, who didn't find that joke funny?" asked the author.

Everyone put their hand up.

The author took out his gun.

The joke suddenly became funny.

_Gerudo Valley Bridge_

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Yoshi hup, hurr Yoshi Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Hey, there are all the others! We're still in luck!"_

Ness took a marker number. "Okay, we're fourth to go in!"

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 5th Place_

Zelda and Donkey Kong got off their horse, still sobbing.

"Here- here's the bridge," sobbed Zelda.

"We're- we're fifth," cried Donkey Kong, taking a marker.

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Hey, all of the other teams are still here!" said Young Link, taking a marker.

_Peach and Mario  
Currently in Last Place_

"Peach-a," said Mario, angrily, "I want you to get rid of that crocodile! It's eaten the back half of our horse! At the moment, it's-a dragging along us with it's two front legs!"

Mario got off the horse, giving angry looks to Peach.

_7:00 AM  
Gerudo Valley Bridge Opens_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Quickly, we've got to use the three minute advantage!" said Ganondorf, running in.

Ganondorf violently grabbed a clue from the clue box, and opened it.

"Road Block! Who's ready for a jumping time?" read Ganondorf.

Said Bowser, "A jumping time? WTF? That doesn't even-"

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that one member from each team must perform! In this Road Block, that team member has to abseil one-hundred metres down the Gerudo Valley! Once they have done that, they will have to walk all the way to the other side of the valley, and then rope climb their way back up! Once they have done that, teams will receive their next clue!"

"I think I can do it!" said Bowser.

"Go get 'em, Bowser!" said Ganondorf.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Road Block!" read Kirby, "Who's ready for a jumping time?"

Kirby looked at Jigglypuff.

"I'll do it!" said Kirby.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"You wanna do the Road Block?" asked Falcon.

"Sure," replied Samus.

More people decided who was going to do what.

_Kirby_  
"I'm struggling to get down! I'm finding it really hard to pull myself down, because I'm a puffball!" complained Kirby.

_Bowser_  
"You think that's bad? I'm finding it really hard to actually abseil properly, my weight's just pulling me down to the ground!" complained Bowser.

_Samus_  
"I think it's hard to actually be challenged by these stupid tasks," said Samus, cutting the rope, free falling.

_Yoshi_  
"Yoshi, hup Yoshi hurr up Yoshi Yoshi! Hup Yoshi, shi yo Yoshi? Yoshi!" screamed Yoshi, precariously dangling upside down from a killer whale, which was tipping over the edge of the cliff.

_Donkey Kong_  
"Hey, this is so cool! I just sit here, and I get pulled down!" said Donkey Kong.

The chain broke, making Donkey Kong fall about seventy metres to the bottom of the valley.

"OW!1" screamed Donkey Kong.

10 seconds passed.

"Hey! I'm first!"

_Popo_  
"You stink Popo! You can't abseil!" screamed Young Link from the bridge, "What ever happened to the part where you were an 'Ice Climber'?"

"When I'm an Ice Climber, that means I know how to **climb**, not **abseil!**" replied Popo angrily.

_Peach_  
"Good crocodile!" said Peach, to her crocodile, who was pulling the ropes at the top in a way to make Peach go down faster.

The crocodile bit the rope, causing Peach to fall all the way to the bottom.

"Peach-a, are you all right?" asked Mario, concerned.

"Yeah, I had my safety harness on!" said Peach.

"That-a doesn't work unless you are attached to-a the rope!" said Mario.

"Oh," said Peach, "Well, in that case, I'm in pain then!"

_Samus_  
"I don't need to rope climb, my grappling beam can pull me to the top!" said Samus.

_Kirby_  
"Well, I'm a puffball, so I can just keep on jumping, and not have to pull myself up the ropes!" said Kirby.

_Bowser_  
"Aww… I don't have any special powers," said Bowser, halfway up the rope climb.

_Oprah_  
"Everyone is special."

_Bowser_  
"Aww… thanks Oprah!" said Bowser.

_Donkey Kong_  
"I'm ten metres lower than Bowser!"

_Yoshi_  
"I'm stuck in a shark's oesophagus!" said Yoshi, stuck in a shark's oesophagus.

_Peach_  
"You think that's bad? I'm stuck in a shark's asparagus!" said Peach.

_Yoshi_  
"That doesn't even make any sense!"

_Peach_  
"Neither does your face!"

_Popo_  
"That didn't make any sense, Peach," said Popo, completing the abseil.

_Peach_  
"Neither does your face!"

Popo sighed.

_Samus_  
"I'm done!" said Samus, taking the clue.

_Peach and Yoshi_  
"Because of us being stuck in a shark's digestive system, we haven't even started the abseil!" said Peach and Yoshi in unison.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1st Place_

"You must now make your way to 'Hyrule Castle'!" read Samus, "Warning! Yield ahead!"

"Should we Yield someone?" asked Samus.

"We should Yield the puffballs or Bowser and Ganondorf," said Falcon.

"Teams must make their way to Hyrule Castle, where they will have to go to the front entrance to receive their next clue!" said Master Hand. "Next to the clue box is a Yield, where a team can force another team to stop racing for a predetermined amount of time, by making them flip an hourglass, stopping them from racing! This is only one of three Yields, and teams can only use their power once, so teams will have to decide when it is best to use their Yield power! As an additional rule, multiple teams can Yield, but those who have been Yielded can Yield the same leg!"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"I'm done!" said Kirby, running with the clue to Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff opened the clue.

"Ig Jiggly, Ig Puff Jiggly Puff Iggly Ig!" said Jigglypuff. _"You must now make your way to 'Hyrule Castle'! Warning! Yield ahead!"_

"Yield, eh?" asked Kirby, "Who should we Yield?"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"You must make your way to 'Hyrule Castle'!" read Ganondorf. "Warning! Yield ahead!"

"Okay, let's go!" said Bowser.

"How are we going to get there? Thanks to your smooth move of piercing the horse with your shell, our horse is dead!" said Ganondorf, angrily.

"Let's steal the nerds' horse. They'll be fine," said Bowser.

Bowser sat on Ness and Yoshi's horse.

An alarm went off.

"Oh great, they installed an alarm on it!" said Bowser angrily. "Shut up, alarm!"

Bowser started hitting the horse in hope that the alarm would stop, but ended up killing the horse.

"Oops," said Bowser. "What about Peach and Mario's?"

"WTF? Their horse is missing its two back legs!" said Ganondorf.

"Okay then," said Bowser, "Zelda and Donkey Kong's?"

"Whoops," said Ganondorf, looking at Zelda and Donkey Kong's dead horse, "I guess I accidentally put a death curse on their horse!"

"Let's take Young Link and Popo's horse!" said Bowser.

"I guess none of the other teams have any horses left, they'll do fine," said Ganondorf.

_Donkey Kong  
On the rope climb_

"Come on, DK!" said Zelda, cheering on from the sideline, "You've almost reached the top!"

Donkey Kong pulled himself up a few more metres, and then hurled himself onto the top of the climb.

"Here's your clue," said a young elf worker, handing Donkey Kong the clue.

Donkey Kong walked over to Zelda, and opened the clue.

"You must make your way to 'Hyrule Castle'!" read Donkey Kong. "Warning! Yield ahead!"

"Come on, let's go!" said Donkey Kong. "We've got to Yield those stupid kids!"

Donkey Kong ran off the bridge, and looked at the pile of dead horses.

"W(here)TF is our horse?" asked Donkey Kong.

"I don't remember our horse only having two legs or being dead," said Zelda.

"Do you know any, like, healing potions?" asked Donkey Kong.

"I think this might help the horsie with missing legs grow back his legs!" said Zelda, taking a bottle out from her bag.

Zelda fed the potion to the horse.

The horse grew go-kart wheels in place of its hind legs.

"Uh… I don't think that's supposed to happen," said Zelda.

_Popo  
On the rope climb_

"Hey Young Link!" said Popo, starting to climb the rope, "We're actually beating two teams!"

"The two teams that we're beating are all because of my greatness, but the four teams that we're behind are because of you!" said Young Link, triumphantly.

"That doesn't make any sense!" said Popo angrily.

"Neither does your face!" replied Young Link.

"You realise Peach uses that insult?" replied Popo.

"Well, well, uh…" said Young Link.

…

…

…

Young Link threw a spear at Popo's harness rope, which made him fall away to the ground.

"OW!1 OOOOOOWWWWW!1" screamed Popo.

"Now who's the stupid one?" asked Young Link.

Popo died.

"Didn't you hear my witty comeback?" asked Young Link, "Now who's the stupid one?"

Popo still was dead.

Young Link didn't notice.

"Now who's the stupid one?" asked Young Link.

Popo still was dead.

Young Link didn't notice.

"Now who's the stupid one?" asked Young Link.

Young Link realised Popo was dead.

"Oh yeah? Well… uh… uh… ah! You're the stupid one, because you're dead!" said Young Link.

"That doesn't even make any sense!" said Popo.

"Neither does your face," said Young Link.

_Audience   
_"This is the worst fic ever! He's died like, ten times, and then just appeared again! How does that work?" asked an angry member in the audience.

"Release the anvil," said the author.

Nothing happened.

"You don't have an anvil," said the audience member.

The author shot the audience member in the head.

"I have a gun!" said the author.

Everyone laughed at his witty wit.

_Yoshi  
On the abseil_

"Come on, Yoshi!" said Ness, "You've got to beat Peach! You're almost at the bottom, come on!"

_Peach  
On the abseil_

"Come on-a Peach, do the abseil, it's not time to feed the crocodile!" said Mario.

"I'm trying to abseil, but the crocodile is biting my arm off!" said Peach.

"Use the spray-on crocodile repellent!" said Mario, throwing a can to Peach.

Peach sprayed the repellent into her eyes.

"Ow!" said Peach.

"What-a was that for?" asked Mario angrily.

"So the crocodile can't bite my eyes off!" said Peach.

"But now you can't see!" replied Mario angrily.

"Uh… I didn't take that into account… oh well… I'll learn next time!" said Peach.

The crocodile bit off Peach's lower body.

"Ow," said Peach.

_Hyrule Castle_

_Samus and Falcon_

"Hey, is this the place?" asked Samus.

"Yes it is! Get off, this is the place! Quickly! Before Bowser and Ganondorf come!" replied Falcon.

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"Crap! They've beaten us to the Yield!" said Bowser.

"There are like, a few side entrances to the castle, they might have the wrong one," replied Ganondorf.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"Hey, isn't that the front entrance?" asked Kirby, pointing to the giant moat trapdoor entrance.

"Jig Ig, Iggly Ig, Jig Ig Puff Jig?" asked Jigglypuff, _"I think it is! Why did the others go the other way?"_

_Samus and Falcon_

"Where's the Yield or clue box? I don't see anything!" said Samus.

"Hey! We're on the wrong side of the castle! This entrance is a few hundred metres too far!" said Falcon. "You wanna go back on the horse?"

"Nah, let's run through the castle," said Samus.

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"Samus and Falcon went in! I think they've found it! We have to beat them!" said Bowser.

Bowser and Ganondorf leaped off their horse, and sprinted into the side entrance of the castle.

"We have to beat them at all costs! If we get Yielded, we could be stopped by half an hour!" said Bowser.

Bowser and Ganondorf sprinted through the castle.

"Oops," said Ganondorf, knocking someone over as he sprinted. "Sorry."

Bowser looked back, still sprinting. "Was that the king?"

"Meh," replied Ganondorf.

"I think that was the king!" said Bowser, "You knocked over the king of Hyrule! You idiot!"

"They'll be fine," said Ganondorf.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"These steps are really big!" said Kirby, "The clue's at the top of the big flight of stairs!"

_Samus and Falcon_

"There's the clue box and Yield!" said Samus, sprinting. "Where's Falcon?"

Samus stopped.

Bowser and Ganondorf ran past.

Samus noticed Falcon flirting with some Hyrulian elves.

"IDIOT!" shrieked Samus, really loudly.

Samus mauled Falcon to death with a crowbar in a few seconds, and then started running with Falcon's body to the clue.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"Jig Iggly Ig!" said Jigglypuff, _"A few more steps!"_

Kirby and Jigglypuff ran up to the top of the steps, to be beaten to the Yield by Bowser and Ganondorf.

"Drat!" said Kirby.

Ganondorf took the 'number one' marker, and looked at Kirby and Jigglypuff, and Samus and Falcon.

"Who should we Yield?" asked Ganondorf. "It's up to you Bowser."

Bowser looked at the cute puffballs, and smiled in joy.

Bowser looked at Samus clenching her fists, and looked scared.

Bowser looked at the cute puffballs, and smiled in joy.

Bowser looked at Samus clenching her fists, and looked scared.

Bowser looked at the cute puffballs, and smiled in joy.

"Yield Samus, I can't Yield someone so cute!" said Bowser.

Bowser put Samus and Falcon's name on the yield board.

"I'm going to kill you!" screamed Samus.

"Do your worst," laughed Ganondorf.

Samus killed Ganondorf.

"Well, that wasn't really supposed to happen, huh?"

_Rofl Pony_

"I'm only here as a convenience, so that Ganondorf can spring back to life again."

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Detour!" read Bowser.

"Detour!" said Master Hand, "A detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour: Sport or Fort!  
"In Sport, teams must navigate their way to the garden outside the castle, and participate in two traditionally used Hyrulian sporting activities! One team member has to successfully win a joust, with as many tries as they like. Once they have won, the other team member has to accurately shoot an apple off some random Hyrulian prisoner! Once teams have done both activities, they will receive their next clue! This task requires co-ordination, but those with persistence and sporting skills can complete the task quickly!  
"In Fort, following an instruction booklet, teams have to build a Hyrulian-style wall fort! Once teams build their fort, they will tell an official, and then get their fort tested against a cannon! If the fort stays up, teams will receive their next clue! This task is relatively easy for those with brains, but it will require patience if the fort doesn't stay up!"

"Let's do the joust and arrow!" said Ganondorf.

_Samus and Falcon  
Yielded  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"This is ridiculous!" said Samus, flipping the hourglass, "It's all your fault! Now we have to wait like, half an hour! I hate you and all of your flirtyness!"

"Is that a sign that you lov-"

Samus got out a chainsaw, rammed it into Falcon's saw, snapped Falcon's spine and dislocated his neck.

"No… MORE… FLIRTING!"

"That's a diagnosis of love my doctor, would-"

"No…" said Samus, snapping Falcon's jaw open King-Kong-style.

"MORE…" said Samus, getting a sabre and ramming it through his chest.

"FLIRTING!1" screamed Samus, stomping on Falcon's decapitated head.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We choose to Yield no-one!" said Kirby.

Kirby opened the clue. "Sport or Fort?"

"Jig Jiggly!" said Jigglypuff, _"Sport!"_

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Hyrule Castle, two k's," read Zelda off a sign. "Come on, Donkey Kong, we've got to Yield those stupid kids!"

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Do you think Zelda and Donkey Kong will Yield us?" asked Popo.

"Naah," said Young Link.

"What about you setting a stink bomb off in their room last night? You think that helps the situation?" asked Popo angrily.

"Uh… well… uh…" said Young Link.

…

…

…

…

…

"No, I don't think it helps the situation," said Young Link.

"Oh," said Popo.

_Peach  
On the rope climb_

"Come on-a Peach!" shouted Mario from the bridge.

"This is so tiring!" said Peach.

"Get-a rid of your stupid crocodile!" said Mario angrily, "It's adding 50 kgs of weight onto you!"

"But I love him!"

"He bit off your lower body!"

"But I love him!"

"He hacked into your-a secret Swiss Bank account!"

"But I love him!"

"He changed your will!"

"But I love him!"

"He deleted your Mario Party save files on the DS!"

"I hate you crocodile!" screamed Peach.

Peach let go.

"Yay!" said Peach.

_Yoshi  
On the rope climb_

"Are you okay, Yoshi?" asked Ness, "How are the scars?"

"Yoshi, hur hup Yoshi hurr!" said Yoshi. _"Painful, but I can still climb!"_

"Come on, you're catching up to Peach!" said Ness.

_Samus and Falcon  
Yielded  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"This stupid Yield looks like it's been going on forever!" said Samus angrily, "I can't believe you got us Yielded because you flirted with a Hyrulian elf! And he was male!"

"He was male? Heh, whoops," replied Falcon.

"And even then, you held us up and lost us time!" said Samus.

"Don't worry Samus, I'll make the time up for us!"

"Not if you're dead," said Samus angrily.

"What? I'm not dead? I mean, I don't feel dead, and, you haven't killed me or anything like that, what are you talking about? I'm not dead!" said Falcon.

"I said, 'Not if you're dead'," said Samus angrily.

"I said, I'm not dead!" replied Falcon angrily.

"Get the **subtle **hint?" asked Samus.

"No," said Falcon.

"You know, you can't make us up time if you are **dead**? Don't you think that implies anything?" asked Samus.

Falcon thought about that for a while.

"Aah, I think I know what you mean!" said Falcon.

Samus shot a missile into Falcon's head, making him dead.

"Woah," said Samus, "Talk about delaying the punch line!"

_Bowser  
On the joust_

"Heh, these jousts look so cool!" said Bowser, "So all I have to do is knock the other guy off their horse?"

"Uh huh," replied Ganondorf.

"Cool!" said Bowser, hopping on.

The local jousting champion hopped on his horse, holding out his spear.

"Oh, we have spears?" asked Bowser.

Bowser threw his spear across about twenty metres into the opponent's chest, knocking him off the horse.

"Did I win?" asked Bowser to a royal servant.

"No," replied the royal servant, "You have to win in a proper joust!"

"What do you mean? I knocked him off his horse!" said Bowser angrily. "Don't I win?"

Ganondorf got the 'bribe' chest out of his bag.

"How about, we make an offer?" asked Ganondorf, opening his 'bribe' chest, showing the royal servant.

The royal servant gasped in shock.

Ganondorf looked at his chest.

"I guess that wasn't the 'bribe' chest, but my 'dead royal servant heads' chest," said Ganondorf.

The royal servant nervously told Bowser he completed the joust, afterwards muttering, "Please don't hurt me!"

"I guess the ol' threatening method works okay as well," said Ganondorf.

_Kirby  
On the joust_

"This is impossible!" complained Kirby, "There is no possible way that I can beat that other guy in the joust!"

"Jig Ig?" asked Jigglypuff, _"What about eating him?"_

"Naah, the spear will hit me!" said Kirby.

"Jig Ig, Jiggly Puff Jig?" asked Jigglypuff. _"What about the ol' cute method?"_

"Hey, I'll try that!" said Kirby.

Kirby got on his horse. The champion jouster did as well.

Kirby and the jouster started moving the horses, making them go towards each other.

As the two horses started nearing, Kirby started crying.

The other jouster stopped, saying, "Aww, what's wrong, you cute little pink puffball?"

Kirby stopped crying, and blew the jouster off his horse, tipping it over.

"Yay!" said Kirby, taking the clue.

"I swear," said the jouster angrily, "I am going to kill the **next person **who uses a cheap winning tactic on me."

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"Hey, this is it, right?" asked Donkey Kong, pointing to the front entrance of Hyrule castle.

"Yeah, it is? There's no sign of Young Link and Popo! I thought they were tailgating us!" said Zelda, curiously.

Zelda tripped over a piece of wire, falling flat on her face.

Young Link ran out from behind a tree, and started laughing.

"Haha! You're such a fool! See Popo, I told you if Zelda tripped, we'd beat them to the yield!" laughed Young Link.

"You haven't Yielded us yet?" asked Zelda, surprised.

"No," said Young Link.

Zelda and Donkey Kong ran in, and Yielded Young Link and Popo.

"You idiot!" said Popo, angrily, "We got Yielded! We got here five minutes before them, if we actually Yielded them then, then we wouldn't have been Yielded ourselves! You're a sheer idiot, Popo!"

"Oh yeah? Well… uh… uh…" said Young Link.

…

…

…

…

…

Young Link injected Popo with the Denghi Fever.

"Aaah! My skin! My feverness!" complained Popo, "I hate you Young Link!"

"Oh yeah? Well… uh… uh…" said Young Link.

…

…

…

…

…

Young Link injected Popo with a second dose of the Denghi Fever.

Popo died of an overdose of Denghi Fever.

"Haha, sucker," said Young Link.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"How long does this stupid Yield go for? At least it's almost finished," said Samus.

"It's done," said Falcon, taking the clue.

"I cannot believe it, the others are here! Quickly, take the clue!" said Samus, passing the clue to Captain Falcon.

"Detour! Sport or fort?" read Captain Falcon.

Captain Falcon read the descriptions.

"Let's do the sport one," said Falcon.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Haha, we yielded you!" laughed Donkey Kong, opening the clue.

"Oh yeah?" replied Young Link. "Well… you're an ape! A big, hairy ape!"

"Why thank you!" said Donkey Kong, "It's always nice to have a compliment!"

"I was INSULTING YOU!" said Young Link, angrily.

"Really? Well, where was the insult?" replied Donkey Kong.

"The big… hairy… ape thing," said Young Link.

"What's wrong with being an ape?" asked Donkey Kong.

"Fine then, what about this insult?" asked Young Link.

Young Link said the 'killer' insult.

Several people nearby passed out because of how offensive the insult was.

Young Link was banned from Sweden, because the king vomited when he heard of the insult, because it was so low and insulting.

People nearby broke down into tears, because of the 'killer' insult.

"How about that killer insult?" asked Young Link.

"Er… I don't get how it's offensive," said Donkey Kong.

Young Link said the insult several more times.

Several suburbs had overflowing hospitals, due to heart attacks, due to people being so traumatised instantly by the insulting insult, that they stopped all bodily functions and had heart attacks.

…

…

"So?" asked Donkey Kong.

People gave Donkey Kong bravery awards for not dying from the insult.

"Well… uh… uh… You are a big meanie," said Young Link.

"WHAT?" screamed Donkey Kong, "YOU LOW, LOW PERSON! I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU! YOU HAVE OFFENDED ME TO THE LIMIT! THAT IS IT! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! PLEASE TRY AND BE NICER NEXT TIME!"

Donkey Kong calmed down, and opened the clue.

"Detour! Sport or Fort?" asked Donkey Kong.

"Let's build a fort out of bricks!" said Zelda.

_Young Link and Popo  
Yielded  
Currently in 5th Place_

"How does that make sense? You say the worst insult ever said, and then you say big meanie, and Donkey Kong spazzes at you, how does that work? Do apes like, hate lame insults?" asked Popo.

"Haha, funny one," said Young Link, "I'll try that! You're so stupid, it makes me cry!"

Several hundred apes ran up to Young Link, and gave him an angry looks.

"Uh… nice apies?" asked Young Link, nervously.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Yoshi up, herr hup Yoshi!" said Yoshi, taking the clue to Ness. _"Finally, we're done!"_

"You must now make your way to 'Hyrule Castle'!" read Ness, "Warning! Yield ahead!"

"Yoshi up, herr up herr ara Yoshi?" said Yoshi, _"I really hope that no-one Yields us, otherwise we are gone!"_

_Mario and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"Hurry up-a Peach!" said Mario, angrily, "You spent an hour and a half on the task!"

"I'm sorry, I'm trying!" cried Peach.

"Oh, there, there," said Mario, "I wasn't trying to be mean."

"I know," sobbed Peach, "I just miss my crocodile!"

"There, there," said Mario, "Soon you will-a find another pet that you will love even-a more! And I might like it as well!"

"Really?" said Peach, stopping crying, "So you won't mind my killer bee hive?"

"Killer-a bee hive?" asked Mario, anxiously, "Are you out of your mind! Someone could get killed!"

…

…

…

"By the killer bees!"

Peach gasped, "I'm so sorry! I thought I was doing the right thing, but now you've proved me wrong!"

Peach threw away her killer bee hive about twenty metres in front into Ness and Yoshi's general area.

"Now you are-a putting them in danger!" said Mario angrily.

"From what?" asked Peach.

Mario sighed.

"From the killer bees!"

Peach gasped. "I'm so sorry! I thought I was doing the right thing, but now you've proved me wrong!"

"Woah, deja vu," said Yoshi.

"Well, what else would you expect?" asked Mario.

_Rofl Pony  
_"Wells can be used to retrieve water."

_Jigglypuff  
On the arrow_

"Please don't miss!" begged the prisoner, getting placed an apple on his head.

"Jig," said Jigglypuff, _"I wouldn't miss!"_

Jigglypuff missed.

"Ig…" said Jigglypuff, _"Oops!"_

The prisoner died.

"I guess we'll get another one then," said a producer, grabbing another prisoner.

Jigglypuff shot at the next prisoner, hitting the apple on his head.

"Yay!" said Kirby.

Jigglypuff received the clue, and opened it.

"Jig Ig, Iggly Puff Gly Puff Puff!" said Jigglypuff. _"You must now make your way to Hyrule Courtyard, the Pit Stop for the leg of the race!"_

"Yay!" said Kirby, "Pit stop!"

"Teams must now three hundred metres up five flights of stairs to travel to the Pit Stop, the not-particularly-famous-or-important-in-any-way 'Hyrule Courtyard'!" said Master Hand. "Teams must hurry, as the last team to arrive, may be eliminated!"

_Ganondorf  
On the arrow_

"Quickly Ganondorf, they're done!" said Bowser.

"I can't shoot arrows! Stuff this, just grab a clue!" said Ganondorf.

"You can't do that! That's breaking the game rules!" said a freckly teenage elf.

"Break this!" said Ganondorf.

Ganondorf broke the elf's skull.

"Woah, we didn't see that one coming," said Bowser sarcastically, taking a clue.

"You must now make your way to Hyrule Courtyard, the pit stop for this leg of the race! You must hurry, as the last team to arrive, may be eliminated," read Bowser.

"Hurry!" said Ganondorf, "The puffballs are running towards the main building!"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"Hurry, Jigs! Take the lift!" said Kirby.

Kirby pressed the 'open' button, and jumped into the elevator.

"Puff!" said Jigglypuff, _"Press the close button!"_

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"Drat! They've taken the lift!" said Bowser, "We have to beat them by foot!"

Ganondorf sprinted up a flight of stairs, and pressed the 'up' button on the lift.

The door opened.

Ganondorf smiled, and then ran up the next flight of stairs.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"Jig pugg, Jigglypuff!" said Jigglypuff. _"Yay! We're already there!"_

"Wait, they pressed the button, the cheats!" said Kirby, "Beat them!"

Kirby and Jigglypuff cut in front of Bowser, and dashed up the stairs.

_Ganondorf_

"Hurry Bowser! Two floors to go! We've got to beat them!" shouted Ganondorf.

_Bowser  
Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"I'm trying!" said Bowser, directly behind the puffballs, "But they won't let me pass!"

_Ganondorf_

Ganondorf ran up the last flight of stairs, and ran onto the world map. "Hurry Bowser!" shouted Ganondorf angrily.

_Kirby_

"Yes! We made it, Jigs!" said Kirby, running onto the world map. "Jigs?"

_Bowser and Jigglypuff_

Bowser picked up Jigglypuff.

"You don't want to go to the pit stop," said Bowser, "Uh… you want to go on that coin-operated horsie ride!"

"Jiiig!" said Jigglypuff happily, _"Yay!"_

_Kirby and Ganondorf_

"Hurry up, Bowser!" screamed Ganondorf.

"Hurry up, Jigs!" screamed Kirby.

_Bowser and Jigglypuff_

"_Now to sneak upstairs, and win the leg,"_ thought Bowser to himself.

"Jig Ig! Jig Ig!" said Jigglypuff. _"So much fun! So much fun!"_

"Oh! Cool! Can I try!" asked Bowser.

Jigglypuff nodded, smiling.

Bowser hopped on the horsie ride.

Jigglypuff started walking up the last flight of stairs, heading towards the pit stop.

"NUUEEZ!1" screamed Bowser, jumping off the horsie ride, running up the pair of stairs.

_Pit Stop_

Jigglypuff started sprinting towards the line, but Bowser hurled himself over Jigglypuff, landing on the pit stop.

"Phew," said Bowser.

"Aww," said Kirby.

"Bowser and Ganondorf, you are team number one!" said Master Hand.

"Yes!" said Ganondorf, doing a triumphant fist movement.

"And as the winners of the leg of the race, you get two unlimited ten-year passes to the Fourside theme park, 'Horsie World'!" said Master Hand.

"WHAT!1" screamed Ganondorf in disgust.

"That's my childhood dream!" said Bowser, crying tears of happiness, "To go to Horsie World!"

Ganondorf gave Bowser an angry look.

"To… uh… kill… the horsies," laughed Bowser nervously.

"Kirby and Jigglypuff, you are team number two!" said Master Hand.

_Samus  
On the joust_

"_If anyone tries any cheap moves on me, I am going to stab them twenty times!"_ thought the champion jouster, angrily, hopping on his horse.

Samus got out her gun, shot at the jouster, and knocked him off the horse.

"Is that good?" asked Samus to an elf worker.

"Yes," said the elf.

Samus got off her horse.

The champion jouster sprinted over to Samus with his spear, and started stabbing her many times.

"Oh hi," said Samus, "Good joust."

The jouster continued angrily stabbing Samus.

"What's wrong?" asked Samus.

The jouster continued angrily stabbing Samus.

"Are you intentionally trying to cause harm?" asked Samus, angrily, "Because that's irresponsible."

Samus kicked the jouster in the shins.

"_Drat,"_ thought the jouster, _"I will take revenge on the next person that wins cheaply!"_

The jouster laughed maniacally.

Samus and Falcon walked over to the arrow.

"If you miss, I will stab you," said Samus firmly.

"Okay," said Falcon, picking up the arrow.

Captain Falcon shot the arrow, hitting the apple.

"Yes," said Samus, taking the clue, "Let's see if we can beat the stupid people that yielded us!"

"You must now make your way to Hyrule Courtyard, the pit stop for this leg of the race! You must hurry, as the last team to arrive, may be eliminated," read Samus.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
On Fort_

"I like this task," said Zelda, laying cement on a layer of bricks, "It requires time, but it's simple, even for you, DK, right?"

"Uh… Zelda," laughed DK nervously, "Are our body parts supposed to make contact with cement?" asked Donkey Kong, "Because I've got a brick replacing my hand."

"Oh no!" said Zelda, "That's really bad!"

"Y- you care about me?" asked Donkey Kong.

"Y- Yes!" said Zelda, smiling.

"D- d- do you- love me?" asked Donkey Kong, hopefully.

"Y- Yes! I mean no- I mean- Yes! I do! I mean… uh… I'm not sure! Why? Why?" said Zelda, breaking into tears.

"I made her sad!" cried Donkey Kong.

_Audience_

"Is that like a running joke?" asked an audience member, "That the two characters have romantic interest in each other, but can't show it?"

"Yes," replied the author.

"Well, I frankly find it stupid, and not funny at all!" said the audience member.

"Dang, there's a lack of oxygen!" said the author, "Better breathe in from this gas mask!"

The author handed the audience member the gas mask. He put it on, and passed out.

"Wow, what a shame," said the author.

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Finally, it's over!" said Young Link, angrily, "If only you didn't stuff up!"

Popo sighed, and opened the clue, "Detour! Sport or fort?"

"Fort," said Young Link.

_Ness and Yoshi_

"Hurry! We've got to come back from last!" said Ness, running into the castle.

_Mario and Peach_

"Here it is! The front entrance!" said Mario, running through.

"Why won't you kiss Miss Bee?" cried Peach.

"I thought you got rid of him," said Mario angrily.

"Well, I found another one! And he's bigger and more huggable!" said Peach.

Mario looked at the giant bee Peach was holding, and gasped.

The bee stung Mario.

"I think he likes you!" said Peach, looking at Mario's dead body.

Mario came back to life, walked up the stairs, and ran up to the Yield.

"Look-a! Should we Yield Ness and Yoshi?" asked Mario.

"But they helped us last time," said Peach.

"I know-a, but we don't want to get eliminated!"

"Let's not," said Peach, taking a clue.

"Detour! Sport or fort?" read Peach, with Mario looking over his shoulder.

"Let's do the joust!" said Mario.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Hey, we weren't Yielded!" said Ness.

"Hurr hup, Yoshi up Yoshi!" said Yoshi, _"I think that's because we offered to help them! Well, hurry!"_

"Detour! Sport or fort?" read Ness.

"Yoshi, hurr Yoshi!" said Yoshi, _"I reckon we can do the fort quickly!"_

_Samus and Falcon_

Samus and Falcon ran up to the pit stop.

"Samus and Falcon, you are the third team to arrive!" said Master Hand.

"Dang, I reckon if we weren't Yielded, we would have won!" said Samus angrily.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 4th Place_

The elf aimed the cannon at the wall, and fired.

The wall still stood up.

"Yes!" said Zelda, taking the clue.

"You must now make your way to Hyrule Courtyard, the pit stop for this leg of the race! You must hurry, as the last team to arrive, may be eliminated," read Zelda.

_Young Link and Popo  
On 'Fort'_

"Look, here are the nerds!" scoffed Young Link. "Let's beat 'em! They won't be any good at this!"

_Ness and Yoshi  
On 'Fort'_

"We just need a wall that can withstand a cannon, right?" asked Ness.

Yoshi nodded.

"Then it's absolutely simple!" said Ness, taking a clump of bricks, "As long as the temperature of the cement is at a particular heat, then the cement will be extra hard!"

Ness used a gadget to heat up the temperature of the cement, and poured it onto the disorganised pile of bricks.

"Shoot the cannon!" said Ness.

The elf fired the cannon.

Nothing happened.

"Yay!" said Yoshi.

Ness took the clue.

"You must now make your way to Hyrule Courtyard, the pit stop for this leg of the race! You must hurry, as the last team to arrive, may be eliminated," read Ness.

_Young Link and Popo  
On 'Fort'_

"Stupid Nerds, and their fastness," said Young Link angrily.

"Maybe we could work faster if you actually helped!" said Popo angrily.

"Stupid Popo," said Young Link angrily.

_Peach  
On the joust_

Peach hopped on her horse.

"Peach-a! Aren't you going to wear protective clothing?" asked Mario.

"Naah," said Peach.

Peach's horse and the champion's horse started running towards each other.

The champion jouster took out his spear.

Peach took out Toad.

The champion jouster glared at Peach angrily.

Peach threw Toad at the jouster, making him fall off.

"Toad ftw!" proclaimed Peach.

The jouster angrily ran towards Peach, and stabbed her in the stomach.

"Ow," said Peach.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"These stairs are so tiring," complained Zelda.

Donkey Kong spotted the pit stop, then picked up Zelda, and ran onto the pit stop.

"Phew," said Zelda.

"Zelda and Donkey Kong, you are team number four!" said Master Hand.

"That's good," said Donkey Kong.

_Ness and Yoshi_

Ness and Yoshi walked onto the map.

"Ness and Yoshi, you are team number five!"

"I think we recovered well," said Ness, "Coming from last, and overtaking two teams."

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Hurry!" said Popo, "We might have a chance not coming last!"

"You must now make your way to Hyrule Courtyard, the pit stop for this leg of the race! You must hurry, as the last team to arrive, may be eliminated," read Popo.

_Mario and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"You must-a now make your way to Hyrule Courtyard, the pit stop for this leg of the race! You must hurry, as the last team to arrive, may be eliminated," read Mario.

"Hurry Peach! I think we're closer than them to the staircase!"

_Young Link and Popo_

"Oh crap, are those the idiots right in front of us?" asked Young Link.

"Uh huh," said Popo.

"Hey, they're taking the lift, we might beat them on the stairs!"

_Mario and Peach_

"Hey, we beat-a the kids to the lift!" said Mario, "We might not get eliminated!"

_Young Link and Popo_

"Go to the stairs, Young Link, hurry!" said Popo.

_Mario and Peach_

"All I hope is that those pesky kids don't press the button!"

_Young Link and Popo_

"Popo, press the elevator button!" said Young Link.

"Whatever," said Popo, pushing the button.

_Mario and Peach_

"Hey-a!" said Mario, seeing the door open, "They pressed the button!"

"Maybe we should get out!" replied Peach.

_Young Link and Popo_

"I think we're safe! I think we're safe! They got out of the lift!" said Young Link.

_Pit Stop_

With a sigh of relief, Popo and Young Link, ran onto the pit stop.

"Young Link and Popo, you are team number six!" said Master Hand.

"Yes! Finally!" said Young Link, cheering, "The idiots are out! The idiots are out!"

Mario and Peach stepped on the mat.

Cue the sad music.

"Mario and Peach, you are the last team to arrive," said Master Hand, "And I'm-"

Young Link started to celebrate.

Peach started to frown.

Mario sighed.

"…pleased to tell you, this is a non-elimination leg!" said Master Hand. "However, I'm going to have to take all of your stuff, and you have no money at the start of the next leg!"

"Bye, Miss Bee," said Peach, handing the giant bee to Master Hand.

"Phew," said Mario.

**Finish Times:**

Bowser and Ganondorf: 9:35 AM  
Kirby and Jigglypuff: 9:36 AM  
Samus and Falcon: 9:44 AM  
Zelda and DK: 10:14 AM  
Ness and Yoshi: 10:23 AM  
Young Link and Popo: 10:41 AM  
Peach and Mario: 10:42 AM

Please review, and tell us who you think will win, and who you want to win!


	6. Leg 6: Kanto Part 1

"Last time, on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Seven teams set out on the fourth leg on a race around the world!

"Teams had to go to the famous Gerudo Valley Bridge! Some people braved the dark to try and beat the others, but the plan failed, with the opening time being hours later!

"The Road Block involved descending down, and climbing up the Gerudo Valley! Samus and Falcon, Bowser and Ganondorf and Kirby and Jigglypuff surged ahead of the pack, being on almost equal footing after the task!

"Meanwhile, Yoshi and Peach both struggled to climb back up the valley, further decreasing their position!

"It was a race to the Yield for the frontrunners! Bowser and Ganondorf beat the others to the Yield, and had to choose between Samus and Falcon or the puffballs! In the end, Bowser chose to Yield Samus and Falcon!"

_Bowser looked at Samus clenching her fists, and looked scared._

_Bowser looked at the cute puffballs, and smiled in joy._

"_Yield Samus, I can't Yield someone so cute!" said Bowser._

_Bowser put Samus and Falcon's name on the yield board._

"Bowser and Ganondorf narrowly beat Kirby and Jigglypuff in a foot race to the pit stop, lifting them up from fifth place to first!" said Master Hand, "Minutes later, Samus and Falcon arrived, talking bitterly about Bowser and Ganondorf."

"_I reckon if we weren't Yielded, we would have won!" said Samus angrily._

"More tensions rose as Zelda and Donkey Kong in revenge, Yielded the kids!" said Master Hand, "This made Zelda and Donkey Kong finish in a comfortable fourth place, but put Young Link and Popo in a very dangerous spot!

"It ended up being a footrace between Young Link and Popo and Peach and Mario for second last place! Young Link and Popo triumphed, while Mario and Peach faced elimination. Fortunately for them, it was a non-elimination leg, which meant that they could still stay in!

"Will new grudges between the kids and Zelda and Donkey Kong affect the race's outcome? And will Samus and Falcon try and retaliate at Bowser and Ganondorf for Yielding them?

"Seven teams remain, who will be eliminated next?"

**The Teams**: (Descriptions courtesy of Tikitikirevenge)

Zelda and Donkey Kong _(Not really that funny any more…)_  
Kirby and Jigglypuff _(They're kind of cute, but the jokes are getting dry…)  
_Ness and Yoshi _(Never were funny. Making fun of nerds is stupid.)  
_Bowser and Ganondorf _(Really, really unfunny. They just hurt people.)  
_Peach and Mario _(Wtf? Why are they still in?)  
_Samus and Falcon _(Hmm… they're okay… not funny, but okay…)  
_Young Link and Popo _(They're young and not funny… unlike Joeb, who is funny… and old… oops, I promised not to say that again… Hoogi, you suck) _

"Bowser and Ganondorf, who arrived at 9:35 AM, will depart at 9:35 PM!" said Master Hand.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
1st to depart: 9:35 PM_

Bowser opened the clue.

"You must now fly to, Kanto, and then take a taxi to Cerulean City! Once there, you must find the Cerulean City Gym!" read Bowser.

"Teams must now make their way by any means of transport to the airport, and book a flight to Kanto! Once there, they must hire a taxi to Cerulean City, and find the famous Cerulean City Gym! Once there, they must find the gym master, where they will receive their next clue!"

"WTF?" asked Bowser angrily, "Since when is there an airport in Hyrule?"

"We just built it!" said Master Hand, pointing to a construction site.

"But how are you going to get the electricity to run the planes?" asked Bowser.

"Actually… I never took that into account!" said Master Hand.

"Oh well, you'll find a-"

Bowser's eyes went wide open.

"Did you just build that airport over Hyrule castle?" asked Bowser.

"Er…" said Master Hand, sweating. "Oh! So that's what all that screaming was. I thought they were ghosts for a moment, no, just Hyrulian royalty!"

Master Hand chuckled.

"Wait, is that a bad thing?" asked Master Hand.

Bowser nodded, eyes still wide open.

"Er… weren't we talking about the plot inconsistencies with electricity in Hyrule, as opposed to how I killed the whole royal family?" asked Master Hand, nervously.

Bowser continued to glare angrily at Master Hand.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
2nd to depart: 9:36 PM_

Kirby ripped open the clue.

Jigglypuff snatched the clue, and made it into a paper hat.

"Jigs," said Kirby, a tiny bit annoyed, "How can I read the clue if it's in a hat? Put that hat back in the box, and grab another one!"

"Jig ig, igz jiggly puff jig wig puff?" said Jigglypuff, _"Aww… do you think whoever gets the hat will work out it's a clue?"_

"Of course," laughed Kirby, "Stop being silly!"

Kirby opened the clue.

"You must now fly to, Kanto, and then take a taxi to Cerulean City! Once there, you must find the Cerulean City Gym!" read Kirby, "Six teams have received two hundred dollars for this leg of the race, while one team has received none."

"Jig Iggly Ig!" said Jigglypuff, _"Sucks to be Peach and Mario!"_

"Should we leave them money?" asked Kirby.

"Jig Ig?" asked Jigglypuff, _"I dunno, do you think they'll find some?"_

"Okay, put ten bucks in that little box they left down there," said Kirby.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Okay, so how are we going to get to the airport?" asked Ganondorf, "Hire a tandem pink bikey-bike, or hire a hardcore-goth horse?"

"Pink tandem bike!" cheered Bowser, "To… uh… make fun about how… lame it… is…"

Ganondorf glared angrily at Bowser.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Jig Ig Puff! Puff Jiggly Jig Puff ig ji puff!" said Jigglypuff, _"Go down to the nearby sheds! They have lots of horses and bikes down there! We can get one!"_

"Okay," said Kirby, walking down a semi-steep hill, holding Jigglypuff's hand.

Kirby and Jigglypuff continued to walk along for a while.

"There it is!" said Kirby. "Hi shopkeep!"

"Hi," said the shop keeper.

"What transport can we hire to get to the airport?" asked Kirby.

"Well, you can either hire a horse, or hire a bike," said the shop keeper.

"We'll take a horse!" said Kirby.

"Which one do you want?" asked the shop keeper.

Jigglypuff looked at a cute pony.

"Jig," said Jigglypuff, _"Meh."_

Jigglypuff looked at a goth horse, pierced in the nose, that was painted in black.

"Jiggly," Jig ig jig ig puff jiggly ig!" said Jigglypuff, _"Aww, look how cute the horse is!"_

The goth horse trampled the pony to death.

"Jig, puff jiggly jig ig puff jig puff ig ji?" asked Jigglypuff. _"Aww, aren't you a fierce little cutie-wootie?"_

The goth horse picked up an iron bar, and split it in half using its teeth.

"We'll take that cutie!" said Kirby.

"He could be a bit aggressive," warned the shop keeper.

The horse tried to murder Kirby by stomping on him, but Kirby walked out of the way a split-second before the horse stomped.

"Nah, why would you say something like that?" asked Kirby. "Of course not!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf _

"I hate this tandem bike!" said Ganondorf, angrily, "We're going like, 5 kilometres an hour!"

"At least the bike is pink," said Bowser sweetly, pedalling along, stroking the body of the bicycle.

"What?" said Ganondorf.

"Er…" said Bowser nervously, "AT LEAST IT STINKS! Yeah… heh, heh."

"We know this bike stinks," said Ganondorf, angrily.

Kirby and Jigglypuff, on a horse, caught up to Bowser and Ganondorf.

"Hey guys!" said Kirby sweetly, riding on the obviously aggressive and out of control horse.

"What?" said Ganondorf, angrily, "How come the two littlest and pinkest racers get to go on the most aggressive horse, while we have to ride on this stupid tandem bike?"

The goth horse ate the tandem bike.

"NUEEZ!1" said Bowser.

_Samus and Falcon  
3rd to depart: 9:44 PM_

"You must now fly to, Kanto, and then take a taxi to Cerulean City! Once there, you must find the Cerulean City Gym!" read Samus, "Six teams have received two hundred dollars for this leg of the race, while one team has received none."

"Pfft," said Falcon, "Kanto, why are we travelling to such a hole of a place?"

"What?" replied Samus, "They're like the place that makes your cars!"

"So?" said Falcon.

"In fact, they're the only ones who make your type of cars!" said Samus.

"Oh, boo hoo," said Captain Falcon.

"Your sponsor is from Kanto!" said Samus.

"Pfft, screw the sponsor, what have they ever done for me?" asked Falcon angrily.

"They're your only source of income!" said Samus.

"So? I'll still win races!" said Falcon.

"What races? You've never won a single race in your entire career!" said Samus.

…

…

…

"Shut up," said Falcon.

_Hyrule Airport  
9:50 PM_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Here's the airport!" said Kirby, walking in.

Kirby walked up to a ticket counter.

"Hi, can we have the earliest flight to Kanto?" asked Kirby.

"Sure," said the airline worker, typing on a computer.

The worker saw something come up on the screen.

"Okay, there is a 11:00 PM Air Kanto flight," said the airline worker, "But that's booked out. However, there's one at 11:45 PM, which we can put you on."

"Oh," said Kirby, thinking. "Are there any flights that stop by other cities?"

"Actually, yes, there is a flight that leaves at 10:15 and then stops at Saffron. It arrives in Kanto fifteen minutes earlier," said the airline worker, typing on the computer.

"Can we get on there?" asked Kirby.

"Sorry, no," said the airline worker.

Jigglypuff took the worker's tie, and dangled it up in the air.

"Jig! Jig ig iggly ig puff puff ly jig!" said Jigglypuff, _"There! Now you have to give us tickets, or you won't get your tie back!"_

The worker took back the tie.

"Ig…" said Jigglypuff. _"Aww…"_

"Wait Jigs, I have an idea!" said Kirby.

_Samus and Falcon_

"Ah, here's our courtesy carriage!" said Falcon.

Falcon looked at the carriage.

"Aw shucks," said Falcon, suavely, "There's only two seats, right next to each other, and only two of us… I guess we'll just have to sit right next to each other."

Falcon did some suggestive eyebrow movements.

_One minute later…_

"Samus, I appreciate your concerns about your personal space," begged Falcon, "But is it really necessary to tie me to the bottom of one of the horse's feet? My stomach hurts!"

_Hyrule Airport_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Look, Kirby and Jigglypuff are boarding a flight!" said Ganondorf, pointing to Kirby and Jigglypuff, walking towards a gate.

"Yeah, screw tickets, get on the same flight as them!" said Bowser.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Hurry, it's the final call!" said Kirby, running up to the gate.

"Can I see your boarding pass?" asked a flight attendant.

"Er… no?" asked Kirby.

"Why not?" asked the flight attendant.

"Er… because…"

Kirby ate the flight attendant, and then ran in with Jigglypuff into the plane.

"Now we just get someone 'out of their seat'," laughed Kirby, walking into First Class.

"Hey, is that the new Airbus?" asked Kirby, pointing out of the window.

All of the First Class passengers looked out of the window.

Kirby ate a couple of First Class passengers, and they sat in their place.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Quickly! Run!" said Ganondorf, running through security.

"What about those like, guard dudes?" said Bowser.

"We'll be fine, after all, we put on our body armour like I asked you to a few minutes ago, right?" asked Ganondorf.

"What body-"

Bowser heard gunshots.

"AAAH NUUEZ!1" screamed Bowser, running towards the gate.

"Yes, we made it to the gate," said Ganondorf, walking into the plane, "Now all we have to do is knock out someone, and steal their seat."

Bowser ran a few metres forward, and threw a punch.

"Preferably not the pilot," said Ganondorf.

"Oops?" said Bowser, looking at the pilot on the floor, bleeding.

_10:15   
1st Air Hyrule Flight_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"So, it seems to be just us and Bowser and Ganondorf," said Kirby.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
4th to depart: 10:14 PM_

"You must now fly to, Kanto, and then take a taxi to Cerulean City! Once there, you must find the Cerulean City Gym!" read Zelda, "Six teams have received two hundred dollars for this leg of the race, while one team has received none."

"Well, I think me and Zelda have done pretty good so far," said Donkey Kong, "Besides from a bad first leg, we've been finishing in the top four."

"That's true," said Zelda, walking along.

"I think a team strategy that we've used is for others to view us as nice," said Donkey Kong, "That way if we're up for yields, or something bad, then it will be less likely to happen."

"Yeah, I think we're pretty nice," said Zelda.

"Hey, don't Peach and Mario have no money?" asked Donkey Kong.

"Meh," said Zelda, "They'll be fine."

_Ness and Yoshi  
5th to depart: 10:23 PM_

"You must now fly to, Kanto, and then take a taxi to Cerulean City! Once there, you must find the Cerulean City Gym!" read Ness.

"Yoshi, hurr Yoshi up herr?" asked Yoshi, _"Do you think we should call the airport and find out flight times?"_

"Okay, let's find a phone booth," said Ness.

_Young Link and Popo  
6th to depart: 10:41 PM_

"Hey, is that Ness and Yoshi?" asked Popo, pointing.

"No it isn't fool," replied Young Link.

Young Link looked more carefully.

"Oh look! **There's **Ness and Yoshi!" said Young Link, pointing the same way.

"That's where I was pointing," said Popo angrily.

"But I was the original discovererer!" said Young Link, innocently.

Popo sighed.

"Okay, despite me pointing them out first, you discovered them first," said Popo, in a low, monotonic voice.

"Hey guys!" said Ness, "The flight's in more than an hour, so I've already reserved tickets for us six!"

"What, you booked tickets for the stupids as well?" asked Young Link, angrily.

"Uh huh, we were all going to end up on the same flight anyway," said Ness.

_Peach and Mario  
Last to depart: 10:42 PM_

"You must-a now fly to, Kanto, and then take a taxi to Cerulean City! Once there, you must find the Cerulean City Gym!" read Mario.

"Have I told you how funny my toenails are?" asked Peach.

"Ha ha, very funny," said Mario, sarcastically and angrily at the same time.

"Do you like cherries? Cherries are like green sunsets! White rulers!" giggled Peach.

"Grr…" said Mario, angrily.

"Look! Someone left us money!" said Peach, pointing at their box.

"Boy, ten bucks, that's great," said Mario. "Oh well, it's better than nothing."

"Hey!" said Ness, shouting from a carriage, "Us along with Young Link and Popo are in this carriage! You want a ride?"

"Sure!" said Mario, running up to the carriage.

Mario jumped inside.

"Peach-a, hurry up!" said Mario angrily.

"But I manage to spill fourteen tonnes of orange juice over my body! Isn't that hilarious?" asked Peach, giggling.

"YOU'RE NOT FUNNY! I'M SICK OF THIS!1" screamed Mario. "GET IN THE FRIGGIN' CARRIAGE ALREADY, OR WE'LL LOSE!"

"Geesh, so-rry!" said Peach. "No need to be a dummy-wummy."

Peach giggled.

"Geddit? Wummy?" said Peach.

Nobody laughed.

"Why isn't anyone laughing?" asked Peach.

"BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT FUNNY!1" screamed Mario, biting his elbows, "YOU'RE ANNOYING! STUPID AND ANNOYING! INSANITY LEVEL TRIPLED WHEN AROUND PEACH!"

Mario, as a result of anger and insanity started biting his knees while smearing coffee on his thighs.

"That's pretty random," said Peach, "And we all know random isn't funny."

Peach nodded in agreement with that statement.

_Hyrule Airport  
11:00 PM_

_Samus and Falcon  
1st on 11:45 PM Air Hyrule flight_

"Grr… this is really annoying, everyone's going to get on this flight," said Samus angrily.

"Can I, cheer you up?" said Falcon in a sexy voice, resting his arm on Samus's shoulder.

"No!" said Samus angrily. "I have absolutely no love interest in you whatsoever?"

"Come on," said Falcon suavely, "I know you can't resist me."

_As Captain Falcon leant in closer, face-to-face with Samus, Samus gave a sigh._

"_Alas, tis' true," said Samus, "I am hopelessly in love with you!"_

_Samus threw herself into Falcon's arms, when-_

Samus punched Falcon in the face. Very hard.

"Stupid non-romance-novel romance!" cursed Falcon.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
2nd on 11:45 PM Air Hyrule flight_

"So what you're saying is, the princess of Hyrule comes in here and orders tickets, and the only seats you can give us are shoddy economy class tickets at the back?" shouted an angry Zelda.

"Well, you got the last two tickets that weren't taken," replied the ticket counter worker, "So I'd call you guys lucky!"

"Do you realise that I'm the princess of Hyrule?" asked Zelda angrily.

"Yes? So?" said the worker, "What are you going to do? Hit me?"

"I'll… I'll send in… Sheik! My guardian!" said Zelda.

"Oh sure, as if Sheik's just going to randomly pop up and save you," said the ticket counter worker sarcastically.

"Er… look over there!" said Zelda, pointing.

The worker turned away.

Zelda put on a moustache.

"Er… I'm Sheik," said Zelda unconvincingly.

"ZOMG! How were you so quick?" asked the worker.

"Because of… my desire for Zelda to have first-class tickets," said Zelda in a very high-pitched voice.

Zelda… I mean, Sheik, took out a sword.

"S- sorry!" said the worker, shrieking. "Here! I'll just swap your place on the plane with some poor person who paid for first class!"

"Thank you," said Zelda.

Zelda and Donkey Kong walked off with the tickets.

"Thanks for the good tickets!" said Donkey Kong. "Now where's Zelda, Sheik?"

"I'm Zelda," said Zelda.

"But you're Sheik!" said Donkey Kong.

Zelda took off the moustache.

"So?" said Donkey Kong.

"I'm Zelda now," said Zelda.

"Aah!" said Donkey Kong, understanding. "But where did Sheik go?"

Zelda put on the moustache.

"Sheik!" said Zelda.

Zelda took off the moustache.

"Not Sheik!" said Zelda.

"Wow Zelda, you're very good at switching places with Sheik!" said Donkey Kong, genuinely impressed.

"Donkey Kong," said Zelda, slightly annoyed. "I'm Sheik."

"Hahaha! You're funny! That's a funny one!" laughed Donkey Kong.

"But really, I am!" said Zelda, "I put on this moustache, and I appear to be a man!"

"But…" said Donkey Kong, shocked, "I never knew! It's not possible! My whole life's a lie!"

Donkey Kong cried.

"But all of those times you saw Sheik, it was just me with a fake moustache on! Is it really that convincing?" asked Zelda.

"Yes!" said Donkey Kong.

"EVERYBODY, I'M SHEIK!" shouted Zelda to the whole airport.

Everybody said, "GASP! But we never knew!"

"This is annoying! I can just put on a tie, and say I'm Roy," said Zelda sarcastically, "It's like everyone believes me when I say I'm a different person!"

"You're a very good disguise person though Zelda!" said Donkey Kong.

"Really?" said Zelda, putting on a tie.

"Where did you go?" said everyone in the airport genuinely.

"I'm… er… Roy," said Zelda.

All of the fangirls came up, screaming.

"This is so stupid," said Zelda angrily, "Can't anyone see through the disguise? DK, can you see through the disguise?"

"What disguise? What are you talking about, Roy?" asked Donkey Kong.

Zelda sighed.

"OH MY GAWD I'M ON FIRE!" shouted Captain Falcon.

_Peach and Mario  
3rd on 11:45 PM Air Hyrule Flight_

"Do you want to hear something funny, Mario?" asked Peach.

"NOO!1" screamed Mario.

…

…

…

"Oh, okay then," said Peach.

_Ness and Yoshi  
4th on 11:45 PM Air Hyrule Flight_

"Good thing we reserved tickets," said Ness.

…

…

Nothing else of any interest happened.

_Young Link and Popo  
Last on 11:45 PM Air Hyrule Flight_

"I have an ingenious plan to get Peach and Mario to stay on their flight after it lands," laughed Young Link evilly.

Popo sighed, "What now? What more **ingenious **ideas do you have?"

"Well," said Young Link, suavely.

Young Link whispered in Popo's ear.

"What? We put bubble gum on Peach's seat, and she sticks, so she can't get off the plane?" said Popo, angrily, "What kind of stupid idea is that?"

"What?" asked Young Link angrily, "Did you actually expect me to think of a smart or intelligent way to sabotage the race to our advantage?"

"Oh," said Popo.

"All teams are now on their way to Kanto," said Master Hand, "Kirby and Jigglypuff, and Bowser and Ganondorf are on the 10:15 Air Hyrule Flight, which lands at 2:30 AM, local time. Everyone else is on the 11:45 Air Hyrule flight, which lands at 4:00 AM local time.  
"Once there, teams must take a taxi to Cerulean City!"

_1st Air Hyrule Flight  
Landed at 2:45 AM_

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"Taxi!" said Bowser, holding his hand up.

A taxi pulled up.

"Hi, can we go to Cerulean City?" asked Bowser.

"Er… Yes," said the Japanese taxi driver, trying to remember his English.

"Thanks," said Ganondorf.

"Look what I bought at the gift shop, a little comic book about me!" said Bowser.

"Ooh, I wonder what they said about you," said Ganondorf.

Bowser opened up the book.

"Hmm… I'm an evil villain, good," said Bowser.

Bowser turned the page.

"Hey, since when do I have tentacles?" asked Bowser.

Bowser looked at the next page.

"And what am I doing to that woman-"

Bowser looked disgusted.

"I wouldn't do that!" said Bowser angrily. "Why does absolutely everyone have tentacles?"

Bowser closed the book.

"That's horrible!" said Bowser angrily.

Bowser took out a gum packet.

"Oh well, at least I can cheer myself up with this gum!" said Bowser.

Bowser took a piece of gum, and started to chew on it.

"Wait… this is seafood gum! Not just seafood gum… tentacle gum!" said Bowser angrily, reading the packet.

Bowser looked at the seat.

"And this seat isn't made out of felt, it's made out of tentacles!" said Bowser angrily.

Bowser took a few bites out of the car.

"All of this car is made out of tentacle! How does it even drive?" asked Bowser angrily.

"Hey… wait a second, we haven't even been driving!" said Ganondorf angrily, "We've just been sitting in this tentacle car for ten minutes, and we haven't gone anywhere! Get another taxi!"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
_"Cool!" said Kirby, "A Sushi Shop!"

"Jig Ig?" asked Jigglypuff, pointing, _"What's that?"_

"It's a Sushi Train! All you have to do is give them three dollars, and you can have any plate of Sushi that you want!" said Kirby.

"Jig Ig, Iggly Puff Jig Puff Ig?" asked Jigglypuff, _"So, if I pay three dollars, I can have anything I want?"_

"Yup," said Kirby.

Jigglypuff took out a five dollar bill, and handed it to a waitress.

Kirby took a plate, and sat down.

Jigglypuff took out a chainsaw, and started to saw under the tracks of the Sushi Train.

Kirby looked at Jigglypuff, looked shocked, and then ran over to Jigglypuff.

"When I meant that," said Kirby, slightly annoyed, "I meant you could have any **plate **you wanted, not saw off the whole track of the sushi train!"

"Ig Jig, Jiggly Puff, ig Puff Jig," said Jigglypuff, slowly backing away from the angry Sushi chefs, _"Oops, heh heh."_

_2nd Air Hyrule Flight  
Landed at 3:45 AM_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3rd Place _

"Okay, come on," said Samus, running.

"Hey, there's a taxi," said Falcon, pointing.

"Uh… Falcon…" said Samus, looking slightly confused.

"Be quiet," said Falcon, arrogantly, "I'll handle this!"

"But Falcon… that's not a taxi…"

"Can you take us to Cerulean City?" asked Falcon.

"Falcon," said Samus impatiently, "You are an idiot! That isn't even…"

Falcon started to punch the ATM.

A few local Japanese people started to laugh at Captain Falcon.

"Why were you talking to an ATM?" asked Samus angrily.

"Oh, I'm sorry," said Falcon, angrily, "It's just that there's no English here, so I get confused!"

"First of all, how do you confuse an ATM for a taxi driver?" asked Samus angrily, "Second of all, didn't you see that friggin' huge sign saying 'ATM' up there?"

"Well… uh…" said Falcon.

Falcon attempted to knock Samus out, by punching her in the face.

Samus blocked the punch, grabbed Falcon, and put him in a headlock.

"Haha, only I can get away with violence in embarrassing situations," said Samus.

"Oh," said Falcon.

…

"How do you go to the toilet in that suit?" asked Falcon.

"Er…" said Samus, nervously.

Samus shot a bullet at Falcon's head, killing him.

The audience laughed at the witty comedic timing.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Taxi!" said Ness.

"Yoshi hur hup, Yoshi Yoshi o Yoshi!" said Yoshi, _"No need to flag any taxis down, I booked one on the flight!"_

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Why can't **you** book a taxi beforehand?" asked Young Link angrily.

"Because you had my phone the whole time!" replied Popo angrily, "And you wasted four hundred dollars worth of my phone credits calling 'The Lon Lon Milk Cow'! And it only costs a dollar a minute, so you spent _seven hours_ hearing an automated phone message!"

"Well," replied Young Link angrily, "Nobody understands me! The only person in the whole wide world that understands me is the Lon Lon Milk Cow!"

"He's not real, he's a fictional mascot for the ranch!" said Popo, still angry.

"NUUEZ! You lie!" cried Young Link, "He is real!"

"It's a pre-recorded message," said Popo.

"My whole life is a lie!" cried Young Link.

_Peach and Mario  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Taxi!" said Mario.

…

…

"Taxi… more like… waxy!" said Peach.

…

…

Mario beat Peach to death with a hammer.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"So, we're fifteen minutes behind everyone else, because DK got held up in customs," said Zelda.

"I don't see why anyone would want to hold back a giant ape in customs," said Donkey Kong, "I mean, the only thing a giant ape could do to a city is knock down buildings and crush cars!"

Donkey Kong laughed.

"Actually, I think that's the reason you were kept behind," said Zelda.

"Oh," said Donkey Kong.

_Cerulean City Gym  
4:30 AM_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Yes, we're here first!" said Bowser. "And there's no-one in sight!"

"What could possibly go wrong?" asked Ganondorf happily, in an out of character sort of way.

Bowser walked up to the front door of the gym.

"NUUE! It opens at six!" said Bowser.

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"I cannot believe our luck in this race," said Bowser angrily, "Whenever we get somewhere first, we have to wait for everyone else to arrive, and if we get somewhere late, almost everyone else has left!"

"With all of this bad luck, we better win the race," said Ganondorf.

_Cerulean City Gym  
Opens at 6:00 AM_

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"Let's go," said Bowser, running in.

Bowser and Ganondorf walked through the front door, Ganondorf spotting the clue box on the left.

"Something good better happen for us," said Ganondorf angrily, opening the clue.

"Road Block!" said Bowser.

"Hey, there's also a Fast Forward!" said Ganondorf.

"Fast Forward!" said Master Hand. "This is the second of three fast forwards, which allow teams to skip all tasks, and go to the pit stop! Teams can only use their powers once, so they will have to decide when it is the best time to use their powers!  
"In this Fast Forward, teams must go to 'The Bike Shop', get a bike, and ride one kilometre to 'Nugget Bridge'! Once there, they must both eat a Cerulean City delicacy! What teams will not find out until they get there, is that the delicacy involves eating two raw Wigglytuffs alive!  
"If teams chose to not do the Fast Forward, they must complete the Road Block, a task that only one team member can perform!  
"In this Road Block, that team member must successfully knock out a randomly chosen Pokemon, in hand-to-hand combat!"

"Let's try the Fast Forward!" said Bowser.

_Peach and Mario  
_"Let's try and get out of last place and try the Fast Forward," said Mario.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
_"I think we'll stick with the Road Block, I know the delicacy, and I can't see Jigglypuff eating a Wigglytuff," said Kirby.

"jig Ig ig!" said Jigglypuff angrily, _"I could too!"_

"It's fifty times bigger than this chocolate bar!" said Kirby, holding up a chocolate bar. "You don't have a big appetite."

"Iggly Puff Jig Ig jig iggly Ig Pugg Jiggly!" said Jigglypuff, taking the chocolate bar. _"I do have a big appetite! I'll show you **right here**!"_

Jigglypuff, determined, took a big bite out of the chocolate bar.

Jigglypuff swallowed.

…

"iggly," said Jigglypuff. _"I'm full." _

…

"Jig…" said Jigglypuff, _"Aww…"_

_Ness and Yoshi_

"I don't like the sound of 'delicacy'," said Ness. "Do you think we should try?"

"yoshi, hup herr yoshi up herr yoshi yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"We can't, we've already taken the fast forward, remember?"_

"Oh yeah," said Ness.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"I think we should try the Fast Forward," said Donkey Kong.

_Young Link and Popo  
_"Let's try the Fast Forward," said Young Link.

_Yoshi  
On the Road Block_

"Go Yoshi!" cheered Ness from the sideline. "Just knock him out!"

Yoshi looked at the Psyduck.

The Psyduck muttered its name.

"Yoshi hup herr hup!" said Yoshi. _"I'm too scared!"_

"Why are you scared?" asked Ness.

The Psyduck muttered its name.

"Yoshi hup herr hup!" said Yoshi. _"It's intimidating!"_

"How can the name of a pokemon be intimidating?" asked Ness.

_Captain Falcon  
On the Road Block_

"Look, Yoshi's scared of the Psyduck," said Samus.

"How can you be possibly scared of a Psyduck! I mean, they're so easy to knock out!" said Falcon, arrogantly.

Falcon looked at Yoshi.

"Oh look at me," taunted Falcon, "I'm Yoshi, I'm scared of Psyducks!"

The Psyduck that Falcon was supposed to be fighting kicked him in the crotch. Really Hard.

…

…

Laughed Falcon, "Ha! I don't feel anything! That just proves that you Psyducks are so weak…"

"Or that you don't have a-" said Samus.

"OW! My nuts! They really hurt!" said Captain Falcon, pretending to drop to the ground.

"Well, you learn something new everyday," said Samus.

The audience chuckled.

_Cerulean City Bike Shop_

_Popo and Young Link  
First to Fast Forward_

"Yes, we're the first here!" said Popo, riding on the front of the tandem bike. "We could actually get the Fast Forward for once! Nothing can stop us!"

"Nothing can stop us, now that I slashed the tyres of the other bikes!" laughed Young Link.

"You know, for once, maybe one of your'ingenious' plans actually will work!" said Popo.

"I think you've always doubted me because you're scared of my stunning potential," said Young Link.

The front tyre sprung a leak.

"Woah," said Popo, getting off the bike. "What could have caused-"

Popo looked at the sword marks on the tyre.

Popo cried.

_Peach and Mario _

"Bowser, do you know where the bike shop is?" asked Peach.

"Er… over there," said Bowser, pointing to a coffee shop, in the opposite direction of the bike shop.

"Thanks!" said Peach.

"Let's go!" said Peach, walking up to Mario, "To the bike shop!"

"Peach-a… are you sure that's a bike shop? It says… coffee shop on the sign…" said Mario, slightly annoyed.

"You know how sometimes these clues are cryptic? Maybe it's inside there, but it's hidden!" said Peach.

"For once," said Mario, "Maybe you are right!"

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
2nd to Fast Forward_

"Why do all of the bikes have a flat?" asked Donkey Kong.

"I dunno," said Zelda.

Donkey Kong looked closer.

"Slash marks!" said Donkey Kong, "We have to replace them or seal them up!"

"But what do we use?" asked Zelda.

"Use this band-aid," said Donkey Kong, "There was this ad on this TV where a kid got a flat riding in some rough terrain, but then he put a band-aid on it, and it sealed the tyre!"

"As if that would work," said Zelda, dismissing.

"We might as well try," chuckled Donkey Kong.

Donkey Kong put a band-aid on the unsealed part of the tyre, and pumped the tyre up.

"OMFG it worked!" said Zelda.

"Wow," said Donkey Kong.

"It must be airtight!" said Zelda, "Which means you'd probably choke to death if I put one over your lips and held your nose!"

Zelda put a band-aid over Donkey Kong's mouth, and held his nose.

Donkey Kong choked to death.

"Wow, that is a pretty good band-aid," said Zelda.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
3rd to Fast Forward_

"Here's the bike shop!" said Bowser, pointing to the bike shop ahead.

"What were you saying to Peach before?" asked Ganondorf.

"I told her that the bike shop was inside the coffee shop," laughed Bowser. "Do you think they're stupid enough to believe it?"

"Naah, they may be stupid, but they're not that stupid," said Ganondorf, slightly amused.

_Peach and Mario_

"Hmm... they seem to have hidden the bike shop pretty well inside-a here!" said Mario. "Are you sure this is the right place?"

"Yeah," said Peach.

Mario looked out of the window, seeing Zelda and Donkey Kong riding past them.

"Then how did they get the bike, if this is the right place?" asked Mario.

"They must have known where the secret bike shop was in this coffee shop," said Peach.

_Cerulean City Gym_

_Jigglypuff  
On the Road Block_

"Jiggly Ig Ig Puff Jig Ig Wig Jiggly!" said Jigglypuff to her enemy, a Quagsire three times her height, _"Greetings fellow Pokemon, I bring you a gift from our country!"_

Jigglypuff held out a cheap processed burger from the Smash Mansion.

"Jigs, you're supposed to fight, not give presents," laughed Kirby.

The Quagsire jumped on Jigglypuff, crushing her.

"Quagsire!" said the Quagsire victoriously.

The Quagsire picked up the DcMonalds™ (worst gag evar) burger and took a big bite out of it.

The Quagsire died.

"Jigglypuff wins by default!" said some random guy.

"_Yay_!" said Jigglypuff.

"What was in the burger?" said Kirby.

"_Well, you remember how I bought that novelty sword back at Corneria and you told me to get rid of it?" _said Jigglypuff.

"_No_…" said Kirby.

"_Well… yeah,_" said Jigglypuff.

Kirby grabbed and opened the clue.

"You must now make your way to the Fuchsia city gym!" said Kirby.

"Teams must now make their way to the Fuchsia City Gym, a famous gym that is often the setting for battles in the 'Pokemon' video games!" said Master Hand, "Once there, teams must find Koga, the gym leader, who will give them their next clue!"

"Let's go!" said Kirby.

_Falcon  
On the Road Block_

"Hey, the puffballs got the clue!" said Samus. "Hurry up! How hard can it be to knock out a Psyduck?"

"Sure, I'll do it quickly!" said Falcon, priding himself, in a heroic voice.

"Uh-huh," said Samus impatiently.

"To knock the Psyduck out, I'll just use my signature move, my-" said Falcon.

…

"What… you don't even have any moves or anything?" asked Samus, impatiently.

"Er… of course… I'm just… thinking… of how to… perfect them…" said Falcon. "Perfect… my special… moves…"

"Can't you like, kick it or something?" asked Samus.

"Er… kick… I'll… get onto that… after I remember… how to kick…"

"Do you even have any fighting skills at all? How did you become a smasher?" asked Samus.

"Well… there's a perfect non-bribery explanation to that…" said Falcon, nervously.

The Psyduck kicked him in the groin with its arms.

"Er… Um…" said Captain Falcon.

…

…

…

"Um… AUGH! OW! OMG THAT HERTS!" said Captain Flacon!1

_Yoshi  
On the Road Block_

"Come on, just eat it or something!" said Ness.

"_Good idea_!" said Yoshi.

Yoshi ate the Psyduck.

"Yay, here's your clue!" said the opposition trainer, handing Yoshi the clue.

"_Thanks!_" said Yoshi.

"Can I have my Pokemon back now?" asked the trainer.

"_Er…_" said Yoshi. "_I'm… not quite sure… how to get it back… once I've eaten it… I think it… stays in there forever…_"

"That's okay, I can surgically remove it without anaesthetic! The pain should only last for an hour or so!" said the psychotic female trainer, holding up a gigantic knife.

"_Arururururu…_" cried Yoshi.

The psychotic trainer held up the knife, and walked towards Yoshi.

"Look… some more helpless Pokemon to torture!" said Ness.

The psychotic trainer looked behind her, staring for about twenty seconds.

Ness and Yoshi ran out.

The psychotic trainer looked back.

"Where did they go?" asked the trainer.

…

"They'll be back…" said the trainer. "They like me! They feel like being cut up by a crazy woman!'

…

…

…

_Nugget Bridge_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
On Fast Forward: First to Nugget Bridge_

"Here's the marked flags!" said Ganondorf, getting off his bike.

Ganondorf and Bowser ran towards the bridge.

"Okay, what is this Cerulean City delicacy?" asked Bowser.

"Here it is!" said a chef with little English skills, holding up a raw Wigglytuff, covered in vinegar.

"HAHA, HAHA," laughed Bowser, "You're funny! You should do stand-up!"

"St… stand-up?" asked the chef, holding up the Wigglytuff, "Y- you… eat… this!"

Bowser continued to chuckle. "But seriously, where is our food?"

Ganondorf looked at a nearby roadside refreshment stand, noticing several local residents eating Wigglytuffs alive.

"O… kay…" said Ganondorf, "Bowser, I don't think he's joking…"

Bowser looked over at the Wigglytuffs being consumed alive.

"Crap," said Bowser.

_Young Link and Popo  
On Fast Forward: Second to Nugget Bridge_

"Here's the bridge!" said Popo.

Popo and Young Link got off their bikes, and walked about twenty metres towards the bridge.

"That's… what we have to eat?" asked Young Link.

"Yes… you eat…" said the chef.

"One Wigglytuff each?" asked Young Link, "Are you joking?"

"No joke… tasty food…" said the chef.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
On Fast Forward: Third to Nugget Bridge_

"Oh gawd, we have to both eat a Wigglytuff alive?" asked Donkey Kong in shock.

"Well… duh," said Zelda, "Come on, I serve them all the time! I even used Wigglytuffs last night in my cooking!"

Donkey Kong's eyes widened.

"So… the Pokemon surprise that you cooked last night wasn't a surprise for Jigglypuff, but was actually… raw Wigglytuff?" asked Donkey Kong, disgusted.

"Uh huh," said Zelda, picking up a Wigglytuff, ripping off its arm, and devouring the whole arm in a few seconds.

"B- but… I couldn't eat anything alive… that's- that's so… inhumane!" said Donkey Kong, looking at the defenceless Wigglytuff resting in his hands.

"Maybe you're right," said Zelda, "Maybe it is inhumane eating these things alive."

Zelda pondered the deep thought for a few seconds, and then laughed maniacally as she had the sudden urge to stab the helpless Wigglytuff multiple times.

_Peach and Mario  
Currently in Last Place_

"We've looked all over this building, but we can't find it!" said Mario angrily.

"Hey, isn't that Ness and Yoshi in a taxi?" asked Peach, pointing outside.

"Quick, let's ask them!" said Mario.

Mario ran up to the taxi.

"Hey-a Ness!" said Mario, "Where's the bike shop?"

"You're at the wrong place!" said Ness, "It's two hundred metres that way!"

"Are you kidding?" asked Mario. "Come on, Peach, we've been led the wrong way!"

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"How slow can you be?" asked Samus, looking at Falcon, who was still on the Road Block.

The gym trainer looked away, in boredom.

Samus shot the Psyduck in the head, making it pass out.

"Yes! I did it!" said Falcon arrogantly, "I'm so great!"

"Did he?" asked the trainer.

"Er… of course," said Samus, taking the clue.

"You must now make your way to the Fuchsia city gym!" read Samus. "Okay, let's go!"

"I'm so great!" said Falcon, boasting.

"I did it for you, you idiot!" said Samus angrily.

"Oh… so you mean, my kick wasn't so awesome that it had the force of a bullet?" asked Falcon.

"No," said Samus angrily.

"Oh," said Falcon. "I'm still great!"

Samus kicked Falcon in the groin in anger.

…

…

Samus punched Falcon in the face.

"OW!" said Falcon angrily.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Finished/¼ eaten_

"I can't do this," cried Donkey Kong, "It's too hard!"

"Fine, let's get a taxi," said Zelda reluctantly.

Zelda raised her hand for a taxi.

"That… was horrible!" said Donkey Kong, trembling. "Eating raw things alive… how could anyone do that?"

"So?" asked Zelda,

"This place is so… crazy and horrible! What kind of sick country is this?" asked Donkey Kong angrily.

"Japan has done lots of stuff for us!" said Zelda, protectively.

"Oh really? Then what has Japan ever done for us?" asked Donkey Kong.

"Well… let's see… er… they gave us sushi… and…"

…

…

…

"You're right, they haven't done anything for us…" said Zelda.

"I like sushi!" said Donkey Kong happily. "This is a great country!"

…

"You do know that sushi is… raw fish, right?" asked Zelda.

"NUUEZ!1" said Donkey Kong, "My whole life is a lie! Well, at least the tooth fairy-"

Zelda whispered something into Donkey Kong's ear.

"Y- you mean…"

Donkey Kong broke down into tears.

"I made him cry!" cried Zelda, crying.

_Young Link and Popo  
¼ eaten/¾ eaten_

"Eat faster!" said Young Link angrily.

"What?" said Popo angrily, "You've eaten barely anything, and I'm almost finished!"

…

"Shut up," said Young Link angrily, "I'm leaving! All you've been is absolutely slow today!"

Young Link glared angrily at Popo.

"What? Me, slow?" asked Popo angrily, "What about you, cutting our tyres? We had to take it to a bike shop repair store for fifteen minutes! And then when you misheard the owner, you payed in one dollar and fifty cents instead of fifteen dollars! Then I had to wait for another ten minutes as you got interviewed by the police! How does that make me slow? Huh? You're the slow one!"

"Well… uh…" said Young Link. "Stop wasting time talking, timewaster!"

Young Link grinned.

"Yeah, that's right, you're not replying because you know you waste so much time talking!" said Young Link, doing a raspberry, "That's right! Don't reply! It just shows how much time you waste by talking about the same thing over and over and over and over and over again! Still no reply, huh? I guess that makes-"

"SHUT UP!" yelled Popo.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
½ eaten/¾ eaten_

"I'm so sorry," said Bowser, talking to the Wigglytuff every time he took a bite out of it.

"Pardon?" said Ganondorf.

"Er… just talking about how much I love causing death…" said Bowser, nervously.

Ganondorf turned away.

Bowser cried.

_7:30 AM  
Cerulean City Gym_

_Young Link and Popo_

"Yes, we're here first!" said Young Link. "Do you want to do the road block?"

"Er… yeah," said Popo.

"Fine then, I'll take it," said Young Link angrily.

"What? I said yes," said Popo.

"Sure, be so selfish, let me do it!" said Young Link angrily.

"What is wrong with you?" asked Popo, slightly annoyed.

"Haha… get it… I'm annoying you!" laughed Young Link.

"Great, they're coming in!" said Popo angrily.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"Quick, run in!" said Zelda, sprinting into the gym.

"Here's the Psyduck you have to defeat!" said the psychotic gym trainer.

_Popo  
On the Road Block_

"Don't worry though, I put grease on the Psyduck, so if DK tries to grab it, it will slip out of his hands!" laughed Young Link.

Popo sighed. "You really think it will work this time?"

_Donkey Kong  
On the Road Block_

"Go DK!" cheered Zelda.

Donkey Kong picked up the Psyduck.

The Psyduck slipped out of his hands.

"See? I told you it would work!" said Young Link, proudly.

The Psyduck skidded along the floor, away from Donkey Kong.

"It worked! Aren't I not a genius?" asked Young Link.

"You mean, 'aren't I a genius'?" asked Popo.

"Yeah, whatever. Aren't I a genius?" asked Young Link.

The Psyduck skidded all the way into a bookshelf.

The bookshelf toppled over the Psyduck, crushing it.

"Ha! That should waste about five minutes!" said Popo.

The Psyduck passed out.

"Woo!" said Zelda.

"Woo and yay," said Donkey Kong.

"NUE!1" said Young Link, in despair.

Popo sighed.

"Here's your clue!" said the psychotic gym trainer.

_Popo  
On the road block_

"Damn you Popo, why are you slowing us down?" asked Young Link angrily.

"How do I even put up with you?" replied Popo, angrily.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 4th Place_

"You must now make your way to the Fuchsia city gym!" read Zelda.

"Let's go!" said Donkey kong.

_Popo  
On the road block_

"Quickly! We have to catch up with them!" said Young Link, panicking.

"The Psyduck is practically as tall as me!" said Popo, "How can I knock it out quickly?"

"Cheat! If the Psyduck 'disappears', then the gym trainer will think you knocked it out!" said Young Link.

"So what, we smuggle out the Psyduck?" asked Popo, "Are you insane! None of your ideas ever work!"

"Fine then, we'll cut it into halves," said Young Link, taking out his sword, cutting the Psyduck in half, "And I take one half, and you take the other!"

The Psyduck passed out, due to being cut in half.

"Doesn't that work?" asked Popo, "Can't we like… take the clue now or something?"

The gym trainer handed Popo the clue.

"You must now make your way to the Fuchsia city gym!" read Popo.

_Nugget Bridge  
7:40 AM_

_Peach and Mario  
On the Fast Forward: Last to Nugget Bridge_

"Finally! Here it is!" said Mario. "At least we can skip ahead all of-a the tasks after we complete the road block!"

"Yay!" cheered Peach.

"See you guys!" said Bowser, running past Peach and Mario, waving.

"Did they… just… give up?" asked Mario, excitedly.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We did it!" said Ganondorf, opening the clue.

"You must now make your way to the pit stop, at Warden Slowpoke's house, in Fuchsia city!" read Bowser.

"After completing the Fast Forward, Bowser and Ganondorf can now skip all tasks, and drive 40 kilometres to Fuchsia City! Once there, they can make their way to Warden Slowpoke's house, the sixth pit stop in a leg around the world!" said Master Hand.

"Let's go!" said Bowser.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Yay!" said Kirby cheerfully, spotting a sign, "Only three kilometres, and we're in Fuchsia City!"

"_Hooray!_" cheered Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff's phone rang. Jigglypuff took her phone out of her purse.

"I didn't know you had a phone," said Kirby.

"_I didn't, but I found this nice phone in the purse of the woman sitting next to us!_" said Jigglypuff.

"Isn't that… stealing?" said Kirby, slightly worried.

"Well… it's not **my **fault he just left it there when he went to the bathroom!" said Jigglypuff, defensively.

Kirby sighed.

Kirby looked at Jigglypuff's purse.

"I didn't know you had a handbag!" said Kirby angrily.

"_Er… let me answer the call!_" said Jigglypuff, trying to sound angry.

Jigglypuff answered her phone.

"_Hello?_" asked Jigglypuff.

A deep voice at the other end of the line muttered something.

Kirby looked at Jigglypuff, not managing to make out the voice.

"What's he saying?" asked Kirby.

"_I dunno, something about there being a bomb in this taxi!_" said Jigglypuff, cheerfully.

"WTF?!" said Kirby, alarmed.

Cue the dramatic orchestral music.

_Peach and Mario  
Currently in Last Place_

Mario looked around.

"Why did they just leave like that?" asked Mario, "Unless…"

Mario spotted the Fast Forward marker.

"There it is!" said Mario.

Mario and Peach ran towards the Fast Forward.

"NUUEZ!1 They finished the fast forward!" said Mario, alarmed.

"What does that mean?" asked Peach.

"That means… we're done for! We're going to be eliminated!" said Mario in shock.

Cue the dramatic orchestral music.

_Samus and Falcon_

"Here's the gym!" said Samus, getting out of the taxi.

Samus grabbed Falcon out of the taxi, and ran towards the gym. They ran up a big staircase, and wandered into a gym.

"Hey, is this where we get the clue?" asked Samus.

"What clue?" asked the gym master, "What are you talking about?"

"Isn't this Fuchsia city gym?" asked Samus.

"What? Where's Fuchsia city gym?" asked the gym master.

Samus and Falcon gasped.

Cue the dramatic orchestral music.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Yes! We've finally won a leg!" cheered Ganondorf.

"Hey, are you guys on a game show or something?" asked the taxi driver, in an American accent.

"Cool! This guy speaks English! Yes! We are from a game show! What luck we have!" said Bowser, cheerfully.

"Cool! That means you can pay in credit if you want," said the taxi driver.

"Awesome!" said Bowser, feeling for his wallet.

Bowser panicked.

"I can't find my wallet! I think… I left behind our passports back at the bridge!" said Bowser, shocked.

Cue the dramatic orchestral music.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 4th Place_

"_Cool! Only ten kilometres until Fuchsia City!_" said Yoshi, pointing to a sign.

"We should be there soon!" cheered Ness.

"Not if I'm here!" said the psychotic gym trainer, turning around.

"GASP! Our taxi driver is the psychotic gym trainer!" said Ness, shocked.

Cue the dramatic orchestral music.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 5th Place_

"I know, she should lose the pink hair, it's too eccentric!" laughed Donkey Kong.

A police siren was audible.

Zelda and Donkey Kong looked behind.

"Are they… flagging down us?" asked Zelda.

The taxi driver pulled over.

A policeman walked up to the taxi.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, but we have a warrant," said the police officer, "for **her **arrest."

The police officer pointed at Zelda.

"You can't just… arrest me!" said Zelda, shocked.

Cue the dramatic orchestral music.

_Popo and Young Link  
Currently in 6th Place_

Popo and Young Link's taxi fell off a cliff.

…

Cue the dramatic orchestral music.

"Is there really a bomb in Kirby and Jigglypuff's taxi? Can Peach and Mario still stay in the race? Are Samus and Falcon in the right place? Or are they miles away from where they are supposed to be? Are Ness and Yoshi reunited with the crazy woman? Has Bowser and Ganondorf's passports been stolen? Why is Zelda being arrested? Why did Popo and Young Link's taxi randomly fall off a cliff? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY STUPID CLIFFHANGERS? Find out what happens… next time, on 'The Smashy Amazing Race'!" said Master Hand.

**To be continued…**

Please review, and tell us who you think will win, and who you want to win!

Also, I've decided to stop people talking in their native language (Yoshi, Jigglypuff), and just translate it into English, if you noticed. I'm sorry, this chapter wasn't very good, because and stuff.


	7. Leg 6,5: Kanto Part 2

"Last time, on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Seven teams set out on the sixth leg on a race around the world!  
"Teams travelled to Kanto! Once there, they decided between doing a Road Block and trying to complete the Fast Forward!  
"Jigglypuff surged through the Road Block, giving her team a small lead!  
"Peach and Mario got lost on the Fast Forward after Bowser and Ganondorf lead them the wrong way!  
"In the Fast Forward, it was a race between Bowser and Ganondorf and Zelda and Donkey Kong to see who could finish eating raw Wigglytuffs first! Both teams were hesitant, but in the end, Donkey Kong gave up, helping Bowser and Ganondorf complete the Road Block!

"_That… was horrible!" said Donkey Kong, trembling. "Eating raw things alive… how could anyone do that?_

"As Bowser and Ganondorf left the Road Block, Peach and Mario found the bridge, but they were too late!"

"_That means… we're done for! We're going to be eliminated!" said Mario in shock. _

"At the front of the pack, Jigglypuff received a mysterious call!" said Master Hand.

_A deep voice at the other end of the line muttered something.  
Kirby looked at Jigglypuff, not managing to make out the voice.  
"What's he saying?" asked Kirby.  
"I dunno, something about there being a bomb in this taxi!" said Jigglypuff, cheerfully._

"Meanwhile, Samus and Falcon, thinking they were ahead, got lost!" said Master Hand.

"_Hey, is this where we get the clue?" asked Samus.  
"What clue?" asked the gym master, "What are you talking about?"  
"Isn't this Fuchsia city gym?" asked Samus.  
"What? Where's Fuchsia city gym?" asked the gym master._

"Bowser, who was set to win the leg of the race, left behind his wallet, which contained vital information!" said Master Hand.

"_I can't find my wallet! I think… I left behind our passpzorts back at the bridge!" said Bowser, shocked._

"Meanwhile, in Zelda and Donkey Kong's taxi, Zelda was confronted by a policeman!" said Master Hand.

"_I'm sorry to disturb you, but we have a warrant," said the police officer, "for **her **arrest."  
The police officer pointed at Zelda._

"Meanwhile, Popo and Young Link's taxi fell off a cliff!" said Master Hand. "What has happened to all of these teams in potentially life-threatening situations! Have any of them DIED? Seven teams remained… who will be eliminated next?" asked Master Hand.

**The Teams**: (with cliffhangers)

Zelda and Donkey Kong _(Zelda is arrested?!1)_  
Kirby and Jigglypuff _(There's a bomb in their taxi?)  
_Ness and Yoshi _(They'll be killed by the crazy woman?)  
_Bowser and Ganondorf _(Had their passports stolen?)  
_Peach and Mario _(So far behind that they'll be eliminated?)  
_Samus and Falcon _(Lost?)  
_Young Link and Popo _(Have they died because their taxi fell off a cliff?) _

_8:00 AM  
Fuchsia City Gym_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

Jigglypuff's phone rang. Jigglypuff took her phone out of her purse.

"I didn't know you had a phone," said Kirby.

"_I didn't, but I found this nice phone in the purse of the woman sitting next to us!_" said Jigglypuff.

"Isn't that… stealing?" said Kirby, slightly worried.

"Well… it's not **my **fault she just left it there when she went to the bathroom!" said Jigglypuff, defensively.

Kirby sighed.

Kirby looked at Jigglypuff's purse.

"I didn't know you had a handbag!" said Kirby angrily.

"_Er… let me answer the call!_" said Jigglypuff, trying to sound angry.

Jigglypuff answered her phone.

"_Hello?_" asked Jigglypuff.

A deep voice at the other end of the line muttered something.

Kirby looked at Jigglypuff, not managing to make out the voice.

"What's he saying?" asked Kirby.

"_I dunno, something about there being a bomb in this taxi!_" said Jigglypuff, cheerfully.

"WTF?!" said Kirby, alarmed.

Kirby took the phone from Jigglypuff.

"_Hey!_" said Jigglypuff, slightly angrily.

The phone rang again. Kirby answered the phone, and held it up to his ear.

"_There is a bomb in your taxi,_" said a deep voice at the other end of the line, "_Unless you give me your bank account details and let me have two-hundred thousand dollars, I will detonate the bomb and you will ALL DIE!_"

The deep voice laughed menacingly.

"Whatever," said Kirby, hanging up.

"_Hey, we're at the gym!_" said Jigglypuff, pointing out of the window.

The taxi came to a stop, and Kirby and Jigglypuff slipped out via the window.

"_Thanks!_" said Jigglypuff, handing a few notes to the taxi driver.

Kirby and Jigglypuff walked towards the gym.

"Ha," laughed Kirby haughtily, "What kind of idiot thinks that he can get two-hundred thousand dollars out of us? I mean, does he really expect us to believe that there was actually a bomb in the taxi?"

Kirby and Jigglypuff's taxi, twenty metres behind them **blew up**.

"Okay, maybe I was wrong," chuckled Kirby nervously.

_Samus and Falcon_

Samus and Falcon stood outside a gym, completely puzzled.

"Where are we?" asked Samus. "Our stupid taxi driver took us to the wrong place!"

"Oh… dear…" said Falcon, trying to sound as if he were shocked.

Falcon pretended to be surprised as he pointed at a shop.

"Oh look, an erotic bookstore!" said Falcon, trying to act surprised, "I'm sure the shop owner, 'Scott Wembley Jackson' can help us!"

"How do you know the name of the owner of an erotic bookstore?" asked Samus. "It's almost as if-"

"No talking right now! Our time is valuable!" said Falcon, faking a state of anger.

Falcon grinned, then ran into the bookstore, dragging Samus along with him.

"Hi, can I have a… map of the area please?" asked Falcon.

"Uh…" replied the owner, "If you're looking for a map, why can't you go to 'Maps R Us'? I mean, it's like the biggest map store in the area!"

"I was the guy who e-mailed you this morning, asking for 'a map', remember?" asked Falcon, making the inverted comma signs with his fingers, "Remember, you're the only place in the world with these 'maps'?"

Falcon winked. Samus glared suspiciously at Falcon. The shopkeeper sighed.

"Here's your map of Twelve Short Stories about the Hot Gwembly Girls'," said the shopkeeper, handing Falcon a map, which had a large book-shape in the middle, obviously concealing something.

Samus and Falcon walked back to the taxi.

"Can we go to the Fuchsia Gym now? Really this time?" asked Falcon.

Samus stared blankly at Falcon.

"Are you telling me you went into the taxi beforehand, bribed the driver to go to some erotic bookstore to buy some smutty novel to fulfil your fantasies about **what you will never get, **you rude, obscene pig, and more importantly waste about two hours of our time, possibly stopping me from getting my million dollars? I can't believe you could be so selfish for me! I mean, I could have used the money for something nice, like some new ammunition or something? But you, you piece **of slime, you just had to ruin it all! **We're going to be eliminated because of you!" screamed Samus.

Falcon started to sob.

"_Heh, heh," thought Falcon to himself, "She'll regret all of what she said because she know she's upset me! She'll think that she's torn a man's heart apart!"_

…

"Falcon?" said Samus.

"Yes?" replied Falcon.

"You're a pussy," said Samus.

"Oh," said Falcon.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"I'm sorry, we're going to have to have to arrest you for four counts of shoplifting!" said the police officer.

"What?" asked Zelda, outraged, "Those charges are ridiculous! Where could I be hiding the goods then, huh?"

A couple of bars of soap fell out from under Zelda's shirt. Zelda quickly pushed them back in.

"Uh… I have a baby…" said Zelda.

A few more bars of soap fell out. Zelda pushed them back in.

"Heh," laughed Zelda nervously, "I guess the baby is making his first soap, right?"

Zelda continued to laugh maniacally.

"I'm sorry, but you're going to have to step out of the car!" said the police officer impatiently.

"But… it will upset the baby!" said Zelda, grinning in a way that would make others uncomfortable.

"Step out, or I will make you step out!" said the police officer angrily.

"No!" said Zelda, "I have my rights!"

"Your rights are abandoned when you shoplift!" replied the officer angrily.

"What shoplifting?" asked Zelda.

All of the soap fell out from under her shirt.

…

…

"I'm going to put handcuffs on you now," said the officer.

"You… er… wouldn't do that to a woman!" said Zelda, desperately.

"Oh… you're a woman?" laughed the police officer. "Well women cannot commit crimes! I'll let you go!"

The police officer walked away.

Zelda gritted her teeth.

"That is so… so… so sexist!" said Zelda angrily.

"Zelda, if he didn't let you off," said Donkey Kong, "Then we would have-"

"That is so sexist!" said Zelda angrily. "I can't believe him!"

Donkey Kong sighed.

_Ness and Yoshi_

"Hahaha," muttered the evil gym trainer. "You can never escape! NEVER!"

The evil gym trainer laughed sadistically.

Yoshi and Ness opened the door and jumped out.

"Oh," said the gym trainer.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Here's the clue box!" said Kirby, taking a clue. "It's not even inside the gym!"

Jigglypuff snatched the clue, and put it back in the box.

"_Look, here's the clue box! I'll read the clue!_" said Jigglypuff.

"Teehee," laughed Kirby.

"_What?_" said Jigglypuff, slightly annoyed, "_Are you laughing at me because I got to the clue box first?_"

Kirby sighed. Jigglypuff, accomplished, opened the clue.

"_Detour! Trap or Get Trapped!_" said Jigglypuff.

"Detour!" said Master Hand. "A detour is a choice between two tasks, in this detour: Trap or Get Trapped!  
"In Trap, teams must travel to the 'Safari Zone', one of the largest areas to catch wild Pokemon! Once there, they must collect five 'Safari' balls, and catch five wild Pokemon with them! What teams do not know is that they have no Pokemon to battle the wild Pokemon with! Instead, teams must use traditional materials provided to knock out the Pokemon!  
"In Get Trapped, teams must go inside the city gym, and navigate their way through a series of invisible walls and deadly traps to the centre of the gym, where they will be handed their next clue! This may seem easy, but many people who have attempted to go through the maze have been hospitalised, or have had their bodies found weeks later."

"Let's do the gym one," said Kirby.

_Young Link and Popo_

"What's wrong?" asked Popo, as the taxi came to a stop.

"I don't know, I think the engine is stuffed," said the taxi driver, "Can you step outside and push the taxi while I'm on neutral gear?"

"Sure," said Popo, stepping out of the taxi. "Come on Young Link, help!"

"Fine," sighed Young Link, stepping out. "It shouldn't be that hard to get the taxi moving, I mean, the hill is on a deep slant, and the car is on neutral!"

With one little push to the taxi from Young Link, the taxi accelerated and sped down the hill.

"That was easy, now all we have to do is catch up to our taxi!" said Popo, starting to run. "That was too easy!"

"Actually," said Popo, slightly anxiously, "Maybe we should be concerned about the sharp-right corner at the bottom of the hill? Because if the taxi goes straight, then it will just fall off a giant…"

Young Link and Popo's taxi fell off a cliff.

"Oh my gawd," said Popo, shocked, "We should check to see if he's alright!"

"Don't worry! I will represent you in court!" said a man in a suit, walking up to them. "I have fourteen years of experience, and **actually graduated **from a law school!"

"Oh boy," said Young Link, "We should hi-"

"But why would we need a lawyer if nobody saw us commit the crime?" asked Popo.

"Well… uh…" said the lawyer, scratching his head. "Just wait a second…"

The lawyer took out his mobile phone, and dialled a number.

"Hello? Police?" said the lawyer.

"That is pathetic!" said Young Link, throwing a chicken at the lawyer.

The lawyer tumbled over the cliff.

"I can't believe you could have done that! What kind of person are you?" asked Popo, staring in disbelief.

Young Link told a lawyer joke to Popo.

"Hahaha," laughed Popo.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
At Nugget Bridge_

"Here's the bridge!" said Bowser to the taxi driver, "Wait here!"

"I just hope some weirdo hasn't taken our passports," said Ganondorf, getting out of the taxi.

_Peach and Mario  
At Nugget Bridge_

"Oh man, we're going to lose!" sobbed Mario, sitting on a bench.

"Hey Mario, look what I found!" said Peach, holding up some passports.

Mario inspected closer.

"Hey, these are Ganondorf and Bowser's passports!" said Mario, surprised. "Maybe at the pit stop we should-"

"Hey Mario, have you seen our passports?" called Bowser, standing on a field of grass several metres away. "We were going to the pit stop, but then we decided to turn all the way back here, because we can't check in without our passports!"

Said Peach, "Yeah, they're-"

Mario covered Peach's mouth. "Uh… we haven't seen your passports!"

Mario chuckled manically, whilst trying to conceal Bowser and Ganondorf's passports.

"Then what are you holding in your hand there?" asked Bowser, slightly suspicious.

"What hand?" asked Mario, still chucking crazily.

"Your right hand," replied Bowser bluntly. "Are those our passports?"

"No… these are… our passports!" chuckled Mario.

"Bowser, I found your passport on the ground r-" said Peach.

Mario covered Peach's mouth.

"Um… I would like to stay… but Peach needs… a toilet break!" laughed Mario insanely.

"But I don't need to go," said Peach, confused.

Mario picked up Peach, and dashed away to a nearby building.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"Hey Ganondorf, I think Peach and Mario have our passports!" said Bowser, running up to Ganondorf, "Let's get to them before they hide it somewhere!"

_Peach and Mario  
Currently in 6th Place_

"They'll never find their passports in this rubbish bin!" cackled Mario maniacally.

Mario threw the passports in the rubbish bin.

Bowser and Ganondorf ran up to Mario.

"So you **did **have our passports!" said Bowser, angrily.

"Well it's too late now, as your passports are in the deep depths of the rubbish bin!" cackled Mario evilly. "You will search frantically for hours, stuck with the thought in your mind that you have been tricked by an Italian plumber!"

"NOOOO!" wept Bowser.

"And once you do find your passports," cackled Mario, "You will be so dirty and unclean that your stench will make you into a state of lethargicness!"

"NOOOOO!" screamed Bowser.

"And once you do arrive at the pit stop, you will be there so late that everyone else would have left the country by then!"

"NOOOOOOOO!" screamed Bowser, "We'll be stuck here forever!"

Mario grinned, knowing he had won.

"I mean, it could take us hours to find our passports!" said an anxious Bowser, picking up the rubbish bin, "I mean, the contents of the bin could be so huge that-"

Bowser picked up the bin, and tipped it over.

…

…

Two passports, the only contents of the bin fell onto the ground.

"Oh…" said Bowser, "Well so much for that idea, I guess. Better luck next time, Mario!"

Bowser chuckled heartily.

Mario muttered something in Italian that had to do with body parts.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
On Detour: Get Trapped_

"Imagine how hard navigating this maze must have been for anybody without a GPS system?" said Kirby whilst looking at the fancy navigation system held in his hands.

"_HA! Kirby, your navigation devices are so primitive in comparison to my new-age techniques!_" laughed Jigglypuff, taking a pair of x-ray glasses out of a 'Chocolate Puffs' cereal box.

"Hehe, that's cute!" laughed Kirby, "But seriously, I don't think we can stuff around any longer, I mean, if we want to win the race, then we have to use this GPS system to-"

"_Stop living in the past, Kirby!_" said Jigglypuff angrily, taking Kirby's GPS system and smashing it onto the ground, "_Use the modern tools that we have!_"

Jigglypuff triumphantly put on her x-ray glasses.

"Jigglypuff, you do rea-"

"_Shh…_" said Jigglypuff angrily, "_I'm trying to get these x-ray glasses to work!_"

"But-"

"_Be quiet!_" said Jigglypuff, adjusting a non-existent knob at the side of her glasses.

"You do-"

"_That's strange…_" said Jigglypuff, confused, "_These X-ray glasses don't seem to have a horribly long range of looking through walls…_"

"Jigglypuff, thos-"

"_In fact, I think the only thing that these glasses do is make everything appear green in one eye and red in the other!_" said Jigglypuff, shocked.

"That's what I've been-"

"_Actually, I don't think that these are state of the art x-ray glasses, but they're actually just cardboard covered in coloured foil!_" sobbed Jigglypuff.

"There there," comforted Kirby, sighing, "I mean-"

"_I'm such a fool!_" cried Jigglypuff, "_I'm sorry, Kirby!_"

"It's okay," said Kirby, "I'm sure you're not the only one who's thought that those glasses actually worked!"

"_Really?_" asked Jigglypuff, hopefully.

"Y- yeah… sure…" said Kirby, smiling, trying to sound genuine, "There are probably lots of people!"

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"_We're lost!_" said Yoshi, panicking.

"That's okay Yoshi, because we can find our way to the gym with these x-ray glasses!" cheered Ness, putting them on.

"_Hurrah!_" said Yoshi, putting his pair on.

…

…

Silence.

…

…

…

"Are you folks looking for the city gym?" asked a local, "Because it's just across the road from here, and I was just wondering if-"

"Shh!" said Ness angrily, "We're concentrating!"

"Bu-"

Ness did his 'angry beaver' face at the man.

"Fine then!" said the man angrily.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"The 'treating Hylian women like they have special needs' thing has been around for ages!" said Zelda angrily, continuing her twenty minute rant.

"We're here," said Donkey Kong, getting out of the taxi.

"I mean, Mushroom Kingdom women aren't treated like that!" said Zelda angrily.

"Hey look, isn't that Ness and Yoshi?" said Donkey Kong, confused, "They're just standing there… wearing x-ray glasses!"

"Why do people view us differently?" asked Zelda angrily, "I mean, why can't us Hylian Women be treated as normal people? The way that men treat us is practically sexist!"

"Hey, there's the clue box!" said Donkey Kong, excited.

"If a woman from any other country in the whole universe gets caught shoplifting, they are prosecuted! The law is used against them!" said Zelda angrily.

Donkey Kong read the clue.

"Why can't we get prosecuted and get an article in some shoddy newspaper the next day?" asked Zelda.

"I think we should do the search the gym one," said Donkey Kong.

"Fine then, as long as it doesn't involve using my Hyrulian femaleness to our advantage!" sulked Zelda.

"Hi, my beautiful Hyrulian lady," said a man, walking up to Zelda, "Would you like me to show you to the middle of the gym?"

Zelda punched the man in the face. "STOP TREATING ME SPECIALLY!"

The man staggered for a few seconds, and stood up. "I'm just trying to help you out of the goodness of my heart!"

Zelda punched the man in the face again. "I'll help **your face!**"

"Zelda, maybe we should use this man's offer, I mean, he could help us win a million dollars!" said Donkey Kong.

"Stop being so nice!" said Zelda, punching the man in the face again, just as he had stood up again.

Zelda looked at Donkey Kong angrily.

"Stop helping that man be so nice!" said Zelda, angrily, punching Donkey Kong in the face.

"Ow!" said Donkey Kong, falling to the ground. "Zelda, the only reason why I haven't called the police is because you're a Hyrulian lady, and I wouldn't report a Hyrulian lady to the poli-"

Zelda kicked Donkey Kong lower down.

"Ow!" said Donkey Kong.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Hey, there's the clue box!" said Samus, pointing out of the window.

The taxi screeched to a halt, and Samus and Falcon ran out across to the other side of the road.

Samus quickly pulled the clue out, opened it, read it, and looked at Falcon.

"The going through the maze thing will be easy, I can just break all of the walls, and walk through!" said Samus.

"But you don't have any rockets left… they were taken in customs, and you've used all your ammo! What are we going to use to break all of those walls?" asked Falcon.

Samus grinned slyly at Falcon.

"What?" said Falcon, slightly worried, "What are you looking at me for?"

Samus continued to grin slyly.

"Haha, you're suggesting that you would pick me up and break walls with me? That's hilarious!" laughed Falcon. "Good one Samus, good one!"

Samus continued to grin at Falcon.

"Are we going… to do the maze properly now or something?"

Samus continued to grin at Falcon.

"It's as if you're not joking or something?" said Falcon angrily, "Which you're not of course, right? Right?"

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 5th Place_

"I know it's great that this store sells unusual large amounts of caffeinated sugar cane for a dollar," said Popo angrily, "But we really need to get back in the race! We've been here for an hour!"

"Well you've had your stop, so I get to have mine!" replied Young Link angrily. "We both get to have equal pullover time!"

"But my stop was to get out of the car because we **crashed into someone**!" said Young Link angrily.

"Well it was your decision to get out!" said Young Link angrily.

"No it wasn't! **You** told **me** to get out of the car!" said Popo.

"Well that crazy Pokemon took our back wheels ransom for one of us coming out!" said Young Link.

"But that doesn't mean that that was my stop!" said Popo.

"Stop wasting time, you time waster!" shouted Young Link, taking a bite out of his caffeinated sugar cane.

Popo sighed.

…

A lawyer walked in.

"Are any of you in trouble with the law?" asked the lawyer.

"Now I am," laughed Young Link, throwing some sugar cane at the lawyer.

The sugar cane impaled itself into the lawyer's eyes, permanently damaging his vision.

"GAWF! What did you do!" screamed Popo, shocked, "Do you know the consequences? You could be in a lot of trouble! Why did you do it? Your actions were so irresponsible, immature, unreasonable and-"

Young Link told a lawyer joke to Popo.

"Hahaha," laughed Popo.

_Peach and Mario  
Heading towards pit stop_

"We have to stall-a them so we win!" said Mario, whose declining health was becoming apparent.

Mario rolled down the windows and threw various items from inside the taxi towards Bowser and Ganondorf's taxi, including the door, two cans of cola, Peach's suitcase, the taxi lights and an information sheet about negligent behaviour inside a taxi.

"Somehow I don't think that will work," said Peach.

"Fine then! You stall them!" said Mario angrily.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Heading towards pit stop_

As he scavenged his way through a packet of chips, Bowser's cell phone rang.

"Hello?" asked Bowser.

"Uh…" said Peach from the other end of the phone, "Uh…"

"Tell Mario to stop throwing stuff at our taxi!" said Bowser angrily, "If he thinks that we'll actually slow down, he's wrong!"

"Well uh… what I really meant to tell you is that… your taxi is going… the wrong way…" said Peach, ad lib, "You need to turn the taxi around… and go the opposite way… because you'll get to the pit stop quicker… yeah…"

"You're in the taxi right next to us!" said Bowser angrily, "You can't fool us, I can see you on your phone right there!"

"Well uh…" said Peach, covering her head with a jumper, "Can you see us now?"

Bowser hung up.

_Fuchsia City Gym_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
On Detour: Get Trapped_

"Hey look Jigs, we're done!" said Kirby, pointing to the gym master, who was holding a few clues.

"_Who's Jigglypuff?_" said Jigglypuff, wearing a pair of glasses with a fake nose and moustache attached to them, a pink sunhat and a fake goatee.

"Hehe Jigs, that's cute!" laughed Kirby, taking the clue from the gym master.

"You must now make your way to the pit stop, at Warden Slowpoke's house, in Fuchsia city!" read Kirby.

"Teams must now make their way two hundred metres to the pit stop, at Warden Slowpoke's house!" said Master Hand, "A house that is… uh… very famous… for such activities… and what not… stuff it… we only used the spot because it's the only place that could fit a pit-stop mat inside there… yeah… the last team to arrive, may be eliminated!"

"Let's go!" said Kirby, looking at Jigglypuff. "…uh… Jigs… where did you get that stuff from? …especially because… uh… there were no shops inside the maze…"

Jigglypuff tossed a large object out of the window.

"_Uh… there were shops…_" said Jigglypuff suspiciously.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Heading towards pit stop_

"Look! Warden Slowpoke's house is only two hundred metres away!" said Bowser, pointing to a sign.

The taxi screeched to a halt, as Bowser threw some loose change at the taxi driver and ran outside.

"We're first here, we can win for once, finally!" celebrated Ganondorf.

A body fell out of the window, crushing Ganondorf.

"Uh… Ganondorf?" said Bowser.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
On Detour: Get Trapped_

"Hey look, the gym master is through this door!" said Donkey Kong, pointing at a man through the glass door.

"Well, all we have to do is open the door!" said Zelda, "Such… uncomplex… basic technology… just… opening a door…"

…

…

"How do you open a door again?" asked Zelda. "As a Hyrulian lady, my doors are always opened for me!"

…

"I thought you were just complaining about unfairly nice treatment of Hyrulian women!" said Donkey Kong.

"I know, we're so unfairly treated!" said Zelda angrily. "Everyone who treats a Hyrulian woman specially is so sexist!"

Samus, dragging Falcon by his shirt, opened the door and walked through.

"Well I guess I did open the door in the first place, silly me!" laughed Zelda.

Donkey Kong and Zelda chuckled.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Heading towards pit stop_

"It's kind of ridiculous how this is the only exit to the place," said Kirby, crawling through the large air vent.

"_Actually, the exit sign was pointing to a giant ladder that led to the top of the building, not the air vent,_" said Jigglypuff.

"Oh," said Kirby.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Heading towards pit stop_

"There!" said Bowser, lifting the body off Ganondorf.

"Come on, we have to win this leg before the puffballs do!" said Ganondorf.

_Peach and Mario  
Heading towards pit stop_

"Hey look, there's Bowser and Ganondorf-a!" said Mario, "Stop the taxi!"

Mario, dragging Peach along, ran out without paying.

"Quickly, we have to beat them!" said Mario, "Throw stuff at them that will slow them down!"

Mario picked up a rock, and threw it at Bowser.

A rock hit Bowser's head.

"Ow!" said Bowser, looking behind.

Peach and Mario ran past.

"Hahaha!" laughed Mario, poking his tongue at Ganondorf as he sprinted past.

Mario fell into a ten-metre deep hole.

"I guess he got into trouble for running on hole-y ground!" laughed Bowser.

…

"…no," said Ganondorf. "Just no."

"Not even a chuckle for trying?" asked Bowser.

"No," said Ganondorf.

_Pit Stop_

"Look, it's Kirby and Jigglypuff!" said an excited Master Hand, "One of the few teams I can stand to see winning!"

Kirby and Jigglypuff ran up to the pit stop mat. Kirby jumped on the pit stop mat, but Jigglypuff fell face-first, metres before the pit stop.

…

"Well hurry up, Peach and Mario are coming!" said Master Hand angrily, "This will be horrible for our ratings! Hurry up Bowser and Ganondorf!"

_Peach and Mario_

"We only have to go through this cloud to win the leg of the race!" said an excited Peach, unaware the 'cloud' she was referencing was Master Hand, trying to physically restrain Peach and Mario from stepping on the mat.

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"Look, we still have a chance!" said Ganondorf, sprinting, spotting the pit stop.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"Jigs, just two more metres!" said a slightly annoyed Kirby, "Wake up!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"Only a few more metres!" said Bowser, determined.

_Peach and Mario_

Peach crawled onto the pit stop mat.

"Hooray! We won!" shouted Mario, "We actually won! In your faces! In your faces!"

"Noo!" cried a shocked Master Hand.

"This means that we'll be in the race for longer!" said Peach happily.

"Nooo!"

"And we can help the program to rate better because we're awesome!" said Mario happily.

"NUUUEZ!1" cried Master Hand.

Master Hand's cellphone rung.

"Yes?" cried Master Hand, answering the phone, "Oh what? Hey, great news!"

Master Hand swallowed his saliva.

"Peach and Mario, I have some **wonderful **news…" said Master Hand.

"We won?" asked Mario.

"Even better…" said Master Hand.

Mario and Peach's kiddy-grins grew in unison.

"You didn't complete the detour or the road block, so you have been **penalised for three hours**, and you can't check in until then!" said Master Hand.

Peach and Mario's grins dropped into gasps of despair.

"Yay!" applauded Kirby, Bowser, Ganondorf and some random bystanders.

Bowser and Ganondorf stepped on the mat.

"Bowser and Ganondorf, you are team number one!" said Master Hand.

"Hurrah!" said Bowser.

Kirby picked up Jigglypuff, and stood on the mat.

"Kirby and Jigglypuff, you are team number two!" said Master Hand.

_Peach and Mario  
Time remaining before check-in: 2:46_

"It's-a probably been about two hours by now," said a hopeful Mario, "And nobody has turned up! We still might have a chance!"

"Won't Samus and Falcon turn up soon?" asked Peach.

"Don't worry, I've distracted them with a women's interest magazine!" cackled Mario evilly.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Are you a fan of race car drivers?" asked Falcon, reading out from a magazine.

"No!" said Samus.

"Okay…" said Falcon, running his finger along the page, "Do you find men who can wield swords well attractive?"

"Yes," said Samus, giggling like a schoolgirl, surprisingly out of character.

"Red hair, blue hair or yellow hair?" asked Falcon, grinning.

"Uh… red hair! Yes, red hair!" said Samus.

"Okay… get a load of this…" laughed Falcon, "Your ideal Smasher is… Captain Falcon! A _suave_, **charming** F-Zero driver, he is quite that ladies' man!"

"YOU LIED!" screamed Samus, taking out a missile launcher, "Since when do **you** have red hair? You are not my ideal Smasher! You cheated!"

"Fine then," sighed Falcon, "Your ideal Smasher is Roy! An Altean…"

"I don't like Roy either!" sulked Samus.

"Why did you take the test then if you don't like any Smasher then?" asked Falcon.

"Okay fine then!" said Samus, "I'll take it again!"

"Your ideal Smasher is Yoshi! A _sexy_, _suave_ dinosaur…"

"Well, that's okay, after all, Yoshi's the cool guy that I really-"

Falcon stared shocked at Samus.

"Uh… look! Pit stop!" said Samus hurriedly.

"Samus and Falcon, you are team number three!" said Master Hand.

"Look, we came third, hurrah!" said Samus, trying to distract Falcon.

"But you just said before that Yoshi was-"

Samus was so desperate to hide something from Falcon that she managed to knock him out stone cold with a cardboard juice box.

_Pit Stop  
_

_Peach and Mario  
Time remaining: 1:55_

"How much time-a do we have left?" asked Mario.

"Two minutes, why?" asked Master Hand.

"Are you serious? We'll-a stay in the race for good!" cheered Mario.

"Hahahaha…" laughed Master Hand, "You fell for it? Ha, you really have two hours left."

"Oh well, Zelda and Donkey Kong won't turn up soon, as I have given them something that is so irresistible they will be distracted for hours!" cackled Mario evilly.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"An SP3™, the world's newest and most expensive gaming console!" cheered Donkey Kong.

"So how do we play it?" asked Zelda, looking at the SP3 console.

"Well, apparently there's a button that turns it on or something," said Donkey Kong.

"Magic button, reveal yourself to me!" said Zelda, putting a curse on the console.

The console split into many little pieces.

…

"What a lousy gaming console," said Zelda, "It can't even withstand a little curse."

"It didn't even use its Blue Ray attack," scuffed Donkey Kong.

"And it's supposed to play games!" said Zelda, "If it plays games, how come it can't think of a single move in checkers?"

Donkey Kong and Zelda walked onto the pit stop.

"Zelda and Donkey Kong, you are team number four!" said Master Hand.

"Oh yeah, that's right, we're racing," chuckled Donkey Kong.

_Safari Zone  
1 hour remaining_

_Young Link and Popo  
2 Pokemon Caught_

"We've been sitting here forever," said Young Link angrily, "There must be an easier way to catch Pokemon with our bare hands!"

A raccoon carcass fell out of a nearby tree.

"Hey… that gives me an idea!" said Young Link, grinning.

"How naive do you think the people that run the place are?" asked Popo angrily.

_Ness and Yoshi  
2 Pokemon Caught_

"_This is ridiculous! We've spent hours trying to knock out Pokemon with our bare hands, and we've had barely any luck!_" complained Yoshi.

"If only there was a way to get this done quicker!" said Ness.

…

"Isn't that a Pokemon steakhouse over there?" asked Yoshi.

"You're not serious, are you?" said Ness, confused.

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Okay, we're done!" said Young Link, walking into the Safari Zone clubhouse, carrying several Pokeballs.

"Okay," said a man at a desk, "Let's check that you've actually caught valid Pokemon!"

The man opened the first Pokeball to reveal a bunny-like creature.

"Yep, I caught a Wigglytuff there," said Young Link.

The man opened a second Pokeball, to reveal a Suicune-like creature.

"We caught a Suicune there," said Young Link.

The man opened a third Pokeball, to reveal a raccoon carcass.

"Uh… that's a Pikachu…" said Young Link, trying to obscure the view of the carcass from the man.

The man opened the fourth Pokeball, to reveal roadkill of some sort.

"Um… that's also a Pikachu…" said Young Link, sweating.

"But it's green," said the man.

"Well then, it's a… Greenichu!" said Young Link, pretending to chuckle.

"Haha, that's a good one!" laughed the man, rolling on the floor, "Greenichu! Hahahaha, that's so funny!"

Young Link grabbed a clue and walked out.

"You must now make your way to the pit stop, at Warden Slowpoke's house, in Fuchsia city!" read Young Link.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"_Mmm… that was some nice Pokemon steak,_" said a satisfied Yoshi, licking his fingers.

"You ate the steak?" said a shocked Ness.

"_Oh, I thought we were just going there because we were hungry,_" chuckled Yoshi.

"Quickly, we have to go back inside there and get us some Pokemon!" said Ness.

_Peach and Mario  
Time Before Check-in: 0:38_

Mario sobbed.

"Cheer up, Mario!" said a happy Peach, "If we get eliminated, you can spend even **more** time with me! Hooray!"

Mario sobbed harder.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Okay, now that we actually have uneaten Pokemon steak this time, we can hand it in and get our clue!" cheered Ness.

Ness and Yoshi ran down to the clubhouse, and grabbed their clue.

"You must now make your way to the pit stop, at Warden Slowpoke's house, in Fuchsia city!" read Ness.

_Young Link and Popo_

"Finally, a taxi!" said a relieved Young Link, running to a taxi.

"We're in a race," said Young Link, getting into the taxi, "So can you go as fast as you can?"

_Ness and Yoshi_

"_Hey look,_" said Yoshi, "_They're getting in a taxi! Get on the same one!_"

_Young Link and Popo_

"Well, it looks like we finally got rid of-"

As the taxi sped 60 kilometres an hour down the highway, Ness and Yoshi clung onto the taxi, and climbed inside.

…

"That's against the rules!" said Young Link angrily, "And you're not supposed to run faster than a taxi! It's not allowed!"

_Peach and Mario  
Time before check-in: 0:08_

"I hope they strangle each other and knock each other out," said Mario angrily.

_Young Link and Popo  
Ness and Yoshi_

"Popo, when the taxi stops, we both grab Ness, pin him down to the seat and then beat them to the pit stop," whispered Young Link.

"Uh… I'm Ness… that's Popo," said Ness, pointing to Popo, who was on the other side of Young Link.

"Oh," laughed Young Link nervously, "Heh, I was just joking, we wouldn't ever try and give ourselves an unfair advantage!"

Young Link chuckled for a few seconds, and then leant over to Popo, "Tie up Yoshi when the taxi stops."

"You know I'm psychic, right? I know what you're saying!" said Ness angrily.

_Peach and Mario  
Time before check-in: 0:03_

"How about we move the pit stop mat twelve kilometres away so they can't find us?" plotted Mario.

"That's not allowed!" said Master Hand.

_Young Link and Popo  
Ness and Yoshi_

"He still doesn't notice," laughed Popo, "And we should keep it that way,"

"I can't believe you actually convinced me to do that," said an ashamed Popo, looking at Yoshi's tongue being tied to the steering wheel.

"Hey look, the taxi's coming to a stop!" said Popo.

Popo and Young Link jumped out of the taxi, while Ness used his brain tricks to trip Popo and Young Link over and untie Yoshi's tongue from the steering wheel. Young Link threw a spanner he found on the ground at Ness, knocking him out, but Yoshi quickly caught up and spear-tackled Young Link to the ground.

_Peach and Mario  
Time remaining: 00:01:26_

"That's it, keep on fighting," smiled Mario.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Time remaining: 01:13_

"Hey, we're ahead!" laughed Ness, who three seconds later became frozen by Popo's ice attack of doom.

Yoshi used his laser eye attack (that he will only use ever once just for this occasion) to unfreeze Ness, but Young Link clobbered Ness over the head with a milk carton, making him pass out.

_Peach and Mario  
Time remaining: 00:56_

"I think we still might make it!" cheered Peach, running out.

"No!" screamed Mario.

_Young Link and Popo  
Time remaining: 00:42_

As Young Link was about to make Yoshi swallow two litres of milk, Peach ran up and cheered them to keep on fighting. "Go and fight you guys! Stall for time so we can stay in the race!"

Young Link, Yoshi, Popo and Ness stopped what they were doing.

"You guys haven't checked in yet?" asked Ness, shocked.

"Yeah, we got penalised and can check-in in less than a minute becau-"

Mario ran up and covered Peach's mouth up. "Nothing to see here! You two are really the last teams!"

"He's lying!" screamed Master Hand, "Get here in twenty seconds to help our ratings!"

"NUUUEZ!" said Mario.

_Young Link and Popo  
Time remaining: 00:15_

"Twenty metres to go!" said Young Link, "Sprint!"

"How come when we're near to the finish and it's really close, you always have to point out how much distance is left until the pit stop?" asked Popo, "It's really cheesy!"

Young Link and Popo stepped on the mat, and cheered.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Time remaining: 00:08_

Ness stepped on the pit stop mat. "Come on, you only have eight seconds! Sprint Yoshi, sprint!"

"Tackle him!" said Mario, "Tackle him like he's the body of someone that you really hate!"

"Like you?" asked Peach.

"Sure," said Mario.

Yoshi sprinted towards the finish with only a few metres to go, but after hearing a scream of, 'I hate you Mario!', he was tackled and forced to the ground, centimetres before the pit stop mat.

_Master Hand  
Time remaining: 00:02_

"Use your tongue, Yoshi!" said a desperate Master Hand, "Touch the line with your tongue!"

_Mario_

"If you don't, me and Peach will stay in the race forever!" cheered Mario.

_Lon-Lon Milk Cow_

"You can doooooo it!" said the cow, "I mean, you can moooo it, Yoshi! You can moooo it!"

_Yoshi_

A strong gust of wind blew the two-tonne pit stop into Yoshi, smacking him in the face.

"Yess!" cheered Ness.

"Yay!" cheered Peach.

"Hurrah!" cheered Master Hand.

"Hurrah!" cheered the Lon-Lon milk cow.

"Nuuuez!" cried Mario.

"Nueez!" cried Peach.

"Young Link and Popo, you are team number five! Ness and Yoshi, you are team number six!" said Master Hand. "Peach and Mario… you are the last team to arrive… but fortunately…"

Peach and Mario grinned.

"Very fortunately for you and others…" sighed Master Hand.

Peach and Mario continued to grin.

"You've been eliminated! _Forever_! Haha! Whoo!" screamed Master Hand. "Yes! YESSS! You _so_ had it coming, you know? Our viewers absolutely _hate_ you! In fact, they _voted you off_! That's right! We don't even hold any freaking polls, but that's how much they hated you! AND YOU'RE OUT! YOU SUCK! YOU'RE FINISHED! And what's more, _no ratings deals for you_! You… all… suck! Ha! Take that! Not so funny now, are you? And now we'll get strong ratings again and beat that stupid show with Sonic and the talking stick on channel 5! SUCK!"

_Peach and Mario_

"I'm sure ratings will crash because we were eliminated," said an angry Mario, "Because we are a valuable asset to this race, this seri-"

The cameraman lost interest, and instead panned on the conga line parties that were forming because of their elimination.

**Finish Times:**

Bowser and Ganondorf: 9:40 AM  
Kirby and Jigglypuff: 9:42 AM  
Samus and Falcon: 10:07 AM  
Zelda and Donkey Kong: 11:00 AM  
Young Link and Popo: 12:39 PM  
Ness and Yoshi: 12:40 PM  
**Peach and Mario: 12:41 PM- Eliminated**

Sorry if this chapter was not as entertaining as the last, I'm slightly out of inspiration having not updated this for so long.

Review, feedback is appreciated a lot!


	8. Leg 7: Isle Delfino

"Last time, on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Seven teams set out on the sixth leg on a race around the world!  
"Teams travelled to Kanto, where they all ran into some trouble!"

_A deep voice at the other end of the line muttered something.  
Kirby looked at Jigglypuff, not managing to make out the voice.  
"What's he saying?" asked Kirby.  
"I dunno, something about there being a bomb in this taxi!" said Jigglypuff, cheerfully._

"Including some trouble with the law!" said Master Hand.

"_I'm sorry to disturb you, but we have a warrant," said the police officer, "for __**her **__arrest."  
The police officer pointed at Zelda._

"Bowser and Ganondorf claimed the Fast Forward by eating raw Wigglytuffs! But Peach and Mario decided to try for it, **after** Bowser and Ganondorf finished, putting them well behind!  
"It was a three-way battle for first place at the pit stop between Peach and Mario, Bowser and Ganondorf and Kirby and Jigglypuff! Peach and Mario arrived first, but fortunately for other teams, were penalised for **three hours **for not completing any tasks!  
"Ness and Yoshi, and Young Link and Popo struggled behind, and had a tense battle for what they thought was second last place! Ness and Yoshi even resorted to clinging onto the same taxi as Young Link and Popo! They all plotted each other's demise!"

"_Popo, when the taxi stops, we both grab Ness, pin him down to the seat and then beat them to the pit stop," whispered Young Link._

"But it turned out to be a race against time before Peach and Mario checked in, with both Popo and Young Link, and Ness and Yoshi checking in, just in time before the three hour penalty was up!" said Master Hand. "Peach and Mario were eliminated, big fuss."

"Can Bowser and Ganondorf keep their newly found victory up?" asked Master Hand, "And will the constant feuding between Ness and Yoshi and Young Link and Popo cause one of the teams to fall behind?"

"Six teams remain, who will be eliminated next?" asked Master Hand.

**The Teams**: (according to various ideal job calculators, personality tests and love calculators)

Zelda and Donkey Kong _(Ideal Jobs, Zelda: Bouncer, Donkey Kong: Princess)_  
Kirby and Jigglypuff _(Evil)  
_Ness and Yoshi _(68 percent on the love calculator)  
_Bowser and Ganondorf _(Ideal Job: Tax Collector and Insurance Salesman)  
_Samus and Falcon _(96 percent on the love- okay… put the gun down and we can come to a deal… 76 percent on the- fine… 12 percent on the- 0 percent on the freaking love calculator! It's a joke!)  
_Young Link and Popo _(Ideal Job: Jockey and Basketball Player)_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
1__st__ to depart: 9:40 PM_

"First off the block!" cheered Bowser, opening the clue. "You must now make your way to… Isle Delfino? What the heck's that?"

"Teams must now make their way to the tropical island of Isle Delfino, a luscious beach-filled island, most commonly known for its use in the video game, Super Mario Sunshine!" said Master Hand, "Once there, they must try to find _this marked board_ with departure times, located in the central tower of Gelato Beach, a popular tourist attraction!"

"Oh, it's that third-world country where they eat cats and beat up tourists," said Ganondorf, "I knew we would have to go to that wasteland sometime. Brace yourself Bowser, Brace yourself!"

"Gelato Beach?" asked Bowser, "That's sounds like a pleasant beach."

"It's a death trap! Move quickly!" said Ganondorf angrily.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
2__nd__ to depart: 9:42 PM_

Jigglypuff walked out to the clue box, wheeling a trolley of various foods taken from the buffet.

"Jigs, I know the buffet is all you can eat," laughed Kirby, "But you shouldn't just take all of the food there!"

"_Don't worry! I can eat it all!_" said Jigglypuff, picking up a scallop, and taking very slow, tiny bites out of it.

While Jigglypuff was distracted with the scallop, Kirby quickly sucked in all of the food on the trolley.

"Well done, you're a fast eater!" said Kirby, smiling whilst rolling his eyes.

"_Yay,_" said Jigglypuff, grabbing a clue and reading it, "_You must now make your way to Isle Delfino and find your next clue on the tower of Gelato Beach!_"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Hey, is this taxi available?" asked Bowser, walking up to a taxi situated on the taxi rank.

"Sorry," replied the taxi driver.

"How about," said Ganondorf, taking a knife, "The taxi is available now and nobody gets hurt!"

Kirby and Jigglypuff ran through Bowser's legs, and hopped into the taxi.

"_Can you take us to the airport?_" asked Jigglypuff sweetly, "_I know you're all busy and taken and all of that, but you wouldn't hurt two cuties emotionally, would you?_"

"Of course not, in fact, I'll stop reserving the taxi for them just for you guys!" chuckled the taxi driver, "After all, it was only the prime minister."

Everybody chuckled heartily, including Bowser and Ganondorf.

The taxi drove off.

"Hey, they took our taxi!" said Bowser angrily.

"Can you give us a ride to the airport?" asked Ganondorf, hopping into a taxi.

"Actually this-"

Ganondorf punched the taxi driver in the face.

"Okay! Okay!" said the taxi driver cautiously.

_Samus and Falcon  
3__rd__ to Depart: 10:07 PM_

"You must now make your way to Isle Delfino and find your next clue on the tower of Gelato Beach!" read Falcon, "You have been given 233 dollars for this leg of the race."

_Falcon  
Interview before leg  
_"I think through this race, Samus and I have gotten to know each other much better," said Falcon in an interview, sitting on a deck chair. "In fact, I think she's starting to respect me!"

_Samus  
Interview before leg_

"I can't wait for this freaking thing to be over," said Samus. "I'm legally obliged to keep that prick alive until we lose the race…"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Okay, thanks," said a cheerful Bowser, actually paying the taxi driver for once. "And wow, the tickets desk is right there!"

"Hi, can we have the next available flight to Isle Delfino?" asked Ganondorf.

"Sure," replied the Pokemon airline worker, typing on a computer, "Okay… I can get you on the Tropical Air Flight that leaves at 5:00 AM!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf: On 1__st__ Tropical Air Flight_

"Tropical Air?" said Bowser, confused, "I thought you said it was a desert third-world country wasteland!"

"The airlines trick the tourists into thinking that it's a beach, sunshine-filled island, and use the profits on the oil mining industry!" said Ganondorf.

"Oh," said Bowser.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Hey, can we have the earliest flight to Isle Delfino?" asked Kirby, jumping up onto the counter.

"Sure," replied the airline worker, "We have a 5:00 AM flight that lands at 8:00 PM local time!"

"You sure you don't uh… have any earlier flights that stopover somewhere but land earlier?" asked Kirby.

"Actually, we do," said the airline worker, "We have a 3:00 AM Mushroom Air flight that stops over in Mushroom Kingdom, and lands at 7:30 PM local time!"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff: 1__st__ on 1__st__ Mushroom Air Flight_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Hi, can we have tickets to-" said Samus.

"Hey, is that Samus, _the real_ Samus?" said an overenthusiastic worker over the counter whose smile was so cringeworthy it blinded people.

"…" said Samus.

"Well is it?" said the worker, whose gigantic grin was growing so large his lips were starting to stretch.

"Yes…" said an annoyed Samus.

"Well, I'm your number one fan!" said the worker hopefully, "I'm so glad you came out here to meet me!"

"We are buying tickets," said Samus angrily, "Just because I am lining up in a counter to buy tickets does not mean that I am appreciating you as a human being."

"I have posters of you on my wall!" said the worker, "And I have all of the merchandise! And I'm the one that sends you all of those e-mails!"

"But how can one person create thousands of fan letters a day?" said Samus, weirded out slightly. "I would have blocked you or something!"

"That's okay, because I create a new e-mail account every minute!" said the worker, signing up for his twelfth free Hayoo™ e-mail account for the day.

"I hate you! Give us our tickets now or I will personally kill you!" said Samus, infuriated, "You're more annoying than Falcon!"

"Personally?" said the worker, flaring his eyebrows up and down.

Falcon did an uppercut to the worker's head, making him fly back a few metres into a pile of origami made out of unwanted airline tickets.

…

"How could you do that?" said Samus, crying, "You have no respect for other people's personal space!"

"But he was stalking you! I mean-" said a confused Falcon.

"I can't believe how rude, arrogant and disrespectful you are!" said Samus angrily.

"But you were about to do that to-"

Samus kicked Falcon in the groin, and passed a hundred dollar note to the airline worker, taking the airline tickets.

_Samus and Falcon: 2__nd__ on 1__st__ Mushroom Air Flight_

"Wait? That was a setup to hurt me?" said Falcon, utterly and excessively confused.

Samus winked at the airline worker.

"Why would you need a reason to hit me? I mean, you hit me all of the time anyway!" said Falcon.

"You know, that's really true!" said Samus, coming to a realisation, nodding her head, "You have a point there!"

Samus snatched the hundred dollar note from the worker and punched him.

"But it was your idea!" said the airline worker, angrily.

"You're right!" said Samus, punching Falcon, just as he stood up.

"Why did you do that?" said Falcon angrily, "I'm the one that will help you get a million dollars!"

"You're right!" said Samus, punching the airline worker in the face.

"Why are you punching us randomly?" said the worker angrily.

"You're right!" said Samus, punching Falcon.

"Ow," said Falcon.

"Sorry," said Samus.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
4__th__ to depart: 11:00 PM_

"You must now make your way to Isle Delfino and find your next clue on the tower of Gelato Beach!" read Donkey Kong, "You have been given 233 dollars for this leg of the race."

"DK and I have come up with a new strategy for preserving food," said Zelda while walking along. "We store lots of food in our stomach, and then when we feel hungry, we just take it out and eat it! I read it in this mail order 'Time Saving Strategies Book'!"

"Yeah, it's completely foolproof!" said Donkey Kong, putting his hand in his mouth, "Now to get that muffin."

Donkey Kong started choking on his hand.

"Donkey Kong?" asked Zelda.

Donkey Kong continued to choke.

"Well that's okay, because it came with a free mail order Heimlich manoeuvre kit!" said Zelda, opening a colourfully packaged box.

Donkey Kong still choked.

Zelda pulled the instructions out of the manual, read it then proceeded to hit Donkey Kong multiple times on the back with a zucchini. "Regurgitate you unswallowed food!"

Donkey Kong's hand went deeper into his digestive system.

"I want a refund!" said Zelda angrily.

Donkey Kong continued to choke.

_Young Link and Popo  
5__th__ to depart: 12:39 AM_

"You must now make your way to Isle Delfino and find your next clue on the tower of Gelato Beach!" read Popo, "You have been given 233 dollars for this leg of the race."

"Oh cool, we'll be really good at this leg!" said Young Link excitedly.

"Why?" said Popo confused.

"Duh, this is like your home town, isn't it?" said Young Link.

"No," said Popo.

"So you're saying I bought and put on this Eskimo suit for nothing?" said Young Link angrily, "How dare you misinform me!"

"I didn't tell you we were going anywhere!" said Popo.

"Oh well, at least this Eskimo suit will help us to run faster!"

Young Link's sleeve got stuck in his zipper, and the fur on his hood became attached to the wall.

"Help?" said Young Link.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Last to depart: 12:40 AM_

"You must now make your way to Isle Delfino and find your next clue on the tower of Gelato Beach!" read Popo, "You have been given 233 dollars for this leg of the race."

"_With Peach and Mario gone, there's no-one we can really rely on to stuff up, it's going to be really up to us to beat Young Link and Popo," said Ness in an interview, "But I still think we have a chance."_

"_I think we'll really have to use our brains__and our wonderful __**social skills **__in these next few legs if we want to win." said Yoshi._

"Uh… can you uh…" said Ness, talking to a taxi driver. "Can you uh… you say it Yoshi!"

"Yoshi hup Yoshi ur Yoshi?" said Yoshi.

"Yeah… what he said…" said Ness.

…

Young Link, hopping (one foot was stuck in his hood) and Popo jumped into the taxi, stealing it.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
2__nd__ on 1__st__ Tropical Air Flight_

"Are you sure that's the only tickets we can get?" said Zelda, leaning on the counter.

"Yes," replied the ticket salesperson.

"I'll do a dance for you," said Zelda, untying her hair. "And then we can have some fun afterwards."

Zelda spilt some wine on the salesperson, "Oops, do you want me to, 'clean it up' for you?"

Zelda raised her eyebrows suggestively.

The machine malfunctioned due to the wine spillage.

"Oh," said Zelda.

"All teams are now on their way to Isle Delfino!" said Master Hand, "Bowser and Ganondorf and Zelda and Donkey Kong are on the 1st Tropical Air flight, which leaves at 5:00 AM, and lands at 8:00 PM local time!  
"Kirby and Jigglypuff and Samus and Falcon are on the 1st Mushroom Air flight, which leaves at 3:00 AM and lands at 7:30 PM local time!  
"Young Link and Popo and Ness and Yoshi are on the 2nd Tropical Air flight, which leaves at 8:00 AM and lands at 11:00 PM local time!"

_Mushroom Air Flight  
Landed at 7:52 PM_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"First out!" said Falcon, sprinting out of the gate.

"We have to go quick, Kirby and Jigglypuff are going to try and outcute us to first place!" said Samus, annoyed.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Mr. Airport Worker?" said Kirby, doing his puppy eyes, "I know you usually use that airport buggy for transporting the sick and disabled, but we're cute and we have to go and see our grandparents!"

"Okay," said the airport worker, quietly sobbing, tears streaming from his cheeks, and his eyes. "Hop on!"

"_Yaaaay!_" said Jigglypuff.

"Are they sick or something?" said the airport worker.

"Yeah… sure…" said Kirby.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Do you really think they're so cute they could just, overtake us in an instant?" said Falcon.

Kirby and Jigglypuff drove past Samus in Falcon on an airport buggy.

"Okay, that's it!" said Samus, knocking some elderly people and some pickpockets off a nearby buggy, picked up Falcon and hopped on.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"_Hooray! We're ahead!_" cheered Jigglypuff.

Samus and Falcon zoomed past in a modified buggy (to go past the 20kmph speed cap), slashing the tire near Kirby.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Huzzah! Got them! Now we can win!" said Samus, oblivious to the sight of people bleeding after being run over by her buggy.

"Luckily we're agile and puffball-like!" said Kirby, climbing on from the back of the buggy.

"Get off!" said Samus, steering left and right to make Kirby and Jigglypuff fall off.

Falcon fell off the buggy.

"Hooray!" said Kirby and Jigglypuff.

Samus started to froth at the mouth.

_1__st__ Tropical Air Flight  
Landed at 7:55 PM_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Let's move!" said Bowser, pushing over several people who were walking through the airport gates. "I want to get out of this third world country as soon as…"

Bowser took a breath of the tropical air.

"Why is the air so… tropical-like?" said Bowser, "Especially because you said it was a third-world oil mining country?"

"Uh… greenhouse gas emissions?" said Ganondorf, "I'm telling you, this place is a hole!"

"Why are there t-shirts saying 'welcome to paradise' then?" said Bowser.

"Tourist trap to make the country seem better then it is!" replied Ganondorf.

"And why are there palm trees outside, and why did they give us a twenty minute video on the beaches of the country on the plane?" said Bowser.

"Uh… they're misinformed about their own country?" said Ganondorf.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Taxi!" said Zelda, raising her arm.

"Wow Zelda, your mail order space saving techniques really work!" said Donkey Kong amazed.

"I know," said Zelda, surprised, hopping into the taxi, "Our bags are a quarter the size of what they were yesterday!"

Donkey Kong sat down in the taxi and shut the door, "But what if we want to get something out of there?"

"Actually, I'm not quite sure," said Zelda, trying to retrieve a bottle of water from inside her backpack. "Help! It's so tight I can't open it!"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Hey look, that's the beach right there!" said Kirby.

"_Stop here! Stop here!_" said Jigglypuff in Spanish, reading out of a phrasebook.

"They speak English here Jigs," said Kirby.

"_Oh,_" laughed Jigglypuff.

Kirby and Jigglypuff hopped out of the taxi and walked onto the beach.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"There's Kirby and Jigglypuff! Get out!" said Samus, dragging Falcon out of the taxi.

"Okay!" said Falcon, closing the door behind him.

"We have to beat them! Throw candy or soft toys or whatever they're interested in at them!" said Samus.

"Yeah, as if it would work!" said Falcon, throwing a lollipop at Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff fell face-first onto the ground.

"Yess!" said Falcon, "Haha, what good comedic timing!"

Falcon tripped over Jigglypuff and fell face-first onto the ground.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Samus and Falcon  
Departing at 10:00 AM_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Little girl! I am big and scary; so tell me where the beach tower is!" said an intimidating Bowser, jumping from behind a bush.

The six-year old girl stared blankly at Bowser.

"Graar! I'm scary!" said Bowser, waving his arms around wildly.

The girl continued to stare at Bowser.

"Graar?" said Bowser.

The girl walked off.

…

"I don't get it, kids aren't scared anymore these days!" said Bowser, scratching his head. "It's like they're immune to being scared or something!"

"You just have to talk in modern day terms!" said Ganondorf.

The same girl walked past again.

"I am the spirit of a tortured 15-year-old girl who was killed by her MP3 player!" said Ganondorf, jumping from behind a bush. "And if you don't tell me where the beach tower is, your file-sharing program will slow down to three kilobytes a second!"

"AAAAAH!" screamed the girl, pointing to the beach tower, dashing away soon after.

"I don't get it," said Bowser, even more confused, "If you incorporate technology into there… they're instantly scared! It's like saying a monster will come out of the TV and devour our children if you don't watch Pop Idol!"

_Master Hand_

"Censor that out! How does he know our marketing secrets?"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Departing at 10:00 AM_

"Yes! We're still first to depart," said Bowser, taking a small piece of laminated cardboard.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Departing at 10:20 AM_

"Drat, we're departing later than you guys," said Zelda, taking a piece of cardboard.

"Aww, what a shame," said Bowser, grinning secretly.

"I know," said Zelda, disappointed.

"We were actually considering giving you our spot, just because we liked you guys so much!" said Bowser sarcastically.

"Really?" said Zelda, "That would be so sweet! It would just make my day! And I would be so disappointed if you were just joking about that!"

"Oh no, we wouldn't be joking!" laughed Bowser, grinning evilly, "In fact, I'll just hand you our spot right now, if I can find it!"

"Really? That would be so awesome of you guys! You could even help us win!" said Zelda hopefully.

"Oh… darn…" said Bowser, grinning slyly, "I guess we can't find it! But I promise, I'll look really hard if you just stay here, and not use any of the cool hotel facilities or anything! But you'll be there in no time! Really!"

"Aww… they're so nice," said Zelda.

Bowser and Ganondorf walked off.

Zelda and Donkey Kong stood there, grinning cheesily.

_2__nd__ Tropical Air Flight  
Landed at 11:06 PM_

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"We have an advantage here," said Ness, grinning evilly, "We actually pay attention to the safety videos that they play us on the plane, so we won't get scammed or anything!"

An unmarked, black, 60's run down car-looking taxi pulled up on the taxi rank. "Do you want a taxi?" asked the suspicious looking driver.

"_Sure,_" said Yoshi, pretending to tie his shoe, "_Just wait!_"

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in Last Place_

"Hey, that's Ness and Yoshi! Steal their taxi!" said Young Link evilly.

"Oh please don't, have some compassion for us! We had the taxi first!" said Ness, pretending to beg.

"Hahaha, suckers!" said Young Link, hopping into the taxi. "To the Gelato Beach towers!"

The taxi drove off.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Suckers," said Ness, "Remember, always trust **only **marked taxis! Give privately-owned cars a miss! They'll try and pull a scam on you!"

Ness and Yoshi stepped into a marked taxi, and drove off.

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"There's something I don't like about this taxi," said Popo suspiciously. "Are you sure we're going the right way?"

"S- sure…" said the taxi driver, blaring his loud Latin music, "Just chill… we're taking a shortcut!"

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Suckers," said Ness, sticking out his tongue, "They're going the opposite way as us!"

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Wow, you really did take a shortcut!" said Popo, getting out, tipping the taxi driver, "Thanks for the quick ride!"

"What a good driver!" said Young Link, walking along with his bag.

"Get one of those tags!" said Popo, walking up to a marked board. "Okay! 10:20 AM departure!"

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"_It feels good to have a licensed taxi driver!_" said Yoshi, laughing.

The taxi came to a stop. "Uh… I need to refill," said the taxi driver, "Why don't you visit this jewellery shop while you're waiting?"

Ness and Yoshi walked out.

The taxi driver locked the door, "I'm not letting you guys have your bags until you buy some jewellery!"

"What?" said Ness, shocked, "This is poor taxi driver etiquette!"

"Nope, sorry," said the taxi driver, as Ness tried to open the boot of the car. "You need to buy at least two hundred dollars worth of jewellery!"

"This is ridiculous!" said Ness angrily, "This is the last time I'm going to listen to those aeroplane local safety videos!"

_Gelato Beach  
1:00 AM_

Ness and Yoshi walked angrily up to the marked board and took the last card.

"Why are you guys so late?" said Zelda cheerfully.

"We got a dodgy taxi driver," said Ness angrily, "Why are you guys still waiting here?"

"Bowser and Ganondorf were going to swap departure times with us, I'm sure they're very busy searching for where they put that card!" said Zelda cheerfully.

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"This massage is so nice…" said Ganondorf, grinning, surrounded by many ladies.

"How come they'll all massage you, but not me?" said Bowser angrily.

"…" said Ganondorf.

"Oh… that's right," said Bowser angrily.

_Gelato Beach  
10:00 AM_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Detour!" said Samus, opening a clue.

"Detour!" said Master Hand, floating around a dock. "A detour is a choice between two tasks, in this detour: Seafood or Pizza!  
"In Seafood, teams must go to Ricco Harbour, and carry twenty giant squid 500 metres towards the fish market! This task is physically demanding, but teams that can get the locals to carry some squid for them will finish quickly!  
"In Pizza, teams must go to this shopping mall in Delfino Plaza, and then deliver three pizzas to various locations around the island! However, they will only be given their 'Amazing Race token' if they deliver the pizza to that place in a sufficient amount of time! This task may seem hard, but teams that can navigate well will finish quickly! Also, if teams deliver the pizza to the wrong location, they must pay for the costs out of their own pocket."

"Let's deliver Pizza!" said Falcon.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Seafood or Pizza?" said Bowser.

"Seafood," said Bowser.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"_Aww… come on…_" said Jigglypuff begging, "_If we do 'Pizza', we get a shiny bell on our pizza van that plays various ice-cream themed songs!_"

"Actually," said Kirby, "The ice cream themed songs are played by ice cream vans."

"_Oh,_" said Jigglypuff.

…

…

"_Oh,_" said Jigglypuff.

_Ricco Harbour_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Squid Carried: 0_

"Well this should be too easy!" said Bowser, picking up a squid with two fingers.

"Ha, how will they cope?" said Ganondorf, pointing at Kirby and Jigglypuff who were walking in.

"_We too can cope_!" said Jigglypuff angrily, picking up a squid.

The squid fell on top of Jigglypuff, immobilising her.

"_Help_," cried Jigglypuff.

_Delfino Plaza_

_Samus and Falcon  
Pizzas Delivered: 0_

"This feels so degrading, delivering pizza," said Falcon, "I feel like I've just retired twenty years too early, and because no-one else will hire me I have to deliver pizza."

"Yeah, the last thing we need is someone seeing us doing this," said Samus.

"Say cheese!" said a nerdy-looking glasses-wearing brown-haired man holding a camera. "Haha, look how you've ended up, washed up and delivering pizza!"

"How dare you!" said Samus angrily, "This is for a game show!"

"Haha, well it's too late to defend yourself," said the nerdy-looking guy.

"Don't post it to your blog!" said Samus angrily, "You will suffer the dire consequences!"

"Oh really?" said the man, "Well it's too late, it's already on the internet! The picture will spread like a virus! Unfortunately, you have no way of stopping it! Your reputation will be harmed forever!"

Samus kicked the man in the shins.

"Ow! But that will not do anything! You are pathetic," laughed the blogger evilly.

The man stumbled backwards, falling on a laptop which caused the internet to break.

"Well… what good timing," chuckled Samus.

"That's not even possible!" said the man angrily.

_Gelato Beach  
10:20 AM_

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Seafood or Pizza?" said Zelda, reading from the envelope.

"Seafood," said Donkey Kong.

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"I say we do Seafood," said Popo.

"Popo, you are a weakling!" said Young Link.

"I am not," said Popo slightly annoyed.

"Well you struggle even to pick up a chicken," said Young Link boasting, putting his arm on his chest.

"That's because it runs away, not because I'm weak!" said Popo.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Let's do Pizza, I found a shortcut to the place," said Ness.

_Ricco Harbour_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Squid Carried: 3_

"_These squid are so heavy,_" complained a lethargic Jigglypuff, struggling to stand up whilst holding the squid above her head. "_I feel like I could pass out anytime soon!_"

The weight was too much for Jigglypuff, toppling her over backwards.

"Jigs!" said Kirby, dropping his squid and running towards her. "Are you okay?"

"Don't worry guys, I'll help you!" said a bearded middle-aged man walking up to them, picking up a squid.

"Gee, thanks! What a kind person you are!" said Kirby.

"I'm also a kind person!" said a small man appearing out of nowhere, taking a squid.

"You're all too kind!" said Kirby, smiling cheerfully.

"_But our mean boss won't give us food if we don't carry all of the squid over there in five minutes!_" cried Jigglypuff, suddenly waking up.

A crowd of people rushed over and started to help carry all of the squid.

"Yay," said Kirby cheerfully.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Squid Carried: 11_

"I wish people would help us because we're cute," said a yearning Bowser, walking along carrying three squid in one hand. "Hey, that gives me an idea!"

Bowser toppled backwards and started to moan, "The weight is too much for me! If only a kind soul would assist in carrying the rest of the squid for us!"

A man walked up, quite amused, "You think you're going to fool anyone? Well, I'm certainly not going to help you, ha!"

Ganondorf took out a cannon.

"Okay, you guys are pretty cute," laughed the man nervously, picking up a squid.

_Delfino Plaza_

_Samus and Falcon  
Pizza Delivered: 2/3_

"One more pizza, and then we'll be finished!" said Samus, walking up to a door, and ringing the doorbell.

"Oh, do you have my pizza?" said a middle-aged man, opening my door, "Well I'm sorry, I can't give you your clue, as you are twelve seconds late!"

"Are you… sure you want to go through with that decision?" said Samus smiling, resting her palms on the man's shoulders.

"Yes, I am sure!" said the man angrily.

"I'm feeling a bit… sweaty… can you… rub my back for me?" said Samus suggestively. "Then maybe your decision will change?"

"Okay, how about this? I might give you guys your clue if you give me a long, passionate kiss," said the man eagerly.

Samus sighed, and felt remorse as the two lips touched. There was a short struggle, but Samus sighed as the passionate show of affection continued for another few seconds.

"Haha," said the man evilly, handing over the clue, "Your reputation will be ruined, as the video of both of us has been posted on so many websites and blogs that it will be un-removable from the internet!"

The man ran inside, boasting "I kissed Samus Aran! Think what my friends will say when they see the video!"

"How did he think it was me?" said Samus, puzzled, "I never took off my helmet."

"I really don't care about my reputation," said Falcon, wiping his lips.

"You must now make your way to Sirena Beach Resort!" read Samus after opening the clue. "Warning! Yield Ahead!"

"Teams must now travel sixteen kilometres to Sirena Beach, and find this famous hotel!" said Master Hand, "Next to the clue box is a Yield, where a team can force another team to stop racing for a predetermined amount of time! Teams that are Yielded must flip over this hourglass and wait until the hourglass has finished before they can continue racing! This is only the second of three Yields, and teams can only use their power once, so teams will have to decide when it is best to use their Yield power!"

_Ricco Harbour_

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Squid Carried: 8_

"I think we're carrying squid for the cheap squid store," said Donkey Kong, holding one squid in both hands behind his back.

"What makes you think that?" said Zelda.

"Dunno," said Donkey Kong casually, hitting the squid several times to keep it from moving its legs.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Squid Carried: 19_

"Thanks guys!" said Kirby, putting the last squid in a big crate, taking the clue.

"_You must now make your way to Sirena Beach Resort!_" read Jigglypuff, eating what appeared to be some sort of seafood dessert, "_Warning! Yield Ahead!_"

"Taxi!" said Kirby, waving his arms wildly.

A taxi stopped on the rank.

"I thought your evil boss was that way," said a man, pointing the other way.

"Uh… well…" said Kirby.

"_Oh no! That's our evil boss!_" shouted Jigglypuff.

A mob of compassionate people beat up the man.

"Phew," said Kirby.

"Wasn't your evil boss that way?" said a different man, pointing the other way.

"Oh no! Our evil boss!" said Kirby, trying to act shocked.

Another mob of people ran up and beat the man up.

Kirby and Jigglypuff jumped into the taxi.

"Clever manoeuvring, Jigs," said Kirby happily.

"_Thanks,_" said Jigglypuff, smiling sweetly.

"You do realise it's company policy not to let people eat in taxis?" said the taxi driver calmly.

"_Oh no! It's our evil boss!_" said Jigglypuff, trying to act shocked.

A mob of people ran into the taxi and beat the driver up.

"But maybe we shouldn't overuse it," said Kirby, slightly annoyed.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Completed Detour_

"You must now make your way to Sirena Beach Resort!" read Bowser, "Warning! Yield Ahead!"

"You're going to have to pay for that fish ice cream, you know that?" said an annoyed shopkeeper.

"Oh no! It's our evil boss!" said Bowser, trying to act cute.

A few people chuckled.

Bowser fired several cannonballs in the air.

A nervous mob of people beat up the shopkeeper.

Bowser chuckled evilly.

"You know, it just doesn't feel as funny," said Ganondorf.

"Yeah," said Bowser, staring at his feet, "yeah, it doesn't."

They fell silent.

_Delfino Plaza_

_Ness and Yoshi  
Pizza Delivered: 2/3_

"We just bought a GPS system from a nearby store, so it will be very easy to navigate these streets," said Ness, smiling.

"_I wonder what the kids are up to?_" said Yoshi.

"Well, their strategy probably wouldn't be smart enough to buy a GPS system," laughed Ness.

_Young Link and Popo  
Pizza Delivered: 2/3_

"We've worked out we're delivering to the same places, so we've just decided to tailgate Ness and Yoshi," said Young Link, leaning back.

_Ricco Harbour_

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Completed Detour_

"You must now make your way to Sirena Beach Resort!" read Zelda, "Warning! Yield Ahead!"

"Taxi!" said Donkey Kong, waving his arm.

A taxi stopped, and Zelda hopped in the front seat.

"Wow, these taxis are getting smaller by the day," said Donkey Kong, struggling to get in.

"That's because you haven't opened the door," said Zelda.

"Oh," chuckled Donkey Kong.

Everybody had a hearty laugh.

_Delfino Plaza_

_Ness and Yoshi  
Completed Detour_

"You must now make your way to Sirena Beach Resort!" read Ness, "Warning! Yield Ahead!"

"_We have to beat them!_" said Yoshi, concerned.

"Don't worry, they have no idea where to go," said Ness, "They're tailgating us!"

_Young Link and Popo  
Completed Detour_

"Come on, let's go!" said Popo.

"Wait for Ness and Yoshi," said Young Link.

"Why?" said Popo.

"They know where they're going to go," said Young Link, "We'll follow them!"

"But we could just read a map," said Popo impatiently.

"But it's sooo boring!" complained Young Link restlessly.

"Then let me do it!" said Popo angrily.

Ness and Yoshi's taxi drove off.

"Well, that was lucky!" said Young Link, relieved.

"But they're going the wrong way!" said Popo.

"No we're not," whispered Ness from around the corner.

"Oh," said Popo, "Get into the taxi then, I guess."

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"So we just hired some guys to get into our taxi and go the complete opposite way," said Ness, "That should get us in front!"

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Why does Yoshi look so un-green like and Ness look so much taller?" said Popo, squinting while trying to look in the taxi in front of them.

"Aww… Ness is starting to grow," said Young Link, as if he were talking down to a toddler.

"How?" said Popo, puzzled.

"Well, when a boy reaches a certain-" said Young Link.

"Not that!" said Popo angrily.

_Sirena Beach Resort _

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Come on, Jigs!" said Kirby, trying to drag Jigglypuff out of the taxi. "We have to get to the Yield first!"

"_Can we wait until my song is over?_" said Jigglypuff, sweetly, holding onto the steering wheel.

"It's talkback radio!" said Kirby, slightly annoyed.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"You think the puffballs will Yield us if they beat us?" said Ganondorf.

"Somehow I don't think so," said Bowser, holding several pink plush toys.

"You really think those will distract them?" said Ganondorf.

"Distraction, what distraction?" said Bowser, puzzled.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We're here!" said Samus, getting out of the taxi, "Quickly, stop one of the teams!"

"Shoot rockets at them!" said Falcon in desperation.

Samus shot a rocket.

"Preferably not at me!" said Falcon, scratching his bruised head.

_Yield_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're first here!" said Kirby, tumbling onto the Yield map, taking the number marker.

"_Should we yield someone?_" said Jigglypuff.

Samus, holding a nunchuk stared angrily at Kirby and Jigglypuff.

Bowser ran in, puffed, holding several soft toys in one hand and a sword in the other.

"Heh, we choose to yield nobody," said an intimidated Kirby, smiling nervously, "Because we are nice… people…"

Kirby chuckled nervously and took a clue.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Who should we Yield, Falcon?" said Samus in a nasty, intentionally overheard voice.

"Gee, I dunno," said Falcon, smiling cunningly, "How about Ness and Yoshi? They're quite a big threat, I heard!"

Samus and Falcon chuckled heartily for several seconds, as Bowser and Ganondorf angrily looked on.

"Okay then, I guess," said Falcon, taking out Ness and Yoshi's picture.

"You fool! We're taunting Bowser and Ganondorf!" said Samus, putting the picture back and taking Bowser and Ganondorf's picture. "We choose to Yield Bowser and Ganondorf!"

Samus did a raspberry, and took the clue.

There was spittle on the inside of her visor.

"Huh," said Samus, reaching up to wipe it off.

Her hand was on the outside of the helmet.

"Nuuez," said Samus.

"Ha, not so good after all," said Falcon. "Some use that super-magic power armour is, now, huh? Now you have to take off your helmet!"

"Helmet-cleaner… activate," said Samus.

It did.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"Road Block!" said Kirby, opening a clue. "Who's dreaming of a beach resort holiday?"

"Road Block! A Road Block is a task that one team member must perform!" said Master Hand, floating along the halls of the resort, "In this hotel, one team member has to perform two various beach resorts tasks: win a hand of Blackjack and win three points of tennis! Once that team member has completed those tasks in order, they will receive their next clue!"

"_I'm the co-ordinated sportsy type!_" said Jigglypuff, falling over backwards.

_Samus and Falcon_

"Road Block!" read Falcon, "Who's dreaming of a beach resort holiday?"

"I can do sports and stuff," said Samus.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Here's the clue box!" said Zelda, pointing to a clue box situated in the lobby of the main building.

"Heh," laughed Donkey Kong, pointing at Bowser and Ganondorf, "Have fun!"

"I will," said Bowser angrily.

"Well normally you don't have fun when you know you're going to be overtaken," said Donkey Kong seriously.

"…" said Bowser angrily.

_Sirena Beach Resort Casino_

_Jigglypuff_

"_Hmm…_" said Jigglypuff to herself, "_I have a 4 and a 4, which means I have 8 in total._"

Jigglypuff pondered for a while.

"_I'll stay! The odds are very likely of me breaking if I get another card,_" said Jigglypuff, informed.

_Samus_

"Ooh, I have twenty," said Samus, "So it is very likely that the next card I draw will be an ace. Hit me."

The dealer gave Samus a card.

"A jack? That's preposterous!" said Samus angrily.

"Oh, and what a shame," teased the dealer, "I only had nine in total."

"EFWHOFIEWHNOEWI!" said Samus, bashing on the keyboard a lot.

_Sirena Beach Resort_

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Heh, they're nowhere to be seen," said Ness, walking into the lobby. "Let's quickly Yield them."

Young Link and Popo in a helicopter, crashed through the roof and landed on the floor of the lobby.

"How did that happen?" said a shocked Ness, in amazement.

"Well, we somehow went the wrong way, but we got to the airfield!" laughed Young Link. "Now to Yield you guys!"

Ness and Yoshi got to the Yield first.

"Frown," said Young Link.

"We choose to Yield Young Link and Popo!" said Ness, taking a card.

_Sirena Beach Resort Casino_

_Zelda_

"Hi guys," said Zelda, walking into the casino, "What's going on?"

The dealer dealt Jigglypuff, Zelda and Samus cards.

Samus gave Zelda an angry look.

Jigglypuff, who had a natural asphyxiating wide smile tried to look as angry as she could.

"Okay," said Zelda to herself, "I have an ace and a King. What does that mean?"

"Hey Donkey Kong!" shouted Zelda, "If I have an ace and a king, do I need to get more cards?"

"I don't think so," shouted Donkey Kong loudly, distracting Jigglypuff and Samus, "In fact, if eleven plus ten is twenty-one, then you can just tell the dealer you've won!"

"Is eleven plus ten twenty one?" shouted Zelda to the dealer.

"Yes," shouted the dealer very loudly.

"Can I go to the next task then?" shouted Zelda.

"Yes," shouted the dealer.

"Thanks," shouted Zelda.

_Jigglypuff_

"_If I have twenty-one aces, does that mean I can go to the next task too?_" whispered Jigglypuff.

"Yes," said the dealer.

"_Yay!_" celebrated Jigglypuff.

_Samus_

"I guess it's you and me again," said the dealer, taking Samus's cards. "Not very lucky, huh?"

…

…

Samus punched the dealer and ran out, following Zelda and Jigglypuff.

_Yield_

"It seems like time goes infinitely slower when you've been Yielded," said Bowser, looking at his watch, "In fact, my watch hasn't moved for the last five minutes!"

"That's because your watch is broken!" laughed Popo.

Everybody had a hearty laugh.

Popo's watch didn't move either.

"Huh," said Popo.

_Sirena Beach Resort Casino_

_Yoshi_

"Come on Yoshi, try harder!" shouted Ness from the sidelines.

"_How?_" said Yoshi, "_This game is essentially luck-based!_"

"Concentrate on the cards!" said Ness.

"_How can concentrating on the help?_" said Yoshi, "_The cards I will get are almost predefined!_"

"Well maybe we should just work out the formula for blackjack!" said Ness angrily.

"_You'd have better luck forging the cards in that time!_" said Yoshi.

"That gives me an idea," said Ness, running out the back.

"_Oh, I have twenty-one!_" said Yoshi, realising his cards. "_Ness! I'm done!_"

"Oh," said Ness, holding a card, "Well you could've used this!"

"_There is no such thing as a twenty-one of squares!_" said Yoshi, confused. "_Didn't you ever play cards as a kid?_"

"No!" cried Ness, breaking into tears.

_Larry Schmenenbrook_

"There are underprivileged children in this world that cannot have access to such basic needs, such as water, food, and education and playing cards!" said a man in a suit, "But you can change that! Dona-"

Master Hand hit Larry with a spade, but was cut out just before he could say his witty line.

_Sirena Beach Resort Tennis Courts_

_Jigglypuff  
Points Won: 1_

"Come on, Jigs!" cheered Kirby, "You're doing good!"

"_I can't do this!_" cried Jigglypuff, breaking into tears.

"There, there," said Jigglypuff's opponent, walking up to the net.

"_Sucker,_" said Jigglypuff, serving two balls over the net, acing the man.

"Nice try, but only one of them is legal," said the man.

"_Oh,_" said an eager Jigglypuff.

"And I'm not falling for it this time!" said the man angrily.

"_I can't do this at all!_" cried Jigglypuff.

"At all? Well, by golly-"

Jigglypuff served the ball over the net, winning.

"Yay!" said Kirby, taking the clue.

"You must now make your way to the pit stop at the resort's largest swimming pool!" read Kirby.

"Teams must now make their way to the pit stop, located in the **middle **of the '_South Pool_', the largest swimming pool in the entire island!" said Master Hand, "Warning, the last team to check in, **may **be eliminated!"

"Let's go, Jigs!" said Kirby, taking his backpack.

_Zelda  
Points Won: 1_

"I don't like tennis as a sport," said Zelda, swinging the racquet wildly with a baseball grip, smashing the ball down the singles line of the opponent's court, winning a point, "It's not very princess-like and it's too physically demanding."

"Well, you're doing good Zelda!" said Donkey Kong supportively.

"I am **not **doing well!" argued Zelda, turning towards Donkey Kong in a way that her racquet was in a position still facing the net. "Actually, I'm doing horribly!"

"But you're done Zelda!" said Donkey Kong amazed, taking the clue.

"Well, it's about time," said Zelda angrily.

"You must now make your way to the pit stop at the resort's largest swimming pool!" read Donkey Kong, "Warning, the last team to check in **may **be eliminated!"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"I don't see Master Hand," said Kirby, "Are you sure we're at the right pool?"

"Well, we're at the pool that points south!" said Jigglypuff, trying to decipher why the text on the resort map was so hard to decipher.

"Then why does the sign say 'North Pool'?" said Kirby, alarmed, looking at Jigglypuff, "Jigs, You're holding the map upside-down! We could have lost some time! We could have been first!"

"_No wonder the numbers looked so non-numerical,_" said Jigglypuff.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"There's the pit stop!" said Zelda, pointing to Master Hand on a gigantic inflatable raft in the middle of the pool.

"How are we going to get into the middle of the pool?" said Donkey Kong.

"We swim!" said Zelda.

"But I can't swim!" said Donkey Kong.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We're going to have to use our puffball powers to float all the way over the water and land on the raft!" said Kirby. "Or should we swim?"

"_Or we could use the bridge,_" said a surprisingly bright Jigglypuff. "_It's pretty easy to use, from what I've heard._"

"Hey, that's a good idea," laughed Kirby, "Why didn't I think of that?"

"_I wanna swim!_" said an angry, brattish Jigglypuff.

"Fine then, we'll swim," said Kirby.

"_Use the bridge, silly,_" said Jigglypuff, teasing.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Hey, swimming isn't as hard as I thought!" said Donkey Kong.

"Yeah, you're doing well," said Zelda, using her limited swimming ability to keep her afloat.

"Almost as if I'm not swimming at all," said Donkey Kong, looking down at his feet which were just walking through the water.

"There's the pit stop!" said Zelda, climbing onto the raft.

"Welcome to Isle Delfino!" said a local man, with his hands folded.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," said Donkey Kong impatiently, pushing the man into the water, "So, any good news?"

"Well, you're the first team to arrive!" said Master Hand.

"Woo," said Zelda.

"And as the winners of this leg of the race," said Master Hand, "You win a free trip to Sunny Sarasaland!"

"Yay," said Donkey Kong.

Kirby and Jigglypuff climbed onto the mat, stomping on the local's fingers as they got on, pushing him back into the water.

"Kirby and Jigglypuff, you are team number two!" said Master Hand.

_Yield_

"Haha," laughed Bowser, sipping a cup of tea, "What a witty anecdote, Popo."

"Yeah," chuckled Young Link.

"You know," said Bowser nicely, "It's been really great getting to know you just sitting here, it's almost as if I have a different view on you guys, almost as if we are-"

"Hourglass has ran out," said Ganondorf quickly.

"Bail!" shouted Bowser, sprinting as fast as he could to the clue box.

"Road Block!" read Ganondorf, "Who's dreaming of a beach resort holiday?"

"You do it," said Bowser.

_Sirena Beach Tennis Courts_

_Samus  
Points Won: 0  
_"There is no way you can possibly cheat at a game of tennis," said Falcon angrily, "Stop trying to find loopholes and just win the three points!"

"What if instead of shooting my rockets at the ball…" said Samus to herself, "I shoot my grenades at the ball?"

Samus threw a grenade at the ball, missing, completely defacing the lines of the opponent's court.

"Great!" laughed Falcon, "Now all you have to do is just serve it three times!"

"I'm sorry, I can't do it!" cried Samus, "I never learnt how to play tennis as a child!"

_Larry Schmenenbrook_

"There are underprivileged children in this world that cannot have access to such basic needs, such as water, food, and education and professional tennis lessons. But if-"

Master Hand pulled the plug on the advertising break.

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in Last Place_

"Road Block!" read Young Link, "Who's dreaming of a beach resort holiday?"

"I'll do it," said Popo.

_Sirena Beach Tennis Courts_

_Yoshi  
Completed Road Block_

"Here you go, and great playing as well!" said the tennis pro, handing the clue over, "I must say, I've never seen such crazy spin as that! You have potential young man! Or young dinosaur, I must say."

Yoshi and Ness chuckled reluctantly.

"And you don't have _**any**_ potential at all," said the tennis pro to Ness angrily, "And don't even _**pretend**_ you have telekinetic powers of any sort, because it's not true! Your friend here has-"

_Samus  
Completed Road Block_

"Hey sexy," said Falcon, opening the clue.

"You know what? I'm not even going to hit you this time," said Samus, "I took anger management lessons, so I will not take out any anger on you."

The tennis coach landed on Falcon, toppling him over backwards.

…

"It seems I unknowingly hurt him. I need to practice controlling my anger more," said Samus.

Samus did some deep breathing yoga exercises.

_Sirena Beach Resort Casino_

_Ganondorf_

"I used to be poker champion as a kid," said Ganondorf.

"I used to play **blackjack **when I was a kid," taunted Popo, looking at his cards.

"Oh," said Ganondorf, "I guess that explains the lack of poker chips, betting and drunken bar fights in this casino."

…

…

"Yeah," said Popo.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"There's the pit stop," said Ness, "Quickly! Do we have to swim or something?"

"_I know, hop on my back and I'll leap onto the pit stop!_" said Yoshi, stopping at the swimming pool.

"Okay!" said Ness, hopping onto Yoshi's back.

Yoshi jumped into the air, but only travelling the distance of about two metres and landing in the swimming pool.

"Great," said Ness angrily.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Use the bridge! It's there for a reason!" said Samus, in a hurry, "Don't change into your swimming gear! It's wasting time!"

"This isn't my swimming gear! I was mugged when you did all of that Road Block stuff!" said Falcon, wearing only a towel.

_Pit Stop_

Lots of dramatic camera angles and dramatic music played. Samus and Falcon stepped on the mat.

"Samus and Falcon, you are- WHAT IS THAT?" said a shocked Master Hand.

"Don't tell me they stole my towel too," said Falcon, looking down. "There are like pickpockets everywhere!"

A pickpocket stole Falcon's tattoo on his shoulder.

"Ow!" said Falcon, bleeding.

Ness and Yoshi stepped onto the mat.

"Ness and Yoshi, you are team number three!" said Master Hand, purposely trying to avoid looking in Falcon's direction, "Samus and Falcon, you're team number four!"

_Sirena Beach Tennis Courts_

_Popo  
Points Won: 2 _

"This is very tense," said Young Link, watching Popo whilst biting his nails, "I can't believe whether we're in or not comes down to how good we are at tennis!"

_Ganondorf  
Points Won: 2_

"You should have done this!" said Ganondorf angrily, whacking a ball, "In those games you have all of this crazy powerup stuff that can freeze time! What kind of magic do you use?"

"It's special effects," said Bowser.

"So you can't shoot fire out of your mouth?" said Ganondorf, taking the clue.

"Of course I can!" said Bowser, "That's not special effects!"

"Then show us some!" said Ganondorf.

"Okay," said Bowser, "Prepare to be ama-"

Bowser coughed up a hairball and continued to choke.

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Quickly!" said Popo, opening the clue, "We can still avoid elimination!"

"But Bowser's choking!" said a compassionate Young Link.

"But we have to get to the pit stop!" said Popo, "You must now make your way to the pit stop at the resort's largest swimming pool! Warning, the last team to check in **may **be eliminated!"

"Let's go!" said Popo, dragging along Young Link.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

Bowser continued to choke.

"Uh…" said a nervous Ganondorf, opening the clue, "You must now make your way to the pit stop at the resort's largest swimming pool! Quickly! Let's go!"

Bowser continued to choke.

"I can't believe this!" said Ganondorf, picking up Bowser.

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Quickly! We're still in front!" said Young Link, sprinting.

"That's the pit stop, in the middle of the pool!" said Popo, pointing, "Use the bridge!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"Out of all of the places you could have got sick so far," said Ganondorf angrily, "Why did it have to be in this tropical place that actually has food that isn't laced with food poisoning?"

_Young Link and Popo  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Hurry up!" said Popo, noticing Bowser and Ganondorf run past Young Link.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"That's it!" said Ganondorf angrily, placing down Bowser in front of Young Link blocking his path, hitting on Bowser's back multiple times.

"Aaalegh!" screamed Bowser, spitting out Peach, who landed on Young Link, squashing him. "What a relief."

Ganondorf stared in shock, as Bowser sighed in relief.

"Uh… how did that happen?" said Ganondorf, utterly confused. "And why did you eat Peach? And how is she still in one piece?"

"Uh… Pit Stop!" said Bowser, running onto the pit stop.

"Bowser and Ganondorf, you are team number five!" said Master Hand.

"Phew," said Bowser.

Young Link and Popo staggered onto the mat.

"Young Link and Popo," said Master Hand, "You are the last team to arrive, and unfortunately, you have been eliminated from the race."

"That's okay," said Popo, "It's been fun, we beat about half of 'em."

"It's just been so great to have this opportunity to do this race," said a fortunate Young Link, "There are underprivileged children in this world that cannot have access to such basic needs, such as water-"

Master Hand hit Young Link with a brick.

**Finishing Times:**

Zelda and Donkey Kong: 11:26 AM

Kirby and Jigglypuff: 11:27 AM

Ness and Yoshi: 11:38 AM

Samus and Falcon: 11:39 AM

Bowser and Ganondorf: 11:46 AM

**Young Link and Popo: 11:47 AM- Eliminated**

Review and tell us who are your favourite teams and etcetera! Feedback is appreciated a lot! Tikitikirevenge helped, if that means anything. The unfunny bits were all his.


	9. Leg 8: Donkey Kong Island

"Last time, on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Six teams set off on the seventh leg of a race around the world!"  
"Teams travelled to tropical Isle Delfino, where Kirby and Jigglypuff quickly managed to win over the locals!"

"_Mr. Airport Worker?" said Kirby, doing his puppy eyes, "I know you usually use that airport buggy for transporting the sick and disabled, but we're cute and we have to go and see our grandparents!"_

"Meanwhile, the locals weren't too nice to Ness and Yoshi!" said Master Hand.

_The taxi came to a stop. "Uh… I need to refill," said the taxi driver, "Why don't you visit this jewellery shop while you're waiting?"_

_Ness and Yoshi walked out._

_The taxi driver locked the door, "I'm not letting you guys have your bags until you buy some jewellery!"_

"_What?" said Ness, shocked._

"Kirby and Jigglypuff managed to get help on the detour by winning over the locals' hearts!"

"_But our mean boss won't give us food if we don't carry all of the squid over there in five minutes!" cried Jigglypuff, suddenly waking up._

_A crowd of people rushed over and started to help carry all of the squid._

"While Bowser and Ganondorf got help by other means!" said Master Hand.

_Ganondorf took out a cannon._

"Tensions flared at the yield!" said Master Hand.

"_We choose to Yield Bowser and Ganondorf!" said Samus._

"Both Bowser and Ganondorf and Young Link and Popo were Yielded, forming a brief friendship!" said Master Hand.

"_You know," said Bowser nicely, "It's been really great getting to know you just sitting here."_

"But the two teams ended up having to battle each other out for second-last place, with Young Link and Popo being eliminated!" said Master Hand.  
"Will Ness and Yoshi's constant miscommunication with locals slow them down? Can Zelda and Donkey Kong keep up their newly found lead? And after winning two legs in a row, can Bowser and Ganondorf jump out of last place? Five teams remain, who will be eliminated, next?"

**The Teams**: (with secret weapons)

Zelda and Donkey Kong _(Being nice and having fun, it's how we've gotten this far)_  
Kirby and Jigglypuff _(Being aggressive and not holding back, it's how we've played the game so far, even though we are cute, doesn't mean we're nice)  
_Bowser and Ganondorf _(Being cute and helping everyone, it's just our way of playing! Even though we don't look cute, it doesn't mean that we're mean and aggressive!)_  
Ness and Yoshi _(Our brains)  
_Samus and Falcon _(Hit them)_

"Zelda and Donkey Kong, who arrived at 11:26 AM, will depart at 11:26 PM!" said Master Hand.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
1__st__ to depart: 11:26 PM_

"You must now make your way to Donkey Kong Island, and find your next clue in the Monkey Mines!" read Zelda.

"Teams must now fly to Donkey Kong Island, an island most famous for being the setting of the show, 'Donkey Kong Country'! Once teams arrive, they must travel to the Monkey Mines and take a mine trolley down to the middle of the mine, where they will receive their next clue!" said Master Hand.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Interview before leg_

"I think it's really going to become a competition for first place now," said Donkey Kong, "We've all made it this far, and I think other teams are going to start to become nasty."

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
2__nd__ to Depart: 11:27 PM_

"You must now make your way to Donkey Kong Island, and find your next clue in the Monkey Mines!" read Kirby. "You have eighty-three dollars for this leg of the race."

"It's quite ridiculous so far," said Kirby, walking along, "For the last six legs we've come in second place by less than a minute!"

"_I know, the only thing we're good at is being cute!_" said Jigglypuff angrily, "_I mean, what good does that do?_"

"Want a free ride to the airport?" said a taxi driver, "I just couldn't ask you two guys to pay for the ride!"

"Okay," said Kirby angrily, taking the huge sundae and taking large bites out of it.

"_Sometimes I wish we weren't cute,_" said Jigglypuff, devouring the sundae.

"Tell me about it," said Kirby, trying not to enjoy the rich, delicious sundae.

_Ness and Yoshi  
3__rd__ to Depart: 11:38 PM_

"You must now make your way to Donkey Kong Island, and find your next clue in the Monkey Mines!" read Ness. "You have eighty-three dollars for this leg of the race."

"_So Samus and Falcon asked to form an alliance with us," _explained Yoshi, "_So we're just waiting a few minutes for them to depart._"

_Samus and Falcon  
4__th__ to Depart: 11:39 PM_

"You must now make your way to Donkey Kong Island, and find your next clue in the Monkey Mines!" read Samus. "You have eighty-three dollars for this leg of the race."

"Okay, let's go!" said Falcon.

"Hi, team buddies!" said Ness innocently. "Ready to beat everyone else _**as a team**_?"

…

"Uh…" said Falcon, "We just forgot to go the toilet… so we're going to the toilet now… together…"

Samus and Falcon flagged down a taxi, sprinted to it and drove off to the airport.

…

"_I never knew they had taxi-looking toilets,_" said Yoshi.

"Well now we know, I guess," said Ness.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Last to Depart: 11:46 PM_

"You must now make your way to Donkey Kong Island, and find your next clue in the Monkey Mines!" read Ganondorf. "You have eighty-three dollars for this leg of the race."

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Interview before leg_

"Last leg, there was only twenty minutes' difference between first place and last place," said Ganondorf, "If we had made one tiny error, then we would have been out of the race."

"People say we're the mean team," said Bowser, "But we're not really, we're just opportunists! If we see an opportunity to get in front of another team, we'll take it, we don't set up fake clues or anything stupid like that."

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"What are you guys doing here?" said Bowser.

"We're waiting for Samus and Falcon, we've formed an alliance," boasted Ness, putting his hand on his chest proudly.

"What?" said Bowser, surprised, "You've been screwed over by them! They just hopped into a taxi and left!"

"_How could we fall for that?_" said Yoshi, shocked.

"Hey," said Ness, "Why don't we team up and beat Samus and Falcon?"

"Sure," said Bowser.

"Cool!" said Ness happily, "Well, you can wear our alliance jersey!"

Ness showed Ganondorf a small, pink shirt with a suffocatingly cute pink unicorn on it.

"Uh… we have to go… to the toilet…" said Ganondorf, dragging Bowser into a taxi.

The taxi drove off.

"We're not falling for that!" said Ness angrily.

"We're using public toilets!" called Bowser as the taxi drove off.

"_Fair enough,_" said Yoshi, standing still.

_Isle Delfino Airport_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Jigglypuff just won a few grand in the local sweepstakes," said Kirby at the camera, "So we're going to use one of our mean tricks to get us ahead!"

"_All money was acquired legally!_" said Jigglypuff, prying the lock off the safe.

"Hi," said Kirby, walking up to a counter, "We'd like as many tickets to Donkey Kong Island as possible please."

"Sure," said the airport worker, "We have a flight at 7:00 AM, and a flight at 11:00 AM."

"How many are left for the 7:00 AM flight?" said Kirby.

"Twelve."

"Okay, we'll have twelve tickets then, please," said Kirby, grinning in a cute-evil kind of way.

"Well, where's everyone else?" said the airport worker, suspiciously.

Kirby tugged on the legs of two random people.

"Um… here are some of them," said Kirby.

"Okay then!" said the airport worker innocently, handing over the gigantic roll of tickets.

"_Hooray! No-one else will be on the flight with us!_" cheered Jigglypuff.

"A-hem," said Donkey Kong and Zelda.

"Aww," said Kirby, handing over the tickets.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Zelda and Donkey Kong  
1__st__ and Last on 7:00 AM Tropical Air Flight_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Hey guys, what flight are you on?" said Samus, walking into the airport.

"The 7:00 AM flight," said Kirby, "It's booked out though, you'll never get on."

"Don't worry, we'll find a way," said Samus, loading some ammo.

"Don't you think for once we could negotiate by peaceful means?" said Falcon, "So far we've only used force and now I think six countries won't let us return!"

"You really think anyone will listen to us? Force is the only way we get ahead!" said Samus.

"Watch this then!" said Falcon, walking up to the ticket desk.

"Hey," said Falcon, putting on his 'charming voice', leaning over the ticket counter suavely.

"Hey," replied the female airline worker, taking sudden attention to her customer.

"Can we have the quickest flight to Donkey Kong Island?" said Falcon, gazing into the other's eyes.

"I'll see what I can do," said the airline worker, enchanted by his gaze.

"That would be swell," said Falcon, touching her lips elegantly.

"There's a 7:00 flight, but it's booked out," said the female worker, loosening her tie.

"Can you please get it for me?" said Falcon, leaning in closer on her face.

"Well actually, somebody just cancelled their tickets," said the female worker excitedly, "So you can go on the-"

Falcon punched the worker in the chest.

"Ow!" screamed the worker angrily, "What was that for?"

"You're right Samus," said Falcon angrily, "We can't convince anyone for nothing! We're just useless monsters!"

Falcon took some random tickets and ran away crying.

_Samus and Falcon: 1__st__ on 11:00 AM Mushroom Air Flight_

Bowser and Ganondorf walked up to the counter.

"If you give us the early tickets, I'll give you some lovin'," said Bowser, trying to look attractive.

The airport worker stared at Bowser.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Last on 11:00 AM Mushroom Air Flight_

"_This is ridiculous,_" said Yoshi angrily, "_It's like nobody wants us here!_"

"That's not true," said Zelda, "You're one of our favourite teams!"

Kirby, Jigglypuff, Donkey Kong, Ganondorf, Bowser, Falcon, Samus and Zelda, all standing in the same area gave a collective cheesy grin.

"Oh yeah?" said Ness angrily, "Well whose idea was it to put an ink bomb in my luggage that set off when I unpacked yesterday?"

Ganondorf who was snickering, made a speedy exit to the bathroom to contain his laughter.

"Well, everyone besides from Ganondorf loves you guys!" said Zelda.

"_Then who decided to use our credit cards for room service purposes?_" said Yoshi angrily.

A snickering Kirby bailed for the bathroom.

"Well, everyone besides from-"

"And who thought it would be amusing to cover us with banana paste while were sleeping?" said Ness angrily.

An amused Donkey Kong spotted a scene of fake shrubbery, and dived inside it.

"Well, everyone except-"

"_And who ordered garlic bread to our room?__" _said Yoshi angrily.

Zelda, Samus, Bowser and Falcon, all snickering, dashed off to baggage claim.

"Well at least Jigglypuff didn't do anything wrong," said Ness, "I guess somebody on this race does appreciate us!"

"_And plus, she wouldn't hate us that much to hire an axe-wielding ninja to write political propaganda on all of our clothing, write death threats on the walls and change our alarm clocks to try and get us to leave three hours later,_" laughed Yoshi.

Jigglypuff managed to contain her laughter.

"All teams are now on their way to Donkey Kong Island," said Master Hand, "Kirby and Jigglypuff and Zelda and Donkey Kong are on the 7:00 AM flight, that will land at 10:00 AM! All other teams are on the 11:00 AM flight that will arrive at 2:00 PM, local time!"

_Donkey Kong Island Airport_

_Flight 1  
Landed at 9:56 AM_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Jigs," explained Kirby, "No-one in this country will stop to help the cute puffballs, so you can stop putting on your sad makeup!"

"_I too can be sad and cute!_" said Jigglypuff hopefully, running up to a random ape.

"Huh?" said the ape, looking down slowly towards Jigglypuff.

"Jiggly jig jig! Puff jig jiggly jig jig puff Jigglypuff jig ii jiggly ig iggly!" cried Jigglypuff, curling up into a ball.

…

"Uh…" said the ape, scratching his head slowly, "…yeah…"

"Jiggly jig! Jig Jiggly Jig!" cried Jigglypuff, holding up an umbrella like a clown.

…

"Jiggly jig! Jiggly jig!" cried Jigglypuff, miming the action of breaking a window.

…

"Puff jig! Puff puffy puff Jigglypuff jig puff Jiggly!" said Jigglypuff panting, pointing to a cauldron.

"Okay then," said the ape, throwing an object onto Jigglypuff's head.

"_Using my persuasive powers of cuteness, I have successfully convinced the man to hand over a map that will help us to locate our clue!_" boasted Jigglypuff. "_What a cunning piece of trickery I have achieved here, what a swaffle of gabuldric goodness!_"

"Jigs, he just dumped his empty chip packet on your head," said Kirby.

Jigglypuff started to cry.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"It's so good to be back to my hometown!" said Donkey Kong ecstatically. "I haven't been back for so long!"

"Yeah, isn't this place great?" said Zelda, looking out the window at the sunny beach.

"Now we can see Fred, my best friend who worked at the airport for his whole life!" said Donkey Kong happily. "Zelda, look! There's his local tour desk!"

Donkey Kong walked up to a travel desk, and looked on joyfully.

"Hi Fred, how's business? I'm sorry I haven't been here for years!" said Donkey Kong, a tear in his eye.

"_Does not compute,_" replied the machine.

"Fred, you've shrunk," said Donkey Kong, surprised, "I thought you were the tallest around here!"

"_Does not compute,_" replied the machine.

"Fred doesn't look like the Fred that you showed me in the photos," said Zelda, in a state of confusion.

"_Does not compute,_" replied the machine.

"That can only mean one thing…" said Donkey Kong, shocked, "Fred is inside the machine!"

Donkey Kong started to panic, picked up the machine and shook it vigorously.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"_What are they doing?_" said Jigglypuff confused, running past.

"They must be very primitive," said Kirby, shocked.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We're just going to have to accept this," said Zelda, comforting Donkey Kong who was still shaking the machine uncertainly. "Fred has been replaced with a machine! He's not inside the machine, it's just that simply technology has-"

A large ape fell out of the machine.

"Donkey Kong?" said the ape.

"Fred?" said Donkey Kong, with cheesy family movie music playing in the background.

"It's been so long!" said the ape.

"Great! We can spend so much time together! We'll be friends forever!" said Donkey Kong, crying, background music still abundant.

"Actually, that's going to be a bit hard," said the ape sadly.

"Why?" cried Donkey Kong.

"Well," said the ape, swallowing his pride, "my left half is in a nearby vending machine."

"NUUUEEEEE!" cried Donkey Kong, "We'll never be together then!"

The ape cried.

"Wait," said Zelda, "I can buy your other half out of the other vending machine, and we'll all be happy!"

"YAAAY!" cheered everyone.

Zelda triumphantly walked up to the vending machine, and put several coins in.

The machine swallowed Zelda's coins.

…

"Well this sucks," said Zelda angrily.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"_Wow, I've just been here for minutes and I've been overwhelmed with this tropical goodness!_" said Jigglypuff cheerily. "_Just leaving the airport, they've nourished me with their unique, tropical fruits!_"

"Actually, that's a rotten apple," said Kirby, slightly saddened.

"_Well at least we get to see their unique method of postal transport!_" said Jigglypuff cheerfully, pointing to an EdFex™ truck.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Boy, while we're here, why don't we check out that 50-year old fruit farm they have out south after the pit stop?" said Donkey Kong eagerly.

"Actually, according to their website," said Zelda, using her laptop to access the internet in the taxi, "They replaced it with an oil rig."

"Oh well," said Donkey Kong, "At least we can see the lovely clifftop lookout!"

"Actually, they built over it due to avalanche hazards," said Zelda.

…

"And they put an oil rig on it," said Zelda.

"Well, I guess we can still visit the 'Heritage Listing Office'!" laughed Donkey Kong.

"Well, actually-" said Zelda, looking at a webpage.

_Monkey Mines  
10:40 AM_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Here's the clue!" said Kirby, hopping out of the taxi.

"_You must now take a scenic tour of the mine, where you will receive your next clue!_" read Jigglypuff.

"Teams must now take a scenic tour by mine cart approximately two kilometres, ending in the heart of the Congo Jungle, where they will receive their next clue!" said Master Hand.

"Hurrah! Scenic tour!" cheered Kirby.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"You must now take a scenic tour of the mine, where you will receive your next clue!" read Zelda.

"Okay, let's go!" said Donkey Kong.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"Whee!" said Kirby, enjoying the sharp dips of the erratic ride. "Isn't this great?"

"_Well, it's not horribly scenic,_" said Jigglypuff, covered in oil.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"Well, this is dull!" said Zelda angrily.

"The mine cart hasn't started moving yet," said Donkey Kong.

"Oh," said Zelda.

…

The mine cart started to move.

A big glop of oil landed on Zelda's laptop.

"Well this is great," said Zelda angrily.

"There's only one thing you can do: clean it!" said Donkey Kong inspiringly.

"Somehow I think these tissue companies need to have higher strength tissues," said Zelda, wiping away despite the constant flow of oil pouring from the roof onto her laptop.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"_Thanks!_" said Jigglypuff, taking the clue.

"There are some dodgy looking people around here," said Kirby slightly suspiciously, helping Jigglypuff open the clue.

"We are not thieves!" said a man walking past, oil spilling out from his pockets.

"_O-kay…_" said Jigglypuff impatiently, taking out the contents of the clue, "_Fast Forward!_"

"Fast Forward!" said Master Hand, "This is the last of three Fast Forwards, which if completed, will allow one team to skip all tasks and go straight to the pit stop! Teams can only use this power once, so they must decide when it is most applicable!  
"To claim this Fast Forward, teams must travel twenty-five kilometres to Big Ape City, and find this traditional Donkey Kong Island Restaurant! The first team to eat five rare Donkey Kong delicacies will be allowed to skip all tasks and go straight to the pit stop!"

"Wanna do that?" said Kirby.

"_Okay,_" said Jigglypuff cheerfully, trying to smuggle several jars of greasy liquid out using her cheeks.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Fast Forward!" said Zelda, opening the clue.

"We've already done one," said Donkey Kong.

"Okay then, Road Block!" said Zelda.

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one person can perform! In this Road Block, that team member must go to this nearby store, and using local recipes, mix a fruit drink and serve it to this food critic! If the critic finds the drink of satisfactory standard, teams will be handed their next clue!"

"I'll do it, I'm good at cooking!" said Zelda, holding up a couple of brownies, "In fact, look at my lovely creations!"

The brownie bit Zelda's hand.

"Ow!" said Zelda.

The sitcom audience laughed.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"Wow, the view of this city is amazing!" said Kirby, admiring the prestigious architecture of the city out of his window.

"_What view?_" said Jigglypuff, looking at the shonky looking flats on the other side of the road.

"There would be so much space to live!" said Kirby, admiring the acres of farmland.

"_I'd probably suffocate,_" commented Jigglypuff, looking at several dozen people cramming themselves into a one-room flat.

_Zelda  
On Road Block_

"Add one tablespoon of Tequila," read Zelda from the cookbook, inserting a tablespoon of Tequila.

"And we're done!" said Donkey Kong excitedly.

"I may be a bad cook," said Zelda, putting a lemon on the glass, "But any idiot can follow instructions from a book and make a great drink! Nothing could possibly go wrong!"

Zelda walked up to the critic and served him with the beverage.

"Tasty!" said the critic after sipping the drink. "I'll just give you your next clue here!"

Donkey Kong took the clue and exclaimed, "Hurrah! Zelda, I knew you could do it!"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff _

"_They say on the television that these insectides actually work!_" said Jigglypuff, rubbing a mixture onto her skin, "_That's a load of rubbish!_"

"Jigs, you're rubbing tequila on yourself!" said Kirby.

"_But I took a bottle of insectide from the village!_" said Jigglypuff.

"Which could only mean…" said Kirby, alarmed.

"_I probably shouldn't extinguish the cigar on my body?_" said Jigglypuff.

"Yeah that, but I was thinking along another line," said Kirby.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

The food critic passed out.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"Uh yeah, that," said Kirby, reminded, "The insectide might be mistaken for tequila and some people could get poisoned and what not."

"_Here's the restaurant!_" said Jigglypuff excitedly, hopping out. "_Uh… Kirby… why the disguise?_"

"Non-deportation because of eating food from this restaurant and not paying reasons?" said Kirby, putting on a cape and a mask.

"Welcome to the restaurant!" said a professional-looking waiter, holding open the door, "Your meals are inside!"

Kirby started to slowly lick his lips, but upon a glance from the numerous other waiters, tried to look like the non-eating type.

"Your first meal," said the waiter dramatically, "Twelve fried cockroaches!"

All of the locals (who were standing inside the restaurant for no apparent reason) gasped.

"What's the next one?" said Kirby, chewing on the cockroaches.

The waiter stared dumbfounded at Kirby's eating speed.

"Banana crayfish!" said the waiter triumphantly, unveiling the dish.

"Is this like an appetiser?" said Kirby, swallowing and yawning at the same time.

"A WHOLE COW!" said the waiter triumphantly and slightly annoyed. "FINELY FRIED AND PREPARED BY THE-"

Kirby burped.

"**A METAL DEEP-FRIED VASE!**" shrieked the chef running out from the kitchen, violently unveiling the meal, "**POSSIBLY ONE OF THE HARDEST TO CHE-**"

"What's next?" said Kirby, swallowing the last bit.

"And for the lady," said the chef, "_**One**_ broccoli."

"_Yay!_" said Jigglypuff, taking the broccoli.

"Come on, Jigs! You can do it!" said Kirby.

"_I can't!_" cried Jigglypuff, choking.

"You haven't started!" laughed Kirby.

Jigglypuff nibbled a tiny part off the broccoli, and swallowed.

"_I think I'm full!_" cried Jigglypuff, moaning, "_I can't take any more than this!_"

The chefs, waiters, waitresses and locals grinned evilly.

"We won't stop for potato chips if you don't hurry up!" said Kirby threateningly.

Jigglypuff ate the broccoli.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Won the fast forward_

"Wow!" said the chef admiringly, handing over the clue, "We haven't had a diner like this since-"

Kirby's mask fell off.

Everyone in the restaurant stared in shocked silence.

An eerie breeze whistled through the room, even though the windows were all closed.

"_You_," said the chef finally, the bewilderment fading from his eyes, replaced by icy malice.

"Um… hehe, yeah, hi…" said Kirby, taking a small step back. "Long time… no see…"

"_Kirby,_" said Jigglypuff, "_who are these people?_"

The waiters approached holding frying pans.

"_They seem rather nice,_" she added.

"Um…" said Kirby, "yeah… um, about that…"

"I _told_ you," said the chef, his voice quivering with anger, "_never_ to come back."

Kirby took another small step back.

"After what happened last time," said the chef, "nobody visited this part of the island for _months_." He was almost shouting now; his face had turned red.

The locals stood from their seats and picked up their steak knives threateningly.

"_Actually,_" said Jigglypuff, rubbing her forehead thoughtfully, "_they actually seem kind of angry. Maybe we should leave._"

"Um, I'm sorry," said Kirby to the chef.

"_WHY HAVE YOU RETURNED!?_" cried the chef, whipping out a butcher's knife from underneath his chef hat. "Why have you come back here after you ate all those poor chil…"

"I'm on a television show," said Kirby.

"Not good enough," said the chef. "We're going to teach you a lesson."

The angry chef, waiters, locals, and various extras advanced, brandishing weapons.

"Um, Jigs," said Kirby, opening the clue, "what does this clue say?"

"_What? Oh, 'You must now make your way to the pit stop for this leg of the race, situated in the highest point of Monkey Mountains!,_" said Jigglypuff.

"Thanks," said Kirby.

Kirby threw the clue at the chef's eye.

"AUGH!" cried the chef, stumbling backwards and flailing randomly. The butcher's knife waved through the air as he fell, sending people diving out of the way, tables and chairs and people and entrees crashing until the entire restaurant was a huge mess of strewn unconscious bodies.

Kirby and Jigglypuff tiptoed out.

"Kirby and Jigglypuff can now skip all tasks and make their way to the pit stop in Monkey Mountains, which is situated on the **highest **point on the entire island!" said Master Hand, "They must hurry, as the last team to check in, may be eliminated."

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Detour!" said Zelda, opening the clue, "Hunt or Gather?"

"Detour! A detour is a choice between two tasks that teams must perform!" said Master Hand. "In this detour: hunt or gather!"

"In Hunt, teams must find this hut, and use traditional hunting tools to tranquilise five humans! Once they have carried the humans to the hut, they will receive their next clue. This task will be easy for those with co-ordination, but the transport of passed out bodies may seem slightly intimidating to some!"

"In Gather, teams must travel eight kilometres to this berry farm, where they must gather five different types of berries and put them into a small punnets! This task seems easy, but teams who try to stuff an apple into a berry punnet may run into some difficulty!"

"Let's hunt for humans!" said Zelda excitedly.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"_I can't take it much more!_" complained Jigglypuff, six metres from the taxi that dropped them off, breathing heavily due to the high altitude.

"The pit stop's right there!" said Kirby, stepping on the mat.

"Welcome to Donkey Kong Island," said a cheerful ape.

Kirby and Jigglypuff," said Master Hand, "You are team number one!"

"_Yay!_" cheered Jigglypuff excitedly.

"And I have some good news," said Master Hand, grinning, "As you have won this leg of the race, you both have won a trip to pollution-free Mute City!"

"Yay!" cheered Kirby and Jigglypuff.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
4 Humans Tranquilised_

"Some traditional hunting tools, huh?" said Zelda, holding up the tranquiliser gun.

"Uh huh," said Donkey Kong, "Hey, this place looks like there'll be people inside!"

Zelda walked into the 'Ape and Human Harmony Conference', tranquilised the lecturer, took the body and dragged it out.

"Why did you tranquilise the speaker?" said a crazy security guy, running out in disbelief, "We were making so much progress! The apes were completely taken in by the speaker!"

The crazy security guy pointed to the many apes sitting in the auditorium, tapping away on their handheld gaming devices.

"Well, maybe you should have made peace with us, then maybe we wouldn't hunt your type!" said Donkey Kong angrily to the human security guard.

"But that's the point of this conference!" said the security guard hysterically.

"Oh," said Donkey Kong, "Well maybe you should have informed us!"

Zelda threw away the several dozen information brochures that they handed out at the door.

"Now to carry the bodies back!" said Zelda.

They carried the bodies back.

…

"You must now make your way to the pit stop for this leg of the race, situated in the highest point of Monkey Mountains!" read Zelda after opening the clue.

"Let's go!" said Donkey Kong.

_2__nd__ Flight  
Landed 2:04 PM_

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We are not going to let ourselves get tricked this time!" said Ness angrily, "We've been played with for too long!"

"_Yeah!_" said Yoshi angrily, walking along, "_We're not going to let anything distract us!_"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Ness! Ness!" said Bowser, rushing up to Ness and Yoshi, "You left your wallets all the way back there!"

Bowser pointed to the gate that they had just left from.

"We're not falling for that!" said Ness angrily, "Do you really think that we'll just yield and let you go into first place?"

"Bu-"

"We're not going back!" said Ness angrily.

"But we're not lying, your-"

"No!" shouted Ness.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in Last Place_

"And we'll have twelve of these," said Samus, pointing to the twelve carat diamond rings.

"Okay," said the cashier, "That will be fourteen thousand, two hundred and twenty four dollars."

"Okay," said Samus, taking a credit card out of her pocket.

After pressing the cash register several times, she said, "Can I have your signature here, Yoshi!"

"Sure," said Samus, grinning.

"You don't look too much of Yoshi descent," said the cashier suspiciously.

"Are you making fun of her because she's different?" cried Falcon, shedding tears in high volume. "Just because she wanted to be a bit taller and wanted to look human-like?"

"Okay, I'm sorry," said the cashier, handing back the credit card.

"Thanks," said Samus and Falcon, wheeling their trolleys of jewellery out.

"Wait… since when is Yoshi a she?" said the cashier, confused.

_Croquet Fans_  
…

_Monkey Mountains_

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Here's the pit stop!" said Donkey Kong, pointing after getting out of the taxi.

"Zelda and Donkey Kong," said Master Hand, "You are team number two!"

"Hurrah!" cheered Zelda.

_Monkey Mines_

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"That will be eighty seven dollars," said the taxi driver politely.

"Sure!" said Ness happily, "Thanks for the ride!"

"Where's the money?" said the taxi driver, still smiling.

"I'm getting it now," said Ness, searching through his pockets.

"_I can't find my wallet too!_" said Yoshi, panicking.

"Oh no! They weren't lying!" said Ness, shocked.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Ness!" said Samus, approaching Ness after getting out of the taxi. "We found your abandoned wallets in the airport!"

"Yeah, and we checked online, and it seemed that somebody fraudulently used your credit cards to buy jewellery, so we cancelled the cards for you!" said Falcon.

"Okay thanks," said Ness, "We were just worried as we couldn't pay our taxi driv-"

A large bus drove through the road, blocking visual contact between Ness and Yoshi and Samus and Falcon.

"_Where's that laughter coming from?_" said Yoshi.

"And why am I hearing the words 'Ness', 'Yoshi' and 'fools' so much?" said Ness, confused.

"But seriously," said Falcon, stopping his laughter, "We wouldn't use your credits, because that would be a **serious **crime."

"Okay, I believe you," said Ness, "But can you guys tell us if Bowser and Ganondorf tell you they did it?"

"Sure," said Falcon, trying to hide the gigantic grin that was slipping through.

"And plus, I'd doubt you would go so low to commit credit card fraud-"

A car drove up to Samus.

"Yoshi!" said a lady sweetly, "You forgot your necklace, so I brought it here for you!"

"Aww, thanks," said Samus, pocketing the bracelet.

Ness and Yoshi stared angrily at Samus.

"Bye friends!" said Samus cheerfully, walking up to the marked flag.

Ness and Yoshi stared angrily at Samus.

"Well keep on racing then!" said Samus.

Ness and Yoshi stared angrily at Samus.

"I think they're on to us," whispered Falcon.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"I don't think the locals like us," said Ganondorf, watching the angry locals shake the taxi backwards and forwards.

"I don't think so either," said Bowser, ducking his head, an axe narrowly skimming his hairline.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Aww Samus, are you scared?" said Falcon suggestively, "Have you never been down a mine before?"

"Actually," said Samus yawning, watching the mine car going down a steep area of track, "I've been on entire planets that consist only of mines."

"Well are you scared of the dark?" said Falcon, putting his arm around Samus's shoulder.

"No," said Samus, answering seriously, "In fact it's rare for me to go on planets that aren't in complete darkness!"

…

…

"You're making this no fun, you know," said Falcon angrily.

"Sure," said Samus.

"In fact, this is no fun at all," said Falcon angrily.

"Why don't you get out then?"

"I will," said Falcon angrily.

Falcon stepped out of the moving mine cart, falling several hundred metres to his death.

"Are you okay?" said Samus, looking down.

Falcon did not respond.

"I think he's fine," said Samus.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"_Isn't this the most fun you've had?_" said Yoshi, speeding through the mine.

"Not when you're not winning," said Ness angrily, reluctantly playing Internet Hearts.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"I don't think any of our speeches to the locals helped us," said Bowser, trying to ignore the three people hitting him with shovels as they sat in the mine cart.

_Congo Jungle_

_Samus and Falcon_

"Fast Forward and Road Block!" said Samus. "Road Block! Who wants to shake and stir?"

"What about the Fast Forward?" said Falcon.

"Do you want to eat a banquet?" said Samus.

"Sure, why not?" said Falcon, "Don't you think someone would have done it already?"

_Ness and Yoshi_

"Fast Forward, we can't do that," said Ness, throwing away the green paper, "Road Block, who wants to shake and stir?"

"_I will,_" said Yoshi.

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"Can't you do something about the locals?" said Bowser, angry because of the constant shovel-hitting.

"Well, I did learn a curse or two," said Ganondorf.

"Well then do it already!" said Bowser angrily, still being hit by several shovel-wielding locals.

"Um…" said Ganondorf, scratching his head several times, "_Gremke Kemermekch, Reke Tekerhmekh._"

Bowser watched Ganondorf's graceful hand movements accompanying the curse. The locals stared.

"_Rekekech Kekekech,_" said Ganondorf, moving his hands elegantly backwards and forwards. "_Kekekech kek krayfunsuke._"

The locals stared. Bowser looked at his watch.

"_Remini Bkenke-_"

Bowser choked on a muffin and exhaled large amounts of fire, setting the two apes and the human on fire.

"Aah!" shouted the locals, rolling on the ground.

"There," said Ganondorf proudly, "See? I told you my curses worked!"

"But it wasn't the curse!" said Bowser angrily, "I choked and set them on fire! You were just muttering some gibberish! That's not witchcraft!"

"Don't make me do my curse on you," said Ganondorf angrily.

_Ness and Yoshi_

"_Hey, we can trick Samus and Falcon!_" said Yoshi excitedly, "_Us and Bowser and Ganondorf have done Road Blocks, so all we have to do is convince them that the other two teams are behind them!_"

"What a great idea!" cheered Ness, "Let's trick them now!"

"Hey guys!" said Falcon, walking up to Yoshi, "You've both done your Road Blocks, right?"

Ness and Yoshi nodded in unison, trembling from the anticipation.

"So that means that as long as we're in front of Kirby and Jigglypuff and Zelda and Donkey Kong, we can get an easy Fast Forward?" said Falcon.

Ness and Yoshi nodded, trying to hide the imminent giggling.

"_I can't take this for much longer!_" said Yoshi, trembling.

"Are you really telling the truth?" said Samus.

"Okay! Okay!" cried Ness, "We're lying!"

"_It's true!_" cried Yoshi, "_All we wanted to do is trick you so we could get you eliminated!_"

"And we lied about Kirby and Jigglypuff being behind us!" cried Ness, "They're probably at the pit stop and they probably took the Fast Forward!"

"Waah!" cried Ness and Yoshi in unison, "We ruined our only chance of tricking you."

…

"Are you done yet?" said Falcon.

"Let's go," said Samus angrily, "They're lousy actors."

Samus and Falcon headed off towards the Fast Forward.

"I feel like I'm getting away with murder!" squealed Ness excitedly.

"_Non-painful emotional murder!_" said Yoshi, squealing immaturely.

"Our plan worked so well!" cheered Ness.

"_Actually, I don't think it was our plan to tell them the truth,_" said Yoshi, "_I thought we just cracked under the pressure._"

…

"Our plan worked!" cheered Ness and Yoshi.

_Congo Jungle Bar_

_Ganondorf  
On the Road Block_

"So what do I have to do?" said Ganondorf angrily.

"Well," said the ape local, "You have to follow this recipe, and then if I think the drink is good enough, I'll give you the clue!"

The ape grinned cheesily.

"…" said Ganondorf angrily.

"So you should probably get to work!" said the ape cheerfully.

"…" said Ganondorf angrily.

"Well you better hurry up, silly billy!" said the big, fat, smiling ape.

"I don't think I want to do this task," said Ganondorf angrily, splashing a glass of Tequila on the ape.

"Well you have to, it's in the rules!" said the ape, grinning dumbly.

"I don't know, I'd really hand over the clue now if I were you," said Ganondorf, taking out a match.

"Don't play with matches!" said the ape cheerfully, "Mummy says it's dangerous!"

"**DIE!**" screamed Ganondorf, throwing the match on the ape.

The ape burnt a lot.

"Ow!" said the ape, still smiling.

"Will you hand me the clue now?" screamed Ganondorf.

"Nope," said the ape smiling.

Ganondorf sighed, walked twenty metres to a petrol station, grabbed a bottled beverage and handed it to the ape.

"Here's my home-cooked drink, stupid," said Ganondorf.

"Despite my unintelligent appearance, I am not going to be foolishly misled by such trickery as this," said the ape intellectually, "If you honestly think you can exploit my vulnerability as a lesser-class member of society in order to win a cash prize and a television show, I say, shame on you! So do you want to do the task now?"

Ganondorf poured the drink into a glass.

"Well done!" said the ape cheerfully, handing over the clue.

"…" said Ganondorf.

_Yoshi  
On the Road Block_

"_Is this good enough?_" said Yoshi.

"Yes!" said the ape, handing over the clue.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Detour!" read Bowser, "Hunt or Gather?"

"Hunt," said Bowser.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Gather," said Ness.

_Big Ape City_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in Last Place_

"Here it is!" said Falcon, stepping out of the taxi.

"Fast Forward taken?" said a shocked Samus, pointing to a sign.

"Those lying thieves!" said Falcon angrily.

_Congo Jungle_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
On Hunt_

"I can't be bothered hunting!" said Ganondorf lazily.

"Let's try our luck there!" said Bowser, pointing to a butcher's.

"You're not serious, are you?" said Ganondorf.

"Hi, do you sell human bodies here?" said Bowser, inside the butcher shop.

"Of course not! That's against our food safety standards!" said the butcher.

Bowser put a dollar on the counter.

"We don't sell bodies here!" said the butcher. "Are you crazy?"

Bowser put two more dollars on the counter.

"We… don't… sell… bodies…" said the butcher, trying to resist the temptation of gold coins.

Bowser put two more dollars on the counter.

"They're out the back," said the butcher, pointing to a room. "But they're very hard to find! We only keep bodies here if necessary!"

Ganondorf noticed that the room consisted entirely of human bodies.

"Yeah… I know you guys are ethical people," said Ganondorf, taking a few bodies.

"Well that was easy!" said Bowser, walking out.

"Hey you guys!" said a police officer, "Are those bodies?"

"Noo…" said Bowser slowly, "It's a skin condition…"

Bowser dropped the body.

"But they're not attached to the skin!" said the police officer.

"Uh… uh… OW!" said Bowser, trying to sound convincing, sweating.

_Monkey Berry Farm_

_Ness and Yoshi  
On Gather_

"Gee, that was easy!" said Ness, holding the five punnets of berries. "Hey, one of these punnets doesn't have any berries in it! But I thought I had blueberries in it!"

Ness scratched his head.

"_It's a mystery!_" said Yoshi, chewing, "_Maybe we should just get more!_"

"Okay!" said Ness, filling the punnet with blueberries. "We're done!"

Two of the punnets were missing berries.

"_Oh no! Where did they go?_" said Yoshi, genuinely concerned, subconsciously chewing.

"It's like there's a thief among us!" said Ness.

_Congo Jungle_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in Last Place_

"Who wants to shake and stir?" read Falcon.

"I will," said Samus.

_Monkey Mountains_

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"There's the pit stop!" said Bowser cheering.

Bowser and Ganondorf sprinted up and landed on the pit stop.

"Bowser and Ganondorf, you are team number three!" said Master Hand.

"That's pretty good," said Bowser.

_Monkey Berry Farm_

_Ness and Yoshi  
4 punnets complete_

"Are we dropping the berries or something?" said Ness, puzzled.

"_I don't know,_" said Yoshi, "_And can we get out of here quick? Looking at all of these berries makes me sick!_"

"How can you be sick?" said Ness, "You haven't eaten anything!"

"_I dunno,_" said Yoshi, unaware he had eaten another punnet full of berries subconsciously.

_Congo Jungle_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in Last Place_

"Detour!" read Falcon, "Hunt or Gather?"

"I want to shoot people!" said Samus excitedly.

"I think you've done enough damage to this city today," said Falcon, showing Samus the first six pages of the newspaper, "Let's do berries!"

_Monkey Berry Farm_

_Ness and Yoshi  
3 punnets complete_

"_Oh man, I'm feeling really sick,_" said Yoshi, dizzy.

"Okay, you have to watch me put in each individual berry!" said Ness nervously.

"Okay!" said Yoshi, watching closely.

"First punnet done," said Ness, putting it on the ground, "You hold that punnet and make sure it doesn't get stolen or nothing happens to it!"

"_Okay!_" said Yoshi, taking the punnet and looking at it closely.

_Samus and Falcon  
0 punnets complete_

"Hey! There's Ness and Yoshi! We're still in luck!" said Falcon.

"Get working at it!" said Samus, grabbing a handful of berries and stuffing it into a punnet.

_Ness and Yoshi  
0 punnets complete_

"_Hey, look!_" said Yoshi, "_There's Samus and Falcon!_"

"You're right!" said Ness.

Ness looked at Yoshi's punnet. "WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BERRIES?"

"_I don't know!_" panicked Yoshi, "_I looked away for five seconds and it was gone!_"

"They must be playing mind games with us!" said Ness, as Yoshi ate the berries out of his hands.

_Samus and Falcon  
3 punnets complete_

"Two more!" said Samus, "Two more!"

"I'm trying!" said Falcon, mashing up the apple with his hands, "This apple won't fit in!"

"Idiot!" said Samus, slapping Falcon over the head, "Why do they call this a **berry **farm?"

"I love jokes!" said Falcon.

"This isn't a joke!" said Samus, slapping Falcon over the head.

_Ness and Yoshi  
2 punnets complete_

"Okay, I'll watch you do the berries!" said Ness, puzzled, "Maybe there's a bug on you or something!"

"_Two more!_" said Yoshi, sealing the third punnet.

Yoshi glanced away momentarily and ate the three punnets of berries.

"It was you!" said Ness, shocked.

"_What?_" said Yoshi, confused.

"You're eating the berries!" said Ness, shocked.

"_No I'm not!_" said Yoshi, chewing on berries.

"Then what's that in your mouth?" said Ness.

"_Uh…_" said Yoshi, realising what was in his mouth. "_WHAT HAVE I DONE?_"

_Samus and Falcon  
5 punnets complete_

"We're coming!" shouted Samus to the berry inspector.

"Here they are," said Falcon, putting the punnets on the counter.

"You need one more punnet," said the inspector.

"What?" said Samus, shocked, "That hungry thief! Wait there, Falcon!"

_Ness and Yoshi  
4 punnets complete_

"_Are ooo ore his is ompletely essecary?_" said Yoshi, his tongue tied to a post. "_his is umiliating!_"

"Okay! We're done!" said Ness, relieved.

A punnet of berries disappeared.

"HOW CAN YOU DO THAT IF YOUR TONGUE IS TIED TO A POST!?" screamed Ness, completely insane.

_Samus and Falcon  
Completed Detour_

"I just stole one of theirs," said Samus.

"Okay!" said Falcon, opening the clue.

"You must now make your way to the pit stop for this leg of the race, situated in the highest point of Monkey Mountains!" read Falcon.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Completed Detour_

"Okay! We're done!" said Ness, walking up to the inspector.

"Here's your clue," said the inspector.

"You must now make your way to the pit stop for this leg of the race, situated in the highest point of Monkey Mountains!" read Ness.

"Okay, let's go Yoshi!" said Ness, "Yoshi?"

"_I'm ill ere!_" shouted Yoshi angrily.

_Monkey Mountains_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"It's going to be close," said Falcon, peering out the back window to find Ness and Yoshi tailgating their taxi.

"One of us is going to be eliminated for sure," said Samus.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"There must be a way to overtake them," said Ness nervously, looking at the narrow road.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Ohmygawsh! That's the pit stop!" said Samus, pointing ahead.

"That will be-"

"NO FARE!" said Samus, pushing the taxi driver out and jumping into the driver's seat.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Get out!" said Ness, "This little piece of track is quicker than the road!"

"_Okay!_" said Yoshi, panicking.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in Last Place_

"You're driving too riskily!" said Falcon, jumping out.

"NO!" screamed Samus, running over Yoshi.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"_Go on without me Ness!_" cried Yoshi.

_Pit Stop_

Samus drove onto the pit stop, jumping off onto the map.

"Hurry Falcon, you useless tub of lard!" shouted Master Hand, "Ness and Yoshi are the least liked team left!"

Ness ran from a small path, and tumbled onto the pit stop.

"Hurry Falcon!" screamed Samus.

"Hurry Falcon!" screamed Master Hand.

_Yoshi_

"Ten more metres!" shouted Ness to the limping Yoshi.

_Falcon_

"Sprint here you useless no-good thief!" screamed Samus to the sprinting Falcon.

_Pit Stop_

Yoshi ran onto the pit stop.

"SUCK! SUCK!" screamed Ness ecstatically, "WE BEAT YOU! WE BEAT YOU!"

"Ness and Yoshi," said Master Hand reluctantly, "You are team number four."

"_Haha!_" shouted Yoshi, "_You tricked us all of this time, but we tricked you once, and now you're eliminated!_"

Falcon staggered onto the pit stop.

"Samus and Falcon, I'm sorry to tell you," said Master Hand sadly, "You are the last team to arrive."

Samus and Falcon stared down at the ground glumly. Ness and Yoshi danced happily in circles.

"And I'm sorry to tell you," said Master Hand sadly, "You have been eliminated from the race."

"YESS!" cheered Ness and Yoshi.

Falcon started to cry, "Samus, I just wanted to tell you, even though you might not like me, I'll always be happy to be able to do these things with you! And I hope you find it within-"

"No, who am I kidding?" laughed Master Hand. "This is a non-elimination leg! You guys are still in the race! But I'll have to take your bags and what not."

"Yay!" cheered Samus and Falcon.

Ness and Yoshi stared jaw-dropped in disbelief.

"Yay!" cheered Samus and Falcon.

Ness and Yoshi stared jaw-dropped in disbelief.

"Yay!" cheered Samus and Falcon.

Ness and Yoshi stared jaw-dropped in disbelief.

_Post-Leg Interviews_

_Samus and Falcon_

"Next leg, Ness and Yoshi are meat," said Samus, "We've had our games but now we are going to physically and emotionally scar them."

_Ness and Yoshi_

"We're disappointed that they weren't eliminated," said Ness angrily, "But it just shows that we're going to win this thing! And we're not going to let anyone in our way!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"We're on fire," said Ganondorf, clenching his fists, "And we're going to burn **anyone **who comes in our way."

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"We've come first and second the last two legs," said Zelda.

"Which means like any other team, we are capable of winning this race!" said Donkey Kong, "We might not look like dirty racers, but we will do **anything **we can to win," said Donkey Kong.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

Kirby and Jigglypuff smiled cutely at the camera.

"Uh… this isn't a photo shoot," said Master Hand, "You're supposed to talk about how fierce you are."

Jigglypuff painted her eyes red. "_Am I fierce now?_"

Master Hand sighed.

"Jigs, doesn't that hurt?" said Kirby, alarmed.

"_Not really_," said Jigglypuff. "But I can't see anything now."

"Um, wipe it off, then," said Kirby.

"_What with?_" said Jigglypuff.

"This towel," said Kirby, holding out a towel.

Jigglypuff grabbed Yoshi and rubbed him violently against her eyes.

"Arararararararar…" said Yoshi.

**Finish Times:**

Kirby and Jigglypuff: 11:32 AM

Zelda and Donkey Kong: 1:12 PM

Bowser and Ganondorf: 2:52 PM

Ness and Yoshi: 3:36 PM

Samus and Falcon: 3:37 PM – Not Eliminated

Please tell me who you would like to win! Please review, all feedback is appreciated!

If you notice any errors (including the entire story in general), notify us on: **www (dot) smashmansion (dot) com (slash) forum**!

And review!


	10. Leg 9: Mute City

"Last time, on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Five teams set off on the eighth leg of a race around the world!"

"Teams travelled to Donkey Kong Island, where tensions rose between Samus and Falcon and Ness and Yoshi!"

"_Hi, team buddies!" said Ness innocently. "Ready to beat everyone else __**as a team**__?"_

…

"_Uh…" said Falcon, "We just forgot to go the toilet… so we're going to the toilet now… together…"_

_Samus and Falcon flagged down a taxi, sprinted to it and drove off to the airport._

"Kirby and Jigglypuff surged ahead on the eating-themed Fast Forward, much to the disliking of the locals!"

"_**A METAL DEEP-FRIED VASE!**__" shrieked the chef running out from the kitchen, violently unveiling the meal, "__**POSSIBLY ONE OF THE HARDEST TO CHE-**__"_

"_What's next?" said Kirby, swallowing the last bit._

"And they arrived first!"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff," said Master Hand, "You are team number one!"_

"Fed up of being tricked all of the time, Ness and Yoshi managed to trick Samus and Falcon into going to the already-completed Fast Forward!"

"_Hey, we can trick Samus and Falcon!" said Yoshi excitedly, "Us and Bowser and Ganondorf have done Road Blocks, so all we have to do is convince them that the other two teams are behind them!"_

"_What a great idea!" cheered Ness, "Let's trick them now!"_

"However the lead tightened, as Yoshi was tempted on the berry-collecting detour!" said Master Hand.

"_Two more!" said Yoshi, sealing the third punnet._

_Yoshi glanced away momentarily and ate the three punnets of berries._

"A close call in the end saw Ness and Yoshi fourth, and Samus and Falcon last, which made Ness and Yoshi ecstatic!"

"_SUCK! SUCK!" screamed Ness ecstatically, "WE BEAT YOU! WE BEAT YOU!"_

"But it was revealed to be a non-elimination leg to Samus and Falcon's delight!" said Master Hand.

"_Yay!" cheered Samus and Falcon._

"Without any money or baggage, can Samus and Falcon cope and dig themselves out of last place? Will Ness and Yoshi's actions against Samus and Falcon affect their performance in the race?"

"Five teams remain," said Master Hand, "Who will be eliminated, next?"

**The Teams**: (with Jigglypuff's thumbs-up-o-meter)

Zelda and Donkey Kong (_They're kind of silly. Two thumbs up._)  
Kirby and Jigglypuff (_Bestest team ever! Infinity thumbs up._)  
Bowser and Ganondorf (_They're kind of silly. Two thumbs up._)  
Ness and Yoshi (_Ew. Scary. Ten thumbs down._)  
Samus and Falcon (_Wait, who?_)

"Kirby and Jigglypuff, who arrived first at 11:32 AM, will depart at 11:32 PM!" said Master Hand.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
1__st__ to depart: 11:32 PM_

"_I wanna open the clue!_" said Jigglypuff brattishly.

"You have," laughed Kirby.

Jigglypuff blushed, and read, "_You must now fly to Mute City, and find the Mute City Racing Hall of Fame!_"

"Teams must now make their way to Mute City, a city planet with one of the highest number of F-Zero race courses! Once there, they must find this famous racing museum, where they will find their next clue," said Master Hand.

"_Oh boy, we're going to Mute City!_" cheered Jigglypuff.

"And then when we're there, we can buy some streamers and party because we're in Mute City!" cheered Kirby.

"_And then we can dance around in Mute City park, then go to the Mute City farm, the Mute City shopping mall and then go to the Mute City Disneyland!_" cheered Jigglypuff.

"There's no Disneyland in Mute City," said Kirby, confused.

"_Actually, I've never heard of Mute City before in my life, it's just that if I don't keep on talking, the drugs that I should've slipped into Yoshi's food but accidentally slipped into mine will make me pass out!_" said Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff passed out.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
2__nd__ to depart: 1:12 AM_

"You must now fly to Mute City, and find the Mute City Racing Hall of Fame!" read Donkey Kong, "Four teams have been given one hundred and eight dollars for this leg of the race, and one team has no money and no belongings!"

"Okay, let's go!" said Zelda, getting out her purse.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Interview after leg_

"We decided to give Samus and Falcon some money because they were, you know, our old team mates," said Zelda, "And we're also just very nice people."

"And there were no threats involved," said Donkey Kong, trying to ignore the bomb that was planted in his bloodstream and would detonate if Samus pushed a button.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
3__rd__ to depart: 2:52 AM_

"You must now fly to Mute City, and find the Mute City Racing Hall of Fame!" read Ganondorf, "Four teams have been given one hundred and eight dollars for this leg of the race, and one team has no money and no belongings!"

"Drop some money off by Samus's car," said Bowser, getting several notes from his wallet.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Interview after leg_

"We decided to give small amounts of cash to Samus and Falcon because we are nice people and the locals wouldn't help out at all," said Ganondorf.

"And there were no threats involved," said Bowser trembling, ripping up the Christmas Party photos.

_Ness and Yoshi  
4__th__ to depart: 3:36 AM_

"You must now fly to Mute City, and find the Mute City Racing Hall of Fame!" read Ness.

"_Come on, we're only a minute in front!_" said Yoshi.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Interview before leg_

"We wouldn't have changed our race plan even if we knew nobody would have been eliminated," said Ness.

"_Even though we planned to get them eliminated, we know they'll get eliminated this leg as they have no money,_" said Yoshi, "_So we know it will pay off._"

_Samus and Falcon  
Last to depart: 3:37 AM_

"You must now fly to Mute City, and find the Mute City Racing Hall of Fame!" read Samus, "Four teams have been given one hundred and eight dollars for this leg of the race, and one team has no money and no belongings!"

"Great, we have no money," said Falcon angrily.

"Hey guys," taunted Ness from inside his car, "How does it feel to have no money?"

Samus grabbed Ness and removed his intestines with her bare hands. The blood and excess organs gushed onto the ground as Ness felt a sharp pain in his stomach. Onlookers looked in disgust and avoided the thought of the gruesome, scarring sight they had just seen.

"What do you say?" said Samus angrily.

"Sorry," wept Ness, losing blood.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in Last Place_

"Okay, let's see what they left us!" said Samus.

"Fifteen dollars with a Waddle Dee paper clip attached to it," said Falcon, holding up several bills.

"That's from Kirby," said Falcon.

"A box of medicine that has the words 'sleeping pills' crossed out and replaced with 'awake mixture' in horrible handwriting?" said Falcon.

"Jigglypuff," chuckled Samus.

"Twenty dollars, attached to a note saying, 'don't hurt any more animals'?" said Falcon.

"Donkey Kong," said Samus.

"And thirty dollars attached to a note saying, 'please don't publish them online as it will ruin my reputation and my deodorant contract'?" said Falcon.

"Bowser," said Samus, smiling.

"Well, that's a good get from everyone," said Falcon, yawning.

"Does Jigglypuff honestly think she can make us fall asleep with those 'awake pills'?" laughed Samus, "That's pathetic, who would fall for that?"

"But the awake pills keep you awake!" said Falcon, "I took twelve of them, I'll be awake for days!"

"Falcon, you are an idiot," said a depressed Samus, slouching.

"But they're awake pills? Why wouldn't I take them?" said Falcon.

"…" said Samus angrily.

"Oh right, it was a trap," said Falcon, becoming drowsy.

Falcon passed out.

_Donkey Kong Island Airport_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Can we have the earliest flight to Mute City?" said Kirby.

"Well," replied an airline worker, "We have a 10:00 AM direct flight to Mute City that lands at 2:00 PM local time!"

"There's nothing earlier?" said Kirby.

"Nope, it's the first flight out," said the worker.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
1__st__ on Tropical Air Flight_

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
2__nd__ on Tropical Air Flight_

"I'm really going to miss home," said Donkey Kong, sniffing.

Donkey Kong noticed his head was on a bounty poster.

"Then again, maybe a break could be good," said a sweating Donkey Kong, tugging on his collar.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
3__rd__ on Tropical Air Flight_

"Thanks," said Ganondorf, taking the tickets.

"Don't let anyone else find out about this flight," said Bowser.

The airline worker stared at Bowser.

_Ness and Yoshi  
4__th__ on Tropical Air Flight_

"Thanks!" said Ness, taking the tickets.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?" said Bowser angrily, storming up to the airline worker.

"I… I sold them the tickets?" said the airline worker, puzzled.

"But you promised me that you wouldn't tell anyone about it!" said Bowser angrily.

"I didn't promise you anything," said the confused airline worker, "And I wouldn't anyway! My job's kind of to… **sell **tickets, not to **not sell **tickets."

"I WILL SEEK REVENGE ON YOU!" screamed Bowser, running off.

"Heh," laughed the airline worker at Bowser's pathetic appearance.

The electricity in the airport turned off.

"NUUE!" screamed the airport worker, "My only fear: the dark!"

"Mwahahaha," cackled Bowser.

Several planes crashed.

…

"Sorry?" said Bowser.

_Samus and Falcon  
Last on Tropical Air Flight_

"Mute City?" teased Samus, "What kind of whackjob place name is that?"

Falcon whimpered.

"You are pathetic," said Samus.

"All teams are now on the 10:00 AM Tropical Air flight, which lands at 2:00 PM local time!" said Master Hand.

_Mute City_

_Tropical Air Flight  
Landed at 1:56 AM_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Let's go," said Falcon, lugging along his backpack.

"This place looks slightly er… overcrowded," said Samus.

"No it isn't!" said Falcon defensively, "What makes you say that?"

"Oh, nothing," said Samus, noticing several aeroplanes landing between narrow spaces in apartment buildings.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Hey guys!" said Ness, running up to Samus and Falcon. "You left your wallets back in the aeroplane!"

"Do you really think we'll fall for that?" said Falcon angrily.

Ness and Yoshi nodded hopefully in unison.

"Well we're not going to," said Samus angrily. "Oh, by the way, you left your wallets in the plane."

"Run!" said Ness, charging towards where he came from.

Ness stopped. "Wait…"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Jigs, you really need to eat the food that they give you on the plane," said Kirby.

"_I can manage!_" said Jigglypuff independently, wheeling along a trolley full of pancakes.

"Where did you get those from?" said Kirby.

"_Maybe,_" said Jigglypuff.

"What?" said Kirby.

"_Maybe not_," said Jigglypuff.

"You're not making any sense," sighed Kirby. "Come on, let's go!"

_Pancake House  
Mushroom Kingdom_

"Where did the pancakes go!?" cried a chef.

"More importantly, how did Jigglypuff get here from an airport in Mute City!?" cried a waiter.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"That's the last time you're going to eat a steak in first class," said Ganondorf angrily.

"How was I supposed to know they actually had the animal there?" said a hysterical Bowser defensively.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"Next time we're **definitely **going to book two seats for you," said an anxious Zelda.

"Sure, just make fun of my size, will you?" sulked Donkey Kong, the chair and tray table marks still indenting in his stomach.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"_Wow? A flying taxi?_" said Jigglypuff excitedly, hopping into the taxi.

"What do you think we had?" replied the taxi driver, smirking, "Petrol-fuelled cars that chug along the ground at fifty kilometres an hour?"

…

…

"_Well… yeah…_" said Jigglypuff, trying to figure out if there was a point to what the man had just said.

…

"Well our technology has advanced that stage where cars just crash into each other," laughed the driver.

"Right…" said Kirby. "So people just… crash into each other… on purpose?"

"Of course," said the driver seriously.

Jigglypuff gaped.

Kirby slowly dragged Jigglypuff back. "You know what? We'll take another taxi."

"Your loss," cried the driver. "But my honour is now forever ruined!"

"What?" said Kirby.

"_Suicide run!_" cried the driver, speeding off with his doors open.

Kirby and Jigglypuff stared at his receding figure.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"_Oh my gosh!_" screamed Yoshi, "_Did somebody just crash into our hovercraft?_"

Ness looked at the wreckage at the back of their taxi.

"I believe so," said Ness.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Wow, these taxis have advanced so much in just a year!" said Falcon, amazed. "The chairs have a built in back massager!"

"Uh…" said Samus, "My seat doesn't have a back massager…"

"But then what's massaging my back?" said Falcon. "Oh, it's just a pair of plastic hands."

A finger fell off.

"Actually… I don't think that's a plastic hand… it's actually… a disembodied hand…"

"AAAH!" screamed Falcon.

Cue the 80's Horror music.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"The locals here are so rude," said Bowser angrily.

The taxi driver held a rifle aimed at Bowser.

"Except for you, of course," chuckled Bowser nervously.

The taxi driver gave Bowser a stern look.

"Okay, the locals are alright," said Bowser.

The taxi driver held the gun up to Bowser's neck.

"Okay, this is a great city," said a cheery Bowser.

"You guys are the tenth celebrity today that claimed they loved our city!" said the taxi driver, cheerfully, "Now I'll just post it on my blog here, okay?"

"No," said Ganondorf angrily.

"Well, you can't stop me," said the taxi driver.

Ganondorf snapped his laptop in half.

"You're really going to regret this," said the taxi driver angrily, pointing his rifle at Ganondorf.

Ganondorf snapped the gun in half with his bare hands.

"Perhaps not," said the taxi driver.

He pulled out a second rifle.

Ganondorf snapped it in half, too.

"Hmm," said the taxi driver. "I can still kill you with my martial arts prowess!"

He raised his hands offensively.

Ganondorf snapped his arms.

"Ow," said the taxi driver. "Well… I can still kill you… with my neck… and spinal cord…"

…

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"Electronics are so cheap here!" said Donkey Kong amazed, "I got this laptop for twenty dollars!"

Donkey Kong proudly held up a colourful rocket-themed coaster.

"Donkey Kong, that's not a laptop, that's a coaster!" said Zelda, confused, "How did you mistake that coaster for a laptop?"

"Uh, huh! Huh! Huh, huh, huh, huh!" cried Donkey Kong heavily.

"I'm sorry," said Zelda.

"Uh, huh! Huh! Huh, huh, huh, huh!" cried Donkey Kong heavily.

"I'm really sorry," said Zelda, "You can stop now!"

"Uh, huh! Huh! Huh, huh, huh, huh!" cried Donkey Kong.

"Uh… Donkey Kong?" said Zelda.

"I'm just so stupid!" cried Donkey Kong. "All this wasted time! And money! I've let the team down! I've let _me_ down!"

Pause.

"And I've let _you_ down!" cried Donkey Kong.

"There, there," said Zelda. "It's all right."

They kissed.

The taxi driver stared at them.

"Um…" said Donkey Kong, "it's not what it looks like."

"Yes," said Zelda, "definitely not what it looks like."

"Are you two… in _love_?" said the taxi driver incredulously.

"Well… um… no, of course not, don't be stupid," said DK, trying to laugh.

"No, we don't… wait, you _don't_?" said Zelda, shocked. "My love for you is unrequited?... um, my nonexistent love for you?"

"So you don't really love me?" said DK. "No!"

"What on earth…" began the driver.

"Wait, let me try again," said DK. "Zelda, I love you, but just not in front of him."

"Right," said Zelda, smiling again. "I see… in that case, I love you too, but not in front of the driver."

The driver stared.

They both kissed again.

"So you love each other?" said the driver cautiously.

"Ye- no," said Zelda.

"We don't?" said DK. "Oh… right… we don't."

The driver stared.

They crashed into another taxi at several hundred thousand kilometres per hour, flying through the windshield of the taxi. They flew through the air several storeys above the ground, weightless for a moment before gravity's inexorable pull began to drag them back down–

They crashed through the windshield of another taxi and landed in the back seat, crushing several hundred Pikmin.

"Woah," said Zelda, because that had been a bit weird.

"Yeah, woah," said DK.

"Don't worry," said the driver, "it happens all the time."

Zelda and DK kissed again.

The driver stared.

_Mute City Racing Museum_

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Wow, this is a pretty cool place!" said Ness, running along, admiring the model cars, life-sized statues and real car parts.

"_There's the clue box!_" said Yoshi, pointing to a box.

"Road Block!" read Ness, "Who can quickly qualify?"

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one team member may perform! In this Road Block, that team member must get into a real F-Zero racer, and complete three laps of a small racing circuit!  
"This up front may seem easy, but for a lap to be valid, they must complete the circuit in a respectable competitive time!"

"I'll do it," said Ness.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Who can quickly qualify?" read Kirby.

"_I'll do it,_" said Jigglypuff.

"Are you sure you can reach the pedals?" said Kirby.

"_What are you talking about?_" said Jigglypuff, confused, "_I can raise the best soufflé!_"

Jigglypuff proudly held up frying cooking pan.

"Uh, Jigs," said Kirby, confused, "I really don't think you're doing cooking in this task… being in a racing museum and all…"

"_Well then why did I bring my frying pan?_" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Jigs, it's not about cooking!" said Kirby.

"_Yes it is!_" said Jigglypuff angrily, stepping into the racing car.

"Then why are you in a **racing car**?" said Kirby, slightly annoyed.

"_There must be a stove here or something!_" said Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff lit a match.

The engine caught on fire.

"_Okay,_" shouted Jigglypuff, the entire car up in fumes, "_Maybe you were right, Kirby!_"

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Who can quickly qualify?" read Samus.

"Oh, come on," said Falcon, "This is like **my **task, I have to do it."

"Last time I remember, a magazine said the entire thing was staged," said Samus.

"Pssh, yeah right!" laughed Falcon proudly, "I'll blitz them all!"

Falcon smugly climbed into the vehicle.

"Now how do you turn this thing on?" said Falcon to himself.

"I heard that," shouted Samus.

"Um… no you didn't!" said Falcon, sweating.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"You do it," said Ganondorf, "You clearly have expertise in this subject."

"I bought this magazine at the airport for four dollars!" said Bowser, holding up a racing magazine, "How is that expertise?"

"Well, you've read it, so you probably know more than me," said Ganondorf.

"It's still sealed!" said Bowser.

"Well you've seen the cover, you do it," said Ganondorf.

"If you just want me to do it because you're scared, just tell me!" said Bowser angrily.

"Scared? I'm not scared!" said Ganondorf, shaking at the knees.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"Okay, do you want to do the Road Block?" said Zelda.

"Uh, huh! Huh! Huh, huh, huh, huh!" cried Donkey Kong.

"Okay, I'll do it," said Zelda.

_Mute City Racing Circuit_

_Ness  
Laps Completed: 0_

"_Come on, Ness!_" cheered Ness through the speaker system.

"It's really hard to get it started!" said Ness, frustrated, turning the key.

The engine started.

"Hurrah!" said Ness.

Falcon's ship shot several bullets at Ness's ship, stalling the engine.

"Is that even legal?" complained Ness. "You're not supposed to have guns on your ship!"

"Well," said a man through the speaker system, "He **does **bring in a quarter of the city's revenue, so I guess it's legal for him!"

"That's unfair!" said Ness. "Can I have guns, at least?"

"Well you can't even get the engine started, little boy!" laughed the man.

"**That's because he shot my ship down!**" said Ness angrily.

The man chuckled.

"SUIWFHUIEW!" said Ness.

_Jigglypuff  
Laps completed: 0_

"Jigs, I don't think you're doing it right," said Kirby.

"_Am too!_" said Jigglypuff, doing the entire course in reverse.

_Zelda  
Laps completed: 0_

"You're doing great, Zelda!" said Donkey Kong, watching Zelda back the ship into a lamppost.

_Bowser  
Laps completed: 0_

Bowser flew past the chequered flags.

"Two seconds off an acceptable time," said the man.

"Use the shortcut," said Ganondorf, reading a page online. "It'll shave three seconds off your time!"

"Are you reading from a game manual?" asked Bowser.

"Um… no…" said Ganondorf, discarding the game manual.

_Falcon  
Laps completed: 1_

"You're doing really crap," complained Samus, "Go faster!"

"I'm going as fast as I can!" said Falcon, wrestling the steering wheel along the sharp bend.

"It's really boring," yawned Samus.

Captain Falcon zoomed past the chequered flags.

"That's not only an acceptable time," said a man from course maintenance, "That's a new course record!"

_Falcon  
Laps completed: 2_

"Happy with that now?" said Falcon, raising his eyebrows.

"Well actually," said Samus, impressed, "I'm quite amazed with your-"

Falcon, not looking at anything in front of him, crashed into a lamppost.

"…lack of co-ordination," said Samus, quickly changing to an unimpressed look, "**Ness **is doing better than you!"

_Ness  
Laps completed: 0_

"My car is stuffed!" said an exasperated Ness, assessing the pile of debris that was his car, "Can you give me a new one?"

"No," replied the man.

_Jigglypuff  
Laps completed: 0_

"Jigs, use the acceleration pedal more!" said Kirby, watching a feed of Jigglypuff through a screen.

"_So that's not the sustain pedal?_" said Jigglypuff.

"Jigs, that's not a piano!" laughed Kirby.

"_That explains a lot,_" said Jigglypuff angrily, taking away the tuning fork.

_Zelda  
Laps completed: 0_

"Zelda, your foot's on the wrong pedal!" said Donkey Kong.

"That explains a lot," said Zelda, suddenly noticing that her foot had been on the brake pedal for the entire fifteen minutes.

"I hate this," moaned Zelda.

_Falcon  
Laps completed: 2_

"One more corner to go," said Samus, watching slightly anxiously through the screen.

Falcon wrestled the steering wheel to the far left, and then sped through the chequered flags, a long trail of fire behind the ship.

"And that is sixteen seconds under the needed time!" said the man, handing Samus the clue.

_Falcon  
Completed Road Block_

"Woohoo!" shouted Samus, "That was wild! Wow! Falcon is such an amazing driver!"

Samus let out a girly scream.

"Falcon is number one!" shouted Samus.

Falcon ran back into the main museum room.

"Wow, is that the first time you've actually said something good about me?" said Falcon ecstatically, "I feel like I have such higher self-esteem now!"

"What are you talking about, jerk?" said Samus angrily.

"You were just cheering me on," said Falcon angrily.

"Um… that wasn't me," said Samus, "Why would I say anything good about you?"

"Yes you were!" said Falcon angrily, "I heard all of those screams of support!"

"Well it wasn't me!" said Samus, trying to sound genuine.

"Then who was it?" said Falcon.

"Yoshi!" said Samus cheerfully, picking up Yoshi.

"_You were the one supporting him!_" said Yoshi angrily.

Samus held a gun up to Yoshi's head. "Really?"

"Ararararara," said Yoshi, "_Okay! It was me!_"

"But you just held a gun up to-"

"Clue!" said Samus, opening the clue.

"You must now make your way to the 'City Square'!" read Samus. "Warning! Yield ahead!"

"Teams must now make their way to the City Square, the longest surviving piece of architecture in the city!" said Master Hand.

"But you just-"

"Quickly!" said Samus, "We don't want to be Yielded!"

_Ness  
Laps completed: 0_

"_Ness, I get the feeling nobody likes us here,_" said Yoshi.

"Nonsense, what makes you think that?" said Ness.

_Bowser  
Laps completed: 2_

"Good job, Bowser!" said Ganondorf, "One more good lap!"

"Thanks," said Bowser, turning the steering wheel a sharp right.

"Look, Ness is getting his car started! Kill him!" shouted Ganondorf.

Ganondorf swooped the car down to ground level and rammed into the side of Ness's car, stalling the engine.

"Okay, they're the meanies! They don't like us!" said Ness.

_Zelda  
Laps completed: 0_

"Good job, Zelda!" cheered Donkey Kong, watching Zelda zoom past the chequered flags.

"Half a second under qualifying time!" said the man.

_Zelda  
Laps completed: 1_

"Woo!" said Zelda.

"Awesome job, Zelda!" cheered Donkey Kong.

Zelda lowered the height of the ship and rammed Ness's ship on the side.

"Okay," said Ness angrily, "That was probably just an accident."

Zelda reversed the ship, and rammed into the front of Ness's ship several times.

"Okay, maybe that was just a gear malfunction of some sort," said Ness.

_Jigglypuff  
Laps completed: 0_

Jigglypuff jumped out of her stationary ship, and walked over to Ness's car.

"Oh well, at least somebody like us!" cheered Ness.

Jigglypuff took out Ness's engine and threw it off a cliff.

"Remind me to kill everyone," said Ness angrily.

_City Square_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"There it is!" said Falcon, pointing.

"Yield!" said Samus.

"Yield!" said Master Hand, "This is the last of three Yields in the race! A yield is where a team can force another team to stop racing for a predetermined amount of time! Teams that are Yielded must flip over this hourglass and wait until the hourglass has finished before they can continue racing! Teams can only use their power once, so teams will have to decide when it is best to use their Yield power!"

"We can't Yield anyone," said Samus, "We've already Yielded Bowser and Ganondorf, so just take the clue."

"Detour!" said Falcon, taking the clue. "Slow or Fast?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand, "A detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour, 'Slow' or 'Fast'!  
"In 'Slow', teams must navigate their way through the crowded streets to this recreational centre, where they must participate in the traditional sport of mud wrestling! Teams must work together to defeat a local mud wrestling champion! Once the champion has been taken to the ground or has drowned, teams may receive their next clue! This is physically demanding, but teams that realise that there was no rule that prevented them from using blunt objects in the ring can finish quickly!  
"In Fast, teams must make their way to this 'Crash Test Dummy Research Centre' and get run over by ten cars. This may seem easy, but teams that feel pain may struggle!"

"Let's mud wrestle," said Samus.

_Mute City Racing Museum_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Good job, Bowser!" cheered Ganondorf, opening the clue.

"You must now make your way to the 'City Square'!" read Bowser, "Warning! Yield ahead!"

"Let's go!" said Ganondorf, running out.

"Good luck, DK!" said Bowser.

"Thanks!" replied Donkey Kong.

"Good luck, Kirby!" said Bowser.

"Thanks!" said Kirby.

Bowser and Ganondorf ran out.

_Ness  
Laps completed: 0_

"Well?" said Ness angrily, sitting stationary in his ship.

"_Uh Ness… seeing that they don't like us I don't think he'll wish us luck, somehow,_" said Yoshi, slightly frustrated.

"That would be rude then, wouldn't it?" said Ness.

"_Just start driving!_" said Yoshi angrily.

_Jigglypuff  
Laps completed: 0_

"Jigs, we're running a race here," said a slightly annoyed Kirby, watching Jigglypuff trying to balance a circus ball on her head as she drove along.

_Zelda  
Laps completed: 2_

Zelda zoomed past the chequered flags, hands shaking nervously on the steering wheel.

"One second under qualifying time!" said the man.

"Good job, Zelda!" said Donkey Kong. "You did it! You did it!"

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"You must now make your way to the 'City Square'!" read Donkey Kong. "Warning! Yield ahead!"

"Let's go!" said Zelda.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Interview after leg_

"I'm so proud of Zelda," said Donkey Kong emotionally, "Working with this modern day technology is our biggest challenge on the race, and for her to beat two people in a monster of a machine is a great effort! I mean, I probably couldn't have done it, and Zelda is just so good with this new technology and it-"

Zelda stared at the camera.

"DK, what's that?" said Zelda.

"A camera, they've been following us the entire trip!" said Donkey Kong.

"Oh," said Zelda. "Did they see us kiss?"

"Yes," said Donkey Kong.

"Oh," said Zelda, looking at the camera strangely.

Static.

_Mute City Recreation Centre_

_Samus and Falcon  
On Slow_

"So basically, you have to wrestle me to the ground or make me fall over," said the club pro, "Pretty simple, huh?"

"Okay," said Samus.

…

Samus sucker punched the wrestler in the jaw.

"Ow!" said the wrestler, "That won't do anything!"

Samus pushed the wrestler to the ground.

"Woo," said Samus.

The wrestler hit his head on the pavement, passing out.

Samus took the clue from his body.

"You must now make your way to the pit stop," read Samus, "located in the 'Racing Car Fun Motel'."

"Teams must now make their way to the pit stop of the race," said Master Hand, "This dodgy Racing Car-themed motel! It has no historical value in it, and we're using it simply because the owner wants to get on TV, and we blew all of the money on hiring the race car track!  
"Oh, and the last team to arrive **may **be eliminated."

"Let's go!" said Falcon.

_City Square_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We're completely lost!" said Bowser, panicking.

Ganondorf picked a helpless young child from the ground and held him up to his face.

"Where is the City Square, young boy?" said Ganondorf, cackling evilly, "If you do not tell me, you will be subject to certain devious, cruel angstful torture! I will squeeze and suck your soul from out of you and-"

"You're standing in it!" said the boy, scared.

"Oh, thank you," said Ganondorf sweetly, putting the boy down.

The boy ran off crying, but was muted due to some sort of vehicle collision that would be too graphic to describe.

"Yield!" said Bowser.

"We Yielded Samus and Falcon a while back," said Ganondorf, "So take the clue."

"We will not yield anyone," said Bowser, taking the clue.

"Detour!" read Ganondorf, "Slow or Fast?"

"Do you feel like getting hit by a car?" said Bowser, confused.

"No," said Ganondorf, "No actually, I don't."

"Okay, let's do the wrestling then."

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"What do you want to do?" said Zelda after reading the contents of the clue.

"I dunno," said Donkey Kong, standing in the middle of the street, several cars speeding into his leg and stopping at impact, "I mean, I'm not sure if I could get hit by a car or something."

"Let's mud wrestle then," said Zelda.

"Okay," said Donkey Kong, oblivious to the many cars crashing at his legs.

_Mute City Racing Museum_

_Jigglypuff  
Laps completed: 0_

"Jigs," said Kirby angrily, "Stop trying to sabotage them! Concentrate on what you're doing!"

"_**So-rry!**_" said an angry Jigglypuff, pouring pink paint on the entirety of Ness's windshield.

_Ness  
Laps completed: 0_

"_Ness, maybe you should use a different car,_" said Yoshi, looking at the ignited scattered pile of mauled, shredded flotsam and jetsam that was Ness's ship.

_Racing Car Fun Motel_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Here's the hotel!" said Falcon.

"Hotel?" said Samus, looking at the tiny unsanitary rooms with stink lines above them as she ran past.

"Okay, well there's the pit stop!" said Falcon, spotting a mat in the carpark.

"Samus and Falcon," said Master Hand, "You are team number one!"

"Woo," cheered Falcon.

"And I have some good news for you guys," said Master Hand.

"You guys?" said Samus angrily, tugging Master Hand by the collar.

"I have some good news for you, Samus," said Master Hand nervously, "You have won a trip for eight days to Donut Plains!"

"Yay, I guess?" said Samus.

_Mute City Recreation Centre_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
On Slow_

"Okay," said Bowser, stepping into the ring with Ganondorf. "This guy is a mud-wrestling professional."

"Yep," said Ganondorf. "We can take him on, though."

"Yeah," said Bowser.

The professional mud-wrestling person bared his teeth.

"Hey, what does mud-wrestling have to do with Mute City?" said Ganondorf.

The mud wrestler charged at them and started pummelling Ganondorf with lethal punches.

"I'm not sure," said Bowser. "That's a good question."

"Yeah," said Ganondorf, wincing as the professional mud-wrestler threw a bookshelf at his face. "Maybe it's because it's always muddy in Mute City?"

"That's just stupid," said Bowser, raising an eyebrow as the mud-wrestler turned to him angrily. "It's all concrete and tar on the ground. And have you seen any rain here? Can't be mud."

"I guess you're right," said Ganondorf, frowning in concentration.

The mudwrestler ran into Bowser holding a giant spear. It hit Bowser in the stomach and bounced off.

"Maybe it's a metaphor for all the greenhouse emissions from all the cars," said Bowser.

"Yeah," said Ganondorf. "That would make sense. It's like toxic sludge or something."

They both laughed. The mud-wrestler delivered a powerful midair kick to both of their jaws at once.

"Yep," said Bowser. "More like carbon emission wrestling."

"Yeah," said Ganondorf.

They both chuckled.

"Hey, is this guy even from Mute City?" said Bowser. "I don't think they have wrestling in Mute City."

"Yeah," said Ganondorf. "Good question. Hey, are you from Mute City?"

The mud-wrestler did not respond, as he was busy shooting them with machine guns.

"Well, that's kind of rude," said Bowser.

"Yeah," said Ganondorf.

The mud-wrestler dropped dead from exhaustion.

"Oh, that's why he didn't answer," said Bowser. "He was too _dead_."

They both chuckled.

The medic came in and gave them the clue.

"To the pit stop!" said Bowser.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
On Slow_

"Here's the place!" said Zelda, sprinting in.

"So," said Donkey Kong, zipping up to the professional, who was now on crutches, "What do we have to do?"

"You have to face my brother and knock him out," said the professional, nodding at the ring, where an even bigger, scarier-looking professional stood.

"Eek," said Zelda.

"Don't worry," said DK, "this'll be fine."

He pounded his fists together.

They walked into the ring.

"You reality TV people hurt my little brother!" cried the mud-wrestler angrily. "Time to _die_!"

He raised his arms.

DK swung at him. The mud-wrestler dived nimbly out of the way.

"I'll start with the girl," he said, sneering.

Zelda pulled out a rapier and stabbed him in the chest.

"Gah!" said the man, dying.

"You have a _sword_?" said DK.

"Well, of course," said Zelda.

"So many things I didn't know about you," said DK.

"Gah!" said the man again, more loudly this time, dying.

"Shut up!" said Donkey Kong angrily, stomping on the wrestling professional's chest.

A mixture of blood and Amazing Race clues came out from his mouth, making a fountain-like stream.

"Yay!" cheered Zelda and Donkey Kong, wading in the blood and Amazing Race clues.

The other wrestling professional stared in disbelief.

_Mute City Racing Museum_

_Ness  
Laps completed: 1_

"Two seconds under qualifying time!" said Ness.

"_Good job, Ness,_" said a lethargic Yoshi, yawning. "_How did you manage to do that? You were forty-three seconds over last lap!_"

"I just found a revelation!" said Ness excitedly, "This rotatable wheel steers the direction of the ship!"

"_You mean you didn't use the steering wheel before this?_" said Yoshi, hysterical.

"Well, yeah," said Ness, confused, "I mean, I had to use my intellect to work it out."

"…" said Yoshi angrily.

"What?" said Ness, "I'm sure you couldn't have worked it out!"

Ness did a raspberry.

"Yoshi, why are you hitting your head against the wall like that?" said Ness, confused.

_Racing Car Fun Motel_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Zelda and Donkey Kong are in a taxi behind us," said Bowser, "So it might be a sprint to the finish."

"We don't think we'll be eliminated, but we want to beat them just to be sure," said Ganondorf.

"Get ready to sprint," said Bowser.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Hey, is that Bowser and Ganondorf in front of us!" said Zelda, pointing to Ganondorf and Bowser, who were sprinting into the motel.

"Maybe," said Donkey Kong, sipping his thickshake.

"Well, we should probably finish soon!" said Zelda.

"Yes," said Donkey Kong, calmly sipping his thickshake.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Quickly! Run! Run!" screamed Ganondorf, sprinting.

"AAAHAAGHGAHGAHGHAGHGGG!" screamed Bowser, falling into the pool that contained suspiciously colourful chlorine.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"There's the pit stop!" said Zelda, walking from the taxi.

"Yeah, I think so," said Donkey Kong.

…

"Do you see a bin?" said Donkey Kong, "I need to dispose of my thickshake. Because littering is bad."

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"The pit stop is five metres away!" screamed Ganondorf with urgency, "Get out! I can't support your weight!"

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Ah, there's a bin!" said Zelda, pointing.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Ugggh!" screamed Bowser, climbing out of the pool.

"Quickly! Get to the pit stop!" shouted Ganondorf, dragging Bowser along.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

Donkey Kong dropped his thickshake into Bowser's open mouth, walked past Ganondorf and then walked onto the pit stop.

"Zelda and Donkey Kong, you are team number two!" said Master Hand.

"That's alright, I suppose," said Zelda.

"Yes," said Donkey Kong.

Zelda and Donkey Kong walked off robotically, Ganondorf gritting his teeth angrily.

"Bowser and Ganondorf, you are team number three!" said Master Hand.

"How can we be beaten in a foot race when they're not even trying?" said Ganondorf angrily. "It's all your fault, Bowser!"

Bowser was too busy choking on a thickshake to respond.

"Yep," said Ganondorf.

_Mute City Racing Museum_

_Jigglypuff  
Laps completed: 0_

"_I can't do this!_" cried Jigglypuff, stopping the ship, "_I've tried for __**hours **__and __**hours **__but I just can't get it! If only a kind worker guy of the name of 'Neil' could help me get started on the course!_"

"I'm coming, you cute soul!" said the man, running onto the course.

_Ness  
Laps completed: 2_

"Stop him, Yoshi!" said Ness angrily. "We have to outcute them!"

"_My head's too severely __**bleeding **__from hitting my head against the wall to be cute,_" said Yoshi angrily, red blood smeared over his head.

_Jigglypuff  
Laps completed: 0_

"Okay, so do you want a boost?" said a man.

"_Can you show me an example lap?_" said Jigglypuff.

"Okay," said the man, smiling.

The man closed the door, and drove a lap.

"Three seconds under competitive time!" said a man in the main room.

_Jigglypuff  
Laps completed: 1_

"_Can you give me another example lap?_" said Jigglypuff.

"Sure," said the man, smiling.

The man did another lap.

_Jigglypuff  
Laps completed: 2_

"_Okay, can you do another example lap? I think I've got it!_" said Jigglypuff hopefully.

The man all of the course except for a ten metre stretch, where he suddenly put his foot on the brakes and looked at Jigglypuff angrily.

"You have to do some of the course!" said the man angrily.

"Jigs, press the accelerate button!" said Kirby desperately, "You have an entire minute to do that ten metres!"

_Ness  
Laps Completed: 2_

"_Come on, Ness, you're half a second under the needed time,_" said Yoshi, looking at the split time that appeared on the screen.

_Jigglypuff  
Laps completed: 2_

"Jigs, thirty seconds left!" said a nervous Kirby. "Press the gas pedal!"

Jigglypuff put her foot on the brake.

"No, the other pedal!" said Kirby, alarmed.

Jigglypuff hopped on a bicycle inside the ship and started to pedal.

Kirby smacked his head.

_Ness  
Laps Completed: 2_

"_Ness, you need to accelerate!_" said a tense Yoshi.

"Okay!" said Ness, putting his foot on the pedal.

"_You need to get there in __**ten seconds**_" shouted Yoshi.

_Jigglypuff  
Laps Completed: 2_

"Jigs, you have ten seconds left!" said Kirby, waving his arms so wildly they knocked several bystanders to the ground.

_Ness  
Laps Completed: 2_

"_Don't crash into Jigglypuff!_" screamed Yoshi, alarmed, "_You'll help her over the line because she's not moving!_"

"What did you say? I can't hear you!" said Ness, ceasing looking at the road and looking at Yoshi through the screen.

"_Look at the road, Ness!_" screamed Yoshi.

"What?" shouted Ness, "It's a bit fuzzy! I can't hear you!"

_Jigglypuff  
Laps Completed: 2_

Jigglypuff put her foot on the acceleration pedal.

"Yay!" shouted Kirby, panting, "And we had five seconds left!"

The ship did not move.

"Jigs, why isn't the ship moving?" said Kirby, alarmed.

"_Oh,_" chuckled Jigglypuff, "_That's because I have the handbrake on!_"

"Jigglypuff, we have only three seconds left!" screamed Kirby, running in circles so fast he covered the distance of several marathons.

_Ness  
Laps Completed: 2_

"_Don't crash into Jigglypuff!_" screamed Yoshi.

"What?" said Ness.

Ness's ship crashed into the back of Jigglypuff's ship, pushing both of the ships over the line.

"What did you say?" shouted Ness, the transmission becoming clearer.

"_I told you not to crash into Jigglypuff!_" said Yoshi angrily.

"Heh, heh," laughed Ness, "I'll keep note of that for next time."

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Jigglypuff, ten hundredths of a second under required time!" said the maintenance worker, handing Kirby a clue.

"_Hooray!_" said Jigglypuff, opening the clue. "_You must now make your way to the 'City Square'! Warning! Yield ahead!_"

"Jigs, let's hurry!" said Kirby, dragging Jigglypuff out.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Ness, _exactly_ the required qualifying time!" said the man, handing Ness the clue.

"You must now make your way to the 'City Square'! Warning! Yield ahead!" said Ness.

"Hurry!" said Ness.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"To the City Square!" said Kirby, hopping into a taxi, "And quick!"

"_Is there a bathroom nearby?_" said Jigglypuff.

"Jigs, this is not the time to go!" said Kirby, slightly annoyed.

Kirby looked at the bag full of bathroom sinks Jigglypuff was lugging around.

"Jigglypuff, you need a better hobby," chuckled Kirby.

"_Okay,_" sighed Jigglypuff, discarding her bag of sinks out of the window, causing several ships to crash.

"Jigs, when did you start collecting these sinks? I never noticed!" said Kirby.

"_Oh,_" said Jigglypuff, "_I just grabbed them all from that driving place._"

"Did you turn off the water mains before you did?" said Kirby.

"_Um…_" said Jigglypuff.

_Ness and Yoshi_

"_Oh, wait_," said Yoshi, as they stepped out of the driving building.

"Wait for what?" said Ness.

"_I left behind my laptop!_" said Yoshi.

"You brought a laptop?" said Ness.

They turned around and Yoshi took one step towards the building.

The building exploded in a gigantic mass of water, dozens of storeys high, enveloping all nearby traffic in a huge shockwave of pure aqueous _death_.

Yoshi's bleeding laptop floated up to his feet.

"_MY BABY!_" cried Yoshi. "_My precious laptop! My life's work!_"

"Are you okay?" said Ness.

Yoshi was crying.

"Okay, I guess you are," said Ness. "Let's go."

Yoshi kept crying.

"Hey, look," said Ness, trying to be consoling, "it's still on."

"_What?_" said Yoshi, looking up. "_But-_"

They were electrocuted.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"Okay, thanks!" said Kirby, getting out of the taxi. "We're here, Jigs!"

The taxi zoomed away, the driver snickering.

"Well… this doesn't look much like the City Square," said Kirby puzzled.

An army of contract ninjas glared angrily at Kirby from the distance.

"I think he purposely led us the wrong way!" said Kirby angrily. "Why would he do that?"

"_Geez, just blind him in one of his eyes and this is our reward?_" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Ness and Yoshi_

"Five minutes from City Square," said the taxi driver.

"Do you think they'll Yield us?" said Ness, "I mean, we haven't done anything to them!"

"_Maybe you should read their thoughts,_" said Yoshi.

"Huh," said Ness, concentrating hard, "That's funny, Kirby's thinking about several Yoshis strangling me! Maybe it isn't him that's thinking those thoughts!"

"_Then I just wonder who it could be?_" said Yoshi angrily.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"Oh, I see!" said Kirby, looking at a map. "He dumped us in a warehouse one kilometre away from the square! Let's go!"

Kirby looked at Jigglypuff.

"Jigs, where's the top of your left ear? It looks as if a few millimetres are missing!" said Kirby.

"_Oh, those ninjas just cut it off,_" laughed Jigglypuff.

Kirby and Jigglypuff realised there were many ninjas surrounding them.

"Run!" screamed Kirby, dashing off.

_Ness and Yoshi_

"Here's the city square!" said Ness, hopping out.

"_Ness, can you please just hand them the money and not arrange them in numerical order?_" said Yoshi angrily, "_We have a race to run here!_"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"Look, there's the Yield!" said Kirby, swords thrown from a distance narrowly missing his feet.

_Ness and Yoshi_

"_There's the Yield!_" screamed Yoshi, dragging Ness along, "_Hurry!_"

_Yield_

Lots of dramatic zooming camera angles occurred.

Kirby and Jigglypuff and Ness and Yoshi stopped right on the edge of the Yield map.

Silence.

"_You,_" said Yoshi angrily.

"_Come on,_" laughed Jigglypuff, "_We won't Yield you!_"

"_Step on the mat Ness, they're going to Yield us!_" said Yoshi desperately, jumping onto the mat.

"Don't worry, **we trust them**," said Ness, attempting to psyche Kirby and Jigglypuff out, "Let them on the map first. **They won't yield us, or else.**"

"Okay," said Kirby, stepping on the mat.

"Yoshi, I think the mind games worked," whispered Ness.

"_I'm not Yoshi,_" said Jigglypuff.

"Oh," said Ness.

"_We choose to Yield Ness and Yoshi!_" said Jigglypuff, sticking Ness and Yoshi's photo onto the board.

"How dare you!" said Ness angrily.

"_Courtesy of Kirby and Jigglypuff!_" said Jigglypuff, pasting her picture on the bottom right of the sign.

"Hmm… maybe I should have stepped on the mat," said Ness.

"_You should have! And now we're yielded!_" said Yoshi angrily.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Detour!" said Kirby. "Slow or Fast?"

"_Wanna get hit by a car?_" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

"Not particularly," said Kirby.

"_Yeah! Come on!_" said Jigglypuff, dragging Kirby along.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"_I can't believe you didn't step on the mat!_" said Yoshi angrily, watching the hourglass slowly run out.

"I'm sorry," said Ness angrily, "I was just trying to psyche them out!"

"_You think mind tricks will work on them?_" said Yoshi, "_Their minds can't even comprehend reverse psychology, for cripes sake!_"

"They're not as stupid as they look," sulked Ness.

_Crash Test Dummy Research Centre_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"_Here's the crash test dummy place!_" said Jigglypuff, pointing to a sign, hopping out of the taxi.

"Hey Kids," said a shady-looking marketer, handing them some merchandise, "Whatever you do, don't wear these sunglasses and **certainly **don't buy any more of them, they're really bad."

…

"Okay," said Kirby, throwing the merchandise in the bin.

"RKUFHBEWKF!1" said the marketer angrily.

"So," said Kirby, walking into the centre, "What do we have to do?"

"We run you over with cars," said a man.

"Okay," said Kirby, hopping onto the road. "Jigs, stay back!"

The driver put his foot on the acceleration pedal, making the car zoom at an alarmingly fast rate. Knowing he had no defence, Kirby looked in a state of confusion with one eye open, and one eye jittering nervously while it was closed. The car came closer and closer, Kirby's perception of time slowing at an increasing rate. The car was just several metres away. The manager, who could not bear the site of such a cute pink object looked away in disgust.

"Ow!" screamed Kirby, who was covered in blood that looked like smeared jam. "All of this blood!"

"_Kirby!_" screamed Jigglypuff, crying.

Kirby winked.

"_Ohh,_" chuckled Jigglypuff.

"Did you get run over by a car," said the manager, in tears, "You cute little thing?"

"Yeah…" said Kirby, trying to hide the car-like form that his body was in. "I really got hit by the car."

Kirby subconsciously licked the jam off his arms.

"Okay," sobbed the manager, "Nine more to go!"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Current Hits: 1/10_

_City Square_

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"_Ness, use your telekinesis to make the hourglass go faster,_" said Yoshi impatiently.

"I'll try," said Ness, putting his hands on his temple to display concentration.

The hourglass ran out.

"It worked!" boasted Ness, "Maybe you shouldn't doubt my abilities!"

"_Ness, it was going at the same pace as before, you just wasted some time,_" said Yoshi.

"I know," sulked Ness, taking the clue, "Detour! Slow or Fast?"

"Fast," said Ness. "It can't possibly end bad!"

"_I __**don't **__want to be __**run over by ten cars**_" objected Yoshi.

"But it's _fast_," said Ness. "We might lose otherwise."

"_I __**don't **__want to be __**run over by ten cars**_" objected Yoshi.

_Crash Test Dummy Research Centre_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Current Hits: 3/10_

"Jigs!" cried Kirby as the monstrous car sped towards her.

As the manager looked away in disgust, Jigglypuff sidestepped and poured a yellow, honey-like paste all over herself.

"The blood!" cried the manager, "You've been hurt so much your blood is **yellow** and suspiciously honey-like!"

"_Yeah…_" said Jigglypuff slowly, trying to sound convincing.

_Current Hits: 4/10_

_Mute City Recreation Centre_

_Ness and Yoshi  
On Slow_

"Fight harder!" said Ness, who was watching Yoshi take a pummelling from the wrestler.

"_Ness, this is kind of a __**team task**_" said Yoshi, pinned to the ground.

"Oh, right!" chuckled Ness, running into the ring.

The wrestler knocked Ness to the ground.

"Ow!" said Ness angrily.

"_Now you know how it feels,_" said an exhausted Yoshi.

"I know, it hurts!" said Ness angrily.

_Crash Test Dummy Research Centre_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Current Hits: 6/10_

The car zoomed past Jigglypuff, missing her by about six metres.

"_Ow! The pain!_" screamed Jigglypuff, covering herself in soda water.

"That doesn't look like blood," said the manager suspiciously.

"_DO YOU HAVE NO EMPATHY FOR MY PAIN?_" cried Jigglypuff.

"Okay! I believe you!" cried the manager.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Current Hits: 7/10_

_Mute City Recreation Centre_

_Ness and Yoshi  
On Slow_

"Looking at Master Hand's video feed," said Ness, typing on a computer as Yoshi was punched in the face in the mud several times, "Apparently there is no rule stopping us from hitting him with a blunt object!"

"_Well then do something about it!_" said Yoshi angrily, his skull slowly being crushed by the wrestler's weight.

"Okay!" said Ness, throwing a crowbar at the wrestler.

The crowbar missed, and hit Yoshi in the head.

"_Ow!_" screamed Yoshi in pain.

"Sorry!" said Ness, throwing a lead pipe at the wrestler.

The pipe missed, and hit Yoshi in the head.

"_Ow!_" screamed Yoshi in pain.

"Sorry!" said Ness, throwing a steel rod at the wrestler.

The rod missed, and hit Yoshi in the head.

"_Ow!_" screamed Yoshi in pain. "_Stop aiming for me!_"

"Sorry! I have bad aim!" said Ness.

"_I'm standing twelve metres away from him!_" said Yoshi angrily. "_Why don't you just hit him?_"

Ness hit the wrestler in the shins with a crowbar.

"Ow!" screamed the wrestler, falling to the ground.

Ness took the clue.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"You must now make your way to the pit stop," read Ness, "located in the 'Racing Car Fun Motel'."

"_Quick!_" screamed Yoshi.

_Crash Test Dummy Research Centre_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Thanks guys!" said Kirby, taking the clue. "You must now make your way to the pit stop, located in the 'Racing Car Fun Motel'."

"_Hurry!_" said Jigglypuff, running out.

…

"I feel so sorry for those poor puffballs," cried the manager. "Being hit by the cars like that."

"Actually sir," said another man, "According to these sensors there was actually no contact."

"But there was blood!" said the manager, pointing to the soda water on the ground.

"Sir…" said the man, "That's soda water. How could you be so stupid to mistake soda water for blood?"

"You're fired!" said the manager.

"I'm the inspector here to check '_that the tests conducted here are of proper safety standards and show __**some sign of intelligence.**_'"

…

…

"Well," said the manager angrily, "I don't like you. You meanie."

…

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"We have to beat Kirby and Jigglypuff to the pit stop," said Ness nervously, "I think this is going to be an elimination."

"_And if they pull up behind us,_" said Yoshi, "_We have to prepare ourselves for a sprint!_"

Kirby and Jigglypuff's car pulled up behind Ness and Yoshi.

"_Oh no! They pulled up behind us!_" said Yoshi.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"500 metres to the motel!" said Kirby, panicking, "And that's Ness and Yoshi in front of us! Get ready to sprint."

Jigglypuff was wearing a sweat band and running shoes.

"You're prepared this time," said Kirby.

Jigglypuff beamed proudly.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"I can't believe they Yielded us," said Ness angrily.

The taxi pulled to a stop.

"Run!" screamed Ness, dragging Yoshi out.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Keep on driving!" said Kirby desperately, "We have to beat them!"

They ran over a pedestrian who was inside the motel.

"That might be a bit excessive."

They ran over Ness.

"Run!" screamed Kirby, dragging Jigglypuff out.

_Pit Stop_

"Hurry!" screamed Master Hand, exasperated, "You are ten times more popular in comparison to Ness and Yoshi according to these user polls! Run quickly!"

_Ness and Yoshi_

"Run!" said Ness, dragging Yoshi out from under the taxi, "We're popular! They love us!"

"_He was referring to them,_" said Yoshi, running along. "_We can't exactly be more popular than Ness and Yoshi._"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"We have to overtake them!" screamed Kirby, "We have twenty metres left, and they're four metres in front of us!"

_Ness and Yoshi_

"Run Yoshi! Run!" screamed Ness.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"_Hurry!_" screamed Jigglypuff, "_We might not be able to catch up!_"

_Pit Stop_

Ness stepped onto the pit stop.

"Hurry!" screamed Ness.

Yoshi was too busy being duct-taped to the gate of the swimming pool by Jigglypuff.

Kirby waddled onto the map.

"Okay! You've tied him up!" screamed Kirby, "Come here, now!"

Jigglypuff, disorientated, stumbled into the swimming pool.

"Hurry Jigs!" screamed Kirby.

"_Unngh!_" screamed Yoshi, trying to break the duct tape.

"Get out of the pool!" screamed Kirby.

"Get out of the pool!" screamed Master Hand, "We need you for ratings!"

Jigglypuff climbed out of the pool.

Yoshi broke out of his duct tape.

Jigglypuff and Yoshi, neck-and-neck, glared at each other fiercely.

"Okay, Yoshi," said Ness slowly and as calmly as he could, "when I say 'go', run over here onto the map, okay?"

"_They yielded us,_" said Yoshi, not removing his eyes from Jigglypuff.

"Don't do anything stupid," said Ness.

At the same time, Kirby called, "Jigs! Don't try anything stupid! Just run over here, now!"

Jigglypuff made a throat-slitting motion at Yoshi, which looked really weird because she didn't have a neck.

"Just don't do anything stupid, Jigs," said Kirby. "Come over here."

Jigglypuff and Yoshi charged each other.

"No!" cried Ness and Kirby at the same time.

Screaming madly, Yoshi and Jigglypuff started slapping each other furiously.

"_Feel pain!_" cried Yoshi, slapping her.

"_I don't like you very much after all!_" yelled Jigglypuff, slapping him.

"Hey, actually, this makes for pretty good television," said Master Hand after a moment's thought. "Are we filming this?"

Jigglypuff poked Yoshi in the eye, hard. He staggered back in pain.

"HURRY UP, YOSHI!" shouted Ness.

"Yeah, hurry up, Yoshi… _not_!" shouted Kirby.

Suddenly, Yoshi had an idea…

In a burst of speed and pure loathing, the dinosaur lashed out with his tongue and ate Jigglypuff. She yelped slightly, and a moment later she was stuck in an egg, sitting on the gravel.

"GO!" shouted Ness, and Yoshi started limping towards the map.

Jigglypuff was clearly struggling to get out of the egg; it was rocking back and forth violently.

"Come on, Jigs!" cried Kirby. "Get out of there!"

She broke out, and landed on the ground face first. "_I did it_!" she cried.

"Quick! Over here!" shouted Kirby.

Jigglypuff broke into an all-out sprint, running towards the map–

Yoshi glanced around and saw her, and made one last desperate dive for the map himself–

"Hey, look over there," said Kirby angrily, "it's a quantum hypersupersomethingillator."

"What?" said Ness excitedly, "I love technology with complicated names! In fact-"

Kirby stood up and punched Ness as hard as he could (which was very hard) and as high as he could (which wasn't very high).

Ness fell off the map, moaning.

Jigglypuff and Yoshi landed on the map at the same time.

"_Yes!_" cried Master Hand. "Thank you! They're out!"

"We're _out_?" said Ness, whose voice sounded slightly high.

"Ahem," said Master Hand. "Kirby, Jigglypuff, you're team number four."

"Woo!" said Kirby, turning around to high-five Jigglypuff.

"_Just a moment_," said Jigglypuff, who was poking Yoshi's unconscious body with a fork.

She stuck the fork in Yoshi's eye.

"Woo!" said Kirby, giving Jigglypuff a high five.

They hopped off the map.

Ness crawled back onto the map.

"Ness and Yoshi," said Master Hand, "you're the last team to arrive. I'm sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the race."

Master Hand tried to hide his gigantic grin.

"Oh, well," said Ness, "I won't pretend that I'm not disappointed, but at least we had fun, and we'll – Yoshi? Yoshi? _What happened to him?_"

Yoshi was covered in his own blood.

"Don't worry," laughed Master Hand, "he's just unconscious."

Yoshi moaned and rolled over.

_Ness and Yoshi  
Interview after leg_

"_I think I'm going to sue them,_" said Yoshi.

"We lost," said Ness, "and that sucks, but at least we had a good time.

"_Despite all of the arguing we had this leg,_" said Yoshi emotionally, "_I think we've become even better friends through this race!_"

"Yeah," said Ness, sniffing, "And I'm going to use this last opportunity to tell the world about poverty–"

"Uh, _nobody cares_, Ness," said Master Hand. "_Nobody cares._ Cut!"

**Finish Times:**

Samus and Falcon: 2:52 PM

Zelda and Donkey Kong: 3:40 PM

Bowser and Ganondorf: 3:43 PM

Kirby and Jigglypuff: 5:21 PM

**Ness and Yoshi: 5:23 PM- Eliminated**

Please leave review, feedback is appreciated very much (even if you don't have an account)! Review who you'd like to win and what not!

Tikitikirevenge made the bad bits for the chapter. Yay!


	11. Leg 10: Fourside

"Last time, on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Five teams set off on the ninth leg of a race around the world!  
"Teams travelled to Mute City, where Captain Falcon excelled on the driving Road Block!"

"_That's not only an acceptable time," said a man from course maintenance, "That's a new course record!"_

"_Happy with that now?" said Falcon, raising his eyebrows._

"And with a hasty finish on the mud-wrestling detour…"

_Samus pushed the wrestler to the ground._

"_Woo," said Samus._

_The wrestler hit his head on the pavement, passing out._

_Samus took the clue from his body._

"…Samus and Falcon finished in first place, coming from last place and having no money!"

"_Woo," cheered Falcon._

"Meanwhile, Ness and Jigglypuff struggled on their Road Blocks, with Jigglypuff having to result to using her cuteness to get ahead!"

"_I can't do this!" cried Jigglypuff, stopping the ship, "I've tried for __**hours **__and __**hours **__but I just can't get it! If only a kind worker guy of the name of 'Neil' could help me get started on the course!"_

"With both teams finishing the Road Block at the same time, it was a mad dash to the Yield!"

"_There's the Yield!_" screamed Yoshi, dragging Ness along, "_Hurry!_"

"Kirby and Jigglypuff arrived first…"

"_We choose to Yield Ness and Yoshi!" said Jigglypuff, sticking Ness and Yoshi's photo onto the board._

"…making Ness and Yoshi not too happy!" said Master Hand.

"_How dare you!" said Ness angrily._

"_Courtesy of Kirby and Jigglypuff!" said Jigglypuff, pasting her picture on the bottom right of the sign._

"As Kirby and Jigglypuff struggled on the detour," said Master Hand, "Yoshi did not react too warmly to Ness's decision to let Kirby and Jigglypuff on the Yield map first!"

"_I can't believe you didn't step on the mat!" said Yoshi angrily, watching the hourglass slowly run out._

"_I'm sorry," said Ness angrily, "I was just trying to psyche them out!"_

"But despite the Yield, it was a close call at the pit stop!"

"_We have to overtake them!" screamed Kirby, "We have twenty metres left, and they're four metres in front of us!"_

"But Kirby and Jigglypuff managed to muscle Ness and Yoshi to finish in fourth place, resulting in the elimination of Ness and Yoshi!"

"_Despite all of the arguing we had this leg," said Yoshi emotionally, "I think we've become even better friends through this race!"_

"Can Kirby and Jigglypuff – after finishing their worst result ever – climb out of last place? And will Samus and Falcon's inconsistent placing doom their current position?" said Master Hand, "Four teams remain, who will be eliminated, **next**?"

**The Teams**: (with exciting, inspired captions by the authors)

Zelda and Donkey Kong (_Gelda and Spronkey Mong… haha_)  
Kirby and Jigglypuff (_Um, Derby and… um… Piggly-nuff… hehehe_)  
Bowser and Ganondorf (_One's a turtle… the other is a… dude…_)  
Samus and Falcon (_Um… one's a girl… the other is a… dude…_)  
Paris and Sonic (_HOW DID THEY GET THERE OLOL???_)

"Samus and Falcon, who arrived first at 2:52 PM, will depart at 2:52 AM!" said Master Hand.

_Samus and Falcon  
1__st__ to depart: 2:52 AM_

"You must now fly to Fourside, and find your next clue in the 'Great UFO Museum'!" read Falcon.

"Teams must travel by shuttle to the airport, where they will fly to Fourside, a large city known for its wacky inhabitants!" said Master Hand, "Once there, they must make their way to this wack job muse- sorry, paranormal investigation academy, where they will receive their next clue!"

"Cool," said Falcon.

"Meh," said Samus.

_Falcon  
Pre-leg interview_

"Well," said Falcon, "We both have our contrasting opinions and we both stick to our word strongly, but sometimes I think she doesn't voice her opinion too much."

Falcon looked at the bruise on his leg.

"However though," said Falcon, "I wish she sometimes would voice her opinion before she hit me."

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
2__nd__ to depart: 3:40 AM_

"You must now fly to Fourside, and find your next clue in the 'Great UFO Museum'!" read Zelda, "You have seventy-five dollars for this leg of the race."

"Oh boy, another polluted city," said Donkey Kong angrily.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Pre-leg interview_

"Donkey Kong and I prefer smaller, spread-out country places in the race," said Zelda, "We tend to do better and we hate the big cities because they just evolve too fast to the point where they have no connection with the outside world."

"Actually, I don't like polluted cities because I'm asthmatic," said Donkey Kong.

"Oh," said Zelda, "Well, you still don't like big cities right?"

"No actually," said Donkey Kong, "I find them quite interesting."

…

"Oh," said Zelda, "Well can I at least say a different comment about us, Master Hand?"

"Uh…" said Master Hand from behind the camera, "We're out of tape…"

"You have two entire rolls of film next to you! And you're holding ten more!" said Zelda.

"Uh…" said Master Hand.

"Are you trying to portray us as the stupid people?" said Zelda angrily.

"Noo…" said Master Hand unconvincingly.

"Well I have something intelligent to say," said Zelda angrily, "I-"

The tape clearly cut forward about ten seconds.

"I am very stupid," said Zelda.

The tape clearly cut forward about ten seconds.

"And Master Hand is really great!" said Zelda angrily.

"I agree with that," said Master Hand.

"But you were disagreeing with me ten seconds ago!" said Zelda.

"Well we're going to edit the tape so it makes you look stupid," said Master Hand.

…

"And cut out this part, it makes **me **look stupid," said Master Hand.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
3__rd__ to depart: 3:43 AM_

"You must now fly to Fourside, and find your next clue in the 'Great UFO Museum'!" read Ganondorf, "You have seventy-five dollars for this leg of the race."

"Let's hurry," said Bowser.

"We are the strongest team here," said Ganondorf to the camera, "And now that we're in the top four we're going to win it! We've won every single leg, so it will be a cinch to win the entire race."

"Actually, we've only won three legs," said Bowser, walking along.

"Well, we won the last one, which shows-"

"We came **third **last leg," said Bowser.

"Are you purposely disagreeing with me?" said Ganondorf angrily.

"It's the truth!" said Bowser annoyed.

"**Are you purposely disagreeing with me?**" shouted Ganondorf angrily.

"Don't threaten me," said a tired Bowser.

"I'll hit you," said Ganondorf, holding up a cane angrily.

"Sure, go ahead," said Bowser, sighing.

Ganondorf lashed the cane into Bowser's leg.

"Oww!" screamed Bowser, plummeting to the ground.

"See?" said Ganondorf, "You don't mess with me. Now who's in charge here?"

Bowser didn't respond, as he was dead.

"I'm warning you," said Ganondorf angrily.

"…" said Bowser's body.

Angrily.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Last to depart: 5:21 AM_

"You must now fly to Fourside, and find your next clue in the 'Great UFO Museum'!" read Kirby, "You have seventy-five dollars for this leg of the race."

"Jigs and I haven't placed below second before this, and we haven't been at the back of the pack before," said Kirby to the camera. "And we've taken our good finishes for granted and now we're fighting to stay in!"

Jigglypuff nodded in agreement.

"And the longer we've been racing, the harder every single step feels," said Kirby, already exhausted.

Kirby notice his left foot was dragging along Jigglypuff's backpack, several cases full of used records, a fridge, a trolley containing all of the towels from the hotel and a spoon.

"Jigs, why did you do that?" said Kirby, slightly annoyed. "I'm not a wheelbarrow!"

"_Oh,_" said Jigglypuff. She looked at the wheelbarrow she was hugging affectionately. "_Then who's that?_"

_Shuttle Rank_

_Samus and Falcon  
1__st__ on 6:00 AM Shuttle_

"So there are shuttles leaving every twenty minutes, and the first one leaves at 6:00," said Samus, sitting in the empty shuttle disappointed, "Which means everyone else is going to catch up."

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
2__nd__ on 6:00 AM Shuttle_

"There it is!" said Donkey Kong, hopping into the shuttle gracefully.

"Oh, hey guys!" said Zelda cheerfully to the angry Samus and Falcon.

"Go jump in a lake," muttered Samus angrily.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" shouted Donkey Kong angrily, jumping into the van and picking up Samus by the collar.

"You mean," said Samus slightly nervously, "What did Falcon say?"

Donkey Kong gently rested Samus on the ground and picked up Falcon violently.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?" said a hysterical Donkey Kong, shaking Falcon.

"Mff mff mff!" said Falcon angrily, who was gagged.

"I really don't like the way he's talking," said Donkey Kong angrily.

"But he's not talking," said Zelda.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
3__rd__ on 6:00 AM Shuttle_

"Hey guys," said Samus as Bowser walked in.

"Hey, where's Kirby and Jigglypuff?" said Bowser, confused.

"Not here," said Samus.

_Shuttle Rank  
5:56 AM_

_Bowser_

"Basically," said Bowser, "We all see Kirby and Jigglypuff as a threat, and they only have thirty-nine minutes to get here, so we may have a twenty minute advantage over them."

"And we've planted a large distraction to keep them away from the shuttle," said Ganondorf, cackling evilly.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Hey, there's the shuttle!" said Kirby, puffing as he ran along.

"_Look, an unexplained crate with large amounts of candy!_" cheered Jigglypuff, pointing to a crate fifteen metres away from the shuttle.

"Candy candy candy!" cheered Kirby and Jigglypuff, gobbling down bits of liquorice, chocolate, toffee apples, mints and jelly frogs.

_Samus and Falcon_

"Your plan is surprisingly foolproof, Bowser and Ganondorf," praised Samus, ever so slightly amazed.

"Thanks," said Ganondorf slyly, "But it was really Bowser's plan to put the candy there. Good job, Bows-"

Ganondorf searched the shuttle for Bowser.

"Bowser?" said Ganondorf, confused.

"Candy candy candy!" cheered Kirby, Bowser and Jigglypuff, gobbling down bits of liquorice, chocolate, toffee apples, mints and jelly frogs.

"Bowser, you idiot!" said Ganondorf angrily, dashing out of the shuttle.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Samus and Falcon  
On 6:00 Shuttle_

The shuttle left.

"Oh my gosh," said Zelda excitedly, "Ganondorf helped get Kirby and Jigglypuff behind, **and **he helped lure Bowser out to give us a lead! What a great guy!"

"Thanks Ganondorf!" shouted Zelda to the cursing Ganondorf, who was trying to pull Bowser off the candy.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Bowser and Ganondorf  
On 6:20 Shuttle_

"Heh, heh," chuckled Bowser nervously, his face covered in chocolate, Ganondorf holding a crowbar threateningly.

_Mute City Airport_

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Hi," said Zelda, "Can we have the quickest flight to Fourside?"

"We have a 10:00 Air Four flight that arrives at 3:00 AM, local time," replied the airport worker.

"Okay," said Zelda, taking the tickets.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
On 10:00 Air Four Flight_

_Samus and Falcon  
On 10:00 Air Four Flight_

"Thanks," said Falcon, taking his boarding pass.

"I wonder what everyone else is up to," said Samus.

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"Aargh!" screamed Ganondorf angrily, sitting in the taxi, examining the creature with chocolate as an outer shell that was Bowser, "Your candy plan lost us twenty minutes! And all you got out of it was some stupid candy!"  
Ganondorf gave Bowser an angry look, as he licked his own fingers happily.  
"Here, Candy boy," said Ganondorf angrily, "If you value candy over this race, why don't you have some freaking candy, tubby?"  
Ganondorf angrily prodded Bowser with a box of sweets.  
"Oh, thanks," said Bowser appreciatively, "Thanks for the candy!"  
"That's right," said Ganondorf angrily, "Eat the candy, tubby."  
Bowser, oblivious to Ganondorf's ranting continued to gobble down the sweets.  
"The candy is poisoned," cackled Ganondorf evilly.  
"That candy looks nice," observed Kirby.  
"Kirby, have some candy!" said Ganondorf enticingly.  
"Thanks!" said Kirby, "I know it's not poisoned because you gave him the antidote candy!"  
"Yay!" cheered Bowser, Kirby and Jigglypuff.  
"Grr..." said Ganondorf angrily.

"All teams are now on the 10:00 AM Air Four flight to Fourside, which lands at 3:00 AM, local time!" said Master Hand.

_Fourside_

_Air Four Flight  
Landed at 3:24 AM_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st place  
_"Take us to the UFO museum!" said Kirby, pretending to be in a trance.  
"_Hehe, __Wow, this place is amazing!_" said Jigglypuff, admiring the tall buildings made out of suspicious building material. "_It's like nothing I've seen before!_"  
_"_And I'm also a bit uncomfortable here, _"_ said Kirby, looking at the mail boxes and parking meters bullying small children for their lunch money, "Every single object imaginable is alive in this city!"  
_"Well," _said Jigglypuff cheerfully, "_Kirby, I think you're just acting a bit silly! Inanimate objects can't move!_"

Jigglypuff picked up an alarm clock from inside the taxi.

"_See?_" said Jigglypuff, trying to sound smart, holding up the alarm clock that was glaring at her angrily.

"Jigs," said Kirby, alarmed, "Uh… that clock's glaring at you angrily."

"_Nonsense!_" said Jigglypuff cheerfully, unintentionally batting the clock violently with her hand. "_We all know clocks don't have emotions!_"

"You're wrong, missy," said the clock angrily in an Italian, mobster-like voice.

"_Am not!_" said Jigglypuff, poking her tongue out at the clock.

"Am too," said the clock angrily.

"_Am not!_" said Jigglypuff, poking her tongue out at the clock.

"Am too," said the clock angrily.

"_Am not!_" said Jigglypuff, poking her tongue out at the clock.

"Am too," said the clock angrily.

Jigglypuff realised she was arguing with a clock.

"_Aaaaaah!_" screamed Jigglypuff, "_We're in a city of living inanimate objects!_"

Jigglypuff ran around in circles in the limited space she had in the taxi.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Here's a taxi," said Ganondorf, spotting the cab rank, and hopping in. "Go to the UFO museum."

"There's like such a large police presence in this city," said Bowser, slightly alarmed. "You can see like one every three seconds, standing on the road, looking for crime."

"Nonsense!" replied a man inside the taxi, "In fact, if you asked for my opinion, this is the _least _policed city in the entire universe! So go on, with your dirty, foreign crimes!"

Bowser glared at the policeman angrily. "Do you **really **think you're going to trick us? Your impression of an everyday citizen is horrible! In fact, if I were you I'd-"

The policeman took off his badge.

"We can say bad things about the government now because the policeman went away," whispered Bowser very loudly to an impatient Ganondorf.

"Bowser, this place has something called censorship," said Ganondorf, "They don't like you saying anything bad about the government at all."

"What?" said Bowser angrily, "Like saying the prime minister is stupid, everyone is corrupt, the moving inanimate objects are stupid and the UFO museum sounds like a madhouse?"

The taxi screeched to a stop, and glared at Bowser angrily.

A policeman lunged out from the glove compartment and pulled out his handcuffs along with the other policeman in a threatening manner.

"Ah, heh, heh, I see!" chuckled Bowser nervously.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Take us to the UFO museum!" said Donkey Kong, picking up Zelda and throwing her inside the taxi, hitting her chin on the shut car door on the other side of the taxi.

Donkey Kong sat down.

The taxi drove off.

An awkward silence resonated in the taxi as practically the only sound audible was the chugging of the engine.

"So…" said Donkey Kong, already in a deep state of restlessness by sitting there for sixteen seconds, "How about that UFO museum?"

"Uh huh," said Zelda, slouched.

"Don't you think that sounds uh…" said Donkey Kong, "A little bit crazy?"

"DK," said Zelda, "You might not want to keep on talking down that path, the aliens might not like you for that."

"Yeah," said the taxi, slightly frightened, "You really don't want to go there."

"What? Just because I'm saying the idea of UFO's is crazy?" said Donkey Kong, "We all know that's not true!"

An alien spacecraft started hovering from outside Donkey Kong's window.

"I think you really want to stop," said Zelda, slightly annoyed.

"Why? Just because the whole UFO thing is a conspiracy to get more people to pay for-"

A beam with a mild gravitational pull appeared from the UFO and slowly started to suck Donkey Kong in.

"Oh, I see," said Donkey Kong, being dragged out of the taxi by the beam.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in Last Place_

"Oh look, a UFO!" said Falcon, trying to sound sexy, "Better come close before you get probed!"

Falcon raised his eyebrows at Samus suggestively.

"Actually, I wouldn't be probed, seeing that it's physically impossible to remove my suit from the outside," said Samus.

"Oh," said Falcon, looking at a print-out sheet.

"Damn!" said Falcon angrily, "I can't believe I paid twenty bucks to subscribe to somebody kill him," said Samus angrily.

"Really?" said the taxi, starting to drive towards a wall.

"Maybe I should get out," said Samus.

_Fourside UFO Museum_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Thanks!" said Ganondorf, paying the taxi and hopping out.

"Wow, this is great!" said Bowser, chuckling nervously, "Learning about these UFO's is going to be so fun, relevant and interesting!"

Bowser tried to ignore the three guns that were aimed at his head.

"So…" said Bowser, "Ah, here's the clue!"

Ganondorf took the clue and opened it.

"Intersect?" read Bowser.

"Intersection!" said Master Hand, "This is the only intersection on this season of The Smashy Amazing Race!  
"In an intersection, teams must pair up with another team and work together until instructed to stop!"

"Great," said Ganondorf angrily.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"_Look! There's the entrance!_" said Jigglypuff, hopping out of the taxi.

"Let's go!" said Kirby, running through the entrance. "Jigs, don't tou-"

"_Oops,_" said Jigglypuff, standing next to the now broken remains of a UFO ship.

Kirby sighed, "Look, there's the cluebox!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf _

"Here's the puffballs," said Bowser.

"Oh great," said Ganondorf angrily, "The last thing we need is to be teamed up with the puffballs."

"Why?" said Bowser.

"You'll see," said Ganondorf.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Intersection!" read Kirby. "Jigs," explained Kirby, "We have to pair up with another team in this!"

"_Wow!_" said Jigglypuff, excitedly, "_This is so exciting! But who do we pair up with?_"

Jigglypuff looked cheerfully at Ganondorf, who was trying very hard to be invisible.

"_Well, there's no other team with us, so I guess we'll have to go with Bowser and Ganondorf!_" said Jigglypuff, cheerfully.

"No!" screamed Ganondorf.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Okay, so as our first action as a team," said Kirby happily, "Who gets to be team leader?"

"_Ooh!_" said Jigglypuff excitedly, "_I do! I do!_"

"See Bowser? This is why!" said Ganondorf bitterly, "They take so long to make decisions, and that's going to cost us! I'd rather be-"

"Ooh! I want to be captain!" said Bowser excitedly like a little girl, oblivious to Ganondorf's angry words.

"Oh, I don't know," said Kirby, slightly anxious, "Bowser, could you give Jigglypuff a go at captain? She's never led anything before!"

"Fine," said Bowser, disappointed, "But can I be vice captain? I really like this idea!"

"Okay!" said Kirby cheerfully, "All we need now is a team **song! **Ganondorf, do you have a suggestion for a song title? We all need to be part of the team!"

"How about, I'll kill you all?" said Ganondorf angrily.

"Okay!" said Kirby cheerfully.

"I'll kill you all, I'll kill you all, ohhh, I'll kill you all!" sung Kirby, Bowser and Jigglypuff cheerfully in unison (all out of key), "Yaay!"

They danced around in circles happily.

Ganondorf muttered something angrily, holding a dagger threateningly.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Here's the UFO museum," said Samus, running inside.

"There's the cluebox," said Falcon, running up.

Samus opened the clue. "Intersection, drat."

Falcon looked at the other two teams dancing around in circles like idiots.

"I think they'll be there for a while," said Falcon, "I just wish Zelda and DK would hurry!"

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"Okay! Okay!" sobbed Donkey Kong desperately, his body almost entirely inside the spaceship. "I don't deny the existence of UFO's! Aliens are my rulers and I am inferior!"

The spaceship's beam let out Donkey Kong, and he staggered back into the taxi with a big sigh.

"Suckers," said Donkey Kong, "I lied to get out."

The UFO flew back to Donkey Kong's window threateningly.

"I was joking! Hehe, joking!" said Donkey Kong nervously.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Okay, take the clue and read it," said Ganondorf angrily, trying to get the team in order.

"Okay," read Bowser, "To retrieve your next clue, you now must run into the courtyard, and battle your way through the infrastructure to get your next clue!"

"These newly intersected teams must now run into the back courtyard, and barge their way through this bunch of inanimate objects we hired to get their next clue!" said Master Hand, "The wall is made up of twenty specially-trained fire hydrants and traffic lights, so teamwork will help this task be completed quickly!"

"Let's go!" said Kirby.

Kirby, Ganondorf, Bowser and Jigglypuff ran into the courtyard to be met by a large wall of various inanimate objects. In a complex, partly spread out, partly condensed formation. Glaring at them angrily.

"Okay, we'll try by brute force," said Ganondorf, determined.

"I really don't think that will work," said Kirby, trying not to laugh at Ganondorf's plan.

"Oh yeah?" said Ganondorf, running shoulder-first into a lamp-post in an attempt to knock him over.

Ganondorf was knocked out stone cold.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm right," said Kirby to the passed out Ganondorf.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"Ah, here's the place!" said Donkey Kong.

"Phew," said Zelda, relieved, "We're finally here!"

Donkey Kong ran in, and grabbed a clue. "Intersect?"

"Yeah, we have to work together," called out Samus.

_Samus and Falcon  
Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"Heh, it's like we're together with our old teammates!" laughed Donkey Kong.

_Master Hand _

"DO NOT EVER REFERENCE SEASON ONE EVER AGAIN!" shouted Master Hand threateningly.

"Sorry," chuckled Donkey Kong nervously.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Ganondorf woke up from fainting. "Did I win?" he asked, slightly disoriented.

"Uh, no," said Kirby, "You were knocked up stone cold."

"But what else can we do if brute force doesn't work?" said Ganondorf, frustrated.

"_We could do it Kirby and Jigglypuff style,_" suggested Jigglypuff.

"Ooh," said Bowser excitedly.

"Oh boy," said Ganondorf angrily.

Kirby and Jigglypuff zoomed off.

"Where did they go?" said Ganondorf.

Kirby and Jigglypuff ran back, with two juggling balls.

"**Two **juggling balls?" said Ganondorf confused, "What's that going to do? And you're supposed to juggle with at least **three **balls."

Jigglypuff handed Bowser the juggling balls. "_Juggle!_"

"Okay…" said Bowser, confused, starting to juggle the balls in a pathetic manner.

The wall of traffic lights, parking meters and postal boxes stared closely, enthralled by the feat of juggling two balls.

Jigglypuff crept off and grabbed the clues from right under all of the objects' chins.

Jigglypuff ran back.

"Yay! We got the clue!" said Kirby, opening the clue.

"What kind of distraction is that?" said Ganondorf, hysterical, "**Two** juggling balls?"

"Well, we have the clue now!" said Kirby. "Detour! Grind or Blind?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand, "A detour is a choice between two tasks, which in this legs, the intersected teams must perform together! In this detour, teams must choose between Grind or Blind!"  
"In Grind, teams must go to this local famous coffee shop, and grind up four cups' worth of coffee! After they have done that, they will get their coffee beans made into four espressos, where they then must drink one cup each! Once that is done, the teams will be handed their next clue!  
"In Blind, teams must go to the city's first multi-story maze! Two team members then must blindfold themselves, and navigate through the maze with the help via the other two team members via live video feeds! This task seems hard, but teams with good communication skills will finish with ease!"

"Well, which do you think we should do?" said Kirby.

"Let's do Blind," said Ganondorf.

"Hey, Jigs is team leader," said Kirby warningly.

"Yeah, Ganondorf," said Bowser.

"_Um, okay,_" said Jigglypuff, looking carefully at the clue. "_One of these is called Grind…_"

"Yes, yes," said Ganondorf impatiently.

"…_and the other one is called Blind,_" said Jigglypuff, pronouncing each word ve-ry care-ful-ly.

"Hurry up and choose," grumbled Ganondorf.

"Hey, don't rush the team leader!" whispered Bowser. "We all have to co-operate, remember!"

"_So…_" said Jigglypuff. "_We have to do… either Grind… or Blind._"

"Yup," nodded Kirby.

"_But not both,_" added Jigglypuff.

"No," said Kirby, "not both."

"_And not neither,_" said Jigglypuff.

Ganondorf tried not to pull out a huge freaking sword to cut her in half with.

"Yeah!" said Bowser. "You go, girl!"

"_So… do we do Grind…_" said Jigglypuff, scratching her head, "_or… do we do Blind?_"

_Samus and Falcon  
Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"Hooray!" cheered Zelda, opening the clue, "It was surprisingly easy for the four of us to wrestle those traffic lights to the ground!"

"Hey, look, there's the other team," said Donkey Kong, pointing thirty centimetres to the left.

"Hey, does that mean we're in front?" said Samus.

"Yes!" said Falcon. "Okay… let's do Grind… or maybe Blind… but Grind sounds–"

Samus hit him.

"Grind it is."

They left.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Bowser and Ganondorf  
Now in Last Place_

"_Okay, let's just run this through one more time again,_" said Jigglypuff.

"_Um, okay,_" said Jigglypuff, looking carefully at the clue. "_One of these is called Grind…_"

"YES! YOU SAID THAT BEFORE!" screamed Ganondorf.

"…_and the other one… is called… Blind,_" said Jigglypuff, pronouncing each word ve-ry care-ful-ly.

"Hurry up before I kill this puppy!" yelled Ganondorf.

"Hey, don't rush the team leader!" whispered Bowser. "We all have to co-operate, remember!"

"_So…_" said Jigglypuff. "_We have to do… either Grind… or Blind._"

"Yup," nodded Kirby.

"_But not both,_" added Jigglypuff.

"No," said Kirby, "not both."

"_And not neither,_" said Jigglypuff.

Ganondorf tore his eyes out.

"Yeah!" said Bowser. "You go, girl!"

"_So… do we do Grind…_" said Jigglypuff, scratching her head, "_or… do we do Blind?_"

Ganondorf went emo and dyed his hair black.

"Um," said Bowser, "how about Grind?"

"Uh-huh… sounds good," said Kirby. "Coffee… mmm…"

Jigglypuff nodded, considering their suggestions. "_So, Bowser wants to do Grind…_"

"HURRY UP!" shouted Ganondorf through a megaphone.

"…_but,_" said Jigglypuff, "_Kirby wants to do Grind._"

"SHUT UP!" shouted Ganondorf.

"_I guess we need a tie-breaker vote,_" said Jigglypuff. "_What do you say, Ganondorf?_"

"GRIND, OKAY? GRIND! WE'rE DOING GRIND!" shouted Ganondorf.

"_Okay!_" chirped Jigglypuff.

Pause.

"_Can I call you 'Gannie'?_" said Jigglypuff sweetly.

_Plaza Coffee Shop_

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Samus and Falcon  
On Grind_

"So all we have to do is grind coffee?" said Falcon, amazed, "That should be a cinch!"

Falcon walked into the kitchen of the coffee shop, spotted a manual grinder, poured some beans in and started to grind.

"Come on, guys!" said Falcon, rotating the grinder at a fast pace, "It's not that hard!"

"Ow!" screamed Zelda, her foot stuck in the grinder. "How are you supposed to stomp on these grapes if there's this stupid spring catching on your foot?"

"Zelda! This isn't a winery!" said Falcon, slightly amazed at the stupidity of Zelda, "You use your hands!"

Zelda put her hand into the grinder; catching a hand on the spring and making her get caught. "Help!" screamed Zelda, now with one foot on the ground and one foot loose.

"Zelda, how can you be this stupid?" said Falcon angrily, "Everybody else here knows how to grind coffee properly!"

"Am I doing it right, Falcon?" said Donkey Kong, punching the grinder, tipping the beans over onto the table.

"No you're not," said Falcon angrily, "You just grab the handle, and then carefully, you-"

Zelda grabbed the handle and then snapped it with her spare hand, and then in an attempt to get her foot and other hand loose, she stuck her hand further down into the machine, catching her hand.

"I just hope the other team gets into a car accident or something," said Falcon angrily.

_In a taxi_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"So are we going to the funfair or the coffee place?" said the taxi impatiently.

"The funfair!" proclaimed Bowser and Jigglypuff together.

"No," said Ganondorf angrily, "We're going to the coffee shop, because we're still **doing a race**."

"Yeah," said Kirby, "We still have to run this race."

"So where are we going?" said the taxi angrily.

"The coffee place!" proclaimed Bowser and Jigglypuff together.

"Actually, we could just team up together, do the detour and then get Jigglypuff and Bowser eliminated and then win the race," said Ganondorf.

"Yeah, let's go to the funfair," said Kirby.

"Okay, one more time, where are we going?" said the taxi angrily.

"The coffee place!" said Bowser and Jigglypuff cheerfully.

"Okay then, we'll go to the coffee place," said Ganondorf impatiently.

"How about we go to the funfair?" said Bowser.

"_Yeah, that would be great!_" said Jigglypuff.

"Let's go to the funfair!" cheered Bowser.

"Kill me now," said the taxi angrily.

_Plaza Coffee Shop_

_Samus and Falcon  
Zelda and Donkey Kong  
On Grind: 1/4 complete_

"Look," said Falcon impatiently, "I've done my share, now you have to do yours! Do you guys have any idea how to grind coffee?"

Zelda, Donkey Kong and Samus stared blankly at Falcon.

"It's simple, like pulling a crank," said Falcon.

Zelda, Donkey Kong and Samus stared blankly at Falcon.

"Haven't any of you guys ever pulled a crank before?" said Falcon, shocked.

And stared.

"Okay, what about stirring a bowl, it's kind of the same, I guess," said Falcon hopefully.

And stared.

"Haven't any of you stirred a bowl before?" said Falcon, hysterical.

"What's a bowl?" said Donkey Kong.

"Donkey Kong, you are so stupid!" said Falcon angrily. "How can you not know what a bowl is? We're in a room full of them! Surely one of you guys know what a bowl is!"

Zelda, Donkey Kong and Samus stared blankly at Falcon.

"We're going to be here for a while," said Falcon angrily.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"We finally made it here," said Ganondorf, panting.

"_Yay, now we can grind coffee!_" said Jigglypuff.

"Yay!" cheered Bowser and Kirby.

"Okay, start grinding coffee then!" said Ganondorf angrily.

"_But there's only one coffee grinder left,_" said Jigglypuff in a slow voice, "_So we… have to share…_"

"Jigglypuff, there are four coffee grinders; that's one each," said Ganondorf.

"_But what if one of us is so bad that we need __**two **__coffee grinders?_" said Jigglypuff.

"Yeah," said Bowser and Kirby understandingly.

"_Or __**three**__ coffee grinders?_" said Jigglypuff in an irritatingly slow voice.

"Yeah," said Bowser and Kirby understandingly.

"_Or __**four-**_"

"Darn it!" screamed Ganondorf interrupting, "It's easy to grind coffee! I mean, only a complete unco could stuff up grinding coffee!"

Jigglypuff, Bowser and Kirby stared at Zelda, whose limbs were stuck in the diminutive grinder.

"Zelda…" said Ganondorf, "…is an unco."

"Ah!" said Bowser, Kirby and Jigglypuff, understanding.

_Samus and Falcon  
Zelda and Donkey Kong  
On Grind: 2/4 complete_

"Okay," said Falcon, "Samus is done, two more left!"

Falcon looked at Zelda. "Oh for cripes' sake, get your self out of there!"

"Okay," said Zelda, pondering.

Zelda looked at Ganondorf.

"Hey Ganondorf," said Zelda slightly desperately, "After saving me from that evil kidnapper Ganondorf many times, could you get me out of this coffee grinder? I would really appreciate it!"

Ganondorf stared angrily at Zelda.

"Why are you staring at me blankly, Ganondorf?" said Zelda, confused, "I mean, you like me, don't you?"

Ganondorf stared angrily at Zelda.

"Unless you don't actually like me," said Zelda, on a slow train of thought, "Which actually means that you're not Link, but you're actually Ganondorf, and you wouldn't help me!"

Ganondorf stared angrily at Zelda.

"So maybe it's a waste of time asking you," said Zelda.

Ganondorf stared angrily at Zelda. Zelda looked away. "Hey DK, can you help me?"

Donkey Kong pulled Zelda out from the coffee grinder.

"Thanks Donkey Kong!" said Zelda appreciatively.

"You're welcome," replied Donkey Kong.

…

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Bowser and Ganondorf  
On Grind: 2/4 complete_

"Okay!" said Ganondorf, grinding furiously, the resistance of the beans finally ending, "I'm done!"

Ganondorf looked at Kirby and Jigglypuff, who were jumping pathetically to reach the table.

"Don't you guys have jumping puffball powers?" said Ganondorf angrily, "I mean, you jump thirty metres high when I fight you."

"_Oh yeah, great idea, Ganondorf!_" said Jigglypuff happily.

"Yeah, thanks!" said Kirby.

Jigglypuff and Kirby waddled up to the waitress.

"Um…" said Kirby nervously, "On an unrelated-to-the-race note, could you go down to the grocery store and buy some grounded coffee powder?"

"_We promise we'll use it to cheat,_" said Jigglypuff.

"Aww… she's so cute," said the waitress. "What did she say?"

"Um… she said we don't like cheating," said Kirby.

"_I didn't say that!_" said Jigglypuff angrily, writing what she said in English.

"Jigglypuff," said Kirby quietly, "They'll penalise us if we cheat."

"_Oh yeah!_" said Jigglypuff, ripping up the sheet.

"Okay, can you go to the grocery store then?" said Kirby, giving the waitress four dollars.

The waitress walked off, and several minutes later, came back with a large bag of coffee powder.

Kirby took the bag and poured its' contents onto a plate.

"We're done!" said Kirby.

"Are you cheating?" said the waitress suspiciously.

"Noooo…" said Kirby, rolling his eyes.

_Samus and Falcon  
Zelda and Donkey Kong  
On Grind: 3/4 complete_

"I'm done!" said Donkey Kong, proudly holding the coffee he had grounded.

"Okay Zelda, hurry up!" said Falcon impatiently.

"But how do I hurry up?" said Zelda, exasperated.

"Just pretend the coffee in the bowl is someone you hate," said Falcon. "It's a cruel technique, but it-"

"I'LL KILL YOU FALCON!" screamed Zelda, throwing the bowl onto the ground.

On impact, the coffee beans in the bowl disintegrated into a coffee powder-like substance.

"Hurrah!" said Donkey Kong. "We're done!"

"I'm not ever lending money to you again, Zelda," said Falcon angrily. "Never ever! Never ever! Never ever ever! Never ever ever ever ever!"

…

…

…

"Can I borrow some money?" said Zelda, "Pleease?"

"No," said Falcon angrily.

"Darn," said Zelda.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Bowser and Ganondorf  
On Grind: 0/4 cups consumed_

"Here's your coffee!" said the waitress, putting four cups of coffee onto the table.

"One tiny cup! Let's go!" said Ganondorf impatiently, wolfing down the cup in one gulp.

"_This seems like so much,_" said Jigglypuff, looking at the dinky 200mL mug.

"Jigs," said Kirby, "You're supposed to drink it."

"_I was just about to say,_" said Jigglypuff, stuffing her syringe back into her backpack.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Samus and Falcon  
On Grind: 3/4 cups consumed_

"Come on Zelda!" said Falcon impatiently, "Stop holding us up!"

"Sorry!" said Zelda, taking a little sip, "It's too hot!"

"I can help you," said Ganondorf, taking Zelda's mug and inserting it in the microwave, pressing the 'boil this' button.

"Wow, thanks Ganondorf!" said Zelda gratefully.

Ganondorf took the cup of boiling coffee from out of the microwave and poured it on Zelda.

"Aah!" screamed Zelda, being burnt by the scalding contents of the coffee.

"Oh, you're done!" said the waitress, handing two clues out.

"Curses!" said Ganondorf angrily, snatching a clue.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"You must make your way to the 'Montoli Warehouse'!" read Ganondorf.

"The newly un-intersected teams must now travel to the Montoli Warehouse," said Master Hand, "Once they find the manager, they will be given their next clue!"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"You must make your way to the 'Montoli Warehouse'!" read Kirby, "You are now un-intersected, and must work on your own from hereon!"

"_Okay, let's go!_" said Jigglypuff.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"You must make your way to the 'Montoli Warehouse'!" read Zelda.

"Okay, come on," said Donkey Kong, grabbing Zelda.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in Last Place_

"You must make your way to the 'Montoli Warehouse'!" read Samus.

Samus looked at Falcon's burnt body.

"Oh don't worry, burns get better eventually! They all go away!" said Samus, trying to sound reassuring.

…

"Wait," said Samus, "That's the common cold. Oh well."

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Somebody's trying to pass us," said Bowser, looking outside the back window.

"That would be Kirby and Jigglypuff," said Ganondorf angrily, fists clenched.

Kirby and Jigglypuff's taxi passed on the left side, Jigglypuff smiling cutely at Bowser and Ganondorf.

"Their cuteness is so asphyxiating that is just makes me want to choke-" said Ganondorf angrily.

"Stop talking about them like that!" said Bowser angrily.

"Bowser, you're talking about them like they've converted you," said Ganondorf angrily.

"Um… no…" said Bowser, putting away his Cute Club membership badge.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"I think we got lucky with the intersection," said Kirby.

"_Yeah,_" said Jigglypuff.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Interview after leg_

"Ganondorf and Bowser were good partners," said Kirby, "But they said we were cheaters, and that's simply not true!"

"_Besides, she bought the coffee beans for us,_" said Jigglypuff, "_We cheated by the power of suggestion, we didn't tell her to-_"

"They bought the coffee beans for you?" said Master Hand angrily. "That's cheating! I ought to-"

Kirby and Jigglypuff whistled innocently.

"Oh, if you're whistling that's okay, I guess," said Master Hand.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Zelda and Donkey Kong have to be the most frustrating people to work with," said Falcon angrily. "They have to be the slowest decision makers I've ever come across. I mean, how stupid can you get?"

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"Yes, I think the architecture in that structure showed an excellent display of quality design," said Zelda in a British accent.

"Unfortunately, the architect asphyxiated in a chokedamp, unfortunate for his general wellbeing," said Donkey Kong in a British accent.

"Yes, yes," said Zelda.

Zelda took a sip of tea.

_Montoli Warehouse_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Okay! We're here!" said Ganondorf, jumping from out of the taxi. "Hurry Bowser!"

"Okay!" said Bowser, pulling his jammed bag from the door, "Sorry!"

"There's the manager!" said Bowser. "Thanks," he said, taking the clue.

"Road Block!" read Ganondorf, "Who takes themselves as a bit of a drummer?"

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one person can perform!  
"In this Road Block, teams must transport an entire drum kit 500 metres to the 'Runaway Five' club, a famous jazz club! Once they have set up the drums properly and played on it for several seconds, they will be handed their next clue!  
"This task seems hard, but if they win this user-voted poll on our website, we'll let them cheat."

"I can drum," said Bowser.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Bowser and Ganondorf are already here," said Samus, taking a clue. "Road Block! Who takes themselves as a bit of a drummer?"

"I do," said Falcon.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"I'll do it," said Kirby.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"I'll do it," said Donkey Kong.

_Bowser  
Drums Carried: 0_

"Okay," explained the manager, "This drum kit consists of six parts, the bass drum with toms attached, the floor tom, the snare, the hi hat and two cymbals. You can try carrying them at once, but I'd advise you take trips."

"Okay," said Bowser, "I think I can do this in one trip."

Bowser picked up all of the kit except for the snare, and then picked the snare up with his teeth.

"There," said Bowser.

While he was talking, the snare drum fell into his mouth.

"Gaah!" screamed Bowser, choking.

"_Don't worry!_" said Jigglypuff, running towards Bowser, "_I know the Heimlich!_"

Jigglypuff started to push the snare drum down Bowser's throat.

"_Wait… that's not right,_" said Jigglypuff.

_Falcon  
Drums Carried: 0_

"If I had known this was a physical task I would have done it," said Samus angrily, watching Falcon struggle to pick up a snare drum.

"Unngh!" said Falcon, his eyes closed, his attempt at picking up a single drum with his entire force failing.

"Though maybe I should tell him he's pushing down the drum with one foot," said Samus.

_Kirby  
Drums Carried: 0_

"_You're doing well!_" said Jigglypuff, watching a struggling Kirby waddle along with a large bass drum. "_You're doing 100 percent well!_"

"Unngh!" said Kirby falling backwards onto his back.

"_Okay, only 50 percent well,_" said Jigglypuff.

Kirby struggled to move. "Help me, Jigs!"

"_25 percent!_" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Get this drum off me!" said a weak Kirby.

"_12.5 percent!_" threatened Jigglypuff.

_Donkey Kong  
Drums Carried: 2_

"Good job, DK!" said Zelda, exiting the jazz club with Donkey Kong.

"Thanks," said Donkey Kong, "Just don't trust the shady locals!"

"Want some cereal?" said a shady-looking lamppost holding a box of cereal.

"Sure," said Zelda, taking out his wallet.

"He's shady!" said Donkey Kong, shaking his fist in disapproval.

"What?" said Zelda, "Why shouldn't I-"

A green powdery substance leaked out of the cereal box.

"Ignore that…" said the lamppost nervously.

_Bowser  
Drums Carried: 4_

"Unggh!" said Bowser, putting the drums down and then setting them up.

"Come on, Bowser!" said Ganondorf angrily, "This is not to play the drums!"

Bowser picked up a saxophone.

"Or the saxophone!" said Ganondorf.

Bowser picked up the keyboard.

"We're not going through every single instrument, Bowser! We have a leg to win!" said Ganondorf angrily.

"Okay, okay," said Bowser impatiently, dropping the keyboard.

The keyboard shattered.

"Heh, heh," laughed Bowser as the manager gave Bowser an angry look.

_Kirby  
Drums Carried: 0_

"_1.5625 percent,_" threatened Jigglypuff harshly to the Kirby who was laying on the ground, crushed by a bass drum.

Jigglypuff pondered for a while.

"_Hmm…_" thought Jigglypuff, "_Maybe Kirby isn't alright…_"

Kirby was starting to turn blue.

"_Hmm… yeah, I think so,_" said Jigglypuff.

_Falcon  
Drums Carried: 1_

"See babe?" said Falcon suavely, "I knew my foot was pushing the drum down so I couldn't carry it. But look how well the strong Captain Falcon did!"

"Babe," said Samus angrily.

"_Ooh,_" thought Falcon at the word babe.

"Carrying a single cymbal in thirty minutes five hundred metres is hardly considered an athletic feat, let alone _movement_ at all," said Samus.

"Not even points for effort?" said Falcon.

"No," said Samus. "A lego car could transport that cymbal twice as fast as you could!"

"Yeah right," said Falcon, smirking.

Samus proved Falcon wrong.

"Damn, I'm never trusting women again," said Falcon angrily.

Some feminists hit Falcon in the shins with their sharp signposts.

"Ow," said Falcon at the pain.

_Donkey Kong  
Drums Carried: 2_

"Come on, DK!" said Zelda supportively, "You're still beating Bowser! You can carry all of them!"

_Bowser  
Drums Carried: 4_

"Come on, Bowser," said Ganondorf, "We can see them in the distance, and it's only two drums."

_Donkey Kong  
Drums Carried: 2_

"DK, they're running! Quick!" said Zelda.

_Bowser  
Drums Carried: 4_

"We can do this, Bowser," said Ganondorf, pulling Bowser along.

_Kirby  
Drums Carried: 0_

"_Kirby, why don't you eat the drum?_" suggested Jigglypuff.

"Yeah, that's a good idea!" said Kirby, eating the drum on top of him and then promptly eating all of the other drums.

Kirby turned into… drum kit Kirby!

"_Uh… can you move?_" said Jigglypuff, confused.

"Yeah," said Kirby, galloping several centimetres along, "but then you're going to have to pretend that you did the Road Block."

_Falcon  
Drums Carried: 3_

"Unggh! How many left?" said Falcon, in agony from the physical endurance of carrying a two kilogram drum five hundred metres.

"Only three," laughed Samus at Falcon's pain.

"You like my pain," said Falcon, smiling, "Don't you?"

"Yes, yes I do, you caught me out," said Samus.

"Great!" said Falcon, "Because, boy, haven't I been in more pain than-"

"In a non 'you impress me from your pain' and more in a sadistic, I laugh at your pain way," said Samus.

"So it has nothing to do with us?" said Falcon hopefully.

"No," said Samus.

Falcon frowned.

_Runaway Five Jazz Club_

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Yay!" cheered some patrons, clapping at Donkey Kong's performance on the drums.

Zelda took a clue from the manager and opened it, "You must now make your way to the top of the building!"

"Teams must now climb four flights of stairs or take a ridiculously slow elevator to the top of the Runaway Jazz Club, the tenth pit stop in this race around the world!" said Master Hand, "Teams must hurry, as the last team to check in… may be eliminated."

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Completed Road Block_

"All you have to do is drum a bit now," said the manager.

Bowser hit the cymbal. "Happy?" he said angrily.

"Yes!" said the manager, handing the clue over.

"You must now make your way to the top of the building!" read Bowser, "Warning, the last team to check in may be eliminated!"

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"Come on, DK!" said Zelda, being carried by Donkey Kong, "Three more flights of stairs!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"Take the shonky looking elevator!" said Bowser, stepping into a small manually operated elevator that looked like a dumbwaiter.

"Crank! Crank! Crank!" said Ganondorf pathetically, pulling the crank fast desperately much to the amusement of the locals.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

DK tripped.

"Oh no! What will we do?" said Zelda, still in Donkey Kong's arms.

Donkey Kong stood up.

"Oh," said Zelda.

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"Third floor!" said Bowser, wheeling the crank as quickly as he could.

_Pit Stop_

Some dramatic camera angles to dramatic camera music.

Donkey Kong and Zelda ran through the doors and lunged onto the world map.

"Zelda and Donkey Kong," said Master Hand, "You are team number one!"

"Woo!" cheered Zelda and Donkey Kong, dancing around in circles.

"And for finishing in first place, you've received a trip back here to Fourside!" said Master Hand.

"Where's that?" said DK.

"You're standing in it," said Master Hand.

"Oh!" chuckled Zelda and Donkey Kong heartily.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Arrived in 2__nd__ Place_

Bowser and Ganondorf stepped on the mat.

"Bowser and Ganondorf," said Master Hand, "You are team number two!"

"Woo," said Ganondorf, "After all of that we're still somehow in!"

_Runaway Five Jazz Club_

_Kirby  
Drums Carried: 0_

"_Come on, Kirby!_" said Jigglypuff to Kirby in his 'Drum Kirby' form, which was Kirby, a living drum kit. "_Fifty more metres until the club!_"

Kirby pathetically bounced along in his drum kit form.

"_Hehe, that's cute,_" said Jigglypuff.

Kirby didn't respond, as he was a drum kit.

Jigglypuff stared blankly into space.

_Falcon  
Drums Carried: 5 _

"We have two hundred more metres!" said Samus, "Hurry!"

"I'm trying!" said Falcon, struggling to keep the cymbal above the ground.

"How on earth can you be so weak, Falcon?" said Samus.

"I was in the pool!" said Falcon angrily.

"That's the wrong excuse," laughed Samus, "That's for when you have-"

"Not that it's true!" said Falcon quickly and angrily.

_Kirby  
Drums Carried: 0_

"_We're almost there!_" said Jigglypuff.

_Falcon  
Drums Carried: 5_

"Come on, we can see them!" said Samus.

_Kirby  
Drums Carried: 0_

Jigglypuff desperately dragged the drum kit into the jazz club.

"Wow," said the manager, impressed, "You actually managed to carry the drums assembled!"

"_Yeah,_" said Jigglypuff, breaking a satchel of fake sweat.

The satchel of fake sweat was past its use-by date, hence why it was green.

"Why is your sweat green?" said the manager suspiciously.

"_Are you making fun of me being a Pokemon?_" cried Jigglypuff, realising shortly afterwards her sweat was indeed actually green.

"I'm sorry!" sobbed the manager, handing over the clue.

"_You must now make your way to the top of the building!_" read Jigglypuff, "_Warning, the last team to check in may be eliminated!_"

"_Let's go!_" said Jigglypuff.

Kirby spat out the drums, which hit several patrons.

They ran out.

The manager stared angrily.

"Go! Go! Go!" said Kirby.

_Samus and Falcon  
Completed Road Block_

Falcon ran in with the cymbal, placed it down, hit the snare and took the clue.

"You must now make your way to the top of the building!" read Falcon, "Warning, the last team to check in may be eliminated!"

"This is not good!" said Samus angrily.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"Run! Run!" said Kirby desperately, sprinting up the stairs.

"_Why? Is it because we care about the race?_" said Jigglypuff.

"That too!" said Kirby, his back being narrowly missed by the batons of the security.

_Samus and Falcon_

"Oh my gosh!" said Samus, "There's Kirby and Jigglypuff!"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"Run Jigs, run!" said Kirby.

"_T-shirts!_" said Jigglypuff, grabbing a t-shirt.

"Jigs, they're not free," said Kirby.

"Oh," said Jigglypuff, still running.

She threw the T-shirt back, hitting a security guard in his sensitive right eye.

_Samus and Falcon_

"Look! We can see the pit stop!" said Samus.

A security guard toppled back and crushed Falcon.

"Darn it!" said Samus angrily.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Arrived in 3__rd__ Place_

"Kirby and Jigglypuff, you are team number three!" said Master Hand.

"Phew," said Kirby, "We're still in."

_Samus and Falcon_

Samus and Falcon, exhausted, ran onto the pit stop.

"Hello Samus and Falcon," said Master Hand, disappointed, "We invited Ness and Yoshi here to see the last team arrive."

Ness and Yoshi grinned evilly.

"Samus and Falcon," said Master Hand, "I am sorry to tell you… you are the last team to arrive."

_Samus and Falcon  
Arrived in Last Place_

"Yess," said Ness and Yoshi quietly, grinning.

"And I am sorry to tell you," said Master Hand.

Ness and Yoshi's smiles widened.

"…you have been eliminated…"

"Yess!" cheered Ness and Yoshi.

…

"…from uh… the happiness of not coming in the top three in the tenth leg, as this is a non-elimination leg!" said Master Hand happily. "So I'll take your bags and stuff!"

"WHAT?!" said Ness and Yoshi, outraged.

"Yay!" said Samus and Falcon.

"Sorry," said Master Hand, grinning, "Our viewers love it when we give Ness and Yoshi false hope! That's why invited them back!"

"Why you…" said Ness angrily.

"Stay tuned for next time!" said Master Hand happily.

"Grr…" said Ness angrily.

_Master Hand_

"Next time on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, with epic music in the background, "The four remaining teams frantically race in the **last elimination leg **for the final three!"

"_I'm sorry," said an airline worker, "No wigs are allowed."_

"_This airline is bullocks!" said Bowser angrily._

"Who will be eliminated, and who will earn a spot in the final leg to race for **one million dollars?**" said Master Hand. "Find out next time, on The Smashy Amazing Race!"

**Finish Times:**

Zelda and Donkey Kong: 8:48 AM

Bowser and Ganondorf: 8:54 AM

Kirby and Jigglypuff: 9:13 AM

Samus and Falcon: 9:15 AM- Not Eliminated

**Community Notices/Review Begging:**

Review who you want to win and who you think will win! All feedback is appreciated! Review even if you're a guest!

If you notice any errors, contact us at www (dot) smashmansion (dot) com!

Hope you enjoyed!


	12. Leg 11: Saturn ValleyThreed

"Last time on The Smashy Amazing Race, four teams departed on the tenth leg of a race around the world!" said Master Hand.  
"Teams travelled to Fourside, where they became acquainted with the locals!"

"_Am not," said Jigglypuff angrily._

"_Am too," said the clock angrily._

_Jigglypuff realised she was arguing with a clock._

"_Aaaaaah!" screamed Jigglypuff, "We're in a city of living inanimate objects!"_

"Teams intersected for the first and only time, where they had to work together with another team! Ganondorf was clear about the choice of his partners…"

"_Oh great," said Ganondorf angrily, "The last thing we need is to be teamed up with the puffballs."_

"…and when they teamed up with Kirby and Jigglypuff, they lost crucial time!"

"_Um, okay," said Jigglypuff, looking carefully at the clue. "One of these is called Grind…"_

"_Yes, yes," said Ganondorf impatiently._

"…_and the other one is called Blind," said Jigglypuff, pronouncing each word ve-ry care-ful-ly._

"The two pairs equalised, and it was a competition to finish grinding coffee beans first, which some struggled in!"

_Jigglypuff, Bowser and Kirby stared at Zelda, whose limbs were stuck in the diminutive grinder._

"Meanwhile, Captain Falcon took a leadership role and much frustration!"

"_Zelda, how can you be this stupid?" said Falcon angrily, "Everybody else here knows how to grind coffee properly!"_

"_Am I doing it right, Falcon?" said Donkey Kong, punching the grinder, tipping the beans over onto the table._

"_No you're not!" said Falcon angrily._

"But it was Falcon who caused frustration in the Road Block, which involved the transportation and setting up of drums!"

"_If I had known this was a physical task I would have done it," said Samus angrily, watching Falcon struggle to pick up a snare drum._

"Zelda and Donkey Kong triumphed in first place!" said Master Hand.

"_Woo!" cheered Zelda and Donkey Kong, dancing around in circles._

"And Samus and Falcon arrived last, but were spared!"

"…_this is a non-elimination leg!" said Master Hand happily._

"In this **final **elimination leg and second last leg," said Master Hand, "Who will be eliminated and who will race for the _final three_ and **one million dollars**?"

"Can Zelda and Donkey Kong continue dominating with their continual top two finishes? And can Samus and Falcon survive with no bags or money for a spot in the final three? Four teams remain, who will be eliminated **tonight?**"

**The Teams**: (with their best, most **original** moments from the entire race)

Zelda and Donkey Kong (_"Oh," said Zelda._)  
Kirby and Jigglypuff (_"Yay!" said Jigglypuff._)  
Bowser and Ganondorf (_"No," said Ganondorf._)  
Samus and Falcon (_Samus punched Falcon._)

"Zelda and Donkey Kong, who arrived first at 8:48 AM, will depart at 8:48 PM!" said Master Hand.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
1__st__ to Depart: 8:48 PM_

"You must now make your way to Saturn Valley and find the communal mudbath for your next clue!" read Zelda.

"Teams must now fly to the Saturn Valley and find this mudbath, where they will receive their next clue!" said Master Hand.

"Okay, let's go," said Zelda.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Interview before leg_

"This is the most important leg for us," explained DK, "Being the second last leg and all, we've come so far and don't want to bail out now!"

"Getting in the top three is vital, regardless of what place we come," said Zelda.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"I can't wait to get out of this useless city," said Donkey Kong, hopping into a taxi.

The taxi glared at Donkey Kong angrily.

"Except for you, of course!" chuckled Donkey Kong.

Some angry taxis drove up and glared at Donkey Kong angrily.

"And of course, you guys!" said Donkey Kong, laughing.

Some angry residents came with crowbars.

"Okay! Okay! I get it!" said Donkey Kong hysterically, "I love this city!"

"Aww," said everyone appreciatively.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
2__nd__ to depart: 8:54 PM_

"You must now make your way to Saturn Valley and find the communal mudbath for your next clue!" read Ganondorf, "Three teams have seventy-eight dollars for this leg and one has none."

"Okay, let's go!" said Bowser.

"We've decided to give no money to Samus and Falcon, as the last thing we want is to give them money that will help them to eliminate us," said Ganondorf.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
3__rd__ to depart: 9:13 PM_

"You must now make your way to Saturn Valley and find the communal mudbath for your next clue!" read Kirby, "Three teams have seventy-eight dollars for this leg and one has none."

"We decided to give Samus and Falcon some money," said Kirby to the camera, "Seeing that we'd like to race against them in the final three and not Bowser and Ganondorf! And we're nice people, so we'd give them money regardless."

"_Yeah! Really nice!_" said Jigglypuff, putting her wallet into Samus and Falcon's begging box on the side of the world map.

"Don't you think that's drastic?" said Kirby. "Just give them **some** money, not everything you own!"

"_Oh,_" said Jigglypuff, taking her wallet back and putting twenty dollars in the box.

"And take back our house deed;" said Kirby, annoyed, "they don't need it!"

"_But what if they don't have a place to stay after the race?_" said Jigglypuff.

"They have houses too!" said Kirby.

"_You mean we're not the only people who have a house?_" said Jigglypuff, shocked.

"Yes," said Kirby.

"_You learn so much in this race! It's wonderful!_" said Jigglypuff, bouncing up and down excitedly.

"I said **don't** give it to them," said Kirby, taking the house deeds out of the box.

"_Oh,_" said Jigglypuff.

…

"_You learn so much in this race! It's wonderful!_" said Jigglypuff, bouncing up and down excitedly.

_Samus and Falcon  
Last to depart: 9:15 PM_

"Oh geez," said Falcon angrily, "We only got twenty dollars from Kirby and Jigglypuff. How are we going to get more money?"

A large light bulb appeared over Samus's head. She ran off into a nearby bank and then ran back out with several bags of money, alarm bells sounding.

"Why did you do that?" said Falcon angrily, "We don't need to rob a bank! And how is the police chasing us constantly going to help us?"

"More incentive to race faster?" said Samus, running away realising there was security several metres away from her.

_Fourside International Airport  
9:40 PM_

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Okay, we're at the airport!" said Donkey Kong, running out from the taxi.

"What about my money?" said the taxi angrily.

"Well, what will you do if I don't pay?" taunted Donkey Kong.

The taxi accelerated and pinned Donkey Kong to the wall of the terminal. Gasping for air, he handed over the money.

"Here's the three bucks!" said Donkey Kong, afraid, "Just don't hurt me!"

The taxi backed out.

"You stupid taxi jerk!" cursed Donkey Kong.

"Oh great," said Zelda, not noticing Donkey Kong being rammed into the wall repeatedly, "Bowser and Ganondorf are behind!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Go! Go! Go!" said Ganondorf angrily, knocking over several frail ladies and schoolchildren, "We have to get on the first flight!"

"Was that necessary?" said Bowser, frowning slightly.

"It's not like you're the ultimate pacifist," said Ganondorf, pointing to a small bus full of kindergarteners impaled on his shell.

"I try!" said Bowser, walking along angrily.

"Now watch," said Bowser, "I'm going to sit down slowly and I won't catch any people on my shell, okay?"

Bowser sat down.

Blood came from under Bowser.

"That's not good, is it?" said Bowser, alarmed.

"Let's go into the terminal," said Ganondorf, "Oh great, there's Zelda and DK."

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"The Air Four ticket desk doesn't open 'til ten o' clock," said Zelda, reading a sign.

Bowser walked up behind Donkey Kong, but then feeling a tap on his back, he spun 180 degrees around and looked at Ganondorf, hitting DK.

"Hey!" said Donkey Kong angrily, "Watch who you hit your shell with!"

Bowser turned around, hitting Donkey Kong on the way with his spiky shell.

"What did you say?" said Bowser angrily.

"I said, watch who you hit your shell with!" said Donkey Kong angrily.

Bowser did a full 360 degree turn for no apparent reason, hitting Donkey Kong.

"Ow!" said Donkey Kong angrily. "Stop hitting me with your shell!"

"Are you making fun of me being a turtle?" said Bowser, spinning wildly again, hitting Donkey Kong again.

"STOP HITTING ME!" said Donkey Kong, starting to choke Bowser.

"Stop making fun of my bigness!" said Bowser angrily, choking Donkey Kong.

They both continued to try and harm each other, wrestling on the ground.

"We wouldn't do that, would we Zelda?" said Ganondorf. "We wouldn't have a misunderstanding that would lead to violent-"

"There's a fly on your hat," said Zelda.

"Okay, I've got it!" said Ganondorf, squashing the fly.

"HIT IT! HIT IT!" screamed Zelda, hitting Ganondorf in the head with an umbrella.

"Stop hitting me!" said Ganondorf angrily.

"What?" said Zelda angrily, spinning around randomly and hitting Ganondorf in the shins with the umbrella.

"STOP IT!" said Ganondorf angrily.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Here's the airport," said Samus, "I looked online and Air Four is the only Airline offering tickets to the Saturn Valley!"

"Okay!" said Falcon, jumping out of the taxi and then walking into the terminal.

Upon breathing the slightly humid air of the terminal, Samus looked around and then spotted the ticketing desk in the distance.

Samus, dragging away Falcon from the magazine store ran up to the Air Four ticketing counter, where she was met by Zelda and Ganondorf, and Bowser and Donkey Kong brawling respectively, blood spilling everywhere. Samus stared on blankly as Zelda and Ganondorf exchanged umbrella-hitting and cane-hitting alternately while Bowser and Ganondorf took in exchange to hit each other with full-fledged punches to the face.

"Samus, the last thing we need to do is get into a brawl," said Falcon angrily, "We've already caused enough-"

Bowser fell backwards, crushing Falcon with his shell.

"How dare you hurt my teammate!" said Samus, trying to sound concerned.

"Samus!" said Falcon, gasping for air, "My last request is that you don't-"

"I'm trying to brawl here!" said Samus angrily, hitting Falcon over the head with a chair.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Jigs, I think you're too much of a gullible tourist," said Kirby slightly annoyed, looking at Jigglypuff carry several shopping bags that were larger than her into the airport. "And because of that we don't have any money and we've slowed because we stop at every shop we see!"

"_That's not true!_" said Jigglypuff angrily, holding a hand-held electronic device,

"_And electronic dice are very handy!_" said Jigglypuff angrily, pointing to some graphics of dice on the screen.

"Jigs, we have real dice," said an annoyed Kirby, walking towards the ticketing counters.

"_Well what if the batteries run out?_" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Real dice don't need batteries," said Kirby, "Your dice need batteries."

"_Well my batteries-_" boasted Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff's electronic dice died.

"_Noo!_" cried Jigglypuff, sobbing, tears rolling down her cheeks, crying.

Jigglypuff spotted the massive brawl several dozen metres away from her.

"_Yay! An unexplained fight outside a ticket counter!_" said Jigglypuff gleefully. "_And the ticket counter is opening!_"

The little 'closed' marker was taken away from the desk, and Kirby and Jigglypuff waddled carefully around the blood (she figured it was a completely opposite colour to her skin) and walked up to the desk.

"_Can we have some tickets to the Saturn Valley?_" asked Jigglypuff politely.

"Sure, there's a 7:00 flight that will arrive 6:00 AM local time!" replied the airline worker, oblivious to the gigantic brawl in front of her despite the splash of blood spilling onto her every few seconds.

"Yay!" cheered Kirby and Jigglypuff.

_Kitby and Jigglypuff  
1__st__ on 7:00 AM Air Four Flight_

_Bowser and Donkey Kong_

"You big ape!" screamed Donkey Kong, punching Bowser in the face.

"You heartless spiked turtle monster!" screamed Bowser, hitting Donkey Kong in the face.

_Zelda and Ganondorf_

"Stop hitting me, you kidnapping jerk!" screamed Zelda, hitting Ganondorf in the shins with her umbrella.

"Well start by stop hitting me with your umbrella!" screamed Ganondorf, reaching down into Zelda's stomach and taking her spleen.

"I will… if you stop having a lifelong grudge on me!" said Zelda, taking Falcon and ramming Ganondorf in his chest with him.

"Aaah!" screamed Samus, randomly kicking Ganondorf and Zelda.

"I WILL DO EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO CAUSE PAIN TO YOU FROM NOW ON," screamed Ganondorf, ramming a trolley into the back of Zelda's skull, causing her to loose several teeth.

"Next!" said the airline worker, hitting the bell.

Zelda and Ganondorf and Bowser and Donkey Kong glared at each other everywhere, with missing teeth and large amounts of blood spewed onto the ground.

"So…" said Bowser calmly, "I think you guys were here first."

"Yeah, I think so too," said Ganondorf calmly.

"Okay then, we'll go first," said Zelda, picking up her teeth.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
2__nd__ on 7:00 AM Air Four Flight_

"Here are your tickets," said the airline worker, smiling.

"Thank you," said Zelda appreciatively.

"Uh…" said the airline worker, confused, "I think you need professional help of some sort…"

"Are you calling me crazy?" screamed Zelda, choking the worker.

Struggling for air, the airline worker pointed to the pool of blood streaming down Zelda's shirt.

"Ah hah hah," realised Zelda, chuckling, "You mean that kind of professional help, as in the **non-mental** asylum **hospital-type **professional help!"

Zelda chuckled crazily, frothing from the mouth.

"Ha, ha," said the airline worker uncomfortably, pressing the bell.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
3__rd__ on 7:00 AM Air Four Flight_

"Here are your tickets, guys," said the airline worker, handing over tickets.

"How many seats are left?" said Ganondorf.

"Not many," said the airline worker.

"Stall for time," whispered Ganondorf.

"Uh…" said Bowser nervously, "Do you have any… uh… special… discounts?"

"No," replied the airline worker.

"Okay…" said Bowser, trying to improvise, "What is your stance on… wigs?"

"I'm sorry," said the airline worker, "No wigs are allowed."

"This airline is bullocks!" said Bowser angrily.

Bowser stormed off.

"Well done," said Ganondorf angrily, "Not only have you wasted just 20 seconds of their time, you've wasted your last words on a trivial topic, wigs!"

"What do you mean my last words?" said Bowser angrily.

Ganondorf started to choke Bowser.

"Oh," said Bowser.

_Samus and Falcon_

"Hi, can we get tickets on the 7:00 flight to Saturn Valley?" said Samus to the airline worker.

"Okay, let me check," said the airline worker, tapping on a keyboard.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
On 7:00 Air Four Flight_

"This is very nerve-racking," said Zelda to the camera, biting her fingers, "If they don't get on this flight then we can be in the top three guaranteed!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
On 7:00 Air Four Flight_

"We do not want to have a final three with those guys in," said Bowser nervously, "So if they can't make this flight it will be so good for all of us!"

"And between you and me," said Ganondorf, "They are our biggest threat for the million dollars."

"We're on camera," said Bowser.

"Okay," said Ganondorf sighing, "Between the viewers at home and me, they are our biggest threat for the million-"

"Our teammates will see this on TV," said Bowser.

"Shut up, Bowser," said Ganondorf angrily.

"Yeah," said the cameraman angrily, "You're really ruining the tension."

"But it hasn't been a moment," said Bowser, "In fact, it's been several moments! Why-"

The cameraman and Ganondorf attacked Bowser.

_Samus and Falcon_

"Come on," said Samus impatiently.

"The flight is full," said the airline worker, "Sorry, you're going to have to go on an 11:00 flight."

"What?" said Samus angrily, holding a crowbar up to the worker's throat.

"I'm sorry, there's nothing that you can do," said the airline worker uncomfortably.

_Samus and Falcon  
1__st__ on 11:00 Air Four Flight_

Falcon sighed and took the tickets.

"There must be something you can do," said Samus, taking off her helmet and waving her head in a sexy fashion.

"Samus, the airline worker left when you held a crowbar up to her throat," said Falcon angrily.

"Oh," said Samus.

_Fourside International Airport_

_7:00 AM  
1__st__ Air Four Flight_

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"It's a very cheerful morning, seeing that we've gotten rid of our biggest threat by four hours," said Bowser happily.

_11:00 AM  
2__nd__ Air Four Flight_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in Last Place_

"This sucks," said Samus angrily, sitting on her seat on the plane.

"Uh huh," said an uninterested Falcon, looking at a magazine in an excited manner.

"You can't survive without those dirty things, can you?" said Samus angrily, looking in disgust at Falcon's magazine.

"I sure can," said Falcon proudly, throwing his magazine out of the airport.

…

Falcon had a nervous breakdown and started to cry.

"All teams are now flying to Saturn Valley!" said Master Hand, "Kirby and Jigglypuff, Zelda and Donkey Kong and Bowser and Ganondorf are on the 7:00 AM flight that lands at 6:00 AM, local time!  
"Samus and Falcon are on the 11:00 AM Air Four flight that lands at 10:00 AM local time!"

_Saturn Valley Airport  
1__st__ Air Four Flight  
Landed at 6:23 AM_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Oh man, this airport is so cool!" said Bowser happily, "There's barely a terminal, their luggage carousel is a broken down horsie-ride and all of the workers are little face-people and they look so cute and non-intimidating!"

"_What did you say?_" said a Mr. Saturn angrily.

"I said," said Bowser, putting on his 'aww you're so cute' face and smiling happily, "…all of the workers are little face-people and they look so cute and non-intimidating!"

The Mr. Saturn picked up a crowbar and held it up threateningly.

"Aww," said Bowser, patting the Mr. Saturn on the head, "You're so cute!"

"_Aagh!_" screamed the Mr. Saturn, hitting Bowser with the crowbar.

"Aww…" said Bowser happily, "You're slightly feisty but still very cute!"

"_Take that back!_" said the Mr. Saturn angrily.

"Don't worry! You'll one day grow up to be big and strong!" said Bowser in a baby-voice.

"_Shut up!_" said the Mr. Saturn, whistling to summon the other Mr. Saturns.

"You should stop now," said Ganondorf, alarmed.

"Aww, what are they going to do?" said Bowser, chuckling proudly, "Hurt me?"

"_Strap him down!_" said the Mr. Saturn angrily.

"Aww," said Bowser being strapped down and torched alive, "Aren't you so cute?"

"Bowser, you can stop now," said Ganondorf angrily.

"What are they going to do?" laughed Bowser, "It's not like they're large enough to-"

The tribal leader, a gigantic, mammoth-sized Mr. Saturn shook the ground as he walked up, unsettling the nearby trees and the several erected buildings near the airport. The Mr. Saturn, who was about six times as large as Bowser glared angrily at him.

"It was him!" said Bowser chuckling, pointing to the Mr. Saturn that he met as they arrived.

That Mr Saturn screamed as the other Mr Saturns and the gigantic Mr. Saturn ate him alive.

The gigantic Mr. Saturn stomped off angrily.

"Now have you seen how far you've come to death?" said Ganondorf angrily.

"Yeah," said Bowser, scared, cutting up his ropes.

The Mr. Saturns glared angrily at Bowser, and threw Bowser's luggage at him.

Bowser looked at a Mr. Saturn and smiled.

"Aww," said Bowser, patting the Mr. Saturn on the head, "You're so cute!"

"No," said Ganondorf almost instantaneously.

"Okay!" said Bowser quickly, frightened.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Wow, the Mr. Saturn's aren't as nice as I thought they were from the games," said Kirby, staring shocked at the Mr. Saturns several metres away eating a cow alive.

"_This should help their dirty habits!_" said Jigglypuff, throwing a grenade at the Mr. Saturns.

The grenade blew up, missing the Mr. Saturns by several metres.

"What was that for?" said Kirby, hysterical.

"_Oh, I thought it was a chew toy,_" said Jigglypuff chuckling.

The Mr. Saturns glared at Jigglypuff angrily.

"_But apparently it wasn't,_" chuckled Jigglypuff.

The Mr. Saturns glared at Jigglypuff angrily.

Jigglypuff threw a chew toy at the Mr. Saturns in desperation.

Nothing happened.

"_Oh,_" said Jigglypuff.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"So it's a ten minute walk to the mudbath?" said Donkey Kong, enquiring at the information desk.

"_Yes,_" replied a small Mr. Saturn.

"I think our biggest strength is our communication with the locals!" said Donkey Kong to the camera, walking along. "Me and the Mr. Saturns have so much in common! We live in a untouched, natural habitat and we are the same size! We-"

"But you're not the same size," said Zelda.

"SHUT UP!" cried Donkey Kong.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Here's the mudbath! There's the clue box!" said Kirby, waving to the locals who were about puffball size.

"_Detour!_" said Jigglypuff.

"Jigs, you haven't even taken a clue," said Kirby.

Jigglypuff took a clue.

"_Yield!_" said Jigglypuff.

"Jigs, you haven't opened the clue."

Jigglypuff opened the clue.

"_Road Block?_" said Jigglypuff, annoyed.

"Road Block! A Road Block is a task that only one person may perform!" said Master Hand, "In this Road Block, that team member go into this acre-sized mudbath, the largest in the entirety of Eagleland! They must then, with the help of any willing locals, search through the bath for just one of eight Smashy Amazing Race flags! Once they have found any of these flags, they will be handed their next clue!"

"Jigs, you should do it!" said Kirby, "You're the lucky one!"

_Jigglypuff  
On the Road Block_

"_Oh,_" sulked Jigglypuff, trotting around in the mud, "_Look at me! I'm Kirby! I think Jigglypuff is really lucky!_"

Jigglypuff pouted and looked down at the ground.

Jigglypuff spotted a flag.

"_Yay!_" said Jigglypuff, picking it up.

Jigglypuff ran with the flag and up to a Mr. Saturn, and then got her next clue.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Well done!" said Kirby to Jigglypuff, who was holding the clue.

"_Detour?_" said Jigglypuff, shocked.

"Open the clue," said Kirby, annoyed.

"_Oh,_" said Jigglypuff, opening the clue. "_You must now sign up for one of two charter flights to Threed! Once you are there, search the watchtower for your next clue!_"

"Upon completing the Road Block, teams must walk two hundred metres to this travel agent, where they will sign up for one of two flight to Threed, one leaving at 12:30 PM and one leaving at 1:00 PM!" said Master Hand, "If teams cannot finish the task before the second flight leaves, they **will** board the second flight and incur a four-hour penalty for not completing the Road Block!"

"Okay!" said Kirby, walking up to the travel agent. "We're on the first flight, Jigs!"

Kirby and Jigglypuff did a high-five.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
On 12:30 PM Charter Flight_

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Road Block!" said Zelda, "Do you want to search?"

"Okay," said Donkey Kong. "Nothing can possibly go wrong!"

…

"What was I doing again?" said Donkey Kong.

"You were searching," said Zelda.

"Searching for what?" said Donkey Kong.

"That's it, we're swapping!" said Zelda angrily.

_Master Hand_

"No you can't."

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"Darn it!" said Zelda angrily.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Okay, I'll do it!" said Bowser.

"Don't make me regret it," said Ganondorf angrily.

Bowser looked around in the mud for several seconds.

"It's too hard!" cried Bowser, his tears going everywhere.

"I can't believe you," said Ganondorf angrily.

Bowser started to cry on Ganondorf's shoulder.

"This is going to take a while," said Ganondorf angrily.

_Donkey Kong  
On the Road Block_

"Donkey Kong!" shouted Zelda, "You need to devise some sort of system to search more efficiently!"

"What do you think I'm doing?" said Donkey Kong angrily, punching the ground repeatedly.

"You're punching the ground repeatedly," said Zelda, sighing.

"Well I'm doing a damn good job of it!" said Donkey Kong angrily, punching the ground harder.

His fist broke.

"Ow!" said Donkey Kong.

Zelda sighed.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
On 12:30 PM Charter Flight_

"Come on," said Kirby, playing jump-robe with a Mr. Saturn in one hand and drinking a thickshake in the other, "Let's go and help cheer on the other teams!"

"_As in spite them because they haven't found the clue yet!_" said Jigglypuff.

"Yay!" cheered Kirby.

_Donkey Kong  
On the Road Block_

"Hurry!" said Zelda, "Kirby and Jigglypuff are here!"

"Okay!" said Donkey Kong, frantically digging mud up and tossing it towards Bowser's general direction.

"_We're already done!_" said Jigglypuff happily, holding a clue in one and sipping a Mr. Saturn in the other.

"Put me down!" said the Mr. Saturn.

"_Oh, I thought you were the name of my cocktail!_" laughed Jigglypuff, putting the Mr. Saturn down.

"Jigs, you ordered a Margherita. How did you stuff up?" said Kirby, confused.

"_Shut up!_" cried Jigglypuff.

_Bowser  
On the Road Block_

A circle of Mr. Saturns glared angrily at Bowser.

"What did I go?" said Bowser angrily.

"Bowser, you just squashed several of their houses," said Ganondorf.

"With what?" said Bowser angrily.

"Your shell," shouted Ganondorf.

"That's not true!" said Bowser, spinning around and knocking several houses over. "I am **very **careful with what I do with my shell!"

Bowser watched his shell carefully, and then had a random spasm that caused him to fall backwards into the town church.

The Mr. Saturns glared at Bowser angrily.

"Heh," chuckled Bowser nervously, "I can finally see your train of thought here!"

"Okay, now stop it," said a Mr. Saturn angrily.

"Okay," said Bowser happily, stomping on the town schoolhouse.

The Mr. Saturns glared at Bowser angrily.

"Sorry?" chuckled Bowser nervously.

The Mr. Saturns tied up Bowser and lit a fire nearby.

"Is that a marshmallow roasting fire, cuties?" said Bowser, grinning innocently.

"No," said Ganondorf, "They're going to burn you alive."

"Oh," said Bowser.

They burnt Bowser alive.

_Donkey Kong  
On the Road Block_

"DK, there's the flag!" said Zelda, point to a half-exposed Amazing Race flag in the dirt at Donkey Kong's feet.

"Where?" said Donkey Kong, excitedly.

"At your feet!" said Zelda.

"Where?" said Donkey Kong, looking around.

"At your feet!" said Zelda impatiently.

"Where's 'yourfeet'?" said Donkey Kong, confused.

"At your feet!" said Zelda, walking into the mud and pointing.

"Where?" said Zelda, picking up the flag.

_Master Hand_

"No interference!" said Master Hand angrily.

_Donkey Kong  
On the Road Block_

"Shut up!" said Zelda angrily.

_Bowser  
On the Road Block_

"Bowser!" shouted Ganondorf, pronouncing each word carefully, "There's a flag below you!"

"I know!" said Bowser, tied up and being carried on a stretcher into a wall of fire. "I'm just having a bit of a hard time reaching it!"

_Donkey Kong  
On the Road Block_

"Okay!" said Donkey Kong triumphantly, after several miserable attempts at picking up the flag.

"Get the clue, quick!" said Zelda, running up to the Mr. Saturn supervisor.

_Bowser  
On the Road Block_

"I've got it!" said Bowser, breaking out of the stretcher and taking the flag.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"You must now sign up for one of two charter flights to Threed! Once you are there, search the watchtower for your next clue!" read Zelda, "You must sign up for one of two flights, each leaving half an hour apart! Only two teams will be let on the first flight!"

"Come on," said Donkey Kong, "We have to beat Bowser and Ganondorf!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"You must sign up for one of two flights, each leaving half an hour apart! Only two teams will be let on the first flight!" read Bowser.

"Let's go!" said Ganondorf, "We're not being beaten in a sprint again!"

"Go!" screamed Bowser, taking off.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"Hurry!" said Zelda, panicking, "They're only twenty metres behind us!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"We're gaining!" screamed Bowser, running as fast as he could, "We can still make this flight!"

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"Oh no!" said Zelda, "They're almost level with us!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"We're passing them!" cheered Ganondorf, "We've got it in the bag!"

"We've got it in the bag," sung Bowser and Ganondorf in a jolly manner, their eyes now closed, "We've got it in the bag, we've got it in the bag, we've got it in the bag!"

Bowser and Ganondorf continued to sing while running and were oblivious to the fact that they had run past the travel agency several minutes beforehand.

"NUUE!1" screamed Bowser, ages away from the travel agents.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Oh look, here's the travel agent!" said Donkey Kong, strolling towards the travel agent.

"GAAH!" screamed Bowser angrily in frustration several dozen metres away.

"Seeing that it was such an effortless occasion to jog at such a low speed," said Zelda happily.

"That was our hardest pace we've ever run!" said Bowser angrily.

"…we'll just sip these sodas casually and give them a forty second time barrier to overtake us!" said Zelda.

"Yay!" cheered Donkey Kong.

"I'll kill them!" cursed Bowser.

Donkey Kong and Zelda sipped their sodas in an annoyingly happy fashion and then took their tickets.

"I'll kill them!" cursed Bowser.

With a huge struggle he tried to stand up but was met with limited success.

"When I get the energy to stand up!" cursed Bowser.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
On 12:30 PM Charter Flight_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
On 1:00 PM Charter Flight_

"Great," said Bowser, "We're now equal with the people we thought were clearly eliminated."

_Saturn Valley Airport_

_2__nd__ Air Four Flight  
Landed at 10:13 AM_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're finally here," said Falcon, taking his bag.

"Aww, these Mr. Saturns are so cute," said Samus. "They bounce around so cutely!"

Samus pointed to the gangs of Mr. Saturns who were kickboxing each other for petrol money and smiled.

"Are you calling me cute?" said a Mr. Saturn, charging towards Samus and starting to whack her in the shins with an axe.

"Aww… isn't he so cute?" said Samus to a shocked Falcon.

"I am **not **cute!" said the Mr. Saturn angrily, shooting at Samus, the bullets deflecting off Samus's armour and narrowly missing Falcon's head.

"Maybe you should leave them alone," said a scared Falcon, pointing to the giant truck-sized Mr. Saturn charging for Samus.

"Why?" said Samus.

"Bad things will happen," said Falcon, trembling in fear, the giant Mr. Saturn now only metres away from Samus.

"What are you talking about?" said Samus, confused.

Falcon pointed cowardly at the giant Mr. Saturn charging towards Samus.

"Oh," laughed Samus, stepping to the side and putting her leg out.

The giant Mr. Saturn tripped and fell, dying.

All of the Mr. Saturns stared in shock.

"Well I guess that's what you do when you try and harm me," said Samus, chuckling.

"Yeah, that's right!" said Falcon, pointing and laughing. "You can't harm **her **with her armour! The only person you could harm is-"

…

The Mr. Saturns looked at Falcon angrily.

"This isn't going to end good, is it?" said Falcon nervously.

The Mr. Saturns turned back to Samus and began to revere her as a god.

"Phew!" said Falcon.

"Eat him alive," said Samus.

They did.

_Saturn Valley_

_Samus and Falcon  
Last at Road Block_

"Road Block!" read Samus.

"Do you want to do it?" said Falcon, "You can use your skills or something."

"Okay," said Samus.

Samus used a conveniently-placed draining device in her suit to start vacuuming up the mud.

"That's cheating!" complained Falcon. "If you're going to suck up the mud, at least-"

Samus picked up Falcon by the legs and started to forcefeed him the mud.

Falcon choked to death.

"Oh, what a shame!" laughed Samus hysterically.

Several passers-by stared in shock.

"Uh…" said Samus.

Samus picked up the flag.

"Yay!" said the passers-by, applauding.

_Charter Flight One  
12:30 PM_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"We're very excited to be on the first flight," said Kirby, "Because I think we have a pretty safe chance on the top three!"

"_And plus,_" added Jigglypuff, "_This aeroplane is equipped with seatbelts!_"

"All aeroplanes are equipped with seatbelts," said Kirby, chuckling.

"_Stop correcting my mistakes!_" said Jigglypuff angrily, "_I know I sometimes splay the wrong things!_"

"Say," laughed Kirby.

"_Gaah!_" screamed Jigglypuff hysterically, trying to hit a laughing Kirby with one of the plane's engines.

_Charter Flight Two  
1:00 PM_

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"This is the fourth time we've been on foot by Zelda and Donkey Kong!" said Bowser angrily, "We simply just cannot lose on foot to them again! And we lost half an hour because of that!"

"All teams are now on one of two charter flights to Threed!" said Master Hand, "Kirby and Jigglypuff and Zelda and Donkey Kong are on the 12:30 PM flight, which lands at 1:15 PM! Bowser and Ganondorf and Samus and Falcon are on the 1:00 flight that lands at 1:45 PM!"

_Threed Airport_

_1__st__ Charter Flight  
Landed at 1:15 PM_

"Once teams have landed, they must make their way to this watchtower, where they must search for their next clue!" said Master Hand.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Finally! A city with people!" said Donkey Kong, hugging a random bystander and almost choking him.

"Maybe you shouldn't squeeze so hard," said Zelda.

"Why?" said Donkey Kong.

Donkey Kong had a bleeding body with organs spilling out in his hands.

"Oh," said Donkey Kong.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Taxi!" said Kirby, flagging down a taxi and hopping in.

Kirby hopped onto the seat and Jigglypuff followed,

"Man," said Kirby sighing, "I really miss those Mr. Saturns."

"_It's okay!_" said Jigglypuff cheerfully, "_I brought some of them along!_"

Jigglypuff took out a Mr. Saturn from her bag and started to chew on him, much to his disapproval.

Said Kirby objectionately, "Jigs, you can't just take a Mr. Saturn from his home and-"

"_Fine,_" said Jigglypuff, sighing, taking a Mr. Saturn from her bag and passing him to Kirby.

"Thanks, Jigs!" said Kirby, eating the Mr. Saturn.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're here!" said Donkey Kong, closing the taxi door.

Donkey Kong and Zelda shuffled into the building elegantly, and then took a clue.

"Detour!" said Donkey Kong after opening the clue, "Postman or Milkman?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand in a dramatic voice, "A detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour: Postman… or…"

Master Hand paused dramatically.

"They already said the second option when they opened the clue!" said the cameraman.

"Shut up," said Master Hand impatiently.

"But-"

"Guards!" shouted Master Hand.

A pack of muscly men picked up the cameraman and mauled him alive.

"Ha, ha, ha," laughed Master Hand.

The rest of the production crew stared at Master Hand in shock.

"Uh…" said Master Hand.

_Take Two_

"Detour!" said Master Hand in a dramatic voice, "A detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour: Postman or Milkman!  
"In Postman, teams will go to this cemetery, and using a map inside their clue envelope, navigate through the graveyard to one of four graves marked in red on the map!" said Master Hand, "Once teams have located the correct grave, they must figure out that the shovels at the clue box have to be used for digging up the grave! Once they have dug through the grave far enough, they will find a colourful package!"  
"With that package, teams must then deliver it to the local rock climbing centre! Once they have put on the appropriate gear and have been briefed on the proper safety procedures, they will scale a fifty metre wall made of zombie paper, made out of real, moving zombies! Once they have made it to the top, they will be handed their next clue. This task seems hard, but people who love zombie-climbing will have a ball of a time!"  
"In Milkman, teams must sell ten bottles of milk. What teams do not know is that nobody in Threed likes milk."

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"What kind of idiot would actually do postman?" said Zelda.

"Ooh, that sounds fun!" said Donkey Kong happily.

Zelda glared at Donkey Kong angrily.

"Okay, we'll sell milk," said Donkey Kong, shrugging.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We'll sell milk," said Kirby happily.

"_But I want to climb on zombies!_" said Jigglypuff.

"Jigglypuff, the last thing that we need is to-"

"_See? I love zombies!_" said Jigglypuff, holding up a telemarketer.

Kirby and Jigglypuff heartily chuckled.

_Miranda_

"Being a telemarketer, that is just **offensive.** We aren't just mindless zombies who repeat the same thing over and over again," said Miranda angrily.

Miranda glared at the camera angrily.

…

"Being a telemarketer, that is just **offensive.** We aren't just mindless zombies who repeat the same thing over and over again," said Miranda angrily.

Miranda glared at the camera angrily.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Bottles of Lon Lon Milk Sold: 0_

Zelda and Donkey Kong walked through the crowded city market.

"Sir, would you like some Lon Lon milk?" said Donkey Kong, taking out a bottle of milk from his crate.

"Sure," said a man, fumbling through his wallet for coins.

"Here you go," said Donkey Kong, handing over the bottle of milk.

"Wow, this task is so easy," said Zelda, "There must be a catch to it!"

The man took a sip and due to the high calcium contents, had a large spasm in front of everyone in the market.

Everyone stared in shock.

"Does anyone want any milk?" said Donkey Kong, smiling nervously.

Everyone stared in shock.

"They gave us _poison milk_?" said Zelda incredulously.

"Nonsense," said DK. "Look, I'll take a sip of it myself!"

_Hospital Ward_

"I hate this race," said Donkey Kong.

_Threed Cemetery_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"I can't believe we ended up doing Postman," said Kirby, kicking at the ground.

"_Yes you can!_" said Jigglypuff. "_Silly-billy!_"

"It's a figure of speech," said Kirby.

"_I knew that,_" said Jigglypuff. She looked at the graveyard map and pointed forward. "_We go this way._"

"The reason I said that," said Kirby, begrudgingly following her, "is that every single person and signpost in this town says that this graveyard is haunted."

"_Don't be silly!_" said Jigglypuff. "_There's no such thing as ghosts!_"

A ghost floated up to them, red eyes glowing angrily.

"What's that, then?" yelped Kirby.

"_It's clearly you under a white blanket_," said Jigglypuff, turning to look at Kirby.

She looked at the ghost.

She looked at Kirby.

She looked at the ghost.

She looked at Kirby.

"_Yep, just you under a white blanket,_" chuckled Jigglypuff.

_2__nd__ Charter Flight  
Landed at 1:45 PM_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Come on, let's go," said Samus, dragging Falcon along and shoving him into a taxi. "Take us to the watchtower!"

"Say baby," said Falcon slyly. "How about-"

Samus glared at Falcon angrily. "No flirting."

"Woah baby," said Falcon slyly, "There's no need to be afraid! How about after this race we cuddle up in front of the fire and have ourselves a little fun?"

"Yes!" said Samus ecstatically, lunging into Falcon's arms.

"Really?" said Falcon hopefully.

"No," said Samus angrily.

"But," whimpered Falcon, "You… you said yes!"

"I lied," said Samus.

"But," cried Falcon, "You're… you're a liar!"

"Falcon, I can't believe-"

"Waah!" cried Falcon.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"We really don't want to be here," said Ganondorf angrily.

"Come on," said Bowser, "If we come last, you **must **have taken something out of the race!"

"Nope," said Ganondorf angrily.

"Not even a little bit?" said Bowser.

"Nope," said Ganondorf angrily.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Bottles of Lon Lon Milk Sold: 1_

"I don't understand why nobody likes milk here!" said Donkey Kong, frustrated. "Why doesn't anyone want to buy milk?"

Donkey Kong spotted a potential customer and put on his businessman-like charm. "Would you like to buy some milk, sir?"

"Go screw yourself," said the man angrily.

Donkey Kong walked up to another man.

"How about you, sir?" said Donkey Kong.

"You salesmen are so pathetic," said the poorly-shaven man.

"Why can't we get any sales?" said Donkey Kong, pulling his hair out.

"Maybe it's the location," said Zelda.

"Nah," said Donkey Kong, looking at the prisoners inside their cells, "Everyone should have spending money here!"

_Threed Cemetery_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"Jigs, I seem to be digging as fast as I can, but I'm just not making progress!" said a frustrated Kirby, furiously digging up the dirt and placing it on the side.

"_I know, it's like someone's digging it up when I'm trying to fill it!_" said Jigglypuff angrily, pushing the dirt furiously into the grave with her shovel.

Kirby looked at Jigglypuff shocked.

"Jigs, you've been filling the grave the entire time?" said Kirby, annoyed, "We're supposed to dig it out, **not **fill it!"

"_Oh,_" said Jigglypuff. "_Sorry Kirby!_"

Jigglypuff beamed cheerfully.

"That's okay, we all make mistakes," said Kirby happily, digging out more dirt.

Kirby noticed Jigglypuff was still pushing the dirt back into the grave.

"I said dig it out!" said Kirby hysterically.

"_Oh,_" said Jigglypuff, "_Sorry, I won't-_"

"Jigs, you're still pushing it back in," said Kirby annoyed.

"_Oh,_" laughed Jigglypuff, starting to dig properly.

_Threed Watchtower_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Postman or Milkman?" read Samus.

"I think we should do the delivery. Selling milk is just stupid anyway," said Falcon.

"Okay," said Samus, agreeing.

…

"And what kind of stupid task choice is postman or milkman?" said Falcon angrily.

"Master Hand spent all day thinking about that choice!" said one of Master Hand's thugs, offended.

"Okay! Okay!" said Falcon, frantic, "I take it back!"

"You take what back?" said the thug angrily.

"That this is a stupid task choice," said Falcon angrily.

"Master Hand spent all day thinking about that choice!" said one of Master Hand's thugs, offended.

"I took that back!" said Falcon angrily.

"You took what back?" said the thug.

"That the tasks are stupid!" said Falcon angrily.

"Master Hand spent all day thinking about that choice!" said one of Master Hand's thugs, offended.

"Stop repeating everything! You're like some stupid telemarketer," said Falcon angrily.

_Miranda_

"Being a telemarketer, that is just **offensive.** We aren't just mindless zombies who repeat the same thing over and over again," said Miranda angrily.

Miranda glared at the camera angrily.

…

"Being a telemarketer, that is just **offensive.** We aren't just mindless zombies who repeat the same thing over and over again," said Miranda angrily.

Miranda glared at the camera angrily.

Miranda's arm fell off.

"Ow," said Miranda angrily.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"Postman or Milkman?" read Bowser.

"Postman," said Ganondorf.

"And what kind of stupid-"

"Maybe you shouldn't criticise Master Hand's tasks," whispered Ganondorf, pointing to the charred remains of Falcon.

"Okay," said Bowser, trembling.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Bottles of Lon Lon Milk Sold: 2_

"I don't get it!" said Donkey Kong, frustrated, "Are we just going in the wrong locations?"

"I know why!" said Zelda, snapping her fingers, "We just need a slogan and a jingle, and then they'll be **begging **to buy the milk!"

Zelda grabbed a whiteboard and started to brainstorm, much to the objection of the other people in the unemployment agency they were standing in.

_Threed Cemetery_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
On Postman: 1__st__ to find package_

"Jigs, I've found the package!" said Kirby proudly, covered in mud.

"_I thought __**I**__ found the package,_" said Jigglypuff, disappointed, holding up a computer-sized piece of diamond, tossing it back in anger.

"Jigs, you know you can use the diamond for money," suggested Kirby.

"_Oh!_" said Jigglypuff cheerfully, grabbing the diamond.

Kirby and Jigglypuff walked along with the package and the large diamond respectively.

"So…" said Kirby, "We have fifteen minutes or so to kill… what should we do?"

"_Let's sing!_" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.

"NOOO!" screamed Kirby in slow motion.

"_If you go down to the city…_" sang Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff noticed Kirby was in a deep sleep.

"_Okay, wake up now, Kirby!_" laughed Jigglypuff.

Kirby was in a deep sleep.

"_Come on!_" said Jigglypuff impatiently.

Kirby was in a deep sleep.

"_Well there's only one thing I can do now!_" said Jigglypuff sadly.

Jigglypuff ran off to the local butcher, bought some fish and placed some raw fish on him.

Kirby didn't wake up.

"_Hmm…_" said Jigglypuff, "_All it seems to have done is make him smell…_"

…

"…_like raw fish…_" observed Jigglypuff.

_Samus and Falcon  
On Postman_

"So…" said Falcon, leaning on his shovel as Samus dug up the dirt at a highly efficient rate, "Don't you think there's something kinky about… digging up graves… in a graveyard surrounded with ghosts?"

"No," said Samus.

"Oh, okay," said Falcon, scratching his head, "Well… I was just wondering and stuff… yeah…"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
On Postman_

"You're doing great, Bowser," said Ganondorf, watching Bowser dig up the dirt furiously.

"Thanks," said Bowser, sweating rapidly.

…

"How come I'm not getting any praise?" said Ganondorf angrily, leaning on his shovel.

"Because you're not doing anything!" said Bowser angrily.

"It's a capitalist society," replied Ganondorf angrily. "I'm simply tougher and stronger than-"

Bowser tapped Ganondorf on the shins.

"Ow!" screamed Ganondorf, dramatically falling to the ground.

Bowser rolled his eyes.

"Ow! Ow!" screamed Ganondorf, grabbing his shins in pain.

_Threed Medical Clinic_

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Bottles of Lon Lon Milk Sold: 4_

"Oh great, now we can't sell in the **doctor's office**?" said Donkey Kong angrily, "There's tons of people here and nobody wants to buy them!"

"Maybe they're not buying anything because the queues are so long," said Zelda, pointing to the skeletons sitting on the chairs.

"Oh, how original!" said Donkey Kong angrily, "The waiting lines for doctors' surgeries are so long there are skeletons there! Ha, ha!"

"Well," said Zelda, chuckling, "The _receptionists_ are skeletons!"

"Yay!" cheered everyone, who then proceeded to heartily chuckle.

_Threed Cemetery_

_Samus and Falcon  
On Postman: 2__nd__ to find package_

"I found it!" said Samus excitedly.

Samus and Falcon stepped out of the grave.

"I wonder what's in the package?" said Falcon suggestively, walking along. "I bet it's something really… fun…"

Falcon opened the package to reveal bubble wrap.

"Oh…" said Falcon, walking along. "It's just bubble wrap…"

Falcon looked at Samus.

"You aren't- you aren't attracted in anyway to bubble wrap, are you?" asked Falcon curiously.

"No!" said Samus, offended.

"Oh… because I was just asking…" said Falcon.

Awkward silence.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
On Postman_

"We're here!" said Kirby, running along with Jigglypuff into the rock climbing centre.

"Come on, Jigs, get your safety equipment on!" said Kirby, putting on an oversized harness that covered his entire body.

"_How is this supposed to fit me?_" said Jigglypuff angrily, holding the harness that she fit through the middle of.

"I'm sorry," said a worker, "You're going to have to put on the harness or you can't complete the task!"

"_Please…_" said Jigglypuff, begging cutely.

"No," said the worker firmly.

"_Please…_" said Jigglypuff, doing her puppy eyes.

"No," said the worker firmly.

"_Why are there zombies in a rock climbing centre?_" said Jigglypuff, "_If it's not in the fair practices manual then I'll-_"

The worker gave Jigglypuff a boost up the wall.

"_Whee!_" said Jigglypuff cheerfully, forgetting what she said previously.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Bottles of Lon Lon Milk Sold: 5_

"Selling milk is so frustrating!" said Donkey Kong angrily, "And there's no more jokes we can make about milk!"

"Milk…" said Zelda, uninspired, "More like… silk…"

"That was so uninspired," said Donkey Kong.

"I know," said Zelda angrily, pointing to the words 'uninspired'.

_Rofl Pony  
_"Wells can be used to retrieve water."

_Threed Rock Climbing Centre_

_Samus and Falcon  
0/50m up_

"Here's the centre!" said Falcon.

Falcon spotted two pink objects among the huge zombie wall.

"Great, the puffballs are here," said Falcon.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
34m up_

"Jigs, climb faster!" said Kirby, "We don't want to be eliminated! We may be in last place here!"

"_I'm sorry, I'm just scared of heights!_" said Jigglypuff, screaming wildly at the thought that she was climbing the wall blindfolded with one hand.

_Samus and Falcon  
14m up_

"We're catching them!" said Falcon.

"Besides, they're not particularly skilled in this athletic kind of area," said Samus smirking while climbing up at a fast speed.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
40m up_

"Jigs, don't listen to them talking about us being unathletic," said Kirby, "It's simply not true, we are the fittest and most athletic racers that-"

Kirby noticed Jigglypuff was latching on to his legs in desperation due to the lack of energy.

"Maybe not," said Kirby, sighing.

_Samus and Falcon  
34m up_

"We've got this in the bag, girl," said Falcon suavely.

"Don't call me 'girl'," said Samus angrily.

"Sorry girl," teased Samus,

"Daah," said Samus angrily, hitting Falcon, almost making him fall off the wall.

"Samus, don't do that," said Falcon calmly, "We're a team!"

Falcon smiled cutely.

Samus muttered a sentence under her breath with the only audible words being heard 'after the race', 'mutilate' and 'body'.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
45 m up_

"We're almost at the top, Jigs!" said Kirby. "Don't mind the zombies!"

_Samus and Falcon  
42m up_

"We're catching up!" said Falcon, making one last leap for the top. Finally reaching his destination, he grabbed the clue and opened it.

"You must now make your way to the pit stop, located in the circus!" read Falcon, "Warning, the last team to arrive **will **be eliminated!"

"Teams must now travel two hundred metres to the local circus; the eleventh pit stop on the race around the world!" said Master Hand, "Teams must hurry, as the last team to arrive **will **be eliminated!"

"Let's go," said Samus.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"_Warning, the last team to arrive __**will **__be eliminated!_" read Jigglypuff.

"Come on, Jigs, we're just a minute behind!" said Kirby eagerly.

_Samus and Falcon_

"I will seriously kill you if you try and flirt with me now," said Samus angrily, sprinting along.

"Woah babe if you-"

Samus took a hacksaw out of her suit.

"I see you mean business," said Falcon, threatened.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"Jigs, we can do this!" said Kirby eagerly, "They're up ahead!"

_Samus and Falcon_

"Those puffballs are catching up! Hurry Falcon!" said Samus angrily.

_Pit Stop_

Lots of dramatic swooping camera angles occurred.

Samus and Falcon, exhausted, stepped on the world map.

"Samus and Falcon, you are team number one!" said Master Hand.

_Samus and Falcon  
1__st__ Place_

"Yes," said Samus triumphantly.

"And I have some very good news," said Master Hand, "You are one of **three **teams that will be racing to the finish line for first place in The Smashy Amazing Race and **one million dollars**!"

"Woo," said Samus excitedly.

"So how do you guys feel?" said Master Hand, "You've come last twice and been yielded, but you've made it! How good does it feel to be in the final three?"

"We were expecting it," said Samus, smirking. "After all, I am so awesome!"

Samus beamed proudly.

"You're supposed to be grateful and talk about how awesome the producers are," said Master Hand angrily.

"No!" said Samus angrily.

"_I am __**so**__ rigging it so you guys don't win…_" muttered Master Hand angrily under his breath.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
2__nd__ Place_

Kirby and Jigglypuff waddled cutely onto the map.

"Kirby and Jigglypuff," said Master Hand, "You are team number two!"

"What?!" said Kirby and Jigglypuff in unison excitedly.

"I thought because Samus and Falcon were in front of us we were last!" said Kirby, shocked.

"And to add to this, you are one of **three **teams that will be racing to the finish line for first place in The Smashy Amazing Race and **one million dollars**!" said Master Hand.

"Woo!" said Kirby.

"_Mwahaha,_" cackled Jigglypuff.

"We're the cuties," whispered Kirby.

"_Yay!_" cheered Jigglypuff cutely, doing a cute handstand in a cute way.

"Oh man," said Kirby, realising, "This means either Bowser and Ganondorf or Zelda and DK are going to have to go…"

_Threed Primary School_

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Bottles of Lon Lon Milk Sold: 6_

"We're doing good," said Zelda proudly, taking the coins for the next bottle.

_Threed Graveyard_

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
On Postman_

"Man, if we don't find this package we are done for," said Bowser, frustrated, digging furiously, "Samus and Falcon left ages ago and if we don't find this freaking thing we'll be out of here!"

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Bottles of Lon Lon Milk Sold: 9_

"Thanks," said Donkey Kong, handing out the next bottle.

"Man, why didn't we think of selling milk to nerdy kids who think this is actually cool?" said Zelda, laughing.

The kids glared at Zelda, shocked.

"And see the disappointment in their faces when they find out that milk isn't cool!"

Zelda and Donkey Kong both laughed.

The kids glared at Zelda, shocked.

"Great, now we need to find someone to sell the last bottle to!" said Donkey Kong angrily.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
On Postman: Last to find package_

"I found it!" said Bowser triumphantly, taking the package out of the dirt.

"Come on! We still may have a chance," said Ganondorf, grabbing Bowser out of the grave.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Bottles of Lon Lon Milk Sold: 9_

"We're not selling in the doctor's office again!" said Donkey Kong, annoyed.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
On Postman_

"Run quickly! Run quickly!" said Bowser, puffing as he sprinted along.

"Gaah!" screamed Ganondorf angrily, taking a jungle knife and hacking several puppy dogs along the way.

"NUUUEZ!" screamed Bowser.

"Don't worry, you'll forget it about tomorrow," said Ganondorf apologetically.

"Yeah, probably," said Bowser, unaware a severed puppy head was stuck to one of his spikes.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Bottles of Lon Lon Milk Sold: 9_

"I'll buy some milk!" said a man desperately, running up to Donkey Kong.

"That will be two dollars," said Donkey Kong.

"Wow," said the man, reaching for his wallet, "I haven't been sold milk for years! Why in fact-"

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
0m up_

"We're here!" screamed Ganondorf, barging straight through the doors and crushing several preschoolers that had just had their first rock climbing experience.

"Ganondorf!" said Bowser angrily.

"You'll forget about it," said Ganondorf.

"Yeah, I guess…" said Bowser, oblivious to the fact there was a squashed preschooler caught on his shell.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Bottles of Lon Lon Milk Sold: 9_

"…and drinking milk was the fashion in the day as calcium was also in!" explained the man, "But then came the great milk famine of…"

"Uggh," said Donkey Kong angrily.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
0m up_

"Get up here!" said Ganondorf angrily, climbing frailly up the zombie wall.

"Okay!" said Bowser, tiptoeing gradually up the wall.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Bottles of Lon Lon Milk Sold: 9_

"…and that is why nobody else in Threed buys milk and I'm the only one who drinks it on a regular basis!" said the man.

"Phew," said Donkey Kong and Zelda, applauding.

"Which reminds me of the time when…"

Zelda and Donkey Kong groaned.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
24m up_

"You're doing good, Bowser!" said Ganondorf, "Halfway to go!"

"WHAT?!" said Bowser, outraged, "I thought we were done already!"

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Bottles of Lon Lon Milk Sold: 9_

"Okay," said Donkey Kong, cutting off the next anecdote, "Do you want to buy some milk?"

"Yes," said the man, handing over a gold coin.

"Yay!" cheered Zelda and Donkey Kong, being given a clue.

"You must now make your way to the pit stop, located in the circus!" read Zelda, "Warning, the last team to arrive **will **be eliminated!"

"Let's go!" said Donkey Kong.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"We made it!" said Bowser exhausted, taking the clue.

"You must now make your way to the pit stop, located in the circus!" read Ganondorf, "Warning, the last team to arrive **will **be eliminated!"

"Let's go!" said Bowser, jumping fifty metres down onto solid wood.

The floor cracked.

"Ow," said Bowser.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"Two hundred metres to the circus!" said Zelda, pointing to a sign.

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"There's the circus!" said Bowser, pointing.

Ganondorf looked in the distance, "Oh no, Zelda and Donkey Kong! But how?"

"They're running to the circus in the opposite direction from us! They must've sold milk!" said Bowser.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"Look, it's Bowser and Ganondorf!" said Zelda, suddenly panicking, "They could be in last place! Hurry!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"Bowser, we have seventy metres on them," said Ganondorf exhausted, "All we have to do is run into the circus!"

"We are not going to get beaten by Zelda and Donkey Kong again," said Bowser.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"We can beat them! They're slow as!" said Zelda, sprinting along.

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"…every single time we've had a sprint finish with them, we've always been beaten!" said Bowser determined, "And we're clearly not going for first or second so we just **have **to get this!"

"Ten metres!" screamed Ganondorf, exhausted.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"They're almost inside and we're still ages away!" said Zelda, shocked. "I think this may be it!"

Zelda noticed a gigantic line of banana peels in front of Bowser.

"Yay!" cheered Zelda and Donkey Kong.

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"Bowser!" screamed Ganondorf from in front of Bowser, "Watch out for the banana peels!"

"What?" said Bowser.

Bowser slipped on many banana peels.

"NUUEZ!" screamed Bowser.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"Twenty more metres!" said Zelda, sprinting in.

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"You're at the entrance!" said Ganondorf, running onto the pit stop, "Just crawl onto the map!"

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"We're at the entrance! Jump over Bowser!" said Donkey Kong.

Zelda jumped over Bowser and ran onto the pit stop.

"NUUEZ!" screamed Bowser.

"Crawl onto the line!" shouted Ganondorf angrily.

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"Four more metres until the pit stop!" said Ganondorf, watching Bowser slowly crawl towards the pit stop.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong_

"Just run, DK! Run!" said Zelda, adrenaline-pumped.

"I'm coming!" screamed Donkey Kong, running straight towards the entrance that Bowser was blocking lying down.

"Go!" screamed Zelda.

Donkey Kong leaped over Bowser, clearing his shell for the entrance. Master Hand watched in amazement and eagerness.

Realising he had cleared the shell, Donkey Kong pumped his arms up in celebration, hitting the top of the entrance.

"Yess!" screamed Ganondorf within the split second.

"Nuuez!" screamed Zelda.

But he was too strong for the wall, and he broke through, heading straight for the pit stop.

"Yess!" screamed Zelda within the split second.

"Nuuez!" screamed Ganondorf.

But then some shards of wood hit Zelda, making her topple backwards seconds before Donkey Kong landed on the pit stop.

"Yess!" screamed Ganondorf within the split second.

"Nuuez!" screamed Zelda.

But then Zelda started to crawl towards the pit stop.

"Yess!" screamed Zelda within the split second.

"Nuuez!" screamed Ganondorf.

But then Bowser stood up and jumped onto the pit stop.

"NUUEZ!" screamed Zelda.

"Bowser and Ganondorf," said Master Hand, "You are team number **three!**"

Zelda and Donkey Kong sighed.

"Yes!" cheered Ganondorf.

"And for coming in this spot, you are one of **three **teams that will be racing to the finish line for first place in The Smashy Amazing Race and **one million dollars**!" said Master Hand.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
3__rd__ Place_

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Arrived Last_

"Zelda and Donkey Kong, you are the last team to arrive," said Master Hand sadly, "And I am sorry to tell you, you have been eliminated from the race."

"That's okay," said Zelda, slightly teary.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
Interview after leg_

"You know what?" said Donkey Kong slightly emotionally, "I don't care that we didn't make it through to the final three. The first leg we came in eighth and we expected to be out next!"

"Yeah," said Zelda, agreeing.

"But we stayed in," said Donkey Kong, "And we managed to have fun the entire way!"

Zelda nodded in agreement.

"But you know what?" said Donkey Kong, "We don't have to win the race anyway, because I'm already a winner!"

"Really?" said Zelda, happily.

"Yeah," said Donkey Kong.

Zelda and Donkey Kong kissed.

"Aww," said the production crew sweetly.

Zelda and Donkey Kong jumped at the same time, both realising that they had been taped.

"Were you taping that?" said Donkey Kong, shocked.

"Yep," said Master Hand.

"Um… well… er…" said Donkey Kong nervously.

Zelda and Donkey Kong both broke down into tears.

"Aww," said the production crew sweetly.

_Pre Final Leg Bragging_

_Samus and Falcon  
_"We are the **best**, the **strongest **and the **smartest** team and we are going to win The Smashy Amazing Race!" boasted Falcon.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff _  
"We have been underestimated the entire race," said Kirby, "And nothing's going to stop two cuties abusing their power to **win!**"

_Bowser and Ganondorf _  
"The other two teams are going to be so worried about each other they won't even see us when we cross the finish line for a million dollars!" boasted Ganondorf.

"Maybe you should be a bit more mo-"

"No time for modesty!" said Ganondorf angrily, frying Bowser alive.

_Samus and Falcon  
_"To the puffballs," said Samus, "It doesn't matter that you're the best team by average, the team that wins the next leg takes it all!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf _  
"We will literally muscle our way to the finish line!" said Bowser.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff _  
"_And if anybody tried to harm us,_" said Jigglypuff, swinging two nunchakus wildly.

A nunchaku hit Kirby in the face.

"Ow!" said Kirby annoyed.

"_That will happen…_" said Jigglypuff, improvising.

…

"_But not to Kirby of course!_" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.

…

"_To you…_" said Jigglypuff threateningly.

**Finish Times:**

Samus and Falcon: 3:28 PM

Kirby and Jigglypuff: 3:30 PM

Bowser and Ganondorf: 4:02 PM

**Zelda and Donkey Kong: 4:04 PM- Eliminated**

"Next time on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "The three remaining teams will race to be the first to cross the finish line!"

"_You are the official winners of The Smashy Amazing Race!" said Master Hand._

"Who will crumble to the pressure?"

"_This is the line you have crossed!" shouted Ganondorf angrily, crumpling a cookie with his hands._

"And most importantly, who will **win **The Smashy Amazing Race? Find out, **next time!**"

**Community Notices:**

Review and tell us who you want to win The Smashy Amazing Race! The final leg is next, guys! The winners will be revealed next chapter! In case you didn't already know!

(The Smashy Amazing Race: Leg 11: By Hoogiman and Tikitikirevenge)


	13. Final Leg: Mushroom Kingdom

"Last time on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Eleven teams set off on a race around the Nintendo Universe!"

"_Go!" said Master Hand._

"From the starting line, Kirby and Jigglypuff had an excellent task, instantly winning over a taxi driver with their cuteness!"

"_Okay! Okay! I'll drive you to the airport, you cute little puffball!" said the taxi driver, whimpering as well._

"_Uh… their flight leaves in ten minutes…" said Kirby, suddenly cheered up. "So you'll have to drive four times faster then."_

"_I'm not going to-"_

"_Cancer!" said Kirby, starting to break into tears._

"_OKAY!" said the taxi driver, starting to cry, and pressing the acceleration pedal as hard as he could._

_Kirby suddenly stopped crying, and started smiling, enjoying the 480kmph taxi ride._

"Meanwhile, Nana and Luigi had a minor mishap!"

_Nana pulled out a shotgun and levelled it at Luigi's chest. "One last chance."_

_Luigi stared at the gun. "You-a wouldn't shoot me."_

"_Yes, I would," said Nana._

"_No-a you wouldn't," said Luigi._

_Nana shot him._

"_See?" said Nana. "I __will__ shoot you."_

"_Uh…" said Master Hand quietly, "I do believe he's dead."_

"Teams travelled to Onett, where they had to go through a real road block!" said Master Hand. "But it was Kirby and Jigglypuff who came in first!"

_Jigglypuff kissed Kirby on the cheek, and then they did a high-five._

"But Nana and Luigi just could not communicate…"

"_Come on, Luigi, hurry," said Nana, dragging along Luigi's body, who had no skin on his head now, because all of the skin dropped off, due to his head being dragged along the ground._

"…causing them to come in last place and be eliminated!"

"_Nana and Luigi, you are the last team to arrive, which makes you eliminated from the race," said Master Hand._

"Teams then travelled to Sauria, where Bowser and Ganondorf surged ahead on a boulder throwing detour…"

_Bowser used all of his strength, ran up the hill, overtook Kirby and tossed the boulder off the cliff._

"Which helped them finish in first place!" said Master Hand.

"_Yes!" said Ganondorf, waving his fist in the air._

"But it was Pichu's size that caused Mewtwo and Pichu to fall from fourth place to last place!"

_A boulder landed on Pichu._

"The nine remaining teams then flew to Corneria, where Samus and Falcon excelled on a rock climbing task!" said Master Hand.

"_We've got to find a way to motivate us to climb up there quickly!" said Falcon, looking at the top of the rock climbing wall._

"_I know," said Samus, "If you're not up there in ten seconds, I'll kill you!"_

"_Hahaha," laughed Falcon, "good one!"_

"_ONE!" said Samus, firmly._

_Captain Falcon continued laughing._

"_TWO!" shouted Samus._

_Captain Falcon hesitated, realising that it might not be a joke._

"_THREE!" shouted Samus._

_Captain Falcon realised that it wasn't a joke._

"_FOUR!" shouted Samus._

_Captain Falcon hurriedly clipped himself to his harness, and started climbing up the wall._

"_FIVE!" shouted Samus._

_Captain Falcon scampered up the wall._

"_SIX!" shouted Samus._

_Captain Falcon made it up to the top._

_Samus shot Captain Falcon in the head._

"_OW!" shouted Captain Falcon, "What was that for?"_

"But Link and Marth had a bad leg, causing them to come in last place!"

"_At least we had fun, got to see the world, got to appreciate our fans…" said Link._

"Teams then went to and experienced Hyrule, where they had to drink large quantities of milk!" said Master Hand.

"_You're going to drink those two litres," said Samus, bluntly._

"_No way!" said Falcon._

"_And you're going to do it in a minute," said Samus, loading her gun._

"_Uh… okay…" said Falcon, sweating._

"Fox and Roy, who made a blunder on an already completed Fast Forward… came in last!"

"_Oh no!" said Fox, pointing. "There's the nerds already!"_

"In the next leg, the seven remaining teams encountered some yield drama!" said Master Hand. "Bowser and Ganondorf arrived at the yield first…"

"_Who should we Yield?" asked Ganondorf. "It's up to you Bowser."_

_Bowser looked at the cute puffballs, and smiled in joy._

_Bowser looked at Samus clenching her fists, and looked scared._

_Bowser looked at the cute puffballs, and smiled in joy._

_Bowser looked at Samus clenching her fists, and looked scared._

_Bowser looked at the cute puffballs, and smiled in joy._

"_Yield Samus, I can't Yield someone so cute!" said Bowser._

_Bowser put Samus and Falcon's name on the yield board._

"…yielding Samus and Falcon! This was met by a less than warm response by Samus!"

"_I'm going to kill you!" screamed Samus._

"_Do your worst," laughed Ganondorf._

_Samus killed Ganondorf._

"But the yield paid off, as they arrived in first!" said Master Hand.

"_Bowser and Ganondorf, you are team number one!" said Master Hand._

"_Yes!" said Ganondorf, doing a triumphant fist movement._

"…while Peach and Mario were given a reprieve for arriving in last!"

"…_pleased to tell you, this is a non-elimination leg!" said Master Hand._

"Teams then travelled to Kanto, where each team faced an unexpected personal cliffhanger!"

"_I'm sorry to disturb you, but we have a warrant," said the police officer, "for her arrest."_

_The police officer pointed at Zelda._

"_You can't just… arrest me!" said Zelda, shocked._

_Cue the dramatic orchestral music._

…

_A deep voice at the other end of the line muttered something._

_Kirby looked at Jigglypuff, not managing to make out the voice._

"_What's he saying?" asked Kirby._

"_I dunno, something about there being a bomb in this taxi!" said Jigglypuff, cheerfully._

_Cue the dramatic orchestral music._

"And despite leaving their passports behind and losing time, Bowser and Ganondorf arrived in first!"

"_Hurrah!" said Bowser._

"And with a close call in the bottom three…"

_Ness stepped on the pit stop mat. "Come on, you only have eight seconds! Sprint Yoshi, sprint!"_

"…we unfortunately had to say goodbye to Peach and Mario!"

"_You've been eliminated! Forever! Haha! Whoo!" screamed Master Hand. "Yes! YESSS! You so had it coming, you know? Our viewers absolutely hate you!_ _AND YOU'RE OUT! YOU SUCK! YOU'RE FINISHED! And what's more, no ratings deals for you! You… all… suck! Ha! Take that! Not so funny now, are you? And now we'll get strong ratings again and beat that stupid show with Sonic and the talking stick on channel 5! SUCK!"_

"Teams then went to tropical Isle Delfino, where with the help of the locals, Kirby and Jigglypuff excelled on a squid carrying task!"

"_Don't worry guys, I'll help you!" said a bearded middle-aged man walking up to them, picking up a squid._

"_Gee, thanks! What a kind person you are!" said Kirby._

"_I'm also a kind person!" said a small man appearing out of nowhere, taking a squid._

"_You're all too kind!" said Kirby, smiling cheerfully._

"_But our mean boss won't give us food if we don't carry all of the squid over there in five minutes!" cried Jigglypuff, suddenly waking up._

_A crowd of people rushed over and started to help carry all of the squid._

"But it was Zelda and Donkey Kong who stole the show!"

"_Well, you're the first team to arrive!" said Master Hand._

"_Woo," said Zelda._

"But after being Yielded, Young Link and Popo were eliminated!" said Master Hand.

"_It's just been so great to have this opportunity to do this race," said a fortunate Young Link, "There are underprivileged children in this world that cannot have access to such basic needs, such as water-"_

_Master Hand hit Young Link with a brick._

"It was then off to Donkey Kong Island, where Kirby finally found his forte in an eating Fast Forward!"

"_Banana crayfish!" said the waiter triumphantly, unveiling the dish._

"_Is this like an appetiser?" said Kirby, swallowing and yawning at the same time._

"_A WHOLE COW!" said the waiter triumphantly and slightly annoyed. "FINELY FRIED AND PREPARED BY THE-"_

_Kirby burped._

"_A METAL DEEP-FRIED VASE!" shrieked the chef running out from the kitchen, violently unveiling the meal, "POSSIBLY ONE OF THE HARDEST TO CHE-"_

"_What's next?" said Kirby, swallowing the last bit._

"This helped them to finish in first place!" said Master Hand.

"_Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff excitedly._

"While Samus and Falcon were given a reprieve just to spite Ness and Yoshi!" said Master Hand.

"_And I'm sorry to tell you," said Master Hand sadly, "You have been eliminated from the race."_

"_YESS!" cheered Ness and Yoshi._

_Falcon started to cry, "Samus, I just wanted to tell you, even though you might not like me, I'll always be happy to be able to do these things with you! And I hope you find it within-"_

"_No, who am I kidding?" laughed Master Hand. "This is a non-elimination leg! You guys are still in the race! But I'll have to take your bags and what not."_

_Ness and Yoshi stared jaw-dropped in disbelief._

"Teams then ventured on to Mute City, where Falcon excelled on a driving task!"

_Captain Falcon zoomed past the chequered flags._

"_That's not only an acceptable time," said a man from course maintenance, "That's a new course record!"_

"_Happy with that now?" said Falcon, raising his eyebrows._

"_Well actually," said Samus, impressed, "I'm quite amazed with your-"_

_Falcon, not looking at anything in front of him, crashed into a lamppost._

"…_lack of co-ordination," said Samus, quickly changing to an unimpressed look, "Ness is doing better than you!"_

"Samus and Falcon arrived in first, while a yielded Ness and Yoshi had to say goodbye."

"_We choose to Yield Ness and Yoshi!" said Jigglypuff, sticking Ness and Yoshi's photo onto the board._

"_How dare you!" said Ness angrily._

"_Courtesy of Kirby and Jigglypuff!" said Jigglypuff, pasting her picture on the bottom right of the sign._

"How sad," said Master Hand, clearing his throat, "Teams then went off to Fourside, where they had to work with another team, causing much frustration!"

"_Um, okay," said Jigglypuff, looking carefully at the clue. "One of these is called Grind…"_

"_Yes, yes," said Ganondorf impatiently._

"…_and the other one is called Blind," said Jigglypuff, pronouncing each word ve-ry care-ful-ly._

"And Samus and Falcon arrived in last for the second time, but were given a reprieve!"

"_WHAT?!" said Ness and Yoshi, outraged._

"_Yay!" said Samus and Falcon._

"On the last elimination leg, Samus and Falcon missed a flight by four hours!"

"_The flight is full," said the airline worker, "Sorry, you're going to have to go on an 11:00 flight."_

"_What?" said Samus angrily, holding a crowbar up to the worker's throat._

"But despite this, their grave digging and zombie climbing skills paid off, catching them up to first place!"

"_So how do you guys feel?" said Master Hand, "You've come last twice and been yielded, but you've made it! How good does it feel to be in the final three?"_

"_We were expecting it," said Samus, smirking. "After all, I am so awesome!"_

_Samus beamed proudly._

"But Zelda and Donkey Kong's decision to sell milk backfired on them…"

"_I don't get it!" said Donkey Kong, frustrated, "Are we just going in the wrong locations?"_

"_I know why!" said Zelda, snapping her fingers, "We just need a slogan and a jingle, and then they'll be begging to buy the milk!"_

_Zelda grabbed a whiteboard and started to brainstorm, much to the objection of the other people in the unemployment agency they were standing in._

"…eliminating them from the race!"

"_But you know what?" said Donkey Kong, "We don't have to win the race anyway, because I'm already a winner!"_

"_Really?" said Zelda, happily._

"_Yeah," said Donkey Kong._

_Zelda and Donkey Kong kissed._

"_Aww," said the production crew sweetly._

_Zelda and Donkey Kong jumped at the same time, both realising that they had been taped._

"_Were you taping that?" said Donkey Kong, shocked._

"_Yep," said Master Hand._

"_Um… well… er…" said Donkey Kong nervously._

_Zelda and Donkey Kong both broke down into tears._

"_Aww," said the production crew sweetly._

"Can Kirby and Jigglypuff overcome their physical disadvantages and use their cuteness to their advantage? Can Samus and Falcon, with their yo-yo finishes, maintain first place to win the race? Or can Bowser and Ganondorf muscle their way through to first place?" said Master Hand.

"On this **double-length **finale, one of these three teams will win The Smashy Amazing Race and a million dollars! Who will it be? Find out, now!"

**The Teams **(with descriptions not from IStalkKirby, but from Jigglypuff)

Kirby and Jigglypuff (_Theywintheywintheywin_)

Bowser and Ganondorf (_Teehee. Funny. I think they win_)

Samus and Falcon (_ARGH INTER-SEASON BIAS. But I think they win_)

_Samus and Falcon  
1__st__ to depart: 3:28 AM_

"I think as I am the dominant male," said Falcon proudly, "I should open the last departure-"

Samus punched Falcon in the stomach and opened the clue.

"You must now fly to your final destination, the Mushroom Kingdom!" read Samus.

"Teams must now fly to the Mushroom Kingdom, the final destination in the race around the universe!" said Master Hand, "Once teams are there, they must drive themselves in a marked car to Luigi Raceway, a famous stadium in the Mushroom Racing Circuit! Once they arrive, they must search the stands for their next clue!"

"Final leg," said Samus.

"I know," said Falcon, slightly emotional, "This is going to be the last time I'm going to spend on this race with you! We'll still be friends after, right?"

"Whatever," said Samus.

"We'll be best friends for life, right?" said Falcon, smiling immaturely.

"Just shut up, Falcon," said Samus angrily. "What's with you? One moment you're the most desperate guy I've ever known, and then in stages, you're immature as-"

Samus noticed Falcon giggling incessantly as he touched her chest area on her suit.

Samus glared at Falcon angrily.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
2__nd__ to depart: 3:30 AM_

"You must now fly to your final destination, the Mushroom Kingdom!" read Kirby, "Once there, you must make your way to 'Luigi Raceway'. You have seventy-eight dollars for the final leg of the race, good luck."

"Come on, Jigs, let's go!" said Kirby, dragging along an emotional Jigglypuff.

"_I want to say goodbye to the hotel staff!_" sobbed Jigglypuff.

"You can as we walk along," said Kirby, slightly annoyed, pulling Jigglypuff along.

"_Bye Larry!_" said Jigglypuff to the janitor as she was being pulled along.

"Bye Jigglypuff!" replied Larry, waving in a friendly manner.

"_Bye Laura!_" said Jigglypuff, waving to the maid.

"Bye Jigglypuff! Good luck!" replied the maid sweetly.

"_Bye Jim!_" said Jigglypuff to another cleaner.

"Bye," replied Jim in a deep, masculine cleaner-like voice.

"Wow," said Kirby impressed, dragging Jigglypuff along, "How do you know all of these people?"

"_I'm just a very sociable person,_" boasted Jigglypuff.

Kirby waddled along with Jigglypuff up to Samus, who was painting Falcon's severed head in his own blood, decorating his ears with his internal bodily organ, cackling as she recited a witches' curse.

Kirby and Jigglypuff stared in shock.

"_Aah!_" screamed Jigglypuff, panicking.

"How could you do that?" said Kirby, concerned, "Jigs, you're concerned for Falcon too, right?"

"_Oh, that's right! That's his name, Falcon!_" chuckled Jigglypuff, "_And what's the suit monster's name?_"

"Samus," said Kirby, backing away.

"_Oh, okay,_" said Jigglypuff, hopping into a taxi. "_Bye Samus!_"

Jigglypuff sat down in the taxi and then made several, large vigorous movements in shock.

"_Samus killed Falcon?_" she screamed.

"I thought you knew when you were panicking when you saw the body," said Kirby, confused.

"_No, silly,_" laughed Jigglypuff, "_I was __**panicking **__because I couldn't remember their names!_"

"Yay!" cheered Kirby and Jigglypuff.

…

"_But the whole body thing was pretty bad as well,_" said Jigglypuff, trying to sound concerned.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Last to depart: 4:02 AM_

"You must now fly to your final destination, the Mushroom Kingdom!" read Bowser, "Once there, you must make your way to 'Luigi Raceway'. You have seventy-eight dollars for the final leg of the race, good luck."

"Come on," said Ganondorf, dragging Bowser into a taxi.

"Don't worry," cackled Bowser evilly, "They'll slow down as I slipped my _**industrial-strength **_steroids that I take every morning in their complimentary juices!"

Bowser cackled heartily. In an evil way.

"I'd hate to break it to you…" said Ganondorf nervously, "But… the steroids I gave to you were… placebo…"

"What?" said Bowser, shocked.

"So they won't feel any effect," said Ganondorf.

"But that's impossible!" said Bowser, outraged, "Ever since I've been taking those pills I've been gaining muscle tone and-"

"Bowser, it's because you're going through-"

_Ken Jones_

"Due to a complaint by the council of 'Families who will not let the television educate their children about life's lessons council', the current sentence has been omitted."

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"YOU LIE!!!!" screamed Bowser, exasperated, "Look! I'm still a kid!"

Bowser climbed desperately onto a swing (which is completely logical seeing that they are currently inside a taxi), which then proceeded to break due to his weight.

Bowser cried.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"I think we just overtook Samus and Falcon," said Kirby, peering nervously.

"_How could we overtake them so quickly?_" said Jigglypuff, confused.

"Yeah," said Kirby, also confused.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Great," said Falcon impatiently, "Our last taxi trip to an airport and we get a hippy taxi driver that thinks fuel is evil! What worse could happen?"

Captain Falcon glared at the taxi driver angrily as he glided along the freeway on neutral gear.

"Why won't you just use the fuel?" said Falcon impatiently.

"Fuel is murder!" said the taxi driver in a stereotypically hippy voice. "The environment is everything to me, man!"

"You would realise then that your steering wheel has small amounts of animal product in it…" said Falcon slyly.

"Aah!" screamed the taxi driver, frantically pulling the steering wheel and throwing it out of the window.

"I guess I outsmarted him," said Falcon proudly.

Due to the lack of a steering wheel, the car careened off the freeway and into a deep high-current sea of water.

"Great job," said Samus angrily, engulfed in water.

"At least I get to drown with you baby," said Falcon suggestively, the water levels rising to his chest.

Samus pointed to her air-tight suit.

"NUUEZ!" screamed Falcon, drowning.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"We are in last place," said Bowser to the camera, "But we are prepared to do the lowest, cheapest things to win this race. And-"

Bowser noticed Ganondorf was attempting to rip the head of a crying boy off his body.

"Ganondorf! What are you doing?" said Bowser, hysterical.

"Ripping the head off a kid," said Ganondorf, successfully pulling the part off, a stream of blood rushing down onto his chest.

"Oh, okay," said Bowser.

…

"That's not necessary!" said Bowser angrily. "How is ripping the head off a kid going to help-"

"Well we're going to do the lowest, cheapest-"

"Fair enough," said Bowser.

…

_Threed Airport_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"There's the ticket desk!" said Kirby.

"_But there's such a big line!_" said Jigglypuff, shocked, pointing to the many businessmen lining up.

Kirby sighed. "I guess we're just going to have to result to-"

"_Chaarge!_" screamed Jigglypuff, starting to run in a jousting style, holding up a javelin.

"Jigs," said Kirby annoyed, "We're going to be **cute**, and the people in the lines **are** going to let us in front of us."

"_But Kirby,_" said Jigglypuff, slightly teary, "_I want to-_"

"Jigs, threatening people with a javelin is not going to help us get into line," said Kirby.

"_Fine,_" sulked a defeated Jigglypuff. She cast an unhappy look at Kirby.

"C'mon, let's go," said Kirby, running into the line with Jigglypuff.

"Hmph," said Jigglypuff, tossing the javelin away into the crowd.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Get tickets, come on," said Samus, throwing Falcon out of the taxi.

Falcon looked at the puffballs running through the line.

"Great, the puffballs are already here!" said Falcon.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"'scuse me," said Kirby, shuffling through a businessman's legs, "Cuties coming through!"

"Aww," said the businessman happily.

"Excuse me," said Kirby, waddling through another businessman's legs.

"_Coming through!_" screamed Jigglypuff, violently pushing the businessman over.

All of the people nearby gasped, and looked shocked at Jigglypuff, gazing stunned at her.

Jigglypuff rolled her eyes nervously. "_Uh…_"

Jigglypuff did a cute tap-dance.

"Aww," said everyone affectionately.

Jigglypuff violently pushed over another businessman waiting in line.

Everybody looked in shock at Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff rolled her eyes nervously. "_Uh…_"

Jigglypuff did a cute tap-dance.

"Aww," said everyone.

"_Coming through!_" screamed Jigglypuff manically, piercing the next three people in front of her with a javelin.

Everyone stared in shock.

Jigglypuff rolled her eyes nervously. "_Uh…_"

Jigglypuff did a cute tap-dance.

Everybody stared angrily at Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff cried slightly.

"Aww," said everyone.

"_**COMING THROUGH!!!!**_" screamed Jigglypuff manically, frothing at the mouth, pushing the twelve people in front of her in the line over, their intestines spilling out from their stomachs due to the violent speed at which she knocked them over.

Everyone stared in shock.

Jigglypuff did a cute tap-dance.

Everybody stared angrily at Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff cried slightly.

Everybody stared angrily at Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff did a cute tap-dance.

Everybody stared angrily at Jigglypuff.

"But… but…" uttered a small child in the ground. "Daddy, why isn't the Jiggypuff being _nice_? Why is it so _mean_?

"I'll kill you, kid," hissed Jigglypuff.

"You wouldn't," said the kid, poking the tongue out.

"_DIE SCHMUCK!_" screamed Jigglypuff, shooting the kid in a gansta-style.

"Aww," said everyone affectionately.

"Jigs, let's just get the tickets and go," said Kirby.

"_No!_" snapped Jigglypuff, pulling her arm away from him. "I want to be a bad guy too! Why do all the other teams get the fun?"

Kirby stared at her, confusion on his face. "But… we're not bad people…"

"I can be bad," said Jigglypuff, painting cut-lines on her wrists.

"That's not bad," said Kirby, "that's just… um…"

"Wait, you're suicidal?" said a random woman in the crowd.

"What?" said Kirby.

"The Jigglypuff is suicidal!" shouted another random. "Look, there are cut-lines on her wrists?"

"Where is this going?" said Kirby. "I don't think there's anyway that we could possibly resolve this now…"

"SUICIDAL!?" shouted large numbers of people in the crowd.

"Um…" said Jigglypuff.

"That's so sad…" wept several people in the line.

"What?" said Jigglypuff in surprise.

"Here, you can have my place in the line," said someone next to them.

"No, mine!" said someone further up.

"No, take mine!" said someone even further up.

"No, stand here, you poor thing!" cried the man at the front of the queue.

"No, here!" cried the ticket lady.

Kirby and Jigglypuff waddled up to the front.

"_Victory!_" said Jigglypuff very, very quietly.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"I can't believe it!" said Samus angrily, running through the line, "You let Kirby and Jigglypuff overtake us, and they took out everyone in this airport before I could harm them!"

"I'm sorry Samus," said Falcon, "I mean, if there was any living person alive here I'd **gladly **hold him and let you beat him up just to show how sorry I am!"

Samus looked around the airport carefully for living souls.

"I guess there's no-one here!" said Falcon, flaunting the movement in his body that indicated that he was alive. "No-one alive here that you could beat up!"

Samus smiled evilly at Falcon.

"What?" said Falcon, confused.

Samus smiled evilly at Falcon.

"Oh by the way," said Falcon, "I had a check-up yesterday and the doctor kept on telling me how _alive_ I was, you know what I'm saying?"

Samus pounced.

"Aaah!" screamed Falcon, as if his organs were being pulled out (they were).

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"I can give you a 10:00 AM Mushroom Air flight that lands at 12:30 PM local time," said the lady at the desk.

"Okay," said Kirby, "We'll take that."

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
On Mushroom Air Flight_

_Samus and Falcon  
On Mushroom Air Flight_

"We're on the same flight as Kirby and Jigglypuff," said Samus, taking the tickets.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"Come on, Ganondorf," said Bowser, running into the airport, "We can catch the same flight!"

Bowser and Ganondorf ran up to the ticket desk.

"Can we have the quickest flight available to the Mushroom Kingdom?" said Bowser.

"Yep, a 10:00 Mushroom Air flight," said the man at the ticket desk.

"Okay, we'll take it," said Bowser.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
On Mushroom Air Flight_

_Samus and Falcon_

"Damn, we're neck and neck," said Samus angrily.

"All teams are now on the same flight to their **final** destination of the race, Mushroom Kingdom!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive, they must make their way to this racing circuit, where they will find their next clue!"

_Mushroom Air Flight_

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"We all are absolutely equal to the brim," said Ganondorf, "We're even in the same row of seats, there's quite an awkwardness to it…  
"Everyone here wants the win and as a result of that, this whole flight has just been full of awkward stares at one another. It's so tense and-"

"Hahaha!" laughed an intoxicated Bowser at Jigglypuff's Samus impression.

"It's supposed to be tense and awkward, damnit!" said Ganondorf angrily.

"We just want to have fun," said Bowser in a laid-back voice.

"It's tense and serious!" argued Ganondorf.

Ganondorf looked at Samus. "You agree with me Samus, right?"

"Well," said Samus in a surprisingly cheerful voice, "I actually think that it's good that we get to know each-"

"Aagh!" said Ganondorf angrily, "I'm going to smoke in the toilets!"

Ganondorf stormed off.

"_No you're not!_" said Jigglypuff happily.

"And why is that?" replied Ganondorf angrily.

"Because it's illegal!" cheered the other five racers on the flight in unison.

"Grr…" said Ganondorf angrily.

_Mushroom Air Flight  
Landed at 12:38 PM_

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Let's go!" said Samus, jumping out of her seat as the seatbelt light switched off.

"But Samus," said Falcon, being dragged along, "I left my headphones in the-"

"No time for belongings!" said Samus angrily.

"But I left my passport in the plane!" said Falcon, panicking, "We'll never make it thr-"

Samus, holding the production crew and Falcon in front of her, rammed her way straight through customs.

"Oh," said Falcon, still being carried along.

Samus smiled, "That will teach you never to worry if you leave your bags-"

"My medication!" screamed Falcon, melting into a latex-ish-liquid.

"?" said Samus.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Come on, Jigs," said Kirby, dragging Jigglypuff along, "This is the most important part of the race!"

"_Yay!_" said Jigglypuff, "_And why's that?_"

"Because if we come first, **we **win one million dollars!" cheered Kirby.

"_Wait, we?_" said Jigglypuff, confused.

"Yeah, us! As a team!" cheered Kirby.

"_I thought the money was mine…_" muttered Jigglypuff.

"Pardon?" said Kirby.

"_Oh nothing!_" said Jigglypuff, whistling.

A light bulb appeared over Jigglypuff's head, resulting in Jigglypuff physically forcing the taxi driver to detour in a drive-thru coffee shop. Jigglypuff swiftly purchased two coffees, forced the taxi driver to go to the local chemicals store and then bought several barrels of rat poison.

"Jigs, what are you doing?" said Kirby suspiciously as the taxi drove back on the way to its' destination.

"_Um…_" said Jigglypuff, putting away the open barrel of poison, "_Would you like some coffee?_"

Jigglypuff cheerfully held out a suspiciously acidic and green cup of coffee.

"Uh…" said Kirby, chuckling nervously, "No thanks…"

"_Look, it's perfectly safe!_" said Jigglypuff, taking a sip.

"Jigs, you just drank poison!" said Kirby, alarmed.

"_Don't worry, I switched-_"

Jigglypuff noticed the cup of coffee she didn't drink _was_ the safe drink.

"_NUEZ!_" screamed Jigglypuff.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"Take us to Luigi Raceway!" said Bowser, hopping in a taxi.

"Honestly Bowser, why are we so slow getting out of these planes?" said Ganondorf angrily, "They've probably won the entire race already!"

"I'm sorry!" said Bowser angrily, "I'm just touchy when they request me to book two seats!"

"Then book two seats and you won't get stuck!" said Ganondorf, frustrated.

"I booked **three **seats and I still got stuck!" said Bowser angrily.

_Luigi Raceway_

_Samus and Falcon_

"Thanks!" said Falcon, hopping out of the taxi, "Hopefully our second-last taxi trip of the race!"

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"There's Samus and Falcon being dropped off!" said Kirby, tense, running around in circles.

_Samus and Falcon_

"Where are you, stupid clue?" said Samus angrily.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff_

"There's the cluebox, _**right behind Samus**_!" said Kirby nervously. "Quick Jigs, create a diversion so she doesn't see me!"

"_Got it!_" said Jigglypuff.

"And whatever you do," said Kirby firmly, "Don't let her turn around!"

"_Okay!_" said Jigglypuff.

_Samus and Falcon_

"Where's this freaking clue?" said Samus, distracted, looking in the stands of the stadium for the clue box.

"_Hi guys!_" said Jigglypuff, running in front of Samus wearing a top hat.

"Hi Jigglypuff," said Samus, frustrated.

"_Guess what I'm doing?_" said Jigglypuff, giving the signal for Kirby to take a clue.

"What?" said Samus impatiently, as Kirby ran behind her and took a clue.

"_I'm creating…_"

Kirby mouthed a gigantic 'NO' to Jigglypuff.

"…_a diversion!_" announced Jigglypuff.

Kirby smacked his head.

"From what?" said Samus.

"Jigglypuff, not the right idea," said Kirby, annoyed.

"_The cluebox right behind you!_" said Jigglypuff helpfully.

Kirby smacked his head again.

"Well guess what?" said Samus proudly, "…I don't believe you!"

Samus poked her tongue out at Jigglypuff, who was frantically trying to turn Samus's head so she would look at the cluebox.

"Samus, the clue is right behind you," said Falcon.

"Oh," said Samus suspiciously, "Are you on it as well? Am I being Punk'd, huh?"

Falcon smacked his head.

"Jigs, read the clue!" said Kirby, panicking.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Detour!" read Kirby, "Strength or Speed?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand in a dramatic voice, "A detour is a choice between two tasks, in this **final** detour: Strength or Speed!"  
"In Strength, teams must go to this stadium warehouse and transport the parts of an entire go-kart seventy five metres to this pit stop lane! Once teams are here, they will be guided by a professional to assemble the kart, and they must carry it around one lap of the circuit (one kilometre) for their next clue!  
"In Speed, team members must each man a go-kart and race four circuit professionals in a five-lap race! If both team members finish in the top three for the race, they will be handed their next clue! This may seem easy, but teams **must **remember that who they are racing against are the top competitors for their sport!"

"Come on Jigs, last detour! What should we do?" said Kirby. "I want to drive on a go-kart!"

"_Fine… we'll carry stuff…_" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Jigs, I said we were going to do the go-karts," said Kirby.

"_Fiine…_" said Jigglypuff, rolling her eyes.

"Jigs, we're doing the go-karts!" said Kirby, confused.

"_But I want to do the go-karts!_" said Jigglypuff, sulking.

"Then we'll do the go-karts!" said Kirby hysterically.

"_**I want to carry stuff!**_" screamed Jigglypuff angrily.

Kirby sighed.

"Okay, we'll assemble and carry the go-karts," sighed Kirby.

"_But I want to drive the car!_" cried Jigglypuff.

"Then we'll drive the car," said Kirby.

"_Yay!_" said Jigglypuff, dragging Kirby off to the go-kart assembly area.

"Jigs, this is the carrying stuff area," said Kirby.

"_Then we'll carry stuff,_" said Jigglypuff harshly.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Interview before leg_

"Jigglypuff's uh… a bit wishy-washy sometimes," chuckled Kirby.

"_I'm not!_" denied Jigglypuff.

"Okay, I guess she isn't that wishy-washy," said Kirby, "I'm just exaggerating a bit. Maybe I'm wrong, Jigglypuff isn't wishy-washy I guess."

Kirby chuckled.

"Okay, cut!" said Master Hand, "Do you want a drink? We have pineapple or strawberry."

"I'll have pineapple," said Kirby.

"_Oh, I don't know…_" said Jigglypuff, pondering. "_I'll have strawberry!_"

"Okay, one strawberry," said Master Hand, writing down on a pad.

"_Wait!_" panicked Jigglypuff, "_Pineapple!_"

"Okay, one pineapple," said Master Hand, crossing out what he had just written.

"_Wait!_" said Jigglypuff panicking, "_I really __**really **__**really really**_ _want strawberry!_"

"Are you sure?" said Master Hand.

"_Yep,_" said Jigglypuff.

"You won't have any more re-orders, okay?" said Master Hand.

"_Sure,_" said Jigglypuff.

Master Hand floated off.

"_Wait! Wait!_" screamed Jigglypuff panicking, "_What I meant when I said strawberry was that I actually-_"

Kirby and Master Hand sighed.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Strength," said Falcon, flexing his muscles. "I can **easily **pick up objects of **any **weight!"

"They're three kilograms," said Samus.

"We'll do Speed," said Falcon quickly.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
On Strength_

"Looks pretty heavy," said Kirby, surveying the go-kart parts.

Jigglypuff gingerly poked at a tyre.

"Yeah," said Kirby, "we're going to have to do this one piece at a time."

The tyre poked back.

"Hey, Jigs," said Kirby, "I know what we should do. We carry the pieces separately. It's harder, but it's quicker."

Jigglypuff poked the tyre a bit harder.

"Is that okay?" said Kirby.

"_Just a minute_," said Jigglypuff, ducking as the tyre swung a tyre iron at her.

Kirby waited.

"_Yep,_" said Jigglypuff after a minute. "Sounds good."

"Okay, good!" said Kirby.

They both picked up some random hunks of metal.

"_Um, the tyre's dead by the way,_" said Jigglypuff.

"Ah," said Kirby.

_Samus and Falcon  
On Speed_

"Okay, you're both going to have to put on helmet, you're already fine!" joked a track worker to Samus.

"You're funny," said Samus in a daze, "Have my number!"

Samus wrote her number down on a piece of paper and gave it to the man.

Falcon, sitting in his kart, stared in shock. "Samus, you gave him your number but not me?"

"I like guys, you know," said Samus angrily.

"But I thought-"

"Gentlemen, start your engines!" said a loudspeaker.

…

"Go!" said the loudspeaker.

The six karts accelerated and made their way down the first straight of the figure-8 circuit.

Speeding out of the gates, Falcon gave a wink to Samus who was just metres behind him.

_Falcon: 1__st__  
Samus: 2__nd_

As the engines roared on the first turn of the track, the karts, all bunched in a small pack powered their way through the first curve of the course.

Samus, who lost small amounts of speed on the turn was overtaken by a lycra-wearing professional driver that shouted 'eat my dust' as he passed through.

_Falcon: 1__st__  
Samus: 3__rd_

"Have my number!" said Samus, steering casually around the next bend. Samus (with no hands on the steering wheel now) wrote her number down on a piece of paper and handed it to the driver.

"Sweet, I'm not even nice to you and you give me your number," said the driver slyly.

"Samus, are you giving everyone else your number just to spite me?" said Falcon jealously.

"What makes you think that?" said Samus, giving the other three racers her phone number.

"Well too bad!" said Falcon, poking his tongue out, "I **already **have your number!"

"Really?"

"Yeah," said Falcon, raising his eyebrows. "It's 4862-4736!"

"Falcon, that's the 'Wild Girls' hotline," laughed Samus.

"Damnit," said Falcon angrily.

…

"Wait, how would **you** know the 'Wild Girls' hotline?" said Falcon.

"Uh…" said Samus nervously.

Samus jumped off her go-kart.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"Last detour," said Ganondorf, "Strength or Speed?"

"Let's go on the karts," said Bowser. "I've been on so many celebrity kart races it's not funny."

"Okay Bowser," said Ganondorf, walking over to the karts. "Let's get in and do this thing!"

Ganondorf slipped on his helmet and jumped into his go-kart, grinning slyly after he smoothly landed into his go-kart in a cool, suave manner. "Can you top that, Bowser?"

"I can't even fit in this thing!" complained Bowser, one of his feet taking up the entire sitting space of the kart.

"Well Bowser, my grandfather used to tell me that if you believe in your-"

The kart crushed under Bowser's weight, shattering into tiny pieces.

"I believed in myself that time!" said a worried Bowser.

"**BELIEVE HARDER!**" ordered Ganondorf.

Bowser pulled out another go-kart from the side and sat on it. It crushed under his weight.

"_**BELIEVE HARDER!**_" ordered Ganondorf.

"I'm believing!" cried Bowser, pulling another go-kart from the side.

It broke under his weight. Several bystanders laughed in amusement.

"Waah!" cried Bowser.

A man from course management pulled out a large piece of foam and rested it next to Bowser.

"What's this?" said Bowser.

"Oh," snickered the man, "It's a kart that's big enough to hold you, just for you!"

"Aww," said Bowser thankfully, oblivious to the man's snickering. "How does it work?"

"Well," laughed the man, "If you **believe **in it, it will run like a normal go-kart and win the race for you!"

"Really?" said Bowser hopefully, "Gee! You're the best!"

The man ran off snickering to his snickering co-workers.

"Gentlemen, start your engines!" said a man over the loudspeaker.

Glaring angrily at each other, all of the racers pressed the gas pedal.

"Go!" said the man.

Five of the go-karts zoomed past the flags for the first time, leaving a trail of smoke behind them. Bowser sat on his piece of foam, confused.

"Why isn't it working?" said Bowser, hysterical.

"Believe harder!" laughed a man.

"I'm trying!" cried Bowser.

_Assembly Area_

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
On Strength_

"The karts good," said a man from course maintenance, "You can carry it around now."

"Yay!" cheered Kirby, "Now we just have to share the load, okay?"

"_Sure!_" said Jigglypuff, passing the three kilo kart to Kirby. "_There's your half…_"

Jigglypuff held up an imaginary go-kart. "_And here's my half!_" said Jigglypuff.

"Jigs, uh… how we share the weight is uh… a bit uh… rigged…" said Kirby, unsure whether he should be confused or annoyed.

"_Are you calling me bad at judgement?_" said Jigglypuff, offended.

"But Jigs-"

"_**Are you? Huh?**_" sobbed Jigglypuff.

"Fine," sighed Kirby, taking the go-kart and starting his long walk of the track.

"_Sucker,_" said Jigglypuff under her breath.

"What?" said Kirby annoyed.

"_Well actually Kirby, I said uh… f-_"

_Parent's Council_

"BAN THIS SHOW BAN THIS SHOW!" said the man at the television frantically.

_Luigi Circuit_

_**3**__**rd**__** Lap**__  
Samus: 1__st__  
Falcon: 2__nd_

"Falcon, the final stretch," said Samus, steering her kart comfortably through the last corner of the course. "Don't stuff up now! And don't do anything stupid or-"

"Look ma!" said an intoxicated Falcon, eating a burger in one hand and sipping a drink in another, "No hands!"

"Falcon you idiot! Don't stuff up now!" said Samus angrily.

"Fine," said Falcon, throwing his food backwards, hitting the only other competitor still alive in the face with it.

…

"And where did you get the food anyway?" said Samus, crossing the finish line.

Falcon pointed to the 'free food' stall.

"Oh," said Samus.

Samus took the clue from the man and opened it.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"You must now make your way to your **final **destination of the race, the Smash Mansion!" read Samus.

"Teams must now make their way five kilometres to the **final** destination of the race, the Smash Mansion!" said Master Hand in a dramatic voice. "Once they are there, they must search this garden for their next clue!"

"Come on, there must be one more task," said Falcon.

_**3**__**rd**__** Lap**_

_Bowser: 4__th__  
Ganondorf: 2__nd_

"Come on, Bowser, the final curve," said Ganondorf.

"I'm hurrying!" said Bowser, frantically pushing his foam block along the racecourse.

The other racers snickered at Bowser.

"Hey," said Bowser angrily, "I'm going to beat you all because I believe in myself!"

The other racers continued to snicker.

A ray of lightning struck one of the racers in front of Bowser, pushing him into second place.

"Woo!" said Bowser.

_Bowser: 3__rd__  
Ganondorf: 2__nd_

Ganondorf zoomed past the finish line in second, followed by Bowser, pushing along his large foam block.

"Bowser I can't-" said Ganondorf, sighing.

"I believed in myself!" said Bowser, taking the clue.

"You must now make your way to your **final **destination of the race, the Smash Mansion!" read Bowser.

"Crap, we're second, not good," said Ganondorf with a heightened sense of urgency.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
On Strength_

"Great," said Kirby, running onto the last stretch of the course with the go-kar above his head, "The other two teams have already left! We're done for!"

"_Don't be silly,_" said Jigglypuff, "_There's still Fox and Roy we can count on to place below-_"

"Jigs, they were eliminated in like the third leg," said Kirby, struggling to keep the kart above the ground.

"_Oh,_" said Jigglypuff.

Kirby crossed the line in exhaustion and took the clue.

"You must now make your way to your **final **destination of the race, the Smash Mansion!" read Kirby.

"Eek!" said Kirby, running out of the building, "Come on, Jigs, we can still do this!"

_Downtown Mushroom Kingdom  
_

_Samus and Falcon _

"We're in first place I think, which is a good thing," said Falcon, "I think we can do this!"

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"Uggh," said Bowser, stressed, "I just hope Samus and Falcon get caught up in traffic or something."

_Kirby and Jigglypuff _

"We're about ten minutes behind everyone else," said Kirby, "And when there's only one or two tasks to go, you feel like you've already lost the race."

"_Don't be pessimistic!_" said Jigglypuff, handing Kirby a chocolate bar.

Kirby opened the chocolate bar, which proceeded to melt instantly.

"_We've lost this entire race!_" sobbed Jigglypuff.

_Samus and Falcon_

"Oh my gosh, it's the Smash Mansion!" said Samus excitedly as the taxi pulled into the main drive of the complex.

"We're at home again!" said Falcon, looking at the finely cut shrubs that decorated the main drive.

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"Oh damn," said Bowser, watching the red light that was keeping the taxi still, "I just saw a taxi pull into what I think is the Smash Mansion."

"Great," said Ganondorf angrily.

_Samus and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Samus and Falcon stepped out of the taxi.

"Oh my gosh," said Falcon excitedly, "There's the finish line!"

Falcon pointed to a gigantic red map several dozen metres with two hands floating above it. The eliminated racers on the map gave a lukewarm applause to Samus and Falcon, who ran to what appeared to be the last cluebox.

"Come on, let's do this," said Samus, opening the clue.

"Road Block," read Samus, "Who knows the enemy?"

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one person can perform!  
"In this **final** Road Block, that person must run into a booth that has one-way mirrors installed on the perimeter! Here they will be met with laminated pictures of the other teams of the race that are _not_ in the final three! That person must then match up the teams with the location they were eliminated in to receive their next clue! This seems relatively easy, but there are fake team names to trick them!"  
"The other team member may watch from outside of the booth. They cannot assist, but they will be permitted to cuss at their fellow team members in frustration!"  
"Once that person has completed the task successfully, they must run fifty metres to the **finish line** of The Smashy Amazing Race. The first team to arrive will win the **one million dollar **prize!"

Said Falcon, "Samus, I know about the other teams a lot better than-"

"I am **not** letting you screw this up," said Samus harshly.

"How about you do it?" sighed Falcon.

"Good," said Samus, running into one of the enclosed booths as Falcon watched nervously.

_Samus  
0/8 Correct_

"Okay Samus, think," said Samus, running up to a table in the middle of the booth, "There seems to be some fake teams in here, so I'll get rid of them first."

Samus picked up a card containing 'Zelda and Donkey Kong', and threw it into her 'real' pile.

Samus picked up a card containing 'Nana and Luigi' and threw it into her 'real' pile.

"Oh, that's a fake," said Samus, throwing Ness and Yoshi's card into the bin.

Samus picked up a card containing 'Sonic and Diddy Kong' and threw it into her 'real' pile.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Come on," said Ganondorf, punching the cluebox to reveal its contents.

"Ganondorf, you didn't have to-"

"No time!" said Ganondorf, ripping open the clue, "Who knows the enemy?"

"Ganondorf, I think I should-"

"**You're not going to screw us up,**" said Ganondorf angrily.

"How about you do it?" sighed Bowser.

"You're so generous!" said Ganondorf happily.

_Ganondorf  
0/8 Correct_

Ganondorf ran into the booth, and picked up a card containing 'Zelda and Donkey Kong'.

"They got eliminated most recently," said Ganondorf, sticking the card below a picture of Threed.

_Ganondorf  
__**1**__/8 Correct_

Ganondorf picked up a card reading 'Sonic and Diddy Kong'. He smirked and threw it in the bin.

"So _not_ a real team," he sighed.

Ganondorf picked up a card containing 'Kirby and Jigglypuff.'

"Now when did these guys get eliminated?" said Ganondorf, thinking fiercely.

Ganondorf stuck his head out of the booth.

"No cheating!" shouted Master Hand.

"Only this one time," begged Ganondorf.

"I suppose I don't want Samus and Falcon to win," shrugged Master Hand.

"Bowser, when were Kirby and Jigglypuff eliminated?"

"Um…" said Bowser, "the puffballs? Ugh! I should know this one! Wait… let me think about that…"

"Hurry up!" said Ganondorf.

"Kirby… Jigglypuff… they were around for Mute City, weren't they?" said Bowser.

"Yeah, they were," said Ganondorf, his face brightening. "They did that… that cute thing, right?"

"Yeah!" said Bowser. "So that means they either got eliminated during…"

Kirby and Jigglypuff dashed into the Mansion grounds, breathing heavily.

"C'mon, here we are!" said Kirby, patting Jigglypuff on the back.

Kirby and Jigglypuff walked up to the clue box.

"Hey!" shouted Kirby. "Look, we found the clue, Jigglypuff!"

"_That's great, Kirby!_" giggled Jigglypuff back.

"Shut up, I'm trying to think!" said Ganondorf.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Jigs, this is really important," said Kirby, talking harshly to Jigglypuff, "I can't believe they made a last task to be a road block and just because you're so special to me, I'm letting you-"

"_Haha, sucker!_" said Jigglypuff, running into a booth.

_Jigglypuff  
0/8 Complete_

Jigglypuff picked up a card containing 'Marth and Squirtle'.

"_Ah,_" chuckled Jigglypuff to herself, "_Me and Marth had some fun times in Isle Delfino! Him and Squirtle poured orange juice into my ears and then they shook me! Hehe!_"

Jigglypuff stuck the Marth and Squirtle card under the picture of Threed.

Jigglypuff picked up a picture of 'Ness and Yoshi'.

"_That is so fake, nice try Master Hand,_" laughed Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff threw the picture in the bin.

_Samus  
0/8 Complete_

"Marth and Squirtle, fake," said Samus, throwing the card into the bin.

"Link and Marth?" pondered Samus to herself, "I think they were real."

Samus threw the Link and Marth card into the 'real' pile.

"Okay, so I have eight teams," said Samus, sorting through her pile, "Peach and Bowser, Falcon and Donkey Kong, Nana and Luigi, Kirby and Yoshi, Sonic and Diddy Kong, Link and Marth, Link and Jigglypuff and Link and Zelda."

Samus pondered about that for a while.

"I _**think**_ there may be something wrong with that but I'm not sure," said Samus.

_Ganondorf  
1/8 Complete_

"And who was eliminated in Sauria?" said Ganondorf to himself. "Hmm… well… we had to ride bikes… Bowser's bike broke… the fatty… and then we had to steal an egg… that was pointless… and then they put us into some old shack… "

He fiddled with the remaining cards, frowning in concentration.

"And we were stuck in the shack that night and I sprayed acid all over their bags… except Ness. Stupid Ness and his telekinesis…"

Ganondorf scrunched up the 'Ness and Yoshi' card and hurriedly unfolded it.

"…telekinesis? Wait! That… ah, of _course_."

Ganondorf grabbed two cards: 'Mewtwo and Pichu' and 'Mewtwo and Ganondorf'.

"I think _that's­_ obvious," he smirked, tossing the former onto the 'Sauria' picture.

_Ganondorf  
__**2**__/8 Complete_

_Kirby _  
"I **can't** believe I'm resting my fate in Jigglypuff's hands," said Kirby anxiously.

_Jigglypuff  
0/8 Complete_

Jigglypuff picked up the Fox and Roy card.

"_I think __**they**__ were eliminated in Threed, it seemed like __**forever **__until they were eliminated,_" said Jigglypuff, sticking Fox and Roy under Threed.

Jigglypuff picked up a Kirby and Jigglypuff card.

"_Oh yeah, those guys were __**sooo**__ eliminated in Isle Delfino,_" said Jigglypuff, sticking her picture under the Isle Delfino picture.

Jigglypuff pondered about that for a while.

"_Waaaiiiit…_" said Jigglypuff slowly.

_Samus  
0/8 Complete  
(2/8 Correct Teams)_

"Okay, Nana and Luigi were certainly out first," said Samus, pasting Nana and Luigi's picture under a picture of Onett.

_Samus  
__**1**__/8 Complete_

"I think Sonic and Diddy Kong were out next," said Samus.

Samus stuck Sonic and Diddy Kong's card under the Sauria picture.

A post-production buzzer sound was played.

"And Link and Marth were third," said Samus, sticking Link and Marth's picture down.

_Samus  
__**2**__/8 Complete_

_Ganondorf  
2/8 Complete _

"And then Link and Marth were next," said Ganondorf, sticking Link and Marth's picture under Corneria.

_Ganondorf __**  
3**__/8 Complete_

A post-production 'you are correct' sound was played.

"And then Nana and Luigi were out first," said Ganondorf, putting Nana and Luigi's picture under the Onett picture.

_Ganondorf __**  
4**__/8 Complete_

_Kirby _

"Great," said Kirby, spying into Ganondorf's booth, "He's got half of them already."

Kirby looked at Jigglypuff's booth.

"I don't think Jigglypuff even has one correct team!" said Kirby, frustrated.

_Jigglypuff  
0/8 Complete_

"_Wait…_" thought Jigglypuff to herself, "_Kirby and Jigglypuff couldn't have been eliminated in Isle Delfino… because…_"

Jigglypuff pondered that thought for a while.

"_Because we were eliminated in Hyrule!_" chuckled Jigglypuff, pasting her picture under Hyrule.

"_Wait… __**we**_" said Jigglypuff, confused. "_I thought we were still in!_"

_Samus  
2/8 Complete  
(2 Correct Teams)_

Samus looked at the full board in front of her that contained: Nana and Luigi, Sonic and Diddy Kong, Link and Marth, Peach and Bowser, Falcon and Donkey Kong, Kirby and Yoshi, Link and Jigglypuff and Link and Zelda.

"Okay, I'm ready!" said Samus.

"Press the big checking button," said Master Hand, pointing to a large red button that was placed on the other side of the booth.

"Okay," said Samus nervously, "Here goes, for a million bucks…"

Samus walked up to the button, and eyes closed, pressed the red button hopefully.

A red light flashed above the button, indicating 'incorrect'.

"Drat!" said Samus angrily, "What did I do wrong?"

_Bowser_

"Come on Ganondorf, you've got it!" cheered Bowser from outside the booth.

"You know he can't hear you, right?" said Falcon angrily.

"Don't mess with me," threatened Bowser.

"Or what?" laughed Falcon.

Bowser threateningly put his two hands on Falcon's childhood paper crane in a ripping position.

"NUUEZ!1" screamed Falcon, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"Really?" said Bowser, "Because if you are, I'll give it back to y-"

"Sucker," said Falcon.

"I haven't given it to you yet," said Bowser angrily.

"Oh," said Falcon.

"Which means I'm **now** never going to give it back," said Bowser.

"Life is unfair!" cried Falcon.

_Ganondorf  
4/8 Complete_

"Think Ganondorf! Who was next?" said Ganondorf to himself. "Ah! Of course! Those idiots!"

Ganondorf stuck Peach and Mario under Hyrule.

A post-production buzzer sound was played.

_Ganondorf  
4/8 Complete  
(5 correct teams)_

"And then Fox and Roy were next," said Ganondorf, sticking Fox and Roy under a picture of Kanto.

Another large buzzer sound was played.

_Ganondorf  
4/8 Complete  
(6 correct teams)_

_Jigglypuff  
0/8 Correct  
(0 correct teams)_

"Done!" said Jigglypuff, putting Sonic and Diddy Kong under Onett.

Jigglypuff ran up to the gigantic checking button and pressed it.

A larged buzzing sound was played.

_Jigglypuff: Incorrect_

"_What's wrong?_" said Jigglypuff, looking at her wall.

_Ganondorf  
4/8 Complete  
(6 correct teams)_

"Which leaves Ness and Yoshi and Young Link and Popo," said Ganondorf, looking at a card in each hand.

"We came third last when Ness and Yoshi went… which means Ness and Yoshi were eliminated in Mute City…"

_Ganondorf  
5/8 Complete_

"And Young Link and Popo in Isle Delfino!" said Ganondorf, sticking Young Link and Popo's card down.

_Ganondorf  
6/8 Complete  
(__**All teams correct)**_

"Okay, I think I'm done," said Ganondorf.

Ganondorf ran up to the red button and pressed it in a violent fashion.

A large buzzer sound was played and a red light flashed.

_Ganondorf: Incorrect_

"Uggh!" said Ganondorf angrily, "I swear, if I'm _only off by one_ I'm going to kick someone…"

_Bowser_

"Oh damn," said Bowser, in disbelief, "He would **complete** the task and **win the race** if he just swapped Peach and Mario and Fox and Roy!"

Master Hand nodded in agreement.

"You mean I'm right?" said Bowser, happily.

"Yep," said Master Hand.

"_That means all I have to do is tell Ganondorf and we've won the race,_" thought Bowser.

_Ganondorf  
6/8 Complete_

"_**What**_ do I swap? All of the teams are right!" said Ganondorf, stressed.

_Samus  
2/8 Complete_

Samus swapped two cards on the board and then hit the red button.

A red light appeared.

"Uggh, what's wrong?" said Samus, frustrated.

_Ganondorf  
6/8 Correct_

"Bowser, who do I swap?" said Ganondorf, slipping outside of the booth, "Even though helping is against the rules?"

"Fox and Roy and Peach and Mario!" said Bowser desperately, "Do it now! Do it now!"

"Thanks! Now we can win the race!" said Ganondorf excitedly.

…

…

"But do I believe you?" said Ganondorf suspiciously.

"Just do it! Even Master Hand nodded!" said Bowser, pointing to Master Hand, who was nodding in agreement.

…

…

"I know…" said Ganondorf suspiciously, "But what if you two are wrong?"

"He makes the freaking race!" said Bowser hysterically, "Just **do it already!1**"

"No need to shout," said Ganondorf angrily.

"AWUYDBWIDBOWDBIOO!1" screamed Bowser.

_Jigglypuff  
0/8 Correct_

Jigglypuff stared at her wall which consisted of: Sonic and Diddy Kong under Onett, Jigglypuff and Mario under Sauria, Mario and Luigi under Corneria, Kirby and Jigglypuff under Hyrule, Luigi and Peach under Kanto, Rick and Coo under Isle Delfino, Fox and Falco under Mute City and Marth and Squirtle under Threed.

"_What did I do wrong?_" she muttered to herself. "_I'm so sure!_"

She started pacing around in circles.

"_We're so close to the finish line… I'm sure I've only gotten a tiny detail wrong…_" she said.

Jigglypuff started banging her head against the wall.

_Kirby_

Casting an unhappy look at Bowser and Ganondorf who were so blatantly cheating, Kirby silently waddled to the side of the booth.

"Jigs! I haven't looked through the booth, I'm too nervous! How are you going?" he whispered.

"_I'm not sure!_" Jigglypuff whispered back from inside. "_I think I'm close!_"

"Close?" Kirby whispered back. He glanced behind him. Bowser and Master Hand were shouting violently at Ganondorf, who was looking sceptically back at them.

"_Yep!_" said Jigglypuff. "_I just tried and I was wrong, but I'm really, really sure about it!_"

"Oh, no," said Kirby. "Maybe you just have a pair in the wrong order."

"_Yeah…_" said Jigglypuff.

A pause.

"_Are we allowed to cheat?_" said Jigglypuff.

"Um…" said Kirby, looking back at the other side of the room, where Bowser was slapping Ganondorf madly. "Nobody's watching. Except for the cameraman."

"I won't tell," said the cameraman.

"Well, then," said Kirby, "I guess we could try quickly."

"_Okay,_" said Jigglypuff, "_I'll read what I have to you…_"

On the other side of the room, Bowser let out a triumphant cheer. Ganondorf smiled and slipped back into his booth, and Master Hand turned away from them…

"Uh-oh," said Kirby, "Master Hand is coming. We don't have time! Quick!"

"_Um, um,_" said Jigglypuff panicked, "_just one question! Um… um… were Marth and Squirtle eliminated _last_ leg, or the one before?_"

"What?" said Kirby, astonished.

Master Hand was floating towards them very quickly, looking as angry as a hand possibly could. (Which wasn't very.)

"_What do you mean, 'what'?_" she whispered back.

"There was never a Squirtle in the race!" whispered Kirby.

"_What!?_" yelped Jigglypuff.

"It…" began Kirby, and then he felt Master Hand grab him by the arm.

"Were you _cheating_?" said Master Hand.

"What? Uh, no!" said Kirby, as Master Hand dragged him off.

_Ganondorf  
6/8 complete_

"Fox and Roy, Peach and Mario!" whispered Ganondorf to himself, slamming shut the door of the booth.

_Jigglypuff_

_0/8 complete_

"_That's not possible!_" said Jigglypuff. "_I'm so sure that Marth and Squirtle were in the race!_"

She looked angrily at her list of names, and punched the wall of the booth.

"_Marth and Squirtle, Marth and Squirtle…_"

She stopped punching as a thought occurred to her.

"…_but then again,_" said Jigglypuff, freezing on the spot, "_maybe I'm just thinking of that Squirtle that we ran into that night at Kanto._"

She frowned, thinking hard.

"_Yes! There wasn't any Squirtle in the race! Kirby was right! But… but I'm _sure_ Marth was in it. We didn't go to… Marthland or wherever he lives… so that time I talked to him it must be because he was in a team…_" – she fished through the spare cards – "_and that must be Link and Marth!... Yes, I remember now, they were saying something about those stupid sticks in Sauria… were they eliminated in Sauria? Corneria? Hmm…_"

She put Link and Marth's card under the picture of Corneria.

_Jigglypuff__**  
1**__/8 Complete_

She smiled to herself. "_That sounds right! Now, what happened to Mario and Luigi, then?_"

She frowned.

"_Wait, Luigi's dead!_"

Jigglypuff thought about that.

"…_aha! Nana and Luigi were out first!_"

Jigglypuff cheered and stuck the card under the Onett picture.

_Jigglypuff__**  
2**__/8 Complete_

"_So who was Mario with?_" wondered Jigglypuff. "_Was it Mewtwo? No, Mewtwo was with Pichu and they were eliminated… early-ish. Mario went with… who? Bowser? No, he's with Ganondorf. Someone he knew… but if he got eliminated, then it must have been with someone sucky, like – Peach – and I think he outlasted Link and Marth so he must have made it to… right!_"

Jigglypuff stuck the 'Peach and Mario' card under the Kanto picture.

_Jigglypuff  
__**3**__/8 Complete_

"_That makes a lot of sense,_" thought Jigglypuff aloud. "_Now, Mewtwo and Pichu were eliminated early. Does that mean Sauria, or Hyrule? Hmm…_"

Jigglypuff looked at the 'Kirby and Jigglypuff' card on Hyrule.

"_Come to think of it, we're still in,_" she said, sweeping the card off. "_Now, that would leave… um… hey, what about Fox? He can't have been with Falco because he spent the entire time talking about how much Falco sucked! The only other card with Fox's name on it is… Fox and Squirtle? That can't be right. Aha! Fox and Roy. That sounds better. And they got eliminated at Hyrule, so they missed the buffet… and they had fox meat there, that was kinda funny… and so…_"

Jigglypuff stuck the 'Fox and Roy' card and the 'Mewtwo and Pichu' cards under Hyrule and Sauria.

_Jigglypuff__**  
5**__/8 Complete_

"_That looks better,_" said Jigglypuff.

_Ganondorf  
__**6**__/8 Complete_  
Ganondorf picked up the 'Fox and Roy' card…

_Jigglypuff_

"_All right_," thought Jigglypuff, "_now that just leaves the last three places. Who were we talking to there?_"

Jigglypuff frowned.

"_Okay, there was Zelda and Donkey Kong. They were a funny pairing,_" said Jigglypuff. "_And who were the other two teams…? Rick and Coo? Might have been… aha, and then there were Young Link and Popo. They were pretty cool to us when they weren't being total __meanies__…_"

Jigglypuff pulled out the three relevant cards and swivelled them around on the table.

"_Okay, I can just try every combination,_" she said. She reached for the button, and paused. "_Wait! That can't be right! We had the smart people! Ness and Yoshi! So… that means Rick and Coo weren't in. Come to think of it, that was a silly choice. And let's see… Ness and Yoshi were laughing about all those random sport things after Isle Delfino… and Zelda and DK discovered their true love in Mute City, didn't they? So neither of them could have been eliminated there… that must have been Young Link and Popo!_"

She shoved the Young Link and Popo card onto Isle Delfino.

_Jigglypuff__**  
6**__/8 Complete_

_Ganondorf__**  
6**__/8 Complete_

…and swapped it with the 'Mario and Peach' card.

"Now," he cried triumphantly, "to press the button!"

_**8**__/8 Complete_

_Jigglypuff__**  
6**__/8 Complete_

"_Okay,_" said Jigglypuff, "_here goes nothing!_"

She threw the two remaining cards onto the two remaining places and pressed the red button.

'INCORRECT!' went the buzzer.

_Ganondorf  
__**6**__/8 Complete_

"Now to press the button! Really!" said Ganondorf triumphantly.

_Jigglypuff__**  
6**__/8 Complete_

"_Oops, silly me!_" laughed Jigglypuff, swapping the last two cards.

She pressed the red button.

_Ganondorf  
__**6**__/8 Complete_

Ganondorf pressed the red button.

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Jigglypuff ran out of the booth.

"_**I DID IT!!!!**_" screamed Jigglypuff.

"Run! Run! Run!" screamed Kirby, suddenly having a large adrenaline boost.

"_**We did it!**_" screamed Jigglypuff, running towards the red finish line.

"Jigs, we've got this!" said Kirby, spotting Ganondorf running out of his booth.

In slow-motion, Jigglypuff triumphantly ran through the grassy straight, the large, red podium now within her sight. As Kirby dragged her along, she saw all of her friends from the other teams giving them a gigantic round of applause. And they were cheering her! Who would have thought?

She continued to run along and passed several less familiar faces who offered their cheers of support. She was now just twelve metres away from the finish line. Holding out her hand to receive high-fives from Link, Marth, Fox and Roy, she spotted a large grey rock in front of her. Not concentrating on the finish line and running at gigantic speeds, she could not stop herself as she was running full-steam towards the finish line.

The rock coming towards her in even slower-motion, she threw her hands in the way, pushing the rock out of her path and running onto the finish line, a gigantic red mat with all of the previously eliminated racers on it.

…

…

"**WOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!**" screamed Kirby and Jigglypuff, hugging each other.

Master Hand smiled in joy (being a hand OLOL).

"Eight planets… twelve cities… over eighty-thousand kilometres… Kirby and Jigglypuff, _you are the__official __**winners **__of __**The Smashy Amazing Race!**_"

Everyone gave a large round of applause. Kirby and Jigglypuff emotionally waved to the other racers.

"And the winners of the one million dollars!" said Master Hand.

"Thank you all!" cried Kirby, "And I'd just like to say, we already are so privileged to live like this, so we've decided to donate **all **of the prize money to our favourite charity, the-"

Jigglypuff angrily hit Kirby in the shins.

"We'll spend it on a nice holiday," sighed Kirby.

"_Yay!_" said Jigglypuff.

"Yay!" cheered everyone.

"Kirby and Jigglypuff, you really were the outstanding racers," said Master Hand, "And I think you _did_ deserve the victory."

Everyone applauded.

_Bowser and Ganondorf_

"Grr," said Bowser, running onto the finish line with Ganondorf.

"Bowser and Ganondorf, you are the second team to arrive," said Master Hand.

Bowser and Ganondorf sighed as everyone applauded.

"We had a lot of fun," said Bowser slightly disappointed, "While winning could have been nice, the experience of doing all of these things I normally wouldn't do has been so rewarding!"

"And have you two become even stronger friends through the race?" said Master Hand.

Ganondorf sighed, "I guess."

_Samus and Falcon  
3__rd__ Place_

Samus and Falcon ran onto the map.

"Samus and Falcon, you are the third team to arrive," said Master Hand.

Everyone applauded, Ness and Yoshi especially, grinning evilly.

"Sucks to be you," said Ness.

Samus stared at Ness angrily.

"Did you even manage to finish the task?" added Ness.

"I swear," said Samus, "I'm going to kill you in five seconds unless I find–"

"I just want to say," sobbed Falcon, "This race has been such a great experience and I hope that we-"

"I filled out a restraining order on the plane here," said Samus.

"Noooooooo!" sobbed Falcon, "Samus meant the world to me! And now I have nothing left!"

Falcon continued to sob.

"Nothing!" cried Falcon.

Fox ran up to Falcon.

"I can be your friend," said Fox in a cute voice.

"_**Nothing!**_" screamed Falcon, hyperventilating.

**Final Standings:**

Kirby and Jigglypuff: _**Winners!**_

Bowser and Ganondorf: 2nd

Samus and Falcon: 3rd

_Zelda and Donkey Kong: 4__th_

_Ness and Yoshi: 5__th_

_Young Link and Popo: 6__th_

_Peach and Mario: 7__th_

_Fox and Roy: 8__th_

_Link and Marth: 9__th_

_Mewtwo and Pichu: 10__th_

_Nana: 11__th_

**Post-Race Interviews:**

_Kirby and Jigglypuff  
1__st_

"We're very happy about it," said Kirby.

"_Yeah, we're very happy about it,_" said Jigglypuff.

"In fact…"

"_It's because we wanted to win_," explained Jigglypuff.

"…" said Master Hand.

_Bowser and Ganondorf  
2__nd_

"If it hadn't been for Bowser stuffing up on that last task…" said Ganondorf.

"Wait, _what_?" said an aggravated Bowser. "_You_ were the one messing around in that room, not me!"

Ganondorf used his elf magic on Bowser.

He died.

_Samus and Falcon  
3__rd_

Falcon coughed and said, "We-"

Samus punched him in the groin.

"I've been waiting for _ever_ to be able to do that," she said.

"You do that every leg…" whimpered Falcon.

Samus punched him in the face with her loaded power cannon.

His head exploded.

"Take that!" said Samus.

He died.

_Zelda and Donkey Kong  
4__th_

Awkward silence.

Master Hand spotted wedding rings on Donkey Kong and Zelda's fingers. "Are you guys… married?"

…

"Um…" said Zelda.

"Um…" said DK.

Awkward silence.

Awkward silence.

Awkward silence.

_Ness and Yoshi  
5__th_

"Well say something then!" said Master Hand angrily.

"Um, we're very happy for the puffballs," grinned Ness.

"_Yeah,_" Yoshi piped in.

"'Course, we wanted to win, but I was rooting for them than any of the other surviving teams," said Ness.

"What?" said Samus, walking into the room covered with Falcon's blood.

…

_Young Link and Popo  
6__th_

"I'm sorry, I can't comment…" said Popo, obviously not concentrating on the camera, "Um… can we… clean that up?"

…

Young Link prodded his sword at Ness and Yoshi's bodies. "Actually, can I keep these?" he said.

"Knock yourself out," said Master Hand.

_Fox and Roy  
8__th_

"I'm really, really happy for _all the winners_ and everybody!" said Fox happily with his eyes closed.

"Um, yeah, same here," said Roy. "It was fun to race, and fun to watch too…"

"'Cause _everyone's a winner_!" said Fox, waving his arms joyfully.

"That too," said Roy. "Huh… I don't really have much to say, come to think…"

"I'LL KILL YOU ALL!" screamed Fox. "I WILL RIP OFF ALL YOUR LIMBS AND THEN FIGHT YOU ALL TO THE DEATH!"

…

"Can I go?" said Roy quietly.

Samus walked into the room covered with red stuff.

…

_Link and Marth  
9__th_

"I'm Link…" said Link.

Marth nodded.

"And he's Marth…" said Link.

Marth nodded.

"Yep," said Link, satisfied.

_Mewtwo and Pichu  
10__th_

"_Since the race finished, I have been having a great time with Pichu,_" said Mewtwo loudly and angrily.

Pichu squeaked happily.

"That's just so… implausible…" said Master Hand.

"_Or is it?_" said Mewtwo.

Duh, duh, duh.

_Nana  
Last_

"Well, I've had a lot of uses for Luigi's corpse," said Nana.

"Um, cut," said Master Hand.

"Once we left Onett, I used him as a bus ticket," said Nana.

"Um, cut," said Master Hand again.

"Then I used his malformed, twisted arms to make a convenient hatstand," said Nana.

"_Cut_," said Master Hand.

"After that I made a pretend merry-go-round and used him as a horsie," said Nana.

"_Cut!_" yelled Master Hand.

"Then he was my bed…"

"_**CUT!**_" cried Master Hand.

**Community Notices:**

Review! Tell me how tense/undramatic it was!

I hope you enjoyed and stuff! Hope you had as much fun reading as I did writing!

The third season of this Amazing Race series will be coming around the Brawl release date to early 2008! Hope you enjoyed the race and didn't mind the winners!

Visit: http (dot) smashmansion (dot) com to report errors!

**-Hoogiman **(and also tikitikirevenge, who wrote all of the bits you hated)

"Hey, Ma-ri-o!" sang Peach.

"_Yes?_" said Mario angrily.

"If I marry you, you can be my co-princess!" said Peach.

"_No_!" said Mario angrily.

**END**


End file.
